Cut That Out

widowI stopped into my friendly,
neighborhood used-book store
the other day …

It’s not really like
I have any spare
storage room
for any more books,

— but I figure just
how much more
precious space can a
hardbound 3 volume
set of Thucydides’
History of the Peloponnesian Wars
(with full index and
translator’s commentary)beatles

really take up, anyway?

Oh well….

I guess I can put them in
my motorcycle saddlebags
along with my paperback copy of:

Zen and the Art
of Motorcycle Maintenance

The guy that works in that
second hand book store
always puts cut-out books
aside for me he thinks that
I will like/buy —nukefun

I’m a dog lover,

always mighty proud to say it,
….. mighty proud to say it.

Still, it seems to me that
weaving dog hair into baby booties
wouldn’t be the most
efficient use of my already
very limited free time.

And as far as
raw materials is concerned,
if I’m that desperatekint,
I can just start pulling
out chest hairs,
for crying out loud.

Damn things are starting
to come in gray, anyway.

I just hope whoever buys this book:

Knitting With Dog Hair
don’t have any issues with allergies,
what with picking all the dog hairs
out of the vacuum cleaner bag,
and all.

Gazundheit. dollardate


just because you want
a deal on books
doesn’t mean you’d
want a book like this one:

Dating For Under A Dollar ” .

I dunno what kinda cheapskate
would take a girl on a dollar date,
( a dollar ??? )

… but if it was my daughter
he was treating that way,whatsittya
I’d have some serious
questions for him….

just how long do you
want to keep on living?

While it goes without saying
that hanging around
the house playing video games
and watching television
doesn’t cost anything –
———- since when
does that constitute a date ?

And who needs a book
to think of that one?

I like the ‘review quote’
on the top of the cover —
” Dating will never
be the same again “

– Brad Wilcox.

Alright —
I give up —
Who The Fuck is Brad Wilcox,
and why would I take
HIS word for it ???????

I think not.

Definitely not a charter
member of the ‘fun bunch’, I’d say.



I did see some very
weird titles in there,

and frankly,
I’m wondering how/why a couple
of these books even exist–dis

I mean,
what kind of target audience
would this one have–

(oh well, you can see
the damn thing for yourself)

If the author can’t even SPELL —

— and the publisher can’t even
proof-read a book cover ?

completely disappearing seems
like a relatively simpleboners
thing to do, really…..

Just get in line
at your local DMV office,
….. and you’ll see
exactly what I mean.


I dunno who financed
some of these duds–

I can’t imagine how anyone
would think they’d make
a profit on printing them…poo

But somehow, I’ll bet
some of the authors
of this lame literature
made a fortune on
speaking engagements.

Can you imagine paying for
a ticket to see a two-hour
lecture on the exciting things
that happened to Taro Gomi
while he was writing
“Everybody Poops” ?

Boggles the mind– wrong

But, that’s the kinda
world this is, man.

And there did seem to be
an overabundance of bad titles
in the ‘self-help/advice’
section particularly.

Why is that?

Maybe it’s a modern version of the old rule :
Those who can – do .
Those who can’t –
write a self help book.

Sorry, to tell you, though–cool

If being ‘cool’ is something
that comes out of a book,

— it ain’t gonna be this one:
“Anybody Can Be Cool,
But Awesome Take Practice


Or this blog,
for that matter —

— cause the one thing I got
in common with that author,
is that I haven’t got a clue, either.

Later Gator.

HOY !!!



25 thoughts on “Cut That Out

  1. HA! Great titles! 😀 I would love to read the books!
    I always said I was a cheap date…take me to Taco Bell for the $.89cent burrito and then for a roll in the hay and I’m a happy girl…but, I don’t even know if they make burritos for less than a dollar today. ??? 😛
    I should write a book on the fun fun FUN I’ve had by being a cheap date! 😉
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  2. julespaige says:

    Ha, ha ha. The song book…goes with the ‘poop’ book kinda.
    The book is cute really…but a lecture by any author that takes two hours to tell how and why that book was written …not worth my time.

    Did I tell you I’ve got an odd cook book (somewhere) Recipes from (Hollywood’s) Wizard of Oz, Might need to look into that product where the unicorn is using a ‘stool’… (sorry I couldn’t help it).

    Hey speaking of Crap did you know there is a toilet paper called:

  3. Rita says:

    These are awesome! Thanks

  4. Brett says:

    Lots of good stuff! Great cover art on some of the vintage ones, such “Teach your wife to be a widow”. As George Takei would say, “Oh my!”

  5. jillianmrks says:

    Oh, these are great titles! LOL. The Nuclear War Fun Book?? I used to wander used book stores for hours!

    • 😀 I think it’s one of those things that people who love to write cannot resist — I dunno if it’s about swiping ideas or comparing notes, but ….. 😀 LOL

      • jillianmrks says:

        I have always been a reader, first and foremost. Books were my best friends growing up.

        • I know that feeling — I was grounded so much that I dunno what I woulda done without my AM Radio, my stamp collection, and my books. 😀

          • jillianmrks says:

            Ha ha! I had my own personal radio too. I think it took a 9 volt battery. I kept it under my pillow and played it all night long sometimes. I was just a really easily bored kid with a really busy mom. She kept buying me books and I kept reading. I’m still easily bored and restless sometimes.

            • 😀 It’s no surprise at all to me — the restless and easily bored people always seem to be the really clever ones — everything moves too slow for them, with too much unnecessary detail and trivialities. 😀
              And man, did I love staying up all night listening to stations you couldn’t get in the daytime !

            • jillianmrks says:

              That’s so me. I used to get a lot of grief for being this way. I was accused of acting “too cool for school”. I was a precocious child.

            • 😀 I totally get that. Well, thank heaven you resisted the naysayers – cause you turned out wonderful ! 😀

            • jillianmrks says:

              You’re sweet. I am complicated, but I keep my crazy tucked into my mind pretty neatly I think. I get a lot done in a day 🙂 Hey, gotta go, but it’s always a pleasure chatting with you, Chris! Have a great weekend!

            • 🙂 Cheers, Jillian — and have a groovy weekend !!!! 🙂

          • jillianmrks says:

            Stamp collecting 😉 My older brothers had books of them. Try getting a kid into that nowadays! Is there an app for it, LOL???

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