The Muscleheaded Blog

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Welcome to the new home of the Muscleheaded Blog.

My name is Chris, and I’m a mature Southern powerlifter who likes to hear himself write.

I’m a veteran of the U.S. Navy, a graduate of Brown Institute, and currently compete in Masters Strongman.

Snarky humor, vintage pinups, and weirdos in the news are just a few of the things I like ……

And I’ve been known to sneak all kinds of things in this here blog.

You really never know what’s gonna be showing up next.

So, my advice would be to subscribe, and try to visit right-regular like.

My blog theme is called ‘Dusk to Dawn’, and it’s kinda appropriate, since I’m usually here in the late evening/early morning EST.

It’s also rather androcentric and iconoclastic— so, if you offend easily, can’t stand sexual references, or if you just hate men, please take a raincheck on the follow, with no hard feelings.

How you read my posts, whether you want to take them at face value, or whether you want to look harder, well, I leave that up to you.

Art, if that’s what it is, always means something different to the viewer than the creator… so, don’t let that worry you none.

If you want to know more about the Muscleheaded Blog,
you can read my post:  ” Just What The Hell Is It All About Anyway?
a random passerby’s opinion: ” The Bastion of Bad Taste ” .

You can also visit my online gym, which features articles about fitness, strength, and gym culture–
at .

Check out this week’s Muscleheaded Blog ‘featured post':
” What Color is Your Rose? ” on most of these fine stations.

I love motorcycles–
my most popular post, on British Motorcycles, is here.

How about a post about travel…
like: ” The Beaches of St. John, USVI

Like Pin Ups?
Check out : ” The Pin Up Art of Gil Elvgren ” –

or– ” The Sensual Art of Raphael Kirchner ” .

( There’s an index on that post that will lead you to a lot of other posts about Pin Up Artists, too. )

You can read what I like to call my best general art blogs:
The Art of Maxfield Parrish
The Poster Art of Leonetto Cappiello” .

Or, one of my humor blogs like:
“Weirdly Radioactive “

If you’re an adult, you might want to read:
How to Throw a Bachelor Party
Wake Up, You’re Dreaming
Give Us a Kiss

I’m thinking one of those posts might let you know what you’re really letting yourself in for.

Hey, like it or lump it …
I never said this blog was for everyone.

Submissions are always welcome-
I’m trying very hard to make this blog interactive, and I love to get mail !
Please send them to .

I sincerely appreciate visitors, and enjoy reading comments to my posts.

So, jump on and hold tight…

The only thing I’ll promise ya is a wild ride.


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You Gots To Be Kidding Me

This culture is just getting weirder,
…………. no doubt about it.

And I’ll just betcha it’s something in the food.

Junk food in particular.

How else do you explain how crazy people have been acting in fast food places lately?

A whole lotta crazy.

Deep Fried Pepsi, my ass.


frI read about a guy in France who bashed in a McDonald’s drive thru window with an axe—-

because his Freedom Fri … errr….
umm… sorry….
French Fries were cold.

Hey, I guess if you’re gonna sell crappy fast food in France,

……….. the least you can do is make sure it’s Haute Cuisine.

Sure, ya say….
take the somewhat-obscure but still-cheap joke.

(And my response? … OF COURSE I DID.)

I’m just figuring that guy never ate at MCDonalds before, cause otherwise he’d know–

……………. their fries are ALWAYS served cold.

I think it’s like some kinda Mc-gazpacho thing.



A story about a woman in Florida
(Weirdo USA, and where I grew up)
who tore up the place, throwing cash registers, napkin holders, straw dispensers, and anything else she could get her hands on……….


They had the nerve to put mustard on her hamburger,
— after she specifically AXXXED
( err… asked) them not to.

She ‘splained to the cops that this wasn’t the first time they messed up her order,
… and she wanted to make a statement.

They told her not to make any statements until they read her her rights, which they promptly did.

What they didn’t tell her, of course, was
—- that the stuff on her hamburger wasn’t really mustard.


slatemoseyTwo guys in Tennessee last year, Messr’s Mosey and Slate, attacked a Murphreesboro Mickey D’s with bricks and concrete blocks after receiving cheeseburgers with an insufficient amount of onions.

Monsieur Mosey was still hanging around when the cops got there, being so intoxicated that he had passed out in the parking lot (cracking his skull in the process), after hurling a piece of concrete through the front glass window.

Asked for a statement by the local press, Slate explained: ” We were ticked.

Uh huh… that certainly explains it, fellas.


I don’t want y’all to think that this fast food crime frenzy is all happenin at McDonalds, though.

Oh no…

If you’ve ever been to my beautiful Southland,
you’ve probably seen this place at least a thousand times in your travels.


We Southerners affectionately (or not) call the place the ‘awful house’.

The food there is…..


it can range from only-half-assed-home-cooking-like-your-old-drunk-Uncle-would-make,
to downright-food-experiment-gone-horribly-horrible.

But in the wee hours of morning in some parts of the Southern US,
this is it, if yer hungry….

……….. so you might as well just bend over, grin and bear it.

Or at least, you’d better grin —
———–  and be extra sure to be nice to your waitress.

Otherwise, you might get hit upside the head with a frying pan, like a guy in Beaufort, S.C. did in January.

He complained about the 25 minute wait.

Sure, it was 3 in the morning, but as you know, that’s the time when waitresses are most likely to attack.

So obviously , he had it coming.

In the waitresses’ defense, I have ta say…

I been to Beaufort, SC,
…. and there’s plenty worse things to complain about than the slow service at the Awful House.

Get your priorities straight, man.


And if you like crappy, greasy fast food,
I bet you’re familiar with the fine Taco Bell chain of restaurants.

Despite them being a sponsor of one of my favorite TV shows, Ink Masters,
they uncompromisingly suck,
— but people like to eat there, anyway.

And I bet you also already know that their “Beefy Crunch Burrito” has gone up in price — from 99cents to 1.49.


swatThe nerve of those bastards, charging 50 cents more for the same .012 cent worth of chemical additives, preservatives, and assorted animal in-erds,

……….. all wrapped in a gummy, tortilla-like substance.

It’s enough to make you mad.

Real mad..

….. mad as a ….
— some kinda mad cow, almost.

Like the guy in San Antonio, Texas, who barricaded himself in his motel room for 3 hours,

After having a temper tantrum over the price increase and shooting up the local Taco Bell with a BB Gun.

You’ll never take me alive coppers — I gotta BB GUN and I ain’t afraid to use it “.

He probably should stay away from the hot sauce.


My favorite fast food story, though,
…. has to be the infamous Reginald Peterson Subway Sandwich Caper. reg

And I will give it to you verbatim from the Urban Dictionary site….
( although the video is all over YouTube if you wanna watch it ) .

” A 40 Year Old Crackhead from Jacksonville Florida who was arrested in August of 2008 for calling 911 over a Subway Sandwich

He Called 911 3 times in a 15 Minute Time Period to complain about the lack of Mayonnaise and Mustard on His Spicy Italian Sub.

When the police did show up they tried to talk some sense into him but he wouldn’t listen and got arrested for 911 abuse.

Reginald Peterson: ” I ordered 2 Sammiches and I asked for everything on 1 Sammich and the then I asked for Certain things on da other Sammich I didn’t get what I paid for on the first Sammich that I Ordered so I brought the Sammiches Back and ask can I get my sammiches made the way I paid Foe now seeing as I’m on the phone Witcha they locked the freakin Do and they gots bof of da Sammiches they did not make right fo me inside they stoe ”

Officer: ” Sir, you’re Under Arrest ”

Peterson: ” Foe what ?”

Officer: ” For calling 911 ”

Peterson: ” You gots to be kiddin me “.

I couldn’t have said it better, Reginald…..

You GOTS to be kidding me.



….. now THAT’s value for money, right there….