The Daily Retro: Oh You Kid

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More Optical Illusions

I hate to tell
y’all this,
but sometimes
what you see
ain’t what
you get.

Ahem.

(If that ain’t the
ultimate truth of
the digital age,
I dunno what is ..)

And to prove it,
today we have another
of our world-non-famous
optical illusion posts.

Everybody knows that
we are, first and foremost,
a visuals blog —

maybe because
we need all the
props we can get-

– but it’s natural
we’d be interested
in stuff like
these.

I could get all
med-techie
and psycho-bent
with the
explanations of how this
stuff works in the eye
and in the mind —

— but the fact of
the matter is that
nobody can explain
them in a way
that won’t put
the average guy
to sleep anyhoo……

It’s more important
to remember the
all important
punch line –

– which is all is
not as it
might at first appear.

Or maybe it’s
much more.

Jeeez….
now that I think
about it, it’s a lot
like politics ,
ain’t it ?

Ok-
so, don’t get
me started.

.

!! HOY !!!

NOTE: The Swirly image at the
very bottom will 
work better
with ‘Starry Night’ — it can
also be 
found on the first
comment in the queue.
Thanks to my friend Mrs.Fever for letting
me know the original one on the post
wasn’t working very well. 

Better Manners In Bed

Of all the places
I would think you
should exercise some
courtesy and manners,
perhaps the most
important place would
be in bed.

After all, it should
be a happy place –
– a friendly place –
a place where
joy abounds.

So, maybe
the thought of somebody
considering a book teaching
things like bedroom manners
to be necessary bugs me
just a little bit.

Then again,
it shouldn’t surprise
anybody, in this world
where please and
thank you’s are becoming
increasingly rare-ified.

Hell, what fun is a
weekend without
at least one good
thank you ma’am
may I have another?“,
I ask you ?

Oooops,
boy,
do I digress.

The books that opened our
post today were originally
printed in the 1930’s — so,
there was a lot of stuff like
how to share a sleeping
compartment on a train,
references to hot water
bottles, and the like —

Suzie Wonder and I
figured we might be
able to do better.

Hence, this post,
a single chapter of what
I’m sure will become an
annoyingly regular part
of the Muscleheaded blog
family.

Not near the 130 some pages
of the original, but then, I’m
not gonna send you a bill for
$19.95 either………

Unless, of course,
you’d be willing
to pay it.

Which is probably
out of the
question, right ?

Oh well.

Anyhoo ……….

I think we can boil this chapter
all down to an old fashioned
virtue called “consideration”-

For instance,
– jammies.

If you’d like your significant
other to ever be interested in
you in ‘that way’ again,
you should never wear
anything that reminds one
of a Canadian winter .

Even if it is
Canadian
winter outside.

Flannel is right out.

So are ‘footies’ ,
or anything that makes
you look like a ‘furry’.

Come on –
you really
should know better.

Suzie’s contribution is
this:

– that you should never,
never, never wear those
‘elephant trunk’ shorts
to bed unless she
specifically asks you
to wear them.

( And she won’t ).

I tend to agree —
as a practical matter,
there’s no sense in
reminding anyone
of one’s ….
errr….
shortcomings,
ya know.

Next…..

I think it’s always helpful
to have things clean and
shipshape…
– to smell good, so your
S.O. doesn’t want to send
out an S.O.S.
( save our stink )  .

Suzie says men should
always shave before they
go to bed.

Her reasoning has something
to do with the disagreeable
nature of cuddling a brillo-pad.

She says that a man can’t really
expect a woman to warm up to
a man whose face scrapes away
soft, silky, moisturized skin
faster than industrial paint
remover.

I definitely get her point……

A quick five minute going
over with an electric razor
might encourage all sorts of
other more timely adventures.

Good thinking, Suzie.

Now,
we’ve been having a
more spirited conversation
as regards to who should get
up in the middle of the night
to take the dog out if such
an eventuality should occur.

My feeling is that the duty
should be rotated –

Her feeling is that if she
rolls over and goes back
to sleep, that means that
you have to do it.

( And she will. )

See how helpful
this stuff is?

!!! HOY !!!

.

The Friday Mail Bag

Friends are always
sending me very
interesting stuff
that makes me laugh –

– and then
I have to
start wondering –

– just how I’m gonna
squeeze it into a post
somehow.

That can get
pretty tricky
at times.

But no worries,
cause the
‘your author has
simply had an attack

of writers’ block,
and that means pictures ‘
excuse is certainly alive
and well around here.

Hmmmmm…..

When you think
about it, it’s more
like a ‘mind-cramp’
than a writer’s ‘block’…

And
“Hydrate, hydrate,
hydrate” is the rule
for cramps, ya know.

So…
let’s see —

This new bottle of
Wild Turkey looks
like it could be
quite refreshing.

Ahem.

I’m not really sure
that would loosen
up the mind ‘cramps’
or not.

Or maybe you guys
need the stuff more
than I do to read the
babble that’s been
gurgling out so far
for this edition of
the Friday Mail Bag.

But the submissions
that we’ve gotten
are all pretty cool….
( more, please )

so, we’ll try a little
less conversation
and a little more action.

Seems I’ve heard
that phrase
somewhere before.

Probably from my
first girl friends.

Ok-
well,
here goes.

Without any
further ado.

The

Friday

Mail

Bag.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Putting A Spin On Pool

” If you hit the ball
like that,
you’ll make it. “

Billiards is a game
that is internationally
popular….

And they’ve
been making postcards
to cash in on the game’s
popularity for a
long time —

At least
120 years.

And
there are
an endless supply
of double-entendre
captions and
implications that go
right along with that.

Just what we really
love around here.

Hey,
any game with racks,
holes, sticks, and balls
is bound to get a little
English spun on it,
right?

Sure,
you can call
it POOL ,
you can call it
8 BALL,
you can call it
CUE BALL,
or you can get
all fancy and call it
BILLIARDS………

Actually, once you
start playing, you find
there are all kinds of
variations that use
the sort of table, cue, balls,
and other stuff in different
ways —

There are games like:
Snooker
Three Cushion
Five Pins
Kelly Pool
Straight Rail
Cutthroat
Kaisa
Pyramid
Carom
Nine Ball
One Pocket
British Pool
et al.

You’d need a very big
book o’ rules to know
how to play most of
these games……..

It’s not just slap any old
ball into any old hole.

Finesse is something
they almost all require.

Aficionados will definitely
call you on the slightest
breach of etiquette, so……..

And I’m told that, if this
isn’t confusing enough,
these different games
can be sub-categorized
into 3 main types :

Carom Style
( doesn’t use pockets )

Snooker Style
( which uses a bigger table)

and what we usually call
“Pool”
(like 8 ball and one pocket).

There’s also
“Bumper Pool”
for those who enjoy
additional obstacles
when playing all
the angles.

I’m confused when I
hear people knock the
game as inappropriate
for young men,
because when you
come right down to it,
the games require an
understanding of
geometry and physics…..

And even more importantly,
as Professor Harold Hill
most eloquently put it :

” Helps ya cultivate
horse sense, and
cool head
and a keen eye. ”

” Did you every take
and try to give an
ironclad leave to
yourself from a three
rail billiard shot? ”

In other words,
one must always think
clearly and considerately
before touching a rack,
or putting his stick and
balls any where near
a desired hole in question.

Which,
seems to me a pretty good
lesson to learn early in life.

Oh shit….

and I thought
this one wasn’t
gonna get dirty.

!!! HOY !!!