Burnin Down The House

a1Advertisers are always trying
to convince you that dealing
with the daily hassles of life
is just as easy as going out
to your local store and
acquiring their fine product —

….from that point on,
man,
the living’s easy.

The world is your oysterphosferine

Until it’s time to buy more.

Or figure out
just where the hell you are,
or who took your damn wallet.

For instance,
it seems like a
pretty simple solution
to coping with depression —

…..if all you need
to do is go out
to your friendly, neighborhood
drug/liquor store,
buy a few bottles of “TONIC” …..

……………. and then,
just forget your troubles, buddy.thorazine

Yep —

Laissez les bon temps rouler —
—- let the good times roll .

I wonder why nobody
had thought of that before.

Of course,
if and when you do wake/sober up,
the stuff’s that was driving you
to drink in the first place is still there….

So maybe it’s better to
buy the stuff by the case ?

.

Now, I don’t know about you,

……but I always love to
visit other people’s homes —scott

especially their bathrooms —

and then wax judgmental about the quality of their toilet paper.

It makes me feel somehow…,

Oh, I dunno……

Superior.

Ah yes.

I might not have any brains,
looks,
fashion sense,
personality,
or sensuality to speak of,

…….. but, as long as I
have my double ply,

I’m better than that
terrible bitch of a mother Ruth.

.

bacon

Some products really are at
the leading edge of technology, though.

They push the bounds
into territory where
no man has gone before.

Of course, there might
be a very good reason
why the hell nobody
wanted to go there
in the first place —

There are only two
possible explanations
for why this insanely
conceived product –

…….. brought to you by the
same folks who make Reddi-Whip….

( and now long gone from the supermarket shelves, )

would not set your toaster,
and thus your house,
into a fire that would rivalfatfree
the burning of the Library at Alexandria.

One possible explanation
is that it would contain no bacon fat.

Bacon without fat.

Isn’t that sort of like having sex
while you’re under anesthesia.

I mean, where’s the joy in that ?

(Well, for you, anyway… )

The second explanation
is the more likely one —

 

and was the reason
it was pulled shortly
after it was introduced—-

It DID start fires…
all kinds of em.

And even if —firebllegilelvgren
if —-
through the use of:

some magic mantra to Agni ,

prayer to Vulcan ,

human sacrifice to Xiuhtecuhtl ,

or simply by playing the
Crazy World of Arthur Brown over and over,

……. you were lucky enough
to avoid the whole ordeal-by-fire thing …..

Everything you made in your toaster
after that ended up smelling like acrid, burnt bacon.

Cause you couldn’t get the grease out of the toaster.

I guess that company must have also sold appliances.

.

I don’t want you to think
I’m gonna end this post on a negative, though.

That’s not me, at all, ya know.

One product I personally
dig a lot is Jello….
……. it’s a favorite of mine.jello

 

Despite the fact that it’s everything that I am not —
……. delicate,
delightful,
and dainty.

There were, of course,
a couple flavor ideas along the way
that weren’t all that great, either…..

Like this–
Coffee Flavored Jello, from 1918.

What really cracks me up
about this stuff is the package —

It says ” Pure Fruit Flavor “.a1a

There’s obviously no fruit in coffee, man.

Unless you’re one of those guys
that always argues technicalities
about what is, and what is not, a fruit,

……. like a tomato, or a pumpkin.

In which case,
— there’s no hope for you… sorry.

‘Cause nobody fucking cares, OK ?

Anyhoo….
I said I wasn’t gonna end this post
on a negative note, and I won’t.

a1For you fans of Espresso,
there’s a quick and simple recipe
for making Coffee Jello Shots
that actually won’t make you throw up—

— the first couple, anyway.

All you need are:
1 1/2 cups warm Milk,
2 cups warm Espresso,
1 cup Sugar, 6 bags of Knox Gelatin,
and 8 tablespoons of cold water.

Oh, and don’t forget the 1/2 cup of Kahlua.

Once you get these made,
you can call up all your friends
and invite them over for an all-nighter.

And an all-dayer.

Cheers !!!!!!

.

PS…..
Yes, tomato and pumpkin are both fruits.
So is a coffee berry,
from which is taken the pit, or bean.
Just sayin’.

.

biscotti

.

Hoy!

 

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19 thoughts on “Burnin Down The House

  1. julespaige says:

    Note to self, cool frog poster

    On Thu, May 11, 2017 at 6:32 AM, The Müscleheaded Blog wrote:

    > The Muscleheaded Blog posted: “Advertisers are always trying to convince > you that dealing with the daily hassles of life is just as easy as going > out to your local store and acquiring their fine product — ….from that > point on, man, the living’s easy. The world is your o” >

  2. mislucja says:

    As long as it’s not kopi-luac coffee we’re okay ….! 😀

  3. dievca says:

    Hmmm, is it “Hinder” (hold something back) or “”Hinder” (your backside)? As I sip my coffee listening to Frank.

  4. julespaige says:

    Ha! I like that Coffee Frog 😉

  5. Love the old ads for weird, questionable products.
    Although, I’m SURE the tonic wine would cure whatever ails-ya! 😉 😛
    Wow! Bacon! Books! Poems! Fun! My kind of place! 😀
    HUGS!!!

  6. ktz2 says:

    Oh those good old days when the advertisers pushed ‘tonics’ and ‘cures’ for every ailment, including those in children.. that had f– narcotics in them, when cocaine & heroin were over-the-counter ! That still sounds just so bizarre.. Btw, heroin was actually a brand name, wtf ! . .Great for what ails you, except for those nasty little side effects like addiction & withdrawal. .

    I do believe that’s MM one the firehouse pole in the Vargas. . nice !. .

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