The Eve Of That New Year

merrymouse

It was early on a
particular New Years Eve-
and I was in a strange burgh ,
surrounded by even
stranger strangers.

But I needed to look at something
other than hotel wallpaper,
and the cheap, paint-by-numbers
art they had hanging on it.

So,
I drifted down
what one of their ‘city fathers’
must have laughingly
called the “High Street”,barnoir

and after a cold, lonely walk,
found myself a warm hole to dive into.

I hadn’t been inside one
of those places for a long while.

It was:
kinda dark,
kinda musty,
kinda smoky,
kinda dusty.

The perfect kinda place in which to
find a tiny out-of-the-way booth near the back exit,
for a little miserable solitude and some serious drinking.

No jukebox.

No music.

No sound at all,
…. other than an occasional weeze from the occasional geeze.

There was a bit of light in the place,1929
not much,
but, after looking around for a moment,
…. I realized how pleased I should be that there wasn’t more.

There was one grizzled old grouch
snuggling up to the 1930’s era radiator by the entrance,

— his lethargic ass balanced precariously
on the two back legs of a plastic chair,

hanging his left arm off a1
the metallic fins of the heater,
and daring it to scorch him.

Another guy was at the bar,
a biker wanna-be, I guessed…

He was lounging in that peculiar body position
that you only see in people who want others
to think that they have absolutely no interest
in what the world thinks of them….

…. his hands were curled around a Collins glass,
containing some alcoholic substance
which obviously gave him enough stupid courage
to think he could get away with the snarl
he was wearing for very long.

The kitty-kat behind the bar a1
had a bad neo-American Traditional style tattoo on her neck
of a dagger stabbing a heart carved with a name that mighta been:
Chuck,
Chick,
Click,
Cluck,
Clara
or Clit,
for all I knew.

Her hand reached out to wipe the bar,
and I noticed some more letters
on her scarred up knuckles
that I couldn’t possibly have read,

…… what with my bad eyes,
the bad light,
and the steady, puss-eyed look she was already giving me. a1a

I decided to play it rough and tough.

“Gimme whatever that guy’s having”, I said,
nodding my head at the mock 1%er
at the other end of the long, splintery bar.

You want a ‘Buttery Nipple’ ??? “

I mulled that over…

Ummm,
well, in that case,
make it a double.

.

Ok—a

Raymond Chandler I’m not.

But I do have some interesting
dirty-sounding drinks to tell you
about today, in honor of New Years Eve.

It seems that my previous posts about the holiday
made such a non-impression
and caused such a non-stir,

….. that my non-plans for the non-celebrations
of the New Year have to be amped up big time.

So,
let’s not have a hearty round of applause for apathy,

…. and all those who couldn’t care less about it.dr

Booze,
on the other hand….

That’s something that almost
everybody cares about.

I think Buttery Nipples are great–
but the alcoholic drinks with that
name are almost as good.

Nipples for Everybody !

To make a Buttery Nipple,
all you need is 1 part Butterscotch Schnapps
to 1 part Bailey’s Irish Cream.

Pour the Schnapps into the glass first,
and then gently lip pour the Irish Cream on top…

….. there should be a distinct layer of each ingredient.a1

If you’d rather have a Slippery Nipple,

use Sambuca in place of the Schnapps.

Now, this mixture tends to be kinda sweet –
– but if you really are one of those
‘it tastes too alcoholey’ pussy types,
you can add in a dash of Grenadine
and cut the Bailey’s back a bit.

If you want more of a kick, put the whole thing
in a bigger glass and mix in 1 part Vodka,
or Everclear for each part of Irish Cream.

I mean, come on,
you’re already drinking a drink
that would start a fight in half the pubs in the world–c
———– balls out, buddy.

.

Or would you rather have ‘Sex On The Beach’ ?

You can just consider this drink
a warm up for the real thing.

But be warned, a couple of these,
and you’ll forget why you started
drinking them in the first place.

You need 2 ounces each of vodka, cranberry juice,
pineapple juice, and orange juice-
and just a kiss of peach schnapps ,giggle

……… or Kirschvasser if you’re looking in my direction.

That’s me over there in the corner booth looking shady.

Don’t forget to shake with ice.

If you happen to be from New York State,

…. there’s something called “Sex on Jones Beach“,

which is 3 ounces of vodka,
3 ounces of peach schnapps,
and splashes of grapefruit juice,
lime juice, and grenadine.

If you happen to be from Georgia, well,
there’s also a version,
called “Head on Hilton Head“:hot

which is
3 ounces of peach schnapps,
2 ounces of cranberry and orange juice,
and an ounce of your favorite high quality moonshine.

And here, I thought they was all snobs
down there on HH.

Of course,
you don’t need to have moonshine for a:

‘ Blowjob ‘.

All you need is 1/4 oz Bailey’s Irish cream
and 1/2 oz amaretto almond liqueur, in a shot glass.

Then, just swallow.

But you know,
if you’ve got the time,b
there’s nothing better than a:
‘Slow Comfortable Screw’.

This uses a liqueur made from sloe
(blackthorn) berries —
and it’s got a very nice flavor.

Grab 1 ounce of sloe gin, a 1/2 oz Southern Comfort,
and a splash of peach liqueur, and top it all off with OJ.

Actually, drinking it is much faster than making it.

Ahem.

My daughter drinks this
next one all the time,e

…….. although until I started
working on this post,

I had no idea it was called “Liquid Viagra“.

I also have no idea why anybody of her
generation would even need it yet,
but here’s the recipe anyway:

1 part Jagermeister to 3 parts Red Bull.

Yow, and Yuck.

It makes me feel kinda old —katie

—- as does the vague remembrance
of one of the original ‘dirty’ drinks,
called a “Harvey Wallbanger“:

1.25 oz Vodka
0.25 oz hazelnut liqueur
3 oz orange juice
orange slice for garnish .

Ok—

In honor of the New Year ,

I saw my duty and I done it.

Now, it’s your turn —

Post your favorite dirty drink recipe in comments,
and I’ll add it to this already outstanding blog.

For instance,
from last year’s post, I know that:

Mrs.Fever likes Amaretto Margaritas
when she’s ready to cut a rug……
she gave me the recipe as follows:

Rim glass with amaretto, sugar, and
that fancy chunky salt stuff they have at bars.
Then pour a goodly amount of Cuervo Gold,
Triple Sec, and Sweet & Sour into a shaker
with ice and shake like a marimba.
Dump mixture in glass. Serve with a
healthy shot of amaretto on the side,
which can be drunk like a chaser
or poured slowly over the whole concoction
– it stays separated – and then imbibed.

I’d like to watch her make that drink.

newey

My old friend Carolyn’s suggestion
is Cunnilingus–
You know, the drink.

Jeeez, what a dirty little mind you have.
Ingredients:
• 1/4 oz Bailey’s Irish Cream
• 1/4 oz Peach Schnapps
• 1/2 oz Pineapple juice
• Top with Whipped cream
Mixing instructions:
Mix Bailey’s, Peach Schnapps and
pineapple juice with ice —
in shot glass and top with whipped cream

my friend Reticent Mental Property
suggested a Dirty Martini ,
which is 2 ounces Gin, and
a splash of Dry Vermouth
and Olive Juice. Garnish with 2 olives.

And,
fellow veteran DistantShipSmoke2013
suggested a Flaming Orgasm,
which is 12 ounces of beer and an ounce and a half of 151 Rum.
( Then you set it on fire. )

So, drop me a line.

I might even try your recipe….
….. any excuse to dip into the liquor cabinet, ya know.

HOY !!!!!

.

a1

Advertisements

15 thoughts on “The Eve Of That New Year

  1. Cheers and Happy New Year, C!!!
    From your old friend, C! 😀
    Only old in that I’ve known you a long time, right?! 😉 😛
    2017 HUGS!!! 🙂
    HA…that last photo makes me snort-laugh! 😀

  2. Mrs Fever says:

    I’m a fan of amaretto margaritas.

    Rim glass with amaretto, sugar, and that fancy chunky salt stuff they have at bars. Then pour a goodly amount of Cuervo Gold, Triple Sex, and Sweet & Sour into a shaker with ice and shake like a marimba. Dump mixture in glass. Serve with a healthy shot of amaretto on the side, which can be drunk like a chaser or poured slowly over the whole concoction – it stays separated – and then imbibed.

    If you want to be fancy, use fresh squeezed orange and lime instead of Sweet & Sour. Garnish with a slice of each. Serve without an umbrella. But one of those pirate sword toothpick thingies is fine, as long as it’s stabbed into some citrus fruit.

    Voila!

    Magic!

    A half of one of those makes me an incredible dancer. 😛 😀

  3. julespaige says:

    Fancy Smancy drinks. Just do ’em straight up. Real good Lemonchello or good quality tequila. Just sip and slide into the New Year until…wait for it…Boom! (Depending on how much you consume…you get knocked on your tush!) Good tequila doesn’t even give me a headache!

    But ya know some years I just can’t wait up until midnight anymore 🙂

    Happy New Year!

  4. Rita says:

    Happy New Year 🎊🎉🍸

  5. GP Cox says:

    Cheers, buddy! 🍸

    Okay – so I lied, she IS a redhead!

Leave a Comment -- I'd Love to Hear From You !

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s