The Friday Mail Bag

Friends are always
sending me very
interesting stuff
that makes me laugh –

– and then
I have to
start wondering –

– just how I’m gonna
squeeze it into a post
somehow.

That can get
pretty tricky
at times.

But no worries,
cause the
‘your author has
simply had an attack

of writers’ block,
and that means pictures ‘
excuse is certainly alive
and well around here.

Hmmmmm…..

When you think
about it, it’s more
like a ‘mind-cramp’
than a writer’s ‘block’…

And
“Hydrate, hydrate,
hydrate” is the rule
for cramps, ya know.

So…
let’s see —

This new bottle of
Wild Turkey looks
like it could be
quite refreshing.

Ahem.

I’m not really sure
that would loosen
up the mind ‘cramps’
or not.

Or maybe you guys
need the stuff more
than I do to read the
babble that’s been
gurgling out so far
for this edition of
the Friday Mail Bag.

But the submissions
that we’ve gotten
are all pretty cool….
( more, please )

so, we’ll try a little
less conversation
and a little more action.

Seems I’ve heard
that phrase
somewhere before.

Probably from my
first girl friends.

Ok-
well,
here goes.

Without any
further ado.

The

Friday

Mail

Bag.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Anybody Here Seen Kelly ?

Hiya kids.

(of all ages, but
hopefully over 18)

It’s time for another
one of our rather
irregular-regular
features –
– the vaunted and
well-loved
“Explain A Card” –

wherein we attempt to
expound upon details
which can make the
more obscure vintage
cards in our collection
more interesting or
understandable.

And while I’ll admit we
started out with an easy
one to get the punch line –

— our detail on that card
is that it was drawn by
the famous NY World
Newspaper illustrator
Albert Peter Carmichael,
of whom’s work we are
quite fond around here.

Heck, you might even
find a semi-biography
of him somewhere on
here if you follow the
link, who knows.

The remaining ones
on this post are also
by Albert Carmichael-
-part of a set-
and their shared
punchline might seem
much more arcane
to a viewer of today.

The
“Anybody Here
Seen Kelly?”
expression is an
early 1900’s spin
on a song popular
in British music halls
about the dubious
adventures of a couple
from the Isle of Man
while in London.

( ‘Kelly’ is the
most popular
surname on the
Isle of Man )

It was adapted for
American audiences
in 1909 in the
Broadway musical
“The Jolly Bachelors”…

… and these cards
followed the next year.

The song’s popularity
eventually led to a
hit movie with the
same name starring
the beautiful Bessie Love
and Tom Moore
in 1928.

(It’s been long lost
to modern audiences)

The first two verses
of the song
go like this:

Kelly and his sweetheart
wore a very pleasant smile,
And sent upon a holiday
they went from Mona’s Isle,
They landed safe in London
but alas it’s sad to say,
For Kelly lost his little
girl up Piccadilly way.
She searched for him in vain
and then of course began to fret,
And this is the appeal
she made to everyone she met:

Has anybody here seen Kelly?
K-E-double-L-Y.
Has anybody here seen Kelly?
Find him if you can!
He’s as bad as old Antonio,
Left me on my own-ee-o,
Has anybody here seen Kelly?
Kelly from the Isle of Man

When it started raining
she exclaimed, “What shall I do?”
For Kelly had her ticket
and her spending money too,
She wandered over London
like a hound upon the scent,
At last she found herself
outside the Houses of Parliament.
She got among the suffragettes
who chained her to the grille,
And soon they heard her
shouting in a voice both
loud and shrill:

Has anybody here seen Kelly?
K-E-double-L-Y.
Has anybody here seen Kelly?
Find him if you can!
He’s as bad as old Antonio,
Left me on my own-ee-o,
Has anybody here seen Kelly?
Kelly from the Isle of Man!!

.

As you can see……

Carmichael has created
a series of cards with
this basic theme, and
he’s being quite whimsical
about who Kelly could be,
where he might be
possibly found, and
exactly what he could
be up to.

Apparently, Kelly might
have been demonstrating
the age-old principle that
many men don’t give up
their amateur standing

(bachelorhood) without a
struggle —

and Carmichael has keyed
on this idea to make these
witty albeit-somewhat-dated
cards.

The art is also good fun.

I hope you enjoy them –

and of course, there are
other Carmichael works
in the Muscleheaded
directory you can find
using the search feature.

!!! HOY !!!

Putting A Spin On Pool

” If you hit the ball
like that,
you’ll make it. “

Billiards is a game
that is internationally
popular….

And they’ve
been making postcards
to cash in on the game’s
popularity for a
long time —

At least
120 years.

And
there are
an endless supply
of double-entendre
captions and
implications that go
right along with that.

Just what we really
love around here.

Hey,
any game with racks,
holes, sticks, and balls
is bound to get a little
English spun on it,
right?

Sure,
you can call
it POOL ,
you can call it
8 BALL,
you can call it
CUE BALL,
or you can get
all fancy and call it
BILLIARDS………

Actually, once you
start playing, you find
there are all kinds of
variations that use
the sort of table, cue, balls,
and other stuff in different
ways —

There are games like:
Snooker
Three Cushion
Five Pins
Kelly Pool
Straight Rail
Cutthroat
Kaisa
Pyramid
Carom
Nine Ball
One Pocket
British Pool
et al.

You’d need a very big
book o’ rules to know
how to play most of
these games……..

It’s not just slap any old
ball into any old hole.

Finesse is something
they almost all require.

Aficionados will definitely
call you on the slightest
breach of etiquette, so……..

And I’m told that, if this
isn’t confusing enough,
these different games
can be sub-categorized
into 3 main types :

Carom Style
( doesn’t use pockets )

Snooker Style
( which uses a bigger table)

and what we usually call
“Pool”
(like 8 ball and one pocket).

There’s also
“Bumper Pool”
for those who enjoy
additional obstacles
when playing all
the angles.

I’m confused when I
hear people knock the
game as inappropriate
for young men,
because when you
come right down to it,
the games require an
understanding of
geometry and physics…..

And even more importantly,
as Professor Harold Hill
most eloquently put it :

” Helps ya cultivate
horse sense, and
cool head
and a keen eye. ”

” Did you every take
and try to give an
ironclad leave to
yourself from a three
rail billiard shot? ”

In other words,
one must always think
clearly and considerately
before touching a rack,
or putting his stick and
balls any where near
a desired hole in question.

Which,
seems to me a pretty good
lesson to learn early in life.

Oh shit….

and I thought
this one wasn’t
gonna get dirty.

!!! HOY !!!

Just One Look

Just one look…..

That’s all it
takes sometimes.

Just one look.

It might be a subtle,
hesitant smile.

A flirtatious blink
of the eyes.

A self-conscious bite
of the upper lip.

A salacious lick
of the lips.

A daring sneer.

A swipe of hair.

A short gasp of air.

Eyes widen.

Pulses race.

Hey,
you know what
I’m talking about.

Flirtation.

Words aren’t nearly as effective
a weapon of mass flirtation as
are facial expressions and body
language.

Words are thought generated.

And as such, can be
easily manipulated.

That other stuff comes from
way down deep.

Faking those are a whole
different ballgame, man.

And while it’s important
to always keep your
monster on a leash,
life would be very,
very dull without
some episodic
interaction
such as these ….

… those little points
of contact that show us
each as the sensual beings
we are.

Besides, these aren’t
the kinds of flirtations
that are implicit invitations
to a Crisco party,

— or some kind of free
pass to grab a handful
of somebody else’s
personal space…..

No,
it’s just a nod to
the people we are in
an alternative universe
that can appreciate up
close, empirical relations
with another human
being without losing
all perspective.

Another time …

Another place …

Another love.

!! HOY !!