It’s All In Your Stocking

I’m showing my age.

( What’s new, huh? )

I went to a pretty
formal event
last week
(not by my own
choosing, of course)
and I noticed a distinct
paucity of people
dressed up.

Now, when I
say ‘dressed up’,
I mean, face washed,
hair combed,
wearing business
or sunday-go-
to-meeting clothes.

Hey, I wasn’t
even wearing shorts —
I had to wear long
business pants,
and a long sheet shirt,
dammit-

so I wasn’t expecting
anybody else would/
should be wearing less.

And boy howdy,
well,
all I can say is,
a white fruit of the loom
t-shirt and ripped jeans
does not make a good
impression at a formal
funeral.

I also noticed hardly
any of the women
present were wearing
stockings.

What happened ?????????

I never saw so many
birch tree type legs
in my life.

Ahhh,
phooey.

Never mind that stockings
make ones legs look much
more appealing,
more glamorous,
more stylish,

(especially if she
doesn’t shave em)

they keep your legs warm
when the wind is blowing,

and that there enough
shades and styles
made these days
that they’ll match
just about any outfit
somebody would
want to wear……..

I just don’t
get it, man.

Nylon stockings were the
greatest invention since the
electric frappe maker, and
nobody’s wearing em ??

That just bums me out.

Regardless,
as somebody
who does still
enjoy em —

(one who just
looks at them
and doesn’t
actually wear
em, of course)

– I just kinda
figured a post
explaining where
they came from and
the different kinds
might actually
encourage ladies
to reconsider their use.

Like that’ll happen.

Eh.

Anyway —
what we usually
call ‘stockings’ ,
( which includes
stuff like panty hose)
weren’t any big
deal until the 1920’s, when
skirts started getting shorter.

Before that, they were more
like leggings or long-johns,
and were more for warmth
than anything else.

But the jazz age meant
that more leg was being
shown – and the sheer
stocking came of age–
they were made
of silk or rayon
until nylon was invented
in the late 1930’s.

During WWII, 
women still wanted
stockings, despite the
rarity of civilian nylon,
and went to interesting
extents to get the look.

Yes, leg paint –
or leg make-up.

Some women just drew
a line on the back of their
legs and called it a seam.

Today,
three stocking types
are in common
use:

stay-ups which have their
own elastic to hold them in
place , including thigh highs
and knee highs ….

garter belt stockings that
hang from a belt or are held
in place by a separate piece
of elastic or tight fitting fabric,
(those are the sexy ones… )

and panty hose
which are
much like
dancer’s tights .

Once you’ve chosen
your type,
you still have a
huge variety of
styles to choose from —

open weave fish-nets,
cuban high heel cut,
seamed or unseamed,
open-toed ,
nude-heel,
all kinds of fabrics
and densities,
designs and
transparencies.

It seems like the
perfect
fashion accessory,
doesn’t it?

And as a man,
I say again,
that I think they’re
very nice to look at, too.

!!! HOY !!!

.

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12 thoughts on “It’s All In Your Stocking

  1. hjonasson says:

    I always wear stockings to formal events when I wear a dress. The only time I didn’t like wearing them was when I was required to wear dresses back when I worked at a department store in Texas in the summer. It was 100 degrees outside. Too hot! But otherwise, I think dresses look much nicer with them and then you can’t see the bruises and scars on my knees. 🙂

  2. kerbey says:

    In December, I had just put on a dress for church, but it was too cold to go barelegged (ALWAYS shaved–why would a gal ever want fur?), so I went looking for pantyhose in the drawer where things like slips lay folded for years on end–but had none in black. All I had were some black nylons that required the whole shebang–garters and garter belts. So I went through all that trouble simply to spare myself indecent legs at church (and of course had to be careful crossing my legs so that no one would see garters in church), and when we got home, my husband went straight to the garage anyway. So what a waste of effort!

    • It’s a great shame those garters were wasted and not enjoyed ‘in situ’, and I totally mean that. Sometimes my fellow men get their priorities completely bass-ackwards, man. But you still get a hearty pat on the back from your old pal Muscleheaded, anyway, and an “A” for affort….. errr…. effort. 😀

  3. Jules says:

    Perhaps it was because I was just a tad taller and ended up having to wear ‘tights’ where the crotch sank… I’ve never really liked leg hose.
    But then I’m not one for ‘dressing up’ when I don’t have to.

    I do however think that t-shirts and ripped jeans do not belong at a funeral. However the new school of thought is ‘just get the body there” for such things. Which I think I’d rather have that person stay home.

    One thing to go to some kind of religious service and not even pay attention because you are sitting in the back playing on your phone… but at least have jeans without holes, a button shirt, covered feet (no flip flops, but I guess fancy sandals, even clean sneakers would do with the laces tied and not dragging) and pretend to pay attention…..

  4. They ARE very nice to look at, feel…and, in my experience, wear.
    Those today who have never worn them are missing out!
    HUGS!!! 🙂

  5. I agree! Great illustrations! Nothing like the look and feel of your gal’s nylon knee and thigh…

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