But it seems like it’s around the holidays,
difficult people seem to take it up a notch or three.
I understand they may have had a rough childhood….
Or maybe a rough adulthood, too, considering how obnoxious they are.
But, really… that’s not MY fault….
And I’m not gonna be paying the bill for it.
If somebody wants to play hard ball with me, well…. come on, lets play, bud.
I deal with the obnoxious ones the way I deal with bullies.
I come at them as hard as I can. No quarter given.
Cause creeps – like bullies, back down when confronted with strength.
Any resistance, and they go find some other more passive soul to make miserable.
But, I have several friends who are not as …….
…………. ummm….. errr….. willing to fight dirty as I am.
And for them, and for you, if you are so inclined,
I have worked up a coupla ideas on how to get that pain in the butt off yer last nerve.
I’m not saying you’ll be able to keep your ‘nice guy’ reputation,
after using one or two of these techniques,
—- but the creepos will surely steer clear of you.
There are certainly nicer ways to deal with them.
That old broad in the supermarket who likes to run her shopping cart wheel into your heel, repeatedly, for instance.
Just lean back, then reach over and grab one of those checkout grocery separators people use to keep their groceries from bumpin into yours, and put it on the floor in front of her cart.
She might get what you’re doing, she might not, but she’ll have a hell of time running over that thing into your heel anymore.
Feel free to throw in a dirty look, no charge.
You can also use gentle persuasion,.,,,
I knew a guy who had moved down here to North Carolina from up above the bunky line…
— and he was fond of telling me and everybody else how they do things in New York.
One day, I got my computer graphics software fired up,
and made him a little membership card with a little printed battle flag,
and a heading that said “O-fficial Southern Membership Card”,
with his name on it.
I signed it as an O-fficial Representative of the O-fficial South. O-fficially.
I gave it to him, with the explanation that from now,
as an official adopted Southerner, he was to try to appreciate how we do things down here, instead of comparing it all the time with that other… uumm… place.
He took it with good grace,
–and after that I never heard any more mention of the Big Prune Danish.
So subtlety and reason can work.. at times.
That guy at work, with no authority and no experience,
who somehow thinks it’s his job to tell everybody what to do and how to do it, for instance.
You can sit down and explain in a very polite way that his manner is causing you to develop feelings of hostility and animosity toward him.
Maybe he really is a rational fella– underneath all that completely irrational exterior.
So, that might work.
He’ll probably just tell ya to go make fudge.
Most of the time, it’s easier and better to just bring out the big guns.
The big guns to which I refer – SARCASM.
Nature’s healing weapon against the unnaturally obnoxious.
And it can be used freely, without fear of inflicting bodily harm or involving the PO-lice.
I’ll give you an example.
I have this great-Uncle…
…he’s about a thousand years old, and he hates everybody.
He was a big drinker for many, many, many years…
…. and it left him with the personality of a lead shalale.
He insults everyone, from the time they walk in, till the time they leave.
Everyone but me.
Oh sure, he USED to do it to me, too.
Until I hit him with a dose of his own bile….
I’d walk in , and go right for the throat.
” Hey, Uncle Jimmy… nice to see ya still coughin up blood….
— those veins in your face, are they getting BIGGER??
How could that be possible??? ”
“Hows the IGUAA meetings going?”
( Timmy: “What the hell is IGUAA???” )
“The I Gave Up on Alcoholics Anonymous Club, of course!”
Then, I’d give him an affectionate dutch rub, and he would stay the hell away from me for the rest of the night.
Now, he sees me coming and ducks into the next room.
And I LIKE him…..
You gotta be willing to go as low, lower… than the opposition.
If you can do that, you can diffuse any of those walking, talking timebombs.
I got my sister to use this one on a guy who was pestering her.
He was one of those know it alls.
It didnt matter what the subject,
— he talked like he knew much more than you would ever hope to know.
He was also one of the most genuinely ignorant people I have ever had the displeasure to meet.
He was great for making up statistics to prove some assinine point he was trying to make.
“Well, 77.6% of people polled said they would never use bleach to clean out a bath tub.”
Or he would use double talk ……
“Studies show that flouride in the drinking water hasnt done anything at all to reduce cavities in the subset of patients between the ages of 21 and 23 1/2 born in the phasic shift of agrarian economies.”
So what she would do is let him expend a good deal of gas on a particular subject, and then say … “OK…. you might be right. Here’s my laptop – show me.”
Invariably, he wouldn’t be able to back up his ‘facts’ with real evidence, and then, we’d all sit around the table and make fun of him and his “fact-finding missions”.
Once he made a fool of himself a coupla times this way, he stopped making up stuff.
Stopped coming around, too.
Which is fahn.
Just fahn and dandy.
I used to know this guy Larry.
His favorite technique when making a point was to talk as loud as he could, to drown out anyone else.
After all, you can’t disagree with him, if he can’t hear ya. Right?
So, when he’d turn up the volume, I would just ignore him.
I mean, like I couldnt hear him- ignore him.
Everybody could hear him, but not me. I was deaf to that particular frequency.
And when he was done raving, I’d say :
“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” |
Whatsamatta – you DEAF???
“I’m sorry, what were you saying?”
OK- he got it. I wasnt gonna listen to him when he yelled.
Eventually, he stopped yelling.
After that, he stopped visiting, too.
I’m sure he found a new pal that didnt mind him yelling all the time, but that’s fine, too.
Who needs the aggravation?
I’m not saying you gotta be a big sarcastic jerk (like me) all the time.
Only when it calls for it.
Unfortunately, these days, it’s gonna call for it a lot.
Welcome to the club, brother.