Automatic, My Ass

Today we’re gonna explore
the wild, weird, conditionally
wonderful world of
automated office
rest room furnishings…

Oh sure, it doesn’t
sound all that exciting….

but it was
either that or a post about
the ” most deeply
philosophical quotes
from Mr. Bean ” –

– and nobody wants
that, man.

If you got any better ideas,
well, that’s why I got
an email, ya know.

Ahem.

I don’t know who designed
some of this stuff, but
thinking out of the box
was merely their starting
point apparently……..

At work, we’re surrounded
by such over-technologized
gadgets, especially in the
bathrooms.

Like:
The damn hand towel dispenser that never
wants to give you any
paper unless you give
it a firm punch right
above the ‘ sensor ‘ ?

Or:
the automatic soap dispenser
that dabs out a fingernail size
amount of cleanser just sufficient enough to
clean your thumb and
half of one palm ?

Or:
the automatic sink that
gives you almost enough
the amount of cold
water for the amount of soap
you just received from it’s
mechanical cousin.

Or:
The ‘water limiting’ urinal
that shoots water all over
the peeing party …
( I guess in retribution?)

And who really needs an
auto-flushing toilet that
flushes itself every
minute or so while
you’re sitting on it ?

What the fuck purpose
does all this stuff serve
except to make your work
day more aggravating ?

That’s not my idea
of saving water–
and it gets down
right irritating.

It’s not like we’re
out in space and gotta
have a lot of technical
controls to keep us
from drowning in
our own ….

well, you know.

Now, to be fair,
I have used those high
fallootin’ Japanese toilets
that everybody talks about
in hotels over there,
and they’re actually pretty
nice once you figure out
what everything does….

— maybe that’s the fun part
for many folks, I dunno ..

but you really go get to
missing that nice, warm
stream of water once you
don’t have it anymore.

Squeezin the charmin
just don’t make it in
comparison.

It’s not like you can’t
get one here —
— if you’ve got
$5000 bucks
to splurge on it
(after installation).

If I ever spent that on a toilet,
I’d be so bound up, I’d never
be able to use the thing,
at least in the spirit in
which it was intended.

So it’d end up just being
a very expensive seat for
checking my phone messages
and reading comic books.

And of course, the low tech
alternative –
— the garden hose —
seems temptingly manageable
when viewed in that limited
perspective.

Hey, the hose end
is adjustable.

Bad idea?

Sure…
I’m full of em.

And other stuff, too.

Maybe I should start
inventing stuff for the
office.

!! HOY !!

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8 thoughts on “Automatic, My Ass

  1. HA!!!! I ❤ this post!!! Bathrooms, especially public bathrooms fascinate me! I don't like to use them, but I like to peruse them! I've seen some interesting things! 😉 😛

    HA! they've invented some really futuristic smart crappers recently! 🙂

    HA! The photos you shared are great! Especially #1 and #2! 😀

    HA! One time, in an airport, the automatic toilet flushed the second I sat down on the seat! Ha! I squealed and jumped up! I was not expecting the noise or the water spray upon sitting down! 😮 😛

    HUGS!!! 🙂
    PS…Now I have a lot of bathroom puns running through my pea-brain. I even thought of one about toilet paper…but, it's tearable! 😉 Ha! 😛

  2. Jules says:

    You know I was in Italy once and the hotel room had a Bidet…
    Maybe I’m just tooo American as I never did figure ‘it’ out.
    Though their is a U-tube instruction… if you wanted to know.
    Not the place for reading your favorite comic if you have to keep your hands on the controls!
    Maybe the American Bidets have changed a tad in the seat design… As the ones in Europe, well they don’t have a blasted seat!

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