1 Page of Whack

Sometimes I don’t
think I know
‘what is’
and
‘what is not’ funny
these days.

Yesterday’s post
called something-or-other
was one I laughed
all the way
through the
writing of it  —aquestions

And I dunno whether it lost
something in the translation
between me thinking
about the stuff and me
writing it into the blog….

But nobody had anything
at all to say about it.

(up until my good friend ‘ C ‘
came to the rescue this morning)

Sure, attention whore, I.

And I don’t blame my readers.

(I love them passionately.)

I myself probably would
have found the motivation
to read something entitled
176 pages of…anything
hard to muster first thing
in the morning.

But my excuse for
wingeing and whining
about it anyway is that
feedback does helpspurgin
me feel out which
one of my posts
are connecting and
which ones
are crashing like a led zeppelin.

So
waaah waaah.

Plus,
I seem to remember
something from my
psychology classes
that laughing at stuff
other people don’t think
is funny is a marker for
being a looney.

Technical term,
— ‘looney’.

Hey, look it up.

Just what else would qualify
a person as a looney,
I wonder?

Expecting 20 year old
gym-hotties to find a
silver haired 60 year
old geezer ‘sexy’.

Looney.kidding

Shoving a tape recorder
up ones nose.

Looney.

Grabbing women’s asses just
because you can get away with it.

Looney.

Well, I don’t do any of those things….

Maybe I just got an attitude problem.

Where’s my DSM-IV when I need it ?

!!!! HOY !!!!

PS: Thanks to Feve for
the opening picture !

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176 Pages Of High Jinx

I saw this ad in a
vintage publication
not long ago–

It advertises a book
from 1942, called:
” In Defense of The
Bachelor – The
Playboy’s Handbook ” .

Now, obviously the term
‘playboy’ doesn’t refer
in any way to the famous
men’s magazine founded by
Hugh Hefner a decade
or so later —

No, this ad used the
word in it’s
more generic
‘randy-male’ sense.

And so, naturally,
being a rather randy
male myself (ahem)
I’m interested in the
secrets this thing
might contain —

— not that I’m thinking
they’ll be all that pertinent
to the whole scene here
in 2017, but more cause
it’d tell me what it meant
to be wild and footloose
in the 1940’s.

And, hell, you never know
what you might pick
along the way, ya know.

I did see an original copy
at a stamp and print show,
but it was 50 bucks.

50 Bucks for outdated tips
on picking up girls who’d
probably be way over
100 now?

Seems overpriced –
I like mature women,
but they wouldn’t be able
to even remember my
phone number – never mind, anything else.

So, after consideration,
(and counting the seven
dollar bills in my wallet )
I thought I might have a
stab at writing my own
Muscleheaded version
of it using this ‘partial list
of the rare, exhilarating
and hilarious contents‘.

Let’s take em
an item at a time.

Truthfully, I don’t think
the well vaunted
“Bachelor Life”
wasn’t ever a lot
about hiding under beds – –

— not a lot of room under
those things, anyway —

especially those ginchey
heart shaped revolving ones
you’d see in magazines.

— and,
about 90 percent of the time
the Bachelor’s Life
seemed more about ordering
one medium size popcorn
and sitting alone in the dark.

Yes,
so maybe the
reference is obscure –
just ask Pee-Wee
if you don’t get it.

Hilarious, right?

Ok,
so I’ll lighten up.

Item two.

Love in Hollywood.
Ugh. 

Item three.
The Playboy at Fifty.

Ok, something I can partly
relate to in some way,
having attained that age
a couple of years ago .

And let me just
say it sucked.

So, thinking about
having to spend it alone ,
playboy or not,
would have just added
major, major suckage.

Item four.
Something about Puritans.

I hate em.
Next.

Item five.

I’m pretty sure
that Paul Simon
already answered
this one for me,
even though the
guy can’t count
for shit.

Item six.
Freudy Cat. Hmmm…..

Well,
— being a
Jungian myself,
I don’t know a lot about it,
but I probably do need
to remind you that a
Freudian slip is
when you say
one thing and
mean your mother.

Yawn.

How many more of
these chapters
ARE there?

.

!!!! HOY !!!!!

 

Snap and Snooze

I guess some of you
old-timers can tell
that I’m back on my
rabbit-food diet, cause
here I am crabbin’ about
technology again, when
usually it’s sex that is the
prevailing topic of choice
around here ………….

Tomorrow it’ll be food,
you wait and see.

And, no,
I’m not dropping weight
for a competition,
this time, though.

I’m done pulling trucks, y’all…
my back has told me in no
uncertain terms that it’s not
having any more of that shit.

Ok, so maybe
I am too old for it —
but I was when
I started doing it, too.

Blech.

Anyhoo…

As I was saying, being back
on the rabbit food diet
also means that I’ve cut
my gym days down
from 6 days to 5 —

which means I got more
time to watch TV —

— if they still call it that.

It’s gotten very strange lately —

you’ll be watching a program,
and suddenly, they’ll say
something like :

” … and if you want to see
how this all ends, just go
to blah-blah-blah-dot-com
and watch it on the phone app. “

waIT.
COME BACK HERE !

But they don’t listen-
and they just start the next program.

Hey – I was watching that !!!!!!!!!!!!

I was perfectly happy watching
whatever-it-was on a 60 inch
large screen with surround sound —

— and now for some reason,
they want me to go and find
my phone to watch the conclusion
on a two inch screen with an
almost inaudible speaker ? ?

WHO thought THIS
was a good idea?

I’m all for the internet
in all kinds of ways —
(how can you beat all
the free porn, blogs
and 60’s music videos
that you can eat?) —
– but using the net is just
too much work if suddenly
this is the ‘NEW TV’ —

I pay for cable- and still
I don’t get my happy ending
without the damned channel app?

Let me tell you –
in my world,
when it’s television time,
it’s ‘just sit back,
relax and
push the remote button’ –

it’s not about
mega-searching,
3 minute featurettes,
unregulated commercials
every 30 seconds,
buffering, and unreliable
crashing apps —
no, man, NO.

And NO –
I don’t want
to feedback on SnapThat,
or throw hash with Hash-taggers,
or go see ‘Enhanced Content’
(which they could just show
on TV but won’t ) on Fade-book.

Faced with all that, I think
I’d rather go back to my old
23 inch analog TV with the
rabbit ears, 3 VHF channels
and a couple of fuzzy UHF ones.

At least I can hear it when
it’s turned up full blast.

This getting old shit
is sure getting old.

!!!! HOY !!!!!

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