The Wonders of Science with Suzie Wonder

haterEvery month, the Muscleheaded Blog’s own Suzie Wonder takes to the old WordPress to express her own very unique perspective on stuff —

I get a lot of questions about Suzie’s background,

— but she doesn’t like for me to talk about her past too much.

Don’t tell her I told you,
— but she spent many years in a convent,
before becoming a nurse proctologist.

(Seems like a natural enough progression, I guess)

I can also tell you that she’s known around the office as the ‘Diva of the Bird’s Eye View’.

Of course, no one calls her that to her face.breathing

Usually,
‘Mizzz Wonder Ma’am’
is all she’ll answer to.

When she ain’t ignoring you altogether.

But, please, ladies–

I seriously advise caution before attempting to take any of Suzie’s advice —

She’s been kinda cranky lately,

and when she’s like that,

—- you never really know when she’s kidding, and when she’s not.

Just sayin.

(in other words,
please don’t take any of this seriously-
remember, it’s a humor blog !!!! )

Speaking of which —suziewonder1

Here’s Suzie’s column for this month.

“Practical Every Day Science,
……….. by Suzie Wonder”

Hello, ladies.

Let me ask you a question.

Does your male sibling or significant-other irritate you by sloshing ketchup on everything he eats without even bothering to taste the food first to see if it even needs it?

I mean, I go to all the trouble of making a nice, well seasoned meatloaf,

— and PLOP goes that red SLOP all over the plate.

I’m tired of it, girls.

And you shouldn’t stand for it either.

So, here’s what you can do about it.
men

About 10 minutes before you’re ready to serve, add a bit of baking soda to a plastic bottle of ketchup, seal it up good, and give it a couple of shakes.

The vinegar in the ketchup will react with the baking soda to create carbon dioxide…

The result: when he opens the bottle, he’ll be setting off a virtual red volcano.

If he’s wearing that stupid Allman Brothers T-Shirt that he’s had since 1973, then, all the better.

Just make sure he’s the one that has to clean the whole mess up.

Tell him you’ll get your Mother to come over and do it otherwise.

That should break him of his taste for that stuff once and for all.
   
Just another practical science tip, as a public service.

.shoot

And, speaking of getting him to clean up after himself…..

If you really want him to be a little more accurate in hitting the toilet every time he pees, you might want to try this:

The next time you go to the pet store, pick up a little bottle of Methylene Blue (it’s in the tropical fish section).

Then, mix some in with his chili or spaghetti sauce.

It’s pretty much non-toxic,

( ok,
some people might be allergic,
oh well )

and it’ll turn his pee BRIGHT BLUE.misandry

Man, that’ll get his attention —

He’ll be so freaked out ,

that he’ll be watching very closely what comes out,
and,
— where it goes —
from now on.

Take it from me–

You’ll thank your old gal-pal Suzie Wonder in the end.

See you next month.

.

Ummm….
— thanks, Suzie.

I think.

I dunno, fellas…

I’m still totally carnfuzzled why that girl is still single after all these years, ya know?

Hoy!

suffrage

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25 thoughts on “The Wonders of Science with Suzie Wonder

  1. Practical jokes are worrisome to me….. It’s the retribution that scares me!

  2. HA! 😀 Suzie Wonder is weirdly wonderful! 😛 (Her other AKA’s are Suzie Prankster and Suzie Manhater! 😉 )
    Hey! I’m gonna’ try that ketchup thing! 😉
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  3. Jen says:

    Okay, got my pen. Lemme write this down…..
    Meth…y….lene…Blue….
    Got it.

    Thank Suzie for me, will ya? I’ll keep you posted on the results. 😉
    “Just kidding,” she said (for future reference). 😛

    • 😀 Don’t Try This At Home. 😀 LOL

      • Jen says:

        Aw, come on. Not even once????

        • 😀 LOL!!! No, no , no , no — use one of them bowl cleaner things if you want a blue toilet. 😀 LOL

          • Jen says:

            I’d put up with a purple toilet if it meant improving someone’s aim! 😀

            And – um – does Suzie have any tips for the salt-shaker? That’s the big vice around these parts. 😡

            • She likes to unscrew the cap until it’s just holding on — then watch the fun when somebody uses it.

            • Jen says:

              That only works once. Got anything more drastic? 😛

            • Yes— go to the Indian grocery and pick up some kala namak – or Indian Black Salt. Then, hide the other stuff. Kala Namak tastes like salt, but smells like a bad fart. 😀

            • Jen says:

              Okay, now THIS was a desperately needed laugh!!!!

              But – um – despite having quit smoking – the Chief Offender has no sense of smell. Ya gotta work harder, Bud! o.O

              [But I’m writing THAT one down, too, just in case.] 😉

            • Oooooo….. ole Suzie’s gonna have to amp up her game……

            • Jen says:

              We’re talking, “subtle enough to avoid detection” but “powerful as a sledgehammer once you realize you’ve been had”. That’s what I’m lookin’ for! 😉

            • Well… ok…. promise you won’t do anything rash.
              You’ll need to empty the shaker and fill it 1/3 of the way with concentrated lemon juice or vinegar. Now place a thin tissue over the opening and use your finger to push it a little way into the body of the shaker. Don’t let it touch the lemon juice or vinegar though. The idea is to create a large enough depression to hold about a teaspoon of baking soda without it touching the liquid. Before you pop the cap back on, seal the holes on the cap from the inside with some tape.

              Recap the shaker, then trim the excess tissue from the top. Make sure you don’t leave any visible edges at the top or that may give your prank away. Carry it back to the target table as upright as possible. You don’t want the liquid and baking soda mixing in your hands.

              When your victim reaches out to grab it and shakes it, the juice will break down the tissue paper and start to react with the baking soda. This will cause a reaction that creates gas. With plenty of expanding gas (carbon dioxide) and very little space to go, the pressure in the shaker will build up and pop the shaker quite spectacularly.

              Sometimes the cover won’t pop immediately if it’s not sealed properly. The danger of this is that your victim might try to look into the hole of the cap to see what’s wrong, and the delayed pop could take his eye out. So if you catch your victim doing that, please grab the shaker from him to avoid injuring him.

              swiped from http://www.prank-ideas-central.com/practical-jokes-and-pranks.html

            • Jen says:

              Oooh….! What glorious potential here!!! I likes it. I likes it a lot 😉

              (Trying not to snicker too loudly.) 😉

            • Behave yourself, please… I don’t want the PA State Police looking for a co-conspirator or that kinda thing. 😀 LOL

            • Jen says:

              No worries. I’m just kidding.
              Mostly.
              No, just kidding, really. Honest!

              😀

            • Uh huh, says the guy from the holding cell. 😀

  4. I wish I would have that pet store idea when my son and ex were living at home. Grrrrreat post !!

  5. Annie B says:

    Ahhhh, some new tricks for my motivation bag. 😜

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