Bukowski says:

bukowski

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Taking It To The Next Level

Alright…..
I’ve heard enough.

Who’s with me?

I’m for beating the hell
outta the next person who
uses that meaningless
expression —

“Take It To The Next Level”.

Just what fuckin’ level
are they
even talking about?

Come on,
why can’t you just say
“make it better” ?

It’s video game speak ,
—- it must be.

And how about this one:
I’m a force to
be reckoned with
” .

By whom,
and for what?

I reckon that’s just another
worthless meaningless
expression that people use
when they wanna sound
motivated and confident
when they actually are
the total opposite.

Like :
Ok, it’s Go Time.

Hey, I know what
Miller Time is, but
when somebody says
it’s ‘Go Time’ – I figure
they need the restroom —
it’s over there behind the
paper bearings and the
left handed smoke shifters.

Next time, take it easy with
the dried prune snacks.

A very nice lady came up
to me in the gym yesterday —

She smiled and said:
“Can I ask you a question? “

I smiled back, and said :
” Was that it ? ”

She frowned at me
and walked away.

I felt a bit bad,
but I still help but wonder,
if she wanted to ask more
than one question,
why didn’t she just say so?

Or better yet-
why count ’em at all?

Who am I, the
Count on Sesame Street?

” ONE – ONE –
ONE QUESTION WITH
SMART ASS ANSWER— 
Bwhahahahahahahahaha. ” 

And everybody knows
that I like Cookie Monster
better, anyhow.

Tell ya what.

Gimme a cookie,
and you can
ask as many questions
as you want.

I’m a reasonable fella, after all.

How about the guys who say
something really vapid
and then end with :
In My Humble Opinion” .

OH SURE,
of course
it’s your fucking opinion

and we’ll skip the whole
issue of your doubtful humility
for the time being  —

— just say what’s on your
very limited mind
and get out, man.

But the worst one — 
oh, I probably shouldn’t even
get started on this one, but —

” It IS What It IS. ” 

I once heard a guy with
a doctorate in philosophy say it.

It’s amazing what 300 bucks
and a stamp will get ya these days.

!!! HOY !!!

Notice:

All art on this post is copyrighted
and was created by the wonderful
Bill Watterson.

They are used under the ‘Fair
Use’ Provisions of Title 17 —
U.S.C. Section 107.

1 Page of Whack

Sometimes I don’t
think I know
‘what is’
and
‘what is not’ funny
these days.

Yesterday’s post
called something-or-other
was one I laughed
all the way
through the
writing of it  —aquestions

And I dunno whether it lost
something in the translation
between me thinking
about the stuff and me
writing it into the blog….

But nobody had anything
at all to say about it.

(up until my good friend ‘ C ‘
came to the rescue this morning)

Sure, attention whore, I.

And I don’t blame my readers.

(I love them passionately.)

I myself probably would
have found the motivation
to read something entitled
176 pages of…anything
hard to muster first thing
in the morning.

But my excuse for
wingeing and whining
about it anyway is that
feedback does helpspurgin
me feel out which
one of my posts
are connecting and
which ones
are crashing like a led zeppelin.

So
waaah waaah.

Plus,
I seem to remember
something from my
psychology classes
that laughing at stuff
other people don’t think
is funny is a marker for
being a looney.

Technical term,
— ‘looney’.

Hey, look it up.

Just what else would qualify
a person as a looney,
I wonder?

Expecting 20 year old
gym-hotties to find a
silver haired 60 year
old geezer ‘sexy’.

Looney.kidding

Shoving a tape recorder
up ones nose.

Looney.

Grabbing women’s asses just
because you can get away with it.

Looney.

Well, I don’t do any of those things….

Maybe I just got an attitude problem.

Where’s my DSM-IV when I need it ?

!!!! HOY !!!!

PS: Thanks to Feve for
the opening picture !

.

write

176 Pages Of High Jinx

I saw this ad in a
vintage publication
not long ago–

It advertises a book
from 1942, called:
” In Defense of The
Bachelor – The
Playboy’s Handbook ” .

Now, obviously the term
‘playboy’ doesn’t refer
in any way to the famous
men’s magazine founded by
Hugh Hefner a decade
or so later —

No, this ad used the
word in it’s
more generic
‘randy-male’ sense.

And so, naturally,
being a rather randy
male myself (ahem)
I’m interested in the
secrets this thing
might contain —

— not that I’m thinking
they’ll be all that pertinent
to the whole scene here
in 2017, but more cause
it’d tell me what it meant
to be wild and footloose
in the 1940’s.

And, hell, you never know
what you might pick
along the way, ya know.

I did see an original copy
at a stamp and print show,
but it was 50 bucks.

50 Bucks for outdated tips
on picking up girls who’d
probably be way over
100 now?

Seems overpriced –
I like mature women,
but they wouldn’t be able
to even remember my
phone number – never mind, anything else.

So, after consideration,
(and counting the seven
dollar bills in my wallet )
I thought I might have a
stab at writing my own
Muscleheaded version
of it using this ‘partial list
of the rare, exhilarating
and hilarious contents‘.

Let’s take em
an item at a time.

Truthfully, I don’t think
the well vaunted
“Bachelor Life”
wasn’t ever a lot
about hiding under beds – –

— not a lot of room under
those things, anyway —

especially those ginchey
heart shaped revolving ones
you’d see in magazines.

— and,
about 90 percent of the time
the Bachelor’s Life
seemed more about ordering
one medium size popcorn
and sitting alone in the dark.

Yes,
so maybe the
reference is obscure –
just ask Pee-Wee
if you don’t get it.

Hilarious, right?

Ok,
so I’ll lighten up.

Item two.

Love in Hollywood.
Ugh. 

Item three.
The Playboy at Fifty.

Ok, something I can partly
relate to in some way,
having attained that age
a couple of years ago .

And let me just
say it sucked.

So, thinking about
having to spend it alone ,
playboy or not,
would have just added
major, major suckage.

Item four.
Something about Puritans.

I hate em.
Next.

Item five.

I’m pretty sure
that Paul Simon
already answered
this one for me,
even though the
guy can’t count
for shit.

Item six.
Freudy Cat. Hmmm…..

Well,
— being a
Jungian myself,
I don’t know a lot about it,
but I probably do need
to remind you that a
Freudian slip is
when you say
one thing and
mean your mother.

Yawn.

How many more of
these chapters
ARE there?

.

!!!! HOY !!!!!