Suzie Wonder- Love Doctor

doctor Our resident Crumudgeon
and Muscleheaded
Science Editor
Suzie Wonder
has been bitterly
complaining
(again) about
her lack of space
on this here
crummy,
badly written…
(errrr… I mean..)
… fine,
erudite blog —

Damn, she’s got me
talking like her now.suziewonder1

Anyhoo…

I turned over the official
“letters to the editor”
duties to her,

figuring she’d enjoy
feeding back to
the various folk
who like to correspond
with us,
here at the
Worldwide Supreme Headquarters
of Muscleheaded Labs, Inc.

But she said that
she was only interestedwetnap
in dealing those ‘meaty’
‘juicy’ letters that we,
frankly,
don’t get a lot of.

You know,
about
relationships,
and sex,
and stuff.

I’m beginning to thinkstef
she just likes to complain.

No,
I did not say ‘bitch’.

Dammit, Suzie —

I don’t care
how many times
you read that paragraph,shane
you will not see the word
‘bitch’ one time.

( You might see it twice
afterwards, but still…. )

Ok-
well, anyway —

Suzie does apparently have
some letters and responses ready,
so if I can just get a drum-roll
from somewhere…..

Oh…..
forget it man….val
let’s just get on with it.

.

Letters to the Editor
by Suzie Wonder

Thanks, Plank-head. 

Our first letter comes from a
Mister R.L. Missingtoe
from Missoula, Mississippi.

He writes:

Dear Suzie : 
I’ve known my girl friend
for 12 months now,
and I want to spend the
rest of my life with her, pri
but my mother says
she’s not near good
enough for me. 
Momma has given me
a list of things for my
girl friend to improve
upon, but so far,
she has been less
than fully compliant. 
How do I secure
her complete cooperation? 

Dear Missingtoe: 
First of all,
I’ve outgrown angora sweaters
in the time you’ve known
this girl…. 

What makes you think ho
you’re even gonna
like her next year? 
And even more importantly– 
what makes you think
she’s gonna like you
the day after tomorrow? 
Hell, I’ve only met you
through one letter and
I already can’t stand you. 
My advice is to completely
re-think this deal,
and tell Momma to
go get her own damn lady
cub to mindfuck. 
That kinda thing is
still illegal,
even in Mississippi. 

Next!
( Let’s hope
it’s not from Mississippi. )

Dear Suzie: 
I’m comfused.
My girl friend gives me
all the sweet lovin’ I want,
and I want to marry her. 
My Momma says that I shouldn’t,
and always asks me why I should
buy a cow when I’m already
getting the milk for free. chase
Can you clarify this for me? 
Thank you, 
Elmo Kierkegaard,
Somewhere other than Mississippi. 

Dear Elmo:
Comfused?
You’re also an idiot.
And damn,
another Mama’s boy, too, huh?

Ok.

Assuming your ‘girl friend’
is what we science experts
call a female ‘Bos Taurus’
you should still pay the
person who feeds and houses
the animal for the right to
draw lactate –
— that would be thebutt
honest thing to do.
And make sure you
get it pasteurized first.
Cows can make quite
loyal friends and companions,
but you should not entertain
any matrimonial dreams with her.

On the other hand,
if the girl friend
in question is a member
of the genus ‘Homo Sapiens’
(human beings)
and you are using this cow allusion
to refer to sexual intercourse,
then you and your mother arelettera
members of a group which
we scientific professionals
call ‘non compos mentis’ ,
and I have serious doubts

about any girl who would
get involved with you, too.

.

If you have questions
about sex or relationships
and you, too,
would like

to benefit from
Suzie Wonder’s

soothing encouragement, 
and homespun solutions
to all of life’s problems,

you can write her care
of the 
Muscleheaded Blog at:  
carolinamuscle@outlook.com. 

I mean, a1
I wouldn’t,

but…
hey,
free will and all. 

HOY !!!!

.

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7 thoughts on “Suzie Wonder- Love Doctor

  1. HA! Suzy Wonder is my heroine! 😀 Keep sockin’ it to the letter writers! 😛
    HUGS!!! 😛

  2. mislucja says:

    The graphics are a hoot…. smacked in the privates? I know someone who deserves an “I miss you, asshole”. Lol!

    Please thank Suzie for her invaluable support of this-here fine blog. We should do coffee sometime. I’m sure we’ll have plenty to bitch… I mean, talk … about. 😀

  3. ktz2 says:

    hahaha those notes are hilarious, especially “I love you with all my butt’

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