One of my blogging friends, Jules, got me thinking about this subject….
So, if you have any complaints,
take it up with her, please.
Cause I’m quite sure she’s gonna disavow any knowledge of my actions.
Consequently, this blog will self-destruct in five seconds.
Good luck, reader.
sometimes I suffer from bad T.V. flashbacks.
My kayak and I had a wild time on the Gauley River in West Virginia in the Spring….
It was a nice trip…
I didn’t break anything, and didn’t get killttt.
I don’t think.
Oh except, for a huge scratch a rock put in the side of my kayak.
Better that, than my head, so.
I was camped near Beckley, W.V. ….
And if you know that area, you know that’s about the closest you are gonna get to civilization round them parts for many miles.
That’s near where the New River Bridge is, too, by the way…
You mighta heard of that Bridge, since every year on “Bridge Day”, a whole load o maniacs tie themselves to glorified rubber bands and jump off the damn thing.
Oh sure, there’s water to stop yer fall if the bungy breaks…….
You try hitting the water at that speed and see if you can still get Lil Elvis to stand up and beg.
While I was there, I visited an olde-timey looking drugstore…..
They had a really cool old soda fountain…
………………. at which they offered something I had never heard of before…..
I read the sign… twice.
I asked the nice lady behind the counter,
in my best
” I’m no damn Yankee, I’m from the South , too ” accent ——
Just what on the Hershey Highway was “AMMONIA COKE” ?
She smiled a
” Damn these dumb Yankees comin in here askin’ dern fool questions ” smile —
and answered me:
” It’s Coke. With a little ammonia in it. “
You mean like the stuff you clean the out house with ?
( Assuming you did clean the outhouse….
and where I was camped, that is dubious at best )
It’s actually the aromatic spirits of that stuff.
Evidently, folks like it as a picker-upper –
— especially middle aged folk —
as a curative and restorative remedy.
And it apparently don’t kill ya either.
Yes. I tried it.
I had to, ya know?
And lemme tell ya…..
it weren’t no red-bull.
It burned my nose,
but it didn’t taste all that bad.
And it’s no weirder than some of the other stuff I’ve drank when travelling ……..
This stuff is called ” Cool Pis Kinchee Drink “.
I betcha you’re chompin at the bit to try this.
I know I was.
I drank it on a dare from a travelling companion with whom I no longer travel with……
She was Korean,
and thought this was gonna be very funny,
watching me inhale Kimchee juice.
And I guess it really was.
being part of the joke,
(the BUTT actually )
sorta took all the ‘hardee-har-har’ value right outta the deal for me.
It was exactly what you’d expect the throw-away juice of Kimchee would taste like.
Spicy, cabbage-y— blindingly horrible for a Western palate, anyway.
Give me ‘new coke’ any day over this stuff.
Oh, but wait…
there are certainly others that might tempt yer taste buds.
Guarana drink, made from a highly caffeinated plant derivative,
has become quite a popular soft drink flavor overseas,
especially in the lovely country of Brazil….
Home of wonderful food,
and ….. well….., this stuff.
It’s kinda herbally, gingery….
…….. and it’ll get ya movin, fer sure.
Guarana will give you all the energy coffee does,
but without the relaxing warmth or gentle lift ….
This is more like a ride on the Wild Mouse without seat belts,
…… or a weekend tearing up Las Vegas with Carrot Top on a D-Bol cycle.
The most interesting use for guarana I’ve seen yet, though….
………………………….. is this novel Japanese product.
It’s called ” Kidsbeer ”
— and it’s aimed at giving children a ‘beer’ of their own .
It even comes in dark colored bottles, to imitate the real thing.
What a wonderful idea this is.
Free, unadulterated capitalism at it’s pinnacle.
The Japanese soft drink market is a very lucrative market, for sure…
and you’re likely to find all kindsa taste sensations….
——– even if you’re an adult.
Like this one.
It’s brewed by Coca Cola…..
….. so you know you’re getting your minimum daily requirements of …..
Speaking of weird soft drinks….
…. a friend of mine came back from Edinburgh with a special treat for me…..
I love surprises, ya know.
It’s called Irn Bru.
I dunno how to describe this stuff,
in a way that will truly express it’s character.
Kinda sweet in a non-sweet, kinda tangy way, blended into a kinda flat sparkly melange of non organic flavors.
I guess it’s supposed to be tangerine flavored.
Scots love it, and even I kinda like it, though I don’t really know why.
Especially when I’m wearing my kilt.
And it’d be more than my sporran’s worth to say anything bad about it.
There IS some stuff I’ve encountered while travelling that I wouldn’t drink on
no way Jose.
It doesn’t matter whether you told me it was good to keep the yang up,
it’d get me a play date with Valerie Bertinelli,
or if it was the fountain of fucking youth, I ain’t drinking it.
And here it is.
This, my friends, is a product called Placenta 10000,
and while you might think that it couldn’t possibly be an eponym for a drink made outta actual placenta,
it is exactly that — pig placenta…
Pig placenta in a peach syrup,
to be precise.
Mouth waterin’, yet ?
There was something I had while up in the Yukon thirty years ago,
…….. that I still remember very, very, very, very well.
It was called Spruce Pine Beer —
Basically, it’s a bunch of pine needles, boiled with molasses and raisins,
and then let to fester… ( I mean, ferment ) for a coupla days.
I know you probably would never ask for this …
…. but if you should ever want your head to feel like it’s being cut completely in half by a dull hacksaw….
This is the stuff.
I’m sure this stuff has a lot in common with the crap they make in prison….
the only difference being that these folks make that Spruce Pine Beer voluntarily,
Even though there’s plenty of other options open to them.
I guess it’s just a matter of personal preferences and taste….
Drink UP !!!!!