It’s Enough to Gag Ya

vintageHey…

I know you have a
busy schedule and all,
but you’d better start
keeping track of the
more important ones,
ya know……

 

After all,
June 10th
is National Purple
Kumquat Day.

I hope you got all
your decorations
up for it,

cause otherwise
Koolio the Purple
Kumquat Day Koala
will be very, very angry…..

…. and you’ll find yourself
on the list.

And you don’t want
THAT to happen.

Actually, I ended
up on that list
one year,
….. and found
something like this,
hanging on
my festive
bamboo tree.a11

Yes, it’s a vintage
1950’s toilet seat cover –

Back then,
home-owners gifted
with a particularly
unique sense
of scatological mirth
could put it
on their guest room toilet,
for the purpose of having
some innocent fun —

…… and maybe,
depending on the guest,
I would venture to guess,
to get the rules straight.

Peeing on the floor
is such bad formaqgag
from a stranger, ya know.

Welcome to the world
of what they used to
call ‘gag’ gifts —

…..from back in the days
when things like this
would make women blush
and men howl with laughter.

Umm, yeah.

Har-dee-Har Har.

I do gotta admit
you don’t see
stuff like that around
much anymore.

I remember when they’d
be an obligatory part of any
grown-up’s birthday party —

….. and us kids would just
shake our heads
and pretend
we didn’t get the
adult’s cornball
humor.

I’ve gotten my share
of these kinds of
gifts, myself.

A girl I was dating
gave me one of these –

pek

I don’t remember
if it was before,
or after we got…
errrr….  well acquainted.

a1

I’m thinking ‘after‘.

It looks like that one’s
from the 1970’s or so,
but I also found its
grand-daddy from the 1940’s.

I know a lot of you
share my innate sense
of scientific and
historical curiosity…..

And as far as I can see,
the whole ‘size doesn’t matter’
adage hasn’t changed
|much over the years.

It’s always been
total horseshit.

Still, I’ve got nothing
against being a teaser.

Hey, it’s a grow-er,
not a show-er, man.

But, mocking a male’s deep
seated genitalia-inferiority
complex was just one of the
many ways these gag gifts
could make one the
life of the party.

Sure–

there’s plenty of gags
aimed at women’sflats
complexes, too.

This one has a brightly covered box that advertises a do-it-yourself ‘flats fixed” kit.

Inside — what else — rubber falsies.

Somehow, that joke just wouldn’t carry one of
my parties these days,
but it musta been worth
the .79 cents back then.highball

Speaking of parties, I remember the old folks, when they’d throw a broohaha, would always be talking about having “High Balls”.

Then, I started hearing about even more exotic stuff— like ‘Sex On The Beach’, ‘Buttery Nipples’, and “Slow Comfortable Screws’.

When I was all grown up, I was bound and determined to find out what kinda ultra sexy,
demented, underground
thing they were talking about….

It turned out that they
were just talking about booze.

High Balls, Cock Tails,
Screws, Nipples…..
all the same thing.

What a let down.

And, that, in essence,
is what these ‘gag’ gifts are all about.

Feeling a wonderful sense of expectation, followed by a humiliating let-down.

Like the year I was told,
on the sly, that I
was getting a new
motorcycle for Christmas.

And I did get one.

I still have it.pinkpanther

Here it is.

Actually, it’s a Corgi ‘Pink Panther’ motorcycle toy–

British made, and somewhat collectible in the U.S. now.

I wasn’t impressed at the time, though.

Misleading might be an
accurate description of most ‘gag’ gifts…

b1I know,

I must be a bit gullible,
……. but those things always get me.

And, to add insult to injury, they’re still making the damned things.

Here’s something the manufacturers call a “Remote Control for Women”.

It claims to be able to ‘make her do what you want’.

It has controls for ‘forgive’, ‘forget’, ‘sex’, ‘beer’, ‘moaning’, ‘remove clothes’,
…. and much, much more.

Also a ‘hurry up’ button,
along with one that’s labeled ‘calm down’.

And, of course, a ‘mute’ button.

That thing couldn’t possibly work.

Could it ? ?

Ummmmm…………

.

.

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8 thoughts on “It’s Enough to Gag Ya

  1. HA! what Great Amazing Gotta’-have-em gifts!!! 😉 😀
    Ha! on the remote! Any man who tries to use that on a woman needs to be ready to have the remote shoved in his “where the sun don’t shine” hole!!! 😉 😀
    HUGS!!! 😀

  2. ktz2 says:

    I believe some of these are the ‘gags’ of Irving Fishlove, but likely other companies made these things as well.. Remember I sent you an article about old Irving and his weird humor last summer, the email is named More Vintage Articles.

  3. MH—Those pics brought back a lot of memories and I still enjoy being a prankster. I have to say that my fave of all pranks, however, is the giant plastic roach! Gets em every time! XO DWD

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