I need to be reminded
that drinking, carousing,
dancing and music
are well-lit road signs on
the Route 666 straight to Hell.
I’m a sinner,
— taken that for granted.
— so would somebody please
hit the panic button already?
How was I to know that
it was just a Red Menace/Satanic plot
to get you to let your moral guard down?
Man, did you know
that listening to:
“.. razzy, jazzy spasm bands
would strouse uncontrollable sexual desire ? “
(What the hell is ‘strousing’ anyway,
…. and how do I get some of it ?)
that in ‘Jitterbug’ dancing:
“girls are violated and
despoiled visually first,
and often otherwise afterward”.
Oh, for heavens sake.
I just thought it was
a goofy looking dance move…
…….. nobody ever told me it
would make girls ‘ loosey goosey ‘.
I knew I shoulda learned to dance.
That’s the premise of an old pamphlet I found,
written by one Dan Gilbert, LLD,
Among other things,
the learned Doctor Gilbert informs us
that dance music was a greater threat
to Western Civilization than Hitler…
And that “ 97 per cent of juvenile delinquents”
took “their departure from the path
of virtue and purity” after a
dance or attending a movie.
Going to the movies can really do that ??
I bet that’s where they first learn
that trick with the popcorn box, too.
I am aghast, man, aghast.
Other wonderful titles
written by this guy include:
“The Vanishing Virgin”
( over-rated, if you ask me )
“The Conspiracy Against Chastity”
( I’m sensing a theme here… )
“Evolution: The Root Of All ISM’s”
( what the hell is an ISM? )
Now, you’re probably thinkin’
one crack-pot, no big deal.’
Au contrare, mon frère.
I think there’s still lots
of folks that think that way…
that is Ann-Margret –
— thanks for askin’ )
Another classic of this knee-jerk genre,
— is a pamphlet by John R Rice–
….. called “What’s Wrong With The Dance“,
and dating from the same general era (1935).
And as maniacal as the above good Doctor seemed,
—- this Rice guy is even more rabid about the subject.
He explains his concept in terms
of who hangs out at dances, like:
” tough nuts,
low down dirty rakes who would
seduce any girl and lead her to Hell,
the rotten-as-hell adulterous crowd,
high school kids doomed to car crashes,
and of course—
your sons and daughters“.
He “double-dog dares” someone to defend dancing,
….. since it’s responsible for all
“adultery, murder, idolatry,
drunkenness and nakedness”.
His fashion sense is also offended:
“Women don’t wear corsets
anymore to dances” , he complains.
And, in that special, homespun,
inimitable style that is all his own,
he has a gentle piece of advice for mothers, too:
” Listen to me, sisters, you bunch of hens.
You who have been carrying on these
dances in your homes, don’t open your chops.
You have paved the way for lewdness,
trained boys and girls for it. “
—— was I at summer camp or what ???
How’d I somehow miss out
on all the damn lewdness training ????
I’m telling you…
I’m always outta the loop, man.