The Muscleheaded Blog

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Welcome to the new home of the Muscleheaded Blog.

My name is Chris, and I’m a mature, married, Southern power-lifter who likes to hear himself write.

I’m a veteran of the U.S. Navy, a graduate of the Brown Institute, and currently compete in Masters Strongman.

Snarky humor, vintage pinups, and weirdos in the news are just a few of the things I like ……

And I’ve been known to sneak all kinds of things in this here blog.

You really never know what’s gonna be showing up next.

So, my advice would be to subscribe, and try to visit right-regular like.

My blog theme is called ‘Dusk to Dawn’, and it’s kinda appropriate, since I’m usually here in the late evening/early morning EST.

a1It’s also rather androcentric and iconoclastic—

so, if you offend easily, can’t stand sexual references, or if you just hate men,

please take a raincheck on the follow, with no hard feelings.

How you read my posts, whether you want to take them at face value, or whether you want to look harder, well, I leave that up to you.

Art, if that’s what it is, always means something different to the viewer than the creator… so, don’t let that worry you none.

If you want to know more about the Muscleheaded Blog,
you can read my post:  ” Just What The Hell Is It All About Anyway?
a random passerby’s opinion: ” The Bastion of Bad Taste ” .

You can also visit my online gym, which features articles about fitness, strength, and gym culture–
at .

Check out this week’s Muscleheaded Blog ‘featured post':
” What Color is Your Rose? ” on most of these fine stations.

I love motorcycles–
my most popular post, on British Motorcycles, is here.

How about a post about travel…
like: ” The Beaches of St. John, USVI

Like Pin Ups?
Check out : ” The Pin Up Art of Gil Elvgren ” —

or– ” The Sensual Art of Raphael Kirchner ” .

( There’s an index on that post that will lead you to a lot of other posts about Pin Up Artists, too. )

You can read what I like to call my best general art blogs:
The Art of Maxfield Parrish
“The Poster Art of Leonetto Cappiello” .

You could read one of my humor blogs like:
“Weirdly Radioactive “,
Misogyny and You
“Advice for the Hopelessly Hopeless“.


I’m thinking one of those posts might let you know what you’re really letting yourself in for.

lossecannonA loose cannon?


Hey, like it or lump it …

I never said this blog was for everyone.

Submissions are always welcome-

I’m trying very hard to make this blog interactive,

… and I love to get mail !

Please send them to .

I sincerely appreciate visitors, and enjoy reading comments to my posts.

So, jump on and hold tight…

The only thing I’ll promise ya is a wild ride.


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Better Living Through Bullsh*t


Advertisers are always trying to convince you that dealing with the daily hassles of life is just as easy as going out to your local store and acquiring their fine product —

….from that point on, man, the living’s easy.

Until it’s time to buy more.

Or figure out just where the hell you are.

For instance,
it seems like a pretty simple solution to coping with depression —

…..if all you need to do is go out to your friendly, neighborhood liquor store, buy a few bottles of “TONIC” …..

……………. and then, just forget your troubles, buddy.

Yep —

Laissez bon temps rouler —
—- let the good times roll .

I wonder why nobody had thought of that before.


Now, I don’t know about you,

……but I always love to visit other people’s homes —

especially their bathrooms —

and then wax judgmental about the quality of their toilet paper.

It makes me feel somehow…,

Oh, I dunno……


Ah yes.

I might not have any brains,
fashion sense,
or sensuality to speak of,

…….. but, as long as I have my double ply,

I’m better than that terrible bitch of a mother Ruth.



Some products really are at the leading edge of technology, though.

They push the bounds into territory where no man has gone before.

Of course, there might be a very good reason why the hell nobody wanted to go there in the first place —

There are only two possible explanations for why this insanely conceived product –

…….. brought to you by the same folks who make Reddi-Whip….

( and now long gone from the supermarket shelves, )

would not set your toaster,
and thus your house,
into a fire that would rival the burning of the Library at Alexandria.

One possible explanation is that it would contain no bacon fat.

Bacon without fat.

Isn’t that sort of like having sex while you’re under anesthesia.

I mean, where’s the joy in that ?

(Well, for you, anyway… )

The second explanation is the more likely one —


and was the reason it was pulled shortly after it was introduced—-

It DID start fires… all kinds of em.

And even if —
if —-
through the use of:

some magic mantra to Agni ,

prayer to Vulcan ,

human sacrifice to Xiuhtecuhtl ,

or simply by playing the Crazy World of Arthur Brown over and over,

……. you were lucky enough to avoid the whole ordeal-by-fire thing …..

Everything you made in your toaster after that ended up smelling like acrid, burnt bacon.

Cause you couldn’t get the grease out of the toaster.

I guess that company must have also sold appliances.


I don’t want you to think I’m gonna end this post on a negative, though.

That’s not me, at all, ya know.

One product I personally dig a lot is Jello…. it’s a favorite of mine.


Despite the fact that it’s everything that I am not —
……. delicate,
and dainty.

There were, of course, a couple flavor ideas along the way that weren’t all that great, either…..

Like this–
Coffee Flavored Jello, from 1918.

What really cracks me up about this stuff is the package —

It says ” Pure Fruit Flavor “.

There’s obviously no fruit in coffee, man.

Unless you’re one of those guys that always argues technicalities about what is, and what is not, a fruit,

……. like a tomato, or a pumpkin.

In which case,
— there’s no hope for you… sorry.

‘Cause nobody fucking cares, OK ?

I said I wasn’t gonna end this post on a negative note, and I won’t.

a1For you fans of Espresso, there’s a quick and simple recipe for making Coffee Jello Shots that actually won’t make you throw up—

— the first couple, anyway.

All you need are 1 1/2 cups warm Milk, 2 cups warm Espresso, 1 cup Sugar, 6 bags of Knox Gelatin, and 8 tablespoons of cold water.

Oh, and don’t forget the 1/2 cup of Kahlua.

Once you get these made, you can call up all your friends and invite them over for an all-nighter.

And an all-dayer.

Cheers !!!!!!


Yes, tomato and pumpkin are both fruits.
So is a coffee berry, from which is taken the pit, or bean.
Just sayin’.




Now, how about a non-random seeee-lection from the archive?
Today it’s about Coffee !!! (imagine that!) .



Another Fascinating Discussion

wallI musta been crazy.

A buddy of mine brought his two teen-aged daughters into the gym,

— and they were trying to be nice to the weird muscular old guy (me) who was their father’s friend by talking about how important their cell phones, and particularly, their time online, was to them.

D13714_2They meet their dates online, they keep their selfies online, they learn their exercise routines online, they stay in touch with their friends online — they post their entire lives online.

It’s not like the old days, when people actually had to see each other in person to relate to them —

Now, you can carry on your whole life ONLINE, and never have to worry about things like getting dressed up, going somewhere, and then dealing with germs, bad breath or B.O.

Alright, so I admit the conversation seemed rather patronizing to me —

And so I,
deluded as it may be,
—  informed them that I was indeed also ‘with it’  —

Because I have a blog.

Man, the look I got was …..


Giggle, giggle, giggle.

Daddy, that is soooo last decade. 

Your friend is obviously clueless.

grandmaO K.


I hate to tell y’all who are reading this tripe,

—- but apparently, so are you, if you’re a blogger.

We are to current electronic media trends what ‘Pong’ is to XBOX 17 (or whatever the fuck number they’re up to now)

We are dinosaurs, baby.

We are out of sight, and out of mind. generation_gap

Washed up,
done over,
and flotsam falling off the edge of the world, never to be seen again.

And it’s not even like I didn’t know it — and like you don’t know it.

Alright, so we ain’t hip, hop, hep, hot, ho, or hics with a yen for chit chat.

What we’re doing ain’t got nothing to do with Insta-Gab, or Twitster, or FlipBook, or Snapsnort —

We’re as anti-cool as an Easy Bake Oven.

I, for one, am down (OK) with dat.

Just sayin.