Vintage Pin Up: Harry Barton

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Sunday Morning Music

Sunday Morning Music !

Ho and a Hi
and a Hey and
a Howdy.

Beautiful music,
blues played with passion,
tough minded rock,
soulful R&B —
all planned for you
on this edition of
SMM.

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Buddy Miles —
Down By The River

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John Legend —
Another Again

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Samantha Fish —
Somebody’s Always Trying

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O-Jays —
Sunshine

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Helen Merrill
w/ Quincy Jones Sextet-
What’s New

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The Ramones —
Sheena Is A Punk Rocker

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Big Bad Voodoo Daddy —
King Of Swing

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Janis Joplin —
To Love Somebody

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Cowboy Junkies —
” Sweet Jane ” 

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John Lennon —
# 9 Dream

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Helen Merrill
w/ Quincy Jones Septet —
You’d Be So Nice To Come Home To

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Rob Thomas and Joss Stone —
Stop Draggin My Heart Around

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Burton Cummings–
” Stand Tall “

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The Delfonics —
“Over and Over

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Smash Mouth —
” Then The Morning Comes

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Amy Winehouse —
” Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

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Squirrel Nut Zippers —
Blue Angel

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Joan Jett —
I Hate Myself For Loving You

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The Stylistics —
Let’s Put It All Together

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Haley Reinhart —
” Creep

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Soundgarden —
Superunknown

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Kerri Chandler —
Are You Going With Me

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Frank Sinatra —
Summer Wind

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Helen Merrill
w/ Quincy Jones Septet —
“Falling In Love With Love

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Mazzy Star —
Fade Into You

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The Cure —
” Boys Don’t Cry

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Dave Grohl & Stevie Nicks–
” Landslide ”

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!!! HOY !!!

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Talking Outta Your Hat

The Friday Mail Bag
post is on the air !

! YAY !

Ok,
so I know it’s
kinda a
hammy-retroish
expression to
open up a post with,

— I admit that openly,
and in all free will
and accord.

But,
dammit,
it’s getting harder
and harder to even
try to be original
with these intros
for the mailbag posts
when all I’m really
doing is bringing on
the next act, as it were.

Maybe ……
I should just
try a riff with a
snare drum and a
cymbal next time….

Like in ole burlesque.

It’d be one thing
if I was introducing
that girl who could
do all those amazing
things with two tassels,
a large flowery hat,
and a plastic snake …

Or those double
jointed twins with
the penchant for riding
backwards on the
handlebars of unicycles.

I know….

I’m just talking
through my hat.

Which kinda gives
me an idea for a
theme of sorts……

Let’s dig down deep
in the mailbag and
see what I can find
to make my headwear
hypothesis ambitions
match the physical
reality of the situation.

Like that’s
never a
problem with
other stuff.

Heh.

If I had a nickle, boy.

!!! HOY !!!

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Little Packets of Love

loveYes, my friend —

Love sure can get weird.

You can have all the
best intentions in the world —

— not to buy into the whole ‘love/ownership’ thing,

and more especially ,

the intention ‘to stay a bachelor’.

Sure, ok —2

So you found this one ‘special’ girl
that can do all the stuff you like,
and pizza flavored, too.

But that doesn’t mean
you should throw out
the anchor and
settle down, right?

All your friends remind you
that there’s plenty o fish in the sea,

….. and all that.

And I mean,

think of your hard
earned reputation.a1

( Wait,
maybe we shouldn’t talk about that… )

Yes,

I agree clean sheets are a nice luxury,
(and for some reason, a marital requisite),

…..but think about all those
sly, come hither looks
you’re gonna have to ignore at the gym
( or at least, have to stop giving ).

And,1

Yes,
a woman’s touch can be just
what your apartment needs,
in place of that
‘Wreck of the Hesperus’
decorating theme
you’ve been using since 1994–

……but doesn’t that also mean
you’re gonna have to give up
hosting your weekly strip
poker tournaments?

Oh well,
it hasn’t been all that
much fun anyway,a2
— since all the girls
stopped showing up,
I guess, but still…..

And,

Absolutely,
the whole soul mate/intimacy/two people into one thing
sounds just lovely,

…..but that would also mean
you’d have to clean out your refrigerator,

and throwing out those exotic
‘spices’ you’ve got in there.

And,
Hey–
Don’t you ever check
expiration dates ???? a1

About those dirty magazines/videos
that take up two closets and half of your living room…..

I’m thinking those will have to go, too, man.

Oh yes,
I hear you-

— you’d be gaining a beautiful, sexy wife,

….. and, of course,

she might let you drive her
vintage midnight blue
special edition
1979 De Tomaso Pantera–1979pantera

—- the one she got from
her rich daddy for her
high school graduation,

and has had
(and maintained herself)
since she was 17,

That’s gotta count for somethin’.

(vroooom, vrooooooooom )a3

……but somehow I don’t
think she’s gonna look too kindly
on you spending ten hours a day posting to your dirty Tumblr
account,

and video chatting with girls
who only recently learned
how/why to wear a garter belt.

And let’s forget the date you
have with the Kelly Triplets–

Susie, Sandy,
and the one with
that strawberry birthmark
just north of her iliopsoas,

….. and that room deposit
in Montego Bay for September.a2

Do you really want to
disappoint those girls (again) ?

Man, I don’t know .

And frankly,
I’m not even gonna mention
that big ole allegorical
elephant in the room
that is the biggest conundrum
of all —

Ok–
I will mention it.

Just what in the hell does
that wonderful, beautiful
woman see in you ???

That, my friend,
— is what you call a mystery
wrapped in an enigma.

Yeah.

I’m assuming some
type of visual acuity issue.

But I can tell you milkshae
that this whole
marriage proposal thing
is fraught with dangers.

If you insist on
doing it,
you’d better do it right.

And not like these guys.

a11Submitted for
your approval,
case number one:

A guy took his girlfriend
to a hockey game in Detroit,
and had pre-arranged to
have his beau led to center ice
at intermission
on the pretext that
she won a door prize.

On the way,
she slid on the ice,
and couldn’t get back on her feet.

While the ambulance was en-route,
Mister Sensitivity who planned
the whole thing decided to forge
ahead with his plan, and presented
an engagement ring to his prone,
partially paralyzed, and
pretty pissed off paramour —a1a

—- saying something about
‘this’ll make you feel better’.

So, although it turned out
that she hadn’t actually
won a prize,
(far from it),
she had torn the ulnar collateral ligament in her right elbow,
and she ruptured a couple
of discs in her back–
—– the story still did end
up having a happy ending.

Because she told him to go fuck himself
in front of thousands of amused hockey fans.

But, since it was a hockey game,
I guess she mighta said ‘puck‘,
I dunno.

.uhyeah

.

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Case Number Two:

It don’t take a rocket scientist to know what probably happened
to this guy in Long Beach, California,
when you find how he proposed.

He took his hottietaco
to a local Taco Bell,
sprung for a couple
of tacos ( 99 cents each
for a limited time ),
and handed her a hot sauce
packet with the words:
” Will You Marry Me ?” on it.

Oh brother.

He shoulda just got that
ugly little Chihuahua to
do the dirty work.

a1Hey baby,
the dog says: “Yo quiero“.

Some interesting things
about this whole episode, though.

Apparently, Taco Bell
really does print messages
like this on their taco sauce packets,
along with other ones like:

“Single Hot Sauce seeking friendship, maybe more”,

“Of all those sauce packets, why me, why now?”,

and

“It’s okay… you can say it.
I love you too.”

All of which would,
on their own, I guess,
also probably make somewhat
reasonable substitutes
for actually manning up
and spitting out a few
profound, feeling-based words
to your special somebody.

Another is that the
‘marriage proposal using btaco sauce packets’ scenario
actually happens a lot.

Look on Facebook or YouTube if ya don’t believe me.

Sure, it’s better than
putting a woman in a situation
where she’s faced with the
unenviable choice of
agreeing to marry a doofus
who’s so afraid of rejection
he needs a crowd’s moral support ,

—-or embarrassing herself
and him in front of
thousands of drunken fans.

But, both tactics seem lacking
in the degree of testicular fortitude
that making a marriage work is gonna require.

However,

I am thinking that the whole idea
of using hot sauce packages
would come in handy
for some other situations….

a

Aye Carumba —

Moy Caliente !!!!!!

.

HOY!

eat

Baby Talk

I have to admit,

I can find
other people’s kids
a bit annoying
at times ….

( i’m not talking
about little babies –
even though some
of the illustrations
on today’s post might
lead you to think
otherwise….
but nope.)

.. and maybe the
irritation I feel
about certain
kiddie winkies
is pretty normal for
someone who used
to travel as much
as I did.

The ones I have in mind
seem to try to get under
your skin whether they
know you or not .

.. and since they’re
somebody else’s problem,
you hesitate to administer
what would otherwise be
patently called for..

— the hearty whack on the
ass and a loud ‘stop doing
that’.

Basically, you have to
resort to call them a
‘little ratbag’ under
your breath and leave
it pretty much at that..

Although sometimes
I think the father
(when available/identified)
should be liable to pay the
consequences of the child’s
lack of discipline.

A good
‘how’s your father’,
or similar.

Ah,
sweet justice.

Not that I was an angel
when I was a kid –

No, far from that,
but my parents
had the situation
well and truly
handled when
I acted up
in public.

Man,
you ain’t jest
whistlin’ Dixie.

Faster than
a speeding bullet –
my father’s hand
would descend and
give me the painful
instant karma I was so
obviously begging for.

If you don’t learn it
when you’re a kid,
you’re not gonna wanna
learn it later, and
discipline is something
we all should understand,
for the whole society’s
sake.

But sometimes,
I guess, kids are ok.

And today, we have
postcards featuring
( a few ) adorable kids
(if it’s possible to put
those two words together
and not form some kinda
oxymoronic improbability) .

Oh wait…
my kids were adorable,
so it is possible.

I was not adorable.

So, thank heaven
there must be
nothing to that whole
genetics thing.

Assuming…

well, that’s probably
not gonna help me any.

!! HOY !!

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Sunday Morning Music

Helloooooo !!!!

I hope
you’re well,
and feeling groovy.

And I hope today’s
playlist will help
you feel even
more so.

We’ll just mix in some
cool ‘live’ stuff out and see
if it rings some bells for ya.

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Hiromi Uehara &
The Trio Project —
Desire (live)”

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ARS —
Not Gonna Bother
Me Tonight (live)” 

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John Legend —
Green Light

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The Civil Wars —
Forget Me Not (live)”

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The Tubes —
White Punks On Dope (live)”

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Sheryl Crow & Prince —
Every Day Is A Winding Road (live)”

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Bill Withers —
Lovely Day ( Purrfection Mix ) ”

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Blood Sweat & Tears —
God Bless The Child (live)”

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Hubert Laws–
Feel Like Making Love

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Elvis Costello —
Knocking On Heavens Door

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Johnny Cash —
God’s Gonna Cut You Down

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Walter Trout —
” Dust My Broom

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Al Jarreau w/Chick Corea,
Steve Gadd–
Spain (live)”

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Doobie Brothers —
” What A Fool Believes (live)

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Frank Zappa —
Stairway To Heaven (live)”

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OutKast —
So Fresh And Clean

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Chuck Mangione –
Manha De Carnaval

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ZZ Top –
La Grange / Tush (live) ”

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John Coltrane —
On Green Dolphin Street

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Van Halen w/ DLR —
(VH-please don’t ever let Sammy
Hagar sing this song again)
“Jump 2016 (live)”

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Jaco Pastorius —
Dolphin Dance (live)”

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Motorhead —
Rock Out “

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Donald Fagen &
The Nightflyers —
” Dirty Work ” 

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The Friday Mailbag Post

Hi —

I’m so glad that
you’ve joined us
for another one
of those posts for
folks who love
surprises —

— when we reach our
hand way, way down
into the mailbag and
pull up heaven knows
what.

Awww-
it can’t be
that
bad,
can it ?

Actually, when we
say ‘bad’ around here,
we mean ‘good’….

and vice versa,
which kinda does
confuse things a bit,
I guess, now that I
think about it……

but worry not,
my dear reader,
for we sort it all
out in the end.

Remember –
‘linguistics’ is only
a couple letters away
from being ‘linguine’.

Whatever that means.

In the meantime,
we have several obscure
postcards that will delight
and astound you.

Or maybe just make
ya go ‘WTF?’,
I dunno.

It does make you
wonder, though —

— just why do we find
strange vintage stuff
so appealing ?

Does it touch a small part
inside of us that reminds
us of some-long-lost-
heritage-memory-bank?

Is it a learning experience ?

Scratching a sensory itch?

A way of connecting with
our ancestors?

Or are we just happy
to find out our great
grandparents were
just as loopy as we are ?

Hmmmm…..

yeah,
I thought so.

Ahem.

I’d like to thank our
friends and readers
for keeping the mail
bag well stocked with
goodies —

and I do
mean goodies.

If you’d like to submit
something ,
simply send a
reasonably
reasonable
sized image
to:
Carolinamuscle@
outlook.com!

Hey, with these
newfangled technologies
you don’t even have
to stand in line at the
post office to buy a
stamp – just click
‘send’.

Easy, peezy, man.

In the meantime,

I hope you enjoy this
week’s installment !

HOY !!!!
.