Manual Labor

varietyI hate to tell you this…..

But, some of you guys really missed the boat here, man.

Cause the application process for man-tester has now been filled.

So sorry.

Hmmm….

I guess I’d better refresh your memory.

Last year, I told y’all about a weird ‘job opportunity’ I came across in my ‘travels’ ,

I just figured that when I come across such a unique real world application of the words:

weird, free, funny and sorta-sexy,

…. that I had a responsibility,
as one of them there
weird, free, funny, sorta-sexy bloggers
…….. to let people know about it.

Was it also a bit onanistic and creepy?

Ummm…

Yeah, I guess that goes without saying.

But what I can say is that if you were truly interested,
…… you’d better put that thing away and keep moving.

When opportunity knocks, and all that.

There was this company in the U.K. that was running this ad:

octupuss

Yes, it was an ad for sex-toy testers.

It was for males, 18 and over only —

Apparently, these people,

( the same folks who brought the world such important scientific innovations like the “Hot Octopussy”, )

had invented a new gadget —
called a “Guybrator”, that they were looking to market.

And I thought I would give you the buzz on it. type

Umm.. wait.

Ok, seriously,

they really were looking for guys to test various items out,

….. and give them feedback.

Of course, you first had to make the cut —

— they said you have to own your own penis,
( I know plenty of guys who don’t )

need to be able to handle pressure,
………. and have good stamina.

That means, of course —
you’d be engaged in important, strenuous work —

No, you wouldn’t be:
meeting any interesting people,
or seeing interesting places,
or sleeping with interesting women,
or even performing a variety of interesting tasks ……

But you would be:

choking the chicken,
bashing the bishop,
slapping Mr. Fantastic,
stroking for lotion,
spanking the monkey …….

suziewonder1WE INTERRUPT THIS POST FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM: MISS SUZIE WONDER,
MUSCLEHEADED BLOG SCIENCE EDITOR:

Listen, I’m doing you lugs a big favor here by interrupting, ’cause the Musclehead is on one of his listing kicks again — so far he’s got about 72 different terms for whacking off, and he’s still typing — what I’ll do is edit out most of them, and leave 6 or 7– and he’ll never know the difference. After all, he doesn’t read this crappy blog, either. Hey, you’ll thank me later. But, if you insist on the full monty, email the big dumb bastard at carolinamuscle@outlook.com — I’m sure he’ll have over 100 by then.

BTW; stop doing that- you’ll go blind.

tossing off a wank,
janking the jerky,
milking Little Elvis,
flogging the log,
or pulling yer pudd
( there’s just one ‘d’ if it’s a grow-er instead of a show-er )

((( My friend Carolyn just sent me some more of these—
like:
joining the giblets
cock stuffing
playing hide the salami
riding the flagpole
hitting it raw
storming the castle
getting the bone
boinking
downloading your hardware )))

etc
etc
etc.
All with the help of a motorized plastic device.

Hoooooo Boy , where does one sign up, right?

Sorry — as I said, job filled.

Wait — you still want to know about the job benefits?

gumWell, they had no problem with you working at home….

……… actually, I’m pretty sure that they much preferred it.

They claimed to provide a “great package”,

…. and all the tissues you’ll need.

Ok, see…
I knew you wouldn’t believe me.

Check it out for yourself then, Mister Doubting Thomas.

Their site is at: http://www.hotoctopuss.com/handjob/

Yes, as I said, the job is now filled by some lucky individual.

But why not just email them and tell them how much they’re missing?

Hey,
all that O.J.T. you’ve been doing’s gotta count for somethin’, right?

HOY!

.

roofiedhimself

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12 thoughts on “Manual Labor

  1. Oliana says:

    Haha. Hilarious!!

  2. Only 72 different terms for whacking off?! 😉
    “Manual labor”…I love that title! 😛 ‘
    “…have to own your own penis”… *snort*! 😀
    Toys are fun…but hands are cheaper and handier! 😉
    Testing masturbation toys would be fun…but
    joining the giblets
    cock stuffing
    playing hide the salami
    riding the flagpole
    hitting it raw
    storming the castle
    getting the bone
    boinking
    downloading your hardware
    is always W-A-Y MORE fun!!! 😉 😛
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  3. Jen says:

    Satan’s typewriter? Yeesh!!! Where do they get this stuff?
    And, evidently, they’ll use the term “engineer” in just about any job title these days!!! LOL

  4. Pimpf says:

    as it’s one male activity at least everybody’s fully aware of I don’t see the problem with it, there’s still more censorship to women’s approach, even though it’s just as natural as men 😉 probably lot of social : religious education still having to break through it.
    there are sure tons of these kind of stuff to try and lot of testers to try this kind of thing 😉 I recently read that for future and maybe more close we can imagine people will be able to have sex with robots… right now that still scares me I’m not in the mood to try something that relates to my toaster 🙂
    interesting article ( I learned something I didn”t know a lot of the expressions you mentionned for masturbation in english, always glad to learn something 😉 )

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