It was early on a
particular New Years Eve-
and I was in a strange burgh ,
surrounded by even
But I needed to look at something
other than hotel wallpaper,
and the cheap, paint-by-numbers
art they had hanging on it.
and after a cold, lonely walk,
found myself a warm hole to dive into.
I hadn’t been inside one
of those places for a long while.
The perfect kinda place in which to
find a tiny out-of-the-way booth near the back exit,
for a little miserable solitude and some serious drinking.
No sound at all,
…. other than an occasional weeze from the occasional geeze.
There was one grizzled old grouch
snuggling up to the 1930’s era radiator by the entrance,
— his lethargic ass balanced precariously
on the two back legs of a plastic chair,
Another guy was at the bar,
a biker wanna-be, I guessed…
He was lounging in that peculiar body position
that you only see in people who want others
to think that they have absolutely no interest
in what the world thinks of them….
…. his hands were curled around a Collins glass,
containing some alcoholic substance
which obviously gave him enough stupid courage
to think he could get away with the snarl
he was wearing for very long.
The kitty-kat behind the bar
had a bad neo-American Traditional style tattoo on her neck
of a dagger stabbing a heart carved with a name that mighta been:
for all I knew.
Her hand reached out to wipe the bar,
and I noticed some more letters
on her scarred up knuckles
that I couldn’t possibly have read,
I decided to play it rough and tough.
“Gimme whatever that guy’s having”, I said,
nodding my head at the mock 1%er
at the other end of the long, splintery bar.
” You want a ‘Buttery Nipple’ ??? “
I mulled that over…
well, in that case,
make it a double. “
Raymond Chandler I’m not.
But I do have some interesting
dirty-sounding drinks to tell you
about today, in honor of New Years Eve.
It seems that my previous posts about the holiday
made such a non-impression
and caused such a non-stir,
….. that my non-plans for the non-celebrations
of the New Year have to be amped up big time.
let’s not have a hearty round of applause for apathy,
on the other hand….
That’s something that almost
everybody cares about.
I think Buttery Nipples are great–
but the alcoholic drinks with that
name are almost as good.
Nipples for Everybody !
To make a Buttery Nipple,
all you need is 1 part Butterscotch Schnapps
to 1 part Bailey’s Irish Cream.
Pour the Schnapps into the glass first,
and then gently lip pour the Irish Cream on top…
If you’d rather have a Slippery Nipple,
use Sambuca in place of the Schnapps.
Now, this mixture tends to be kinda sweet –
– but if you really are one of those
‘it tastes too alcoholey’ pussy types,
you can add in a dash of Grenadine
and cut the Bailey’s back a bit.
If you want more of a kick, put the whole thing
in a bigger glass and mix in 1 part Vodka,
or Everclear for each part of Irish Cream.
Or would you rather have ‘Sex On The Beach’ ?
You can just consider this drink
a warm up for the real thing.
But be warned, a couple of these,
and you’ll forget why you started
drinking them in the first place.
……… or Kirschvasser if you’re looking in my direction.
That’s me over there in the corner booth looking shady.
Don’t forget to shake with ice.
If you happen to be from New York State,
…. there’s something called “Sex on Jones Beach“,
which is 3 ounces of vodka,
3 ounces of peach schnapps,
and splashes of grapefruit juice,
lime juice, and grenadine.
3 ounces of peach schnapps,
2 ounces of cranberry and orange juice,
and an ounce of your favorite high quality moonshine.
And here, I thought they was all snobs
down there on HH.
you don’t need to have moonshine for a:
‘ Blowjob ‘.
All you need is 1/4 oz Bailey’s Irish cream
and 1/2 oz amaretto almond liqueur, in a shot glass.
Then, just swallow.
This uses a liqueur made from sloe
(blackthorn) berries —
and it’s got a very nice flavor.
Grab 1 ounce of sloe gin, a 1/2 oz Southern Comfort,
and a splash of peach liqueur, and top it all off with OJ.
Actually, drinking it is much faster than making it.
…….. although until I started
working on this post,
I had no idea it was called “Liquid Viagra“.
I also have no idea why anybody of her
generation would even need it yet,
but here’s the recipe anyway:
1 part Jagermeister to 3 parts Red Bull.
Yow, and Yuck.
—- as does the vague remembrance
of one of the original ‘dirty’ drinks,
called a “Harvey Wallbanger“:
1.25 oz Vodka
0.25 oz hazelnut liqueur
3 oz orange juice
orange slice for garnish .
In honor of the New Year ,
I saw my duty and I done it.
Now, it’s your turn —
Post your favorite dirty drink recipe in comments,
and I’ll add it to this already outstanding blog.
from last year’s post, I know that:
Mrs.Fever likes Amaretto Margaritas
when she’s ready to cut a rug……
she gave me the recipe as follows:
Rim glass with amaretto, sugar, and
that fancy chunky salt stuff they have at bars.
Then pour a goodly amount of Cuervo Gold,
Triple Sec, and Sweet & Sour into a shaker
with ice and shake like a marimba.
Dump mixture in glass. Serve with a
healthy shot of amaretto on the side,
which can be drunk like a chaser
or poured slowly over the whole concoction
– it stays separated – and then imbibed.
I’d like to watch her make that drink.
My old friend Carolyn’s suggestion
You know, the drink.
Jeeez, what a dirty little mind you have.
• 1/4 oz Bailey’s Irish Cream
• 1/4 oz Peach Schnapps
• 1/2 oz Pineapple juice
• Top with Whipped cream
Mix Bailey’s, Peach Schnapps and
pineapple juice with ice —
in shot glass and top with whipped cream
my friend Reticent Mental Property
suggested a Dirty Martini ,
which is 2 ounces Gin, and
a splash of Dry Vermouth
and Olive Juice. Garnish with 2 olives.
fellow veteran DistantShipSmoke2013
suggested a Flaming Orgasm,
which is 12 ounces of beer and an ounce and a half of 151 Rum.
( Then you set it on fire. )
So, drop me a line.
I might even try your recipe….
….. any excuse to dip into the liquor cabinet, ya know.