Garde Your Manger

fareObscure title, huh?

Not if you work
in the restaurant biz,
it ain’t.

I was having
(or trying to have)
dinner at my local
greasy spoon —

— and it was taking
long enough for Caesar
to have grown his salad
from seed –

– so I inquired about it-
(very nicely, I might add-
— always be kind if you a2
expect to be able to eat
what you order, and
without any ‘special sauce‘).

The manager went back to
find out what was up-
and I heard the cook
yell at her that the wait
couldn’t be helped,
cause he was agnmae
quote: “In The Weeds“.

(We were obviously seated in
the preferred seating section,
(AKA: “Bob Uecker’s table”
— right next to the kitchen ).

She shouted back at him
that she needed that
‘Blue Plate‘ ‘on the fly‘ ,
and to ‘86 the B.S.’ ! ”

Uh huh.
So, what about
MY meal,
I wondered….
athat
— cause I didn’t order
anything blue, or with
flying insects on it.

Further, I didn’t know
diners had combination
plates like the Dragon Palace,
cause I always order
the number 23 there.

Of course, I’m saying this
with some tongue planted
firmly into cheek —

(and that’s a pretty good
arrangement in the right await
kinda company…. )

— since my daughter works
in a restaurant – but, it is
genuinely funny how
different the language
can get in the heat of
the professional kitchen.

Assuming your local
diner qualifies –
which in my case,
I’m not all that sure of.

Ahem.

And, yes, bute
thanks for asking,
I did finally get my
Chicken Caesar salad–

— although just what the
hell I was thinking in
ordering anything fancier
than a scrambled egg
on toast (otherwise known
as ‘wrecked chicks on a raft‘)
or a baked potato
with sour cream
(‘a blonde hot Murphy‘ )
in that dump is beyond me.

Anyhoo– let’s talk about
a couple of the morea1
interesting idioms..

Eggs seem to have several
special terminologies
dedicated to them
depending on the region
and who/what’s cooking:

‘Cackle berries’
‘Egnosticz’

‘Hen Fruit’
‘Googs’
‘Chickies/Chicks/Chicklets’

And you can get them
in a large variety of styles –

‘Wreck Em’
(scrambled )atip

‘Scregged’
( really scrambled)

‘Shell Angels’
(hard boiled)

‘A Hub Cap’
(sunny side up)

‘Scotched’
(breaded, stuffed,
and then deep fried)

‘Puddle in a Golf Ball’
(soft boiled)

‘Dead Eye’
(1 poached )

‘Adam and Eve’
(2 poached)

‘Flop Two’
(fried over easy)

‘Gus-Burgered’
( add hamburger) —

and
‘ Doing The Eggman ‘
( umm– you’ll have to look
that one up for yourself
——  hint: Eric Burdon.
Sorry, I’m got side-tracked)

Ahem.

Hot dogs, too,
as you might expect,
have more than
their fair share —

‘Coney Island Chicken’
‘Bowsers’
‘Bun Pup’
‘Hosers’
‘Tube Steak’
‘Ripper’ (a deep fried hot dog)

And once you start
adding condiments,
well, better bring a
local cook or
at least a lexicon —

Breathe On It ” –
add onion.

Pitch In The Hay ” –
add sauerkraut.

With Frog Sticks “-
add French Fries.

Give It A Hemorrhage ” –
add ketchup.

Paint It Yellow ” –
add mustard.

On The Hoof ” –
cooked rare.

Pittsburgh Style” –
scorched.

Waxed ” –
add American cheese.
(YUK)
Pull Me A Shot
From Hotlanta
” –
add a Coke.

Save The Slush ” –
Ugh, no ice in that Coke.

And, as you can quite
plainly tell, there’s way
too many of these1905
things to list em all….
which, of course,
means you’ll be seeing
a sequel about the
subject soon enough
right here on this
channel, so stay tuned.

In the meantime,
keep yourself
Sunny Side Up ” !

.

!!!! HOY !!!!!

.

ymoon

 

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Postum Partum

I love coffee.

I drink about a
gallon a day,
and cannot
conceive of a time
or a place
where/when
sane people
wouldn’t
feel the same
about it that I do.

However,
there are
those
folks…

you know, —
the ‘unleaded’ ones..

— who drink
de-caffeinated coffee
like it’s the
most natural
thing in the world,
when actually they’re
disturbing the fine-line
balance of the universe
even suggesting such
an irresponsible and
inconceivable concept.

Ughhhhhh!

(Ok, so I’m being a bit
snarky, I know,
but I haven’t had
my morning cuppa yet. )

Bitterness ?

Well, I mean,
I like the flavor
of coffee ok- I guess –

– there are certainly
things (and people)
that I’d rather taste-

but without that
wonderful ‘hit’ or ‘jolt’
I got from coffee,
I just don’t know
why I would even
bother going to the
trouble of making it.

I literally don’t do
anything before
some coffee gets
down my gullet .

(damn it, what’s taking
so long for that Java ? )

I’m not even sure
that my eyes would
open wide enough
to go anywhere or do
anything without it.

(oh, there it is. 
ahhhhhhhhhh… )

Habit?

Aww,
so what?

A guy’s just
gotta have
vices,
after all….

Talk about
making sacrifices.

I already had to
give up scratching
myself in public,
didn’t I ?

So, anyway —
once upon a time,
there was this evil
ad campaign to
make people think
that coffee
was somehow
bad for ya —

— it would interfere
with your sleep
(which of course,
is the point of Java)

— and that it would
‘stunt your growth’.

The product ?

A roasted cereal
product called “Postum”.

And their ads, which often
featured a character named
“Mister Coffee Nerves”,
were designed to create
doubt and fear in the
minds of coffee drinkers
of it’s safety —

— ultimately for
the benefit and profit
of the makers of
Postum,
of course.

As you can see
from the featured
print ads on today’s
post, all kinds of
insinuations about the
comparative healthiness
of caffeinated versus
decaffeinated beverages
were made —

— and the ads are a case
in point for how
‘down and dirty’ sponsors
are willing to get in order
to sell their products.

As far as flavor
was concerned,
it required a certain
adjustment when
used as a coffee
replacement,

— but since the primary
selling point was
that it was a hot drink
that contained no caffeine,
(and was a ‘healthy
nerve food’)
many people really
did make the switch
in the 1930’s,
and even more in the
times of coffee rationing
during World War II.

The 1950’s and 1960’s
were a struggle for Postum,
and the last spike in sales
occurred in the 1970’s,
during a sudden increase
of coffee prices.

After that, Postum
became all but
forgotten, and
today, it’s been
licensed-out
by the original
manufacturer
to a small company
relegated to specialty
markets.

Cranks.

Long may coffee shine !!!

!!! HOY !!!!

It’s What’s For Dinner

No,
I’m not
threatening you.

And I’m not
saying that
you really have
to eat any
of this awful
looking stuff….

it’s just another
one of my posts
(like this one)
about advertising
that’s supposed
to convince you that
something that would
otherwise make you
wanna wretch won’t
actually do that to you,
should you be a
cooperative enough
consumer to try the
recipe or product
in question.

I probably could have
said that in a simpler way,
if I had really thought
about it, but the sooner
I get away from these
things the better,
so I’m posting these
pretty much on the run.

Which is probably what
you’re gonna get if you’re
damn fool enough to
make any of this stuff.

Yuck-o.

Maybe folk’s ideas about
what does and does not
look appetizing has changed –

– – I dunno —

but if my Mom was
using these as examples ,

I have to wonder how
I even survived childhood.

It does explain an awful
lot about her cooking,
though.

I always thought it was
just cause she was Irish.

Oh, while I’m on the subject,
let me give you some advice –

– if you’re ever in Dublin,
and you see a Bacon
sandwich on the menu —
— don’t order it.

It’s not bacon —
it’s fucking ham.

I can’t understand how
an nice and otherwise
very civilized country
like Éire would
confuse the two, but…
those wonderful
damned Canadians
seem to make the
same mistake, so …

Hey, and another thing —

if you insist on going to
Cork and kissing the
Blarney Stone, don’t
wear the Irish green
tartan kilt you special
ordered for the trip.

You see, there’s this old guy
who has to support you
while you grab the bars
and flip yourself into the
correct and required
‘kiss somebody else’s ass’
position —

and what he’ll do
while your bollocks are
almost completely defenseless
is anybody’s business but mine.

Just sayin.

All I can tell you is you’ll
probably feel just as queasy
after that experience as
when first you read this post.

Which, obviously,
is sayin’ somethin.

Umm… I guess.

I dunno, now …

What the hell was I
talking about, anyway?

! HOY !

(Thanks to Mis Lucja 
for some of these images! )

.

More Candy

My post today has
me echoing a phrase
I used a lot when I
was just a young buck
out trick or treating
— “More Candy !”

Of course, what I meant then
was kinda different than
what I mean today,
as you will soon see —

— but the thrust of
the subject
was the same —

cause, who don’t
like candy, right ?

If it’s good enough
for the damn
Dionne Quintuplets,
it should be damn
good enough
for us.

And before you
mention it, I’m
very well aware
that I opened with a
picture of what was
not candy at all,
but chewing gum –
cause it was my
FAVORITE  —
Fruit Stripe Gum.

Man, you just didn’t get
15 seconds of flavor
like that anywhere else.

After that, of course,
it was chewing
rubber sealant,
(like any other gum
at the time)
but those 15 seconds–
—- wowie.

So anyhoo —

I called this post
‘more candy’
cause some of
you long suffering
regular readers may
recall that I posted
about vintage candy
before —
here.

Hmmm….

It’s not that I have
anything new to say
about candy since
the post aforementioned…
although I did acquire
some cool vintage ads ….

And even though I
no longer imbibe
in the stuff because
my poor ole teeth
won’t stand for it —

I can still reminisce a bit
and remember the stuff
that wrecked my dental
work in the first place.

Actually, I was hoping
to put kinda a dirty spin
on the candy theme,
but it ain’t as easy
as it might sound —

— despite me being an
expert on spinning
anything innocent
into something
instantly ribald —

I must be getting old.

Still, there’s always hope.

Does it help if I say that
I used to date a stripper
who used the name
( a nom-de-burlesque)
Candy Stryper ” ?

Oh..
I guess not.

Ok, well…

She was a very
sweet girl, anyway.

Like I said before-
MORE CANDY !!!!

!!!! HOY !!!!

It’s Getting Wurst

What ?

Another food-based
post,
ya say ?

Well,
let me tell you …

There’s no
food subject
that can as get
as vintagely weird
as today’s
choice cut.

And as usual,
you can blame
acheerp couple of my
readers for bringing
up the subject .

I’m not gonna mention
any names, but……..

One of them ( C )
asked me
if I had any cool cards
about ‘sausage’.zion

Now,
I’m not saying
she has a dirty mind,

— and of course,
mine is as pure as
the driven slush —

Anyhoo,
I told her that it
sounded like a good idea
(for a post, that is).

She said,saus
OK,
wise-guy,
let’s see what you got.

Well,
I had kinda stashed
the whole thing away,
until I decided to
whip it out today. wurst

In a manner of speaking, anyway.

Hmmmm….
since I don’t have
a macro lens,
I guess she’ll just have
to settle for old postcards.nap

But of course,
I do got some VERY
saucy stuff on sausages,

–there was a lot of vintage humor published about it —

I guess our grandparents
found sausages pretty suggestive, too.

Although,
with the purity
of my mind,
I wouldn’t have a clue
about why.

Ahem.

Once you get to a1
thinking about it,
though —

There is an interesting
variety of published
sausage references:

They run the gamut:sausagetree

— from corny puns
like the old sign from
“South of the Border” ..

— travel postcards
with highlights like this
‘sausage tree ‘ in Miami ..

 

— yes, there’s a tree
in South Florida like
that …

Not exactly a
must-see,
but what the hell.
pound
There was
the old saying :

” Not having a sausage”
which meant that you
were really broke, man.

Been there,
done that,
certainly.

Hmmm….

There’s always the
sausage-shaped
dachshund hounds
to consider :sausagedog

(I mean,
who doesn’t love doggies?)

— and then there’s
more dated humor —

like this next one —
which somehow
ties canines and
sausage-making
to the invention
of the RCA Victrola
and the whole rip-off
that was, and is,
the music business.

Oh, I see art
the connection…

uhhhh.

But who’d wanna do
that to a little doggie?

Mystery meat, indeed.

mystery

And while we’re
tying in almost
completely
unrelated things,
why not make a
Michelin Man
(and woman)
out of pork sausage
as a costume ? michelinsausage

Same rubbery
texture, right?

I bet they’re a lot
of fun on the weekends.

Furries,
move over –

There’s now smokies.

I dunno what’s worse.

Or wurst.

Maybe more dogs…german

There’s a couple of
old World War I
English postcards
that characterize the
German Kaiser as
a fat bratwurst
about to be chewed
up by the British Bulldog.

And, sausa
of course,
phallic dirty-butcher
jokes are a common
enough theme….

Not that he could sell
enough of that to that
type clientele to stay sausagecharmer
in business,

I wouldn’t think,
anyway.

But, many are
the opportunities
to try and get a
rise out of folks….

If you whistle
the right tune
or have the
correct bait.

And there’s always link
people who try to
make something
romantic out of
ANYTHING,
naturally …..

Then again,
there’s plenty
of references felix
to stuff that
I just don’t
get at all.

Maybe it’s just
a reference
lost in time and space.

Or maybe –
it’s Felix the Cat
and a weird
hot dog reference.

Now, what?

Well,
when in a pinch,
go with the classics,
I always say.

This postcard was
designed by DWIG —

— Clare Victor Dwiggins
himself.

Actually ,
he did a series of them 
called “The Wurst Girl”
in the early 1900’s.

Do I know
what the hell
they mean?

Nope.

But I guess when
there’s a sausage
in the joke,

— it doesn’t have
to have much
more of a punchline ?

!!!!! HOY !!!!!!

wurstgirl

.
.
PS:

Jen from Blog It or Lose It
sent me these last two:

saus

.

Uhm… well,
I guess it depends
on what’s for dinner…..

hotdogs

I think they forgot the celery salt.

Oh well.

Cheers !!!