Why Mature Women Make Better Lovers

mr naturalThere was a cute young thing staring at me in the gym today.

I’m pretty sure she was counting my wrinkles.

Either that, or I reminded her of her Grandfather.

I admit it….

I am feeling a bit tattered….

… thread-bare,

… tumble-down,

… well… OK, I hate to say it, but dammit—- OLD.

My buddy John noticed the girl staring, and mentioned it to me….

I laughed and told him that even if by some completely demented twist of reality she was interested in a geeze like me, that it was a moot point.

Young women are the same as anti-hermitian matrix-linear algebraic equations to me–

I don’t understand ’em,
and what’s more,
…. I couldn’t figure out how to derive a satisfactory solution with ’em even if I did.

The technology has changed so much, ya know?

Well, some of it, anyway.

And I hate that whole dirty old man trip, even if I am not really all that old.

Am I?


Alright… I’ll admit they’re lovely to look at.

But most everybody who’s been around for a while knows that mature women make better lovers.

And for you unbelievers out there, I’m gonna try to explain my thesis on this.


Today’s fascinating TOP 13 are:
Reasons why mature women make better lovers!

1: Because they rarely utter ” EEWWW- GROSS! ” at an inopportune time.



2: They usually can find subjects to discuss that have NOTHING to do with “Glee”, “X-Factor”, or “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”




3: It’s sexier (and more civilized) to have a mature woman on a bed in lingerie than a young girl in a VW with her jeans around her knees.




4: They never ask “What’s taking so long?” during foreplay.




5: They never order lobster, then send it back because it smells “FISHY”.




6: If you’re into something, they’ll try to GET INTO IT too!




7: Any tramp stamps and bad tattoos featuring butterflies or unicorns have been long since covered up or removed.



8: They never take an erection for granted, and never call a man’s unit any of these (to his face) : cute, short, fat, stubby, or too long.




9: They never giggle in bed.




10: They never assume they’ll have to fake an orgasm.
(which means of course, you’d better deliver!)




11: No matter how awnrey their man is, she’ll always find some way to relate to him.




12: An older woman’s expectations are more suited to real world situations.
— They don’t expect a knight in shining armor,

when all that’s called for is a guy who knows how to change a tire.




13: It’s a good trade off — ‘enthusiastic’ for ‘perky’ !




OK; now for the flip side…
(just for the sake of fair play, you understand….
……. HEY – I’m on YOUR side- ladies….)


The Top FOUR REASONS why 30+ women aren’t necessarily better…

1: You gotta be careful how you TALK to them.




2: If you DO piss em off, they can be kinda hard to handle.




3: As hot as they may look in lingerie, unless you treat em like GOLD, you’re never gonna see it.


4: A lot of them expect you to give THEM priority over your motorcycle.



Finally, here’s some of my other readers opinions on:
Why Mature Women Make Better Lovers :

” Older women aren’t nearly as impressed by WHAT you drive, as that it runs and you know how to fix it. ”  

” An older woman has lots of girlfriends …
….. and most of them will want to screw you too.

Older women know how to cook.
Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut take out.

” An older woman will never get pregnant, then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know. ”

” An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, “What are you thinking?” An older woman doesn’t really care what you think. “

” Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don’t wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a striptease.”

” Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a guy just can’t get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact. “

And one more of mine ———-

An older woman will never accuse you of using her.
She’s using you.

And remember:



119 thoughts on “Why Mature Women Make Better Lovers

  1. This one of your bestest blogs and I’d “like” it again if WP would let me! 🙂
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  2. tieme8 says:

    Coming late to this party, just found this. Had me laughing, and yes I giggle, and yes I CAN do linear matrix algebraic equations, and yes I like motorcycles. Umm, 30+, 40+, how about 50+? Don’t we count, too?
    Anyway, loved the post!

    • Ooooooo…. well, one of these days would you please explain how to add two letters and get one number? 😀

      Absolutely– after 50, male and female, at least, those of us who stay active and interested, are just start hitting our stride. Maturity has it’s definite advantages. 🙂

      Thank you for coming to the party – I appreciate you! 🙂

  3. julespaige says:

    You know I read that one should exercise a tad before trying to sleep.
    Well when you get up at 4 am and can’t sleep… well just visiting you on this post gave me a ton of exercising in the laughing department. I might just get in a couple of hours of good sleep before the alarm goes off…
    Fun, fun, fun. Did I mention fun! Thanks!!!

  4. Mrs Fever says:

    Age and maturity have little to do with one another. Unfortunately.

    That said…

    I giggle in bed. 😉 Sex is FUN, and laughter is an aphrodisiac. But I need a solid night’s sleep at my age, so waking me up in the middle of the night for a little sum’thin-sum’thin is not exactly a laughing matter. 😛

    I’m not sure what panties have to do with anything… I never wear ’em. Nor do I bother with lingerie. Nekkid is the new black! (Call me unfashionable, but I prefer to be unclothed. And it’s not like I need layers to keep me warm. I am my own furnace, after all. Can we say “hot flash”?)

    Q: Would you kindly elabirate on #1? When, exactly, would be an *opportune* time to say “Eewwww, gross!”? Miss Manners skipped that one in her etiquette guide. I’d like to work it into a conversation. Y’know, at an appropriate moment and all. 😛

    And P.S. I love the pic you used for #11. Too cute! 🙂

    • Hahahahahaaha— well, I dunno if I’ve ever been in a bedroom situation where I thought ‘ewww– gross’ was an appropriate response to ANYTHING, but I seem to remember having it exclaimed at me more than once. 😀

      And yes, that Indian/Pilgrim pic conveyed just the idea I had in mind, too. 😀

      No lingerie???????????? Sacrilege!!!! 😀

      Ok, I guess giggling is ok, as long as it doesn’t accompany any gestures or pointing. 😀

      As for hot flashes, well, they don’t call you Mrs. Fever for nothing, right??? 😀

      Of course, you’re right about age and maturity — if it did, I’d be acting all grown up now. 😀

  5. themarquis says:

    nice one and in the end u probably right on most of the points. But anyway I keep on being more attracted by the classic “old bikes, young girls”.

  6. theblogwoman says:

    Just found you and I think I like you. Yes. Yes, I do.

  7. girlseule says:

    Women 30+ are mature women? Or lordy I still think I am 22 most of the time, until I look in the mirror, but even then I don’t quite think of myself as a ‘mature woman’ (I am 32!)

    • LOL! Ummm… who am I to tell you when you’re mature? 😀
      I mean, I didn’t grow up myself until last week, and I’m still watching SpongeBob for fun. 😀

      PS… With me, you are defined by what you choose to be. 🙂

  8. ktz2 says:

    also yay for the R.Crumb illustration. . .besides the doo-dah man (truckin’) I always remembered Meatball– the meatball from space bonking him on the head hahahaha

  9. ktz2 says:

    A little late to this party but loved this, so on target. and especially Mature Women item 13. . hahaha

  10. LadyPinkRose says:

    My stomach is cramping from laughing so hard, because there is so much truth in this … that is what it makes it so funny and how you have written this post. Great job, Chris. You are something else!!! GRIN! Love, Amy

  11. Hysterical stuff- and from a mature woman, most of this is too true 🙂

  12. mzsilver says:

    This had me laughing so loud I’m sure the neighbor that lives below me is wondering if I’ve lost it. And, I completely agree with you in regards to a ‘natural combination’ in regards to motorcycles. Although I haven’t been on one for years, they are a very ‘heady’ experience & have a few memories of just exactly how, umm… mind blowing they can be. Oh the stories I could tell.
    You’ve not lost your touch! Thanks for keeping me smiling.

  13. This is tooooo good!! made me laugh out loud and I may have woken the neighbours …it`s past 3am! great stuff…I have a few favs in there.

  14. LadyPinkRose says:

    I laughed the entire way through this post! I am not going to agree nor disagree, but just say I truly enjoyed this, it made me feel JOY in my Heart, and yes you do have some valid points. Being a “mature” woman myself, I know when to keep quiet and when to speak up. And when I do speak up, like now, I will rub your ego and say great job! (smile) Yet, on the other hand, duct tape couldn’t keep me quiet in certain situationns. LOL In all seriousness, you know how to write and it is good!!!! Love, Amy

  15. […] One of the Muscleheaded Blog’s most popular posts ever ( 5 people ‘liked’ it so far ) was a piece called ” Why Mature Women Make Better Lovers “… […]

  16. I am So glad you stopped by my blog and liked my home page….otherwise I might never have found your blog.
    I have never laughed so hard. This post is SPOT-ON!
    Your writing stly is very relaxed and enjoyable.
    I will DEFINATELY be back to read more of your stuff.
    I hope to see you on my site again soon. 😉

  17. Aquileana says:

    Hi there Chris!,
    Just dropping by to tell you that I have nominated you for two award. Check out the nomination here (Just scroll down the page and look for your blog’s name):
    Congratulations and best wishes,
    Aquileana 🙂

  18. Mustang.Koji says:

    OM_G!!! What a complete riot!! You’ve not only chose great words, but perfect images to compliment your thoughts!

  19. 😀 Thanks, I feel much better now. 😀

  20. Aquileana says:

    Good one dear Chris… And truly well written too…

    I loved to read your insights today… You are so clever my friend !!!…

    I have heard about this urban myth but never took it seriously unless we are talking about a vedette porn star or something…

    You had me at giggles here 😛

    Thank you and best wishes, Aquileana 😀

  21. [EL] Selkie says:

    Can’t believe I missed this one! You pretty much have me spot in, mate. As always, I just love reading your posts. I regret that I have been doing a lot of “drive by posting” and being much engaged elsewhere. That needs to change, obviously…

  22. Shelley says:

    Ha! Ha! So glad that you presented both sides of the coin. 🙂

  23. Patrice says:

    No comment. For it might incriminate me <:)

  24. Renee says:

    This was awesome! Glad I’m a mature woman and so glad we’re appreciated!

  25. […] my post about “Why Mature Women Are Better“ if you don’t […]

  26. robert87004 says:

    OMG, LOL. I swear, it’s all true.

  27. Very funny and one more. They aren’t nearly as impressed by WHAT you drive, as that it runs and you know how to fix it.

  28. dataacougar says:

    Love it, But I am a cougar. lol.

  29. annabianca2014 says:

    Reblogged this on Finding Me and commented:
    Lol love this had to share

  30. Garrick's Kitten Slave says:

    Reblogged this on Garrick's Kitten Slave and commented:
    OMG I got such a tickle reading that I HAD to share!!! Not to meantion (looks around before dropping voice to a whisper) the naked guy looks like Daddy) -giggle-

  31. Garrick's Kitten Slave says:

    OMG I had the giggles all the way through this…does it count since I wasn’t in bed when I giggled?

  32. This was a fun read! Older men do have a lot to offer and not all need Viagra or fall asleep snoring in front of telly. If I read some of this list though, I am clearly not acting my age! 😉

  33. This was so much fun! 😀 And so true! So VERY VERY true! 🙂
    HUGS!!! :-
    PS…But on a more serious note…I find that even tho some men know these things (even say these things) they don’t usually mean it. Seasoned Women often feel invisible.

  34. You put a lot of thought and energy into this post. It got me laughing. And nodding my head saying, “Yes!” Loved it!

  35. LaVagabonde says:

    Good for you for seeing beyond the superficial.

  36. phoenixasubbie says:

    An older woman will never accuse you of using her.
    She’s using you.

  37. Kacie says:

    Reblogged this on Kacie´s Kinky Kixxx ♥ and commented:
    Had to share this. Even the “reasons why 30+ women aren’t necessarily better” can’t be argued. They are just basic facts.

  38. kerbey says:

    I thought I saw a bad tramp stamp two days ago, but this one you posted sure beats all. Maybe I shouldn’t say “beats.” Now I have the song “Older Woman Are Beautiful Lovers” in my head. When my husband turned 40, I thought, ick I’m sleeping with a man in his 40s now. I got over it. I know better than to use the word “cute” as well and understand if he gives up halfway thru because his knees hurt LOL. At church, we had to sing a song with lyrics, “Your love is deep, your love is wide,” etc. The ladies in the group decided we would just sing “your love is girthy.”

  39. Shelley says:

    How refreshing to read there are men out there not looking to date college ladies. 🙂

  40. Jennifer says:

    love it. but i have to disagree on number 4, section 2. i would be right there with him on the bike!

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