Wicked Dangerous

1I’ve been over here on WordPress a while now.

I figure maybe I need to change up the kinds of stuff I’m blogging about once in a while……

Otherwise, my wonderful readers might decide to turn off their computers and go do something more constructive, or something they enjoy better.

Like laundry.

And I would hate to be responsible for something that horrible.

Of course, your idea of a really interesting post– and  mine— might be vastly different.

While you might expect a good post to contain all kinds of fascinating tidbits and factoids, fancy illustrations and diagrams, and useful stuff like  that —

To me, well, a good post can contain just about anything —
— a little something to make me laugh, cry, shrug, or ponder.

( But then, ask anybody I hang out with – they’ll tell ya – I’m easy. )

Everybody’s got their own levels of what is , and what is not a good post.

It’s the same thing with dangerous sports.

What might seem dangerous to me, might seem like a mere bag o’ shells to you.

Everybody has their own ideas of what is,
and what is not— stupid…… err…  I mean—  risky.

I’m not saying I haven’t done my share of dangerous sporting activities……

The crazy shit I did in the Navy notwithstanding,

I’ve paddled Class V whitewater without a life jacket,

scuba dived in a cave with a defective regulator,

jumped from stupid high heights without a parachute,

drove a late model race car 90 mph around a mud track,

2did a blue scene with a much bluer actress,

deadlifted cars and truck suspensions,

pulled trucks, buses, even airplanes….

I’m over 50 (a bit) and I still powerlift four or five times a week.

Sure, people say I’m crazy.

But some sports are just too dangerous for me.

And today, I thought we might talk about a couple.

Maybe I’ll get up the courage to try one or two…….3

Yeah,

uh huh.

Right after I agree to be Courtney Love’s sex slave during one of her acid flashbacks.

HALO Parachuting

High Altitude Low Opening –  or H.A.L.O jumping,
is a parachuting technique, previously reserved for the military,
and now all the rage among rich schmucks with nothing better to do,
which consists of jumping out of an airplane  at altitudes upwards of 60,000 feet
( the upper atmosphere- about 16 miles above the earth’s surface)

and —

since the air is too  thin at that height to support a chute –
free falling until you’re  close enough to the ground to pull the cord.

4
Now, I can’t even begin to explain what is wrong with this whole:

‘jumping out of a perfectly good airplane into the stratosphere and  then fall’ thing.

But I guess I will try.

Remember,  there’s precious little oxygen pressure at that height – so you gotta  wear a breathing device.

It’s sorta like deep sea scuba diving with  no water…. but you’re also falling at terminal velocity.

They  don’t call it ‘terminal’ velocity for nuthin.

And baby, it’s  cold up there… at that altitude, it can be 60 below zero.

Oh,  and lets not forget the ever present chance of your chute simply  choosing not to open.

AAAaahhhh
hhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

      *  splat *

The  funeral home’s gonna have their hands full —
making your  frostbitten, oxygen-starved corpse look “life-like”, I’ll tell ya.

Nope.

Not me, buddy.

Gimme good ole terra firma.

If I gotta go in a crazy way, let it be with fifteen redheads in a vat of jello.

I gotta say, though… they named it well.

Chances are good  you’ll be wearin’ a halo soon  after your decision to try it.

And while we’ve got our heads up in the clouds-
-here’s one, even I might be willing one day to attempt.–
assuming the right combination of technology, testosterone, and temerity comes together at the right time.
5
It’s called a wing suit.

Now, you might seen my post on this subject, but for those of you who didn’t….

This is a special outfit that allows the human body
to become an aerodynamic airfoil,

and the newest variation even has jet engines  strapped to the wearers’ feet.

In other words, you can fly.

Sorta.

You still gotta use a parachute to land.

You can jump  from an aircraft, or from the peak of a mountain or bridge.

It’s as close as man has come, so far, to Leonardo Da Vinci’s concept of a flying man.

It’s cool as hell.
It’s also dangerous as hell.

There’s so much stuff that can go wrong , it’s just a matter of time before you trade those suit wings for angel wings.

Assuming that’s the direction you’re headed.

Bull Riding:

6I’ve always had a fascination with this sport.

So much so,  that in the mid-90’s, I never missed a local PRCA event.

In 1996, I  even met local favorite Jerome Davis, a North Carolina resident, who was the PRCA 1995 Champion Bull Rider, at one of these events.

Nice feller.

The mid-90’s was a rough patch for me.

I was having a rough time professionally and personally.

I needed inspiration.
7
And PRCA and Jerome filled that role.
I really felt inspired.

And, I wanted to try it soooo bad.
After all, you only gotta hold on for  eight seconds.
How hard could it  be?

Then, in 1998, Jerome was permanently paralyzed in a  bull-riding accident in Fort Worth.

All of a sudden, all my  enthusiasm for the sport went out the window.

To think that this young, powerful, skillful rider could get so messed up by one tiny little 800 pound bull.

Man, you talk about raw power
you watch one of  these bulls up close and you will see all of nature’s force concentrated in that bovine.

By the way, Jerome is still involved with Pro Rodeo, and is a breeder of champion bulls.

A tough guy…..  brave as all get out.

And still an inspiration to me in several  ways.

But not to ride bulls.

Swaller the Glop

Ok. I’ll  admit, I’ve played this before , at the Daytona Rally , 1979.

8Basically, you get a whole load of bikers and their women together —

— in a big ole open air tent,

Pool all the alcohol you have among  you, of whatever type –

—- vodka, gin, whiskey, tequila, whatever —

mix in copious amounts of fruit juice, jello, motor oil, or other flavorings,

put it all in a big pot,

stir,

and then dump a whole load of it down yer gullet…..

gulping hard and fast to get as much of it down as possible before nature has the last laugh.

Before I did this again………

I think I’d  rather make that HALO jump.

Thanks, anyway.

HOY!!!!!

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17 thoughts on “Wicked Dangerous

  1. […] Sally had initially emailed me about a post I did years ago about: ‘Wicked Dangerous Sports’ — […]

  2. This was fun to read! 🙂
    Oh…makes me think of all the things I’ve done that I probably shouldn’t have done, but I’m so so SO glad I did! 😉 😀
    And it gets me thinking about all the things I still wanna’ do! 🙂
    Keep having fun fun FUN, SweetC!!! 🙂
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  3. ampbreia says:

    I’d love to try wing suit flying myself. It looks wonderful! The rest, not so much. It just looks suicidal to me.

  4. reocochran says:

    I have been leading a rather tame life since I turned fifty and became a grandparent at age 49! I want to be around for awhile…. But this was hilarious and enjoyed all of the crazy places. I would not do any of them!!

  5. whyzat says:

    “Swaller the glop” sounds like a euphemism from the world of gay guys. Yeah, I said it!
    I think I heard that BASE jumping is the most dangerous extreme sport. I can’t even imagine what the mind of a person who does that must be like. If I’m going to shuffles off the mortal coil by jumping, I’ll be jumping on Alex O’loughlin! Geronomo…..

  6. Look up canyoning. That was fun but my body didn’t forgive me for days.

  7. purplepoet7 says:

    I want very much to try the wingsuit. And if it’s the last thing I do, I’m okay with that.

  8. waynelaw says:

    Nice post…you got me back reading and now I really feel like a whimp…dangerous sport to me is shopping at the Walmart around 3am.

  9. Great post! Now I’m thinking of all the things I’ll never try and the ones that I’ve done and survived.

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