….from that point on,
the living’s easy.
The world is your oyster.
Until it’s time to buy more.
Or figure out
just where the hell you are,
or who took your damn wallet.
it seems like a
pretty simple solution
to coping with depression —
…..if all you need
to do is go out
to your friendly, neighborhood
buy a few bottles of “TONIC” …..
Laissez les bon temps rouler —
—- let the good times roll .
I wonder why nobody
had thought of that before.
if and when you do wake/sober up,
the stuff’s that was driving you
to drink in the first place is still there….
So maybe it’s better to
buy the stuff by the case ?
Now, I don’t know about you,
especially their bathrooms —
and then wax judgmental about the quality of their toilet paper.
It makes me feel somehow…,
Oh, I dunno……
I might not have any brains,
or sensuality to speak of,
…….. but, as long as I
have my double ply,
I’m better than that
terrible bitch of a mother Ruth.
Some products really are at
the leading edge of technology, though.
They push the bounds
into territory where
no man has gone before.
Of course, there might
be a very good reason
why the hell nobody
wanted to go there
in the first place —
There are only two
for why this insanely
conceived product –
…….. brought to you by the
same folks who make Reddi-Whip….
( and now long gone from the supermarket shelves, )
One possible explanation
is that it would contain no bacon fat.
Bacon without fat.
Isn’t that sort of like having sex
while you’re under anesthesia.
I mean, where’s the joy in that ?
(Well, for you, anyway… )
The second explanation
is the more likely one —
and was the reason
it was pulled shortly
after it was introduced—-
It DID start fires…
all kinds of em.
some magic mantra to Agni ,
prayer to Vulcan ,
human sacrifice to Xiuhtecuhtl ,
or simply by playing the
Crazy World of Arthur Brown over and over,
……. you were lucky enough
to avoid the whole ordeal-by-fire thing …..
Everything you made in your toaster
after that ended up smelling like acrid, burnt bacon.
Cause you couldn’t get the grease out of the toaster.
I guess that company must have also sold appliances.
I don’t want you to think
I’m gonna end this post on a negative, though.
That’s not me, at all, ya know.
Despite the fact that it’s everything that I am not —
There were, of course,
a couple flavor ideas along the way
that weren’t all that great, either…..
Coffee Flavored Jello, from 1918.
What really cracks me up
about this stuff is the package —
There’s obviously no fruit in coffee, man.
Unless you’re one of those guys
that always argues technicalities
about what is, and what is not, a fruit,
……. like a tomato, or a pumpkin.
In which case,
— there’s no hope for you… sorry.
‘Cause nobody fucking cares, OK ?
I said I wasn’t gonna end this post
on a negative note, and I won’t.
— the first couple, anyway.
All you need are:
1 1/2 cups warm Milk,
2 cups warm Espresso,
1 cup Sugar, 6 bags of Knox Gelatin,
and 8 tablespoons of cold water.
Oh, and don’t forget the 1/2 cup of Kahlua.
Once you get these made,
you can call up all your friends
and invite them over for an all-nighter.
And an all-dayer.
Yes, tomato and pumpkin are both fruits.
So is a coffee berry,
from which is taken the pit, or bean.