150 Million Cards Can’t Be Wrong

tiedYes, an average
of 150 milllion
Valentines Day cards get sent
every year—

But,
I get it –

Some folks don’t dig
on the whole
Valentines Day thing.

And I don’t judge.
Not much, anyway.

I mean,
some peoplearf
don’t like tacos.
(What the hell are they thinking?)

But as far
as I’m concerned,
anything that started
as a Roman fertility festival
( called Lupercalia )
just has to have it’s share
of potentials for fun.

I guess one of thea2
reasons this holiday
pulls at me so much
has to do with
what I know
(or think I know)
about the power
of a Valentines Day card.

Cause with V.D. cards,akidnap
you get to choose
one of four delicious flavors.

.

Flavor One:
You can have the
innocent puppy love
that you see in those
cute ‘kiddy’ cards —

— send one of those
to somebody and
they can’t possibly
get pissed off
or defensivea1
or assume your motives
are anything but
completely platonic.
(even if they do start
doubting your masculinity
just a tiny bit… )

It’s sorta like hanging
mistletoe at Christmas —

–you’re not seriously
thinking that it’s ever
gonna get you laid.

Umm…
are you?a1a

Hey-
— who knows —
she might even
give you a charity hickey.

.

Flavor Two:
“Maybe we can start
somethin’ here” is flavor two.

A bit of mildly sexy humor,
but nothing serious.

You might give one to that
semi-cute vixen who keeps
stealing the jelly beans
out of the jar in your officeyes
and who keeps insisting
she’s married even though
she doesn’t wear a ring,
you’ve never seen even
the faintest trace of a husband,
and you know that she lives
with her mother.

The good thing is that you
can play “Mission Impossible”
should you choose to accept
to engage in this flavor :
— you know….

” As always, should youval
or any 
of your I.M.
Force be caught

or killed, the Secretary will
disavow any knowledge
of your actions”. 

Potential results include:
A kicky weekend
or a kick in the nuts
should the denial fall flat.

It’s kinda like throwing
craps with dice,
if you’ll pardon the reference.

Ahem.one

.

Flavor Three:
A ‘Full Blown’ Dirty Card.
And all I can say is,
my friend, I hope you
know what you’re doing.
Cause with one
of these cards,
there can be no doubt
in her military mind
what you’re after….
and it reminds mea5
very much of the time
a buddy of mine and I
went to the barber shop….

It was one of those
poncey ones with a cutie pie
young manicurist and everything.
So, naturally,
he decides to get a manicure
while we’re getting our haircuts….
She’s working on his nails,a3
and he’s laying it on thick….
asking her out,
telling her how hot she is….
Finally, she tells him
that she can’t go out
with him,
cause she’s married.
Awww… he says–amum
Just give that bum the brush,
and tell him you
found somebody better.
She says:
” Tell him youself-
—he’s shavin’ you. ” 

.

Flavor Four:
The richly decorated,
‘passion floweth forth’
card
(modesty prevents me from
posting any of these…. )
that almost always
is accompanied byadoodle
ROSES  .

(see my post
on that subject
for navigating that
particularly dangerous
set of land mines.)

Be warned –
This flavor often leads
to the harder stuff —
commitment
and marriage, even.

Now, seriously, man.asppon
Why do you wanna go
and fuck up a perfectly
harmless holiday with
something heavy
like that, I ask you?

.

!!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!!!!!!

.

a1

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5 thoughts on “150 Million Cards Can’t Be Wrong

  1. ktz2 says:

    hahahaha. . another good one

  2. “He’s shavin’ you.” Ha*snort*ha! 😀

    I ❤ all 4 of those kinds of valentines! And all of the VD cards you shared are fun and funny! 🙂

    I ❤ sending and receiving VD cards! 🙂

    HUGS!!! 🙂

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