It Just Don’t Add Up

a3I always hated math in school.

It’s just one of those subjects
I can’t get my mind around.

Oh sure,
2 + 2 = 4 is okay , I guess….

But when you start
adding letters like A + B
and getting a number
as an answer-
Mister Man…
— you lost me there.

To me,
A + B = AB .

I know what you’re thinking —math

If that was right,
why wouldn’t 2 + 2
be equal to 22 ?

for all I know about math,
it is, somehow.

How the hell should I know?

But, nobody ever accused me
of being a rocket scientist.

Part of the problem
I always had with
math in schooltutor
was that nobody
could explain to me
how a mathematical
process really worked
in practical language
that even a cretin like I
(ok -like ‘me’)
could understand.

I mean,

I just couldn’t understand:
WHY you don’t get PIE
with a Pie chart….

or why “PI”
is so much more of an ‘irrational’a1
than not getting pie with a pie chart…

or why it’s perfectly fine
to have imaginary numbers
in an algebraic equation,
but wrong to have
an imaginary hottie girlfriend
named “Wendy”.

or what difference ‘New Math’
makes over ‘Old Math’,
when I still can’t get the
right answer, anyway.

or why the batch of rubber
I laid in the school parking lot
with my Dad’s 1972 Torinocanteloupes
didn’t count as a “Ford Circle” —

or why any test on “Probability Theory”
always resulted in a 90 percent conjecture
that I was gonna fail it…..

or why the solution
to every “Boolean Function”
proved ‘Evasive’ —
and ended up
making me feel like a Foolean.

or why my Math Teacher a2
grading on a “Bell Curve”
always landed me
somewhere down near the clapper.

Let’s face it —
you could make
ANYTHING beyond complicated
with Mathematics.

Take a simple idea like:
“How do you put algebra
an elephant in a refrigerator?”

And forget the logical stuff

“Why would you WANT
to put an elephant in a refrigerator?”

Because a math whiz
could still give you
a dozen equations for how to do it.a3

you just:

” Let ϵ>0
ϵ>0. Then for all such ϵ
ϵ, there exists a δ>0
δ>0 such that
∣ ∣ ∣ elephant2 n ∣ ∣ ∣ <ϵfit
|elephant2n|<ϵ for all n>δ
n>δ . Therefore
lim n→∞ elephant2 n =0.

limn→∞elephant2n=0. “


“Since 1/2 n <1/n 2
1/2n<1/n2 for n≥5 n≥5 , 
by comparison, we know
that ∑ n≥1 elephant2 n “


” There exists an affine transformation
F:R 3 →R 3 :p ⃗ ↦Ap ⃗ +
q ⃗ F:R3→R3:p→↦Ap→+q→
that will allow the elephant
to be put into the refrigerator.
Just make sure detA≠0 detA≠0
so you can take the elephant back out,
and detA>0 / detA>0 fall
so you don’t end up with a pulpy mess. “


So THAT’s how you do it.

It’s now as clear as mud.

I’ll stick to buffalo ….
it’s much simpler.

No wonder
I like history better.





17 thoughts on “It Just Don’t Add Up

  1. I’m just waiting, someday I’ll be at a train station and there will be a train coming from the north at 65 mph and I’ll also see a train coming from the south going 87 mph and I’ll know where to stand to watch them collide. Very practical things can be solved with math even if only for that one thing. Someday it may happen. 😀

  2. I’m with ya’ on all of this, C!
    I’d pick History, or Literature, or P.E. or Science or Art, etc., over Math any day and twice on Sundays! 😀
    What math I’ve needed to do as an adult…I can do on my calculator or sometimes in my pea-brain. 😛
    I have niece who majored in Math in college! 😮 She is now an actuary and making the BIG BUCK$! 🙂
    1 HUG + 1 Million HUGS = It will be awhile before you are outa’ hugs! 😀

  3. Paloma says:

    Never did understand imaginary numbers, lol

    Hey, I had a 69 Torino. Great car!!!

  4. ktz2 says:

    hahahah good one! I’m with you all the way on this. . .my head even hurts a bit after seeing your ‘examples’. Hey here’s a tiny trivia–in Ireland (maybe Britian too) they say ‘maths’ instead of ‘math’.

  5. GP Cox says:

    A mathematician told me once that either you understand math or you memorize it. I told him I was a memorizer, and now that I’m getting old(er), I find I’m losing my memory – so why did I have to study it again? I forget!

  6. Mrs Fever says:

    I’m enough of a nerd that I went looking on line for a Pi Day t-shirt last year. I didn’t buy any (yet), but my favorite was of a Pi-rate. (Picture a Pi symbol decked out with a pegleg, bandana, and gold hoop earring.) There was also a daydreamy Pi-in-the-sky design that caught my eye.

    And now I want pie.

  7. julespaige says:

    Maths have gotten more friendly over the years…but not Algebra.
    I don’t have me no beat n rhythm neither. So I stays away from metered verse. I can’t even get the ba-bump of a Limerick.

    Those word problems are a hoot for sure. Like the one with the three light bulbs in a room and three switches out side and you are supposed to figure out which bulb has burnt out so you can change it. Then they tell you the guy touches the bulbs to see if they are warm… seems so logical… which I guess I ain’t…

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