Oh, Not One Of Those

ridjidIt’s Christmas
morning,
and it’s that
yearly
time of
reckoning —

–to see
if you figured
out how to gift your
special someone
with that special
something .

And somethin’
tells me
that some lady
of you
fucked it
completely up –
– again.

Please,
please –
– tell me you didn’t
fall into the holiday
ad trap.

Advertisers have a
knack for presenting
their products
at Christmastimesuck
that would lead a
man to the crackpot
conclusion that
buying her
something that
you ordinarily would
consider everyday
household equipment
is a great idea
for a holiday present.

And such bad ideassilverware
on what to
get her have been
featured in advertising
for decades ……

… and you ain’t learned
YET ?

Man, –
whatever else
you do –
don’t listen to the ads.

Woe to you,
my friend,stuff
if you have been
wooed by the siren
songs of :

“happier households
with a Hoover” —

“crock pots
make her hot” ,

“silverware for
your sweetie”,

or even a
“mixer for
your mistress”.

‘Cause that vacuum cleanerhoover
you gift her for Christmas
2018 will be the only thing
that’s going to get any
sucking action in 2019.

You will have violated
the unspoken rule :

— been
hornswoggled,
hoaxed,
and hoodwinked,

— you will have
tread upon
the devil himself’s
threshing floor,

— and dared
the angels
to reap righteous
vengeance
upon the
other male
members of
your previously
happy home.

Yes,
I pity the fool.

Remember,
for next year —
Rule Number 7
Section 4,
Subsection G
in the Man’s
Handbook :

“When in doubt,
buy her
booze,
jewelry,
or lingerie.”blacklabel

And gifting
her all three
will almost
guarantee a
very kicky
holiday
weekend,
indeed.

.

!!!! HOY !!!!!!

.

fredericks

 

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Christmas With Donald McGill

Regular readers of
this crazy, mixed
up digitized,
blogified world
called the
Muscleheaded Blog
will remember the
work of a certain
British illustrator
from the early
20th Century
named
Donald McGill –

– and that he was
called the
“King Of The
Saucy Postcard
“.

Well, it’ll probably
come as no surprise
that he did some fun
Christmas themed
cards as well —

– with maybe a little
extra cranberry sauce
thrown in for good
measure.

(Hi Feve ! )

I’ve always found
the flirty undertone
of the holiday
one of the more
interesting features
of it, and
apparently,
I’m not
alone in that.

These McGill cards
sold millions in
Great Britain, Canada
and the United States.

Several were placed
on local censorship lists,
but to my knowledge,
none in the U.S.

It’s really amazing
anybody could get
that worked up by
these harmless
cartoons and
their captions-

and yet-
I still get an
email once in a while
complaining about
silliness like that.

And blue-noses,
for some reason,
are even more
sensitive around
Christmas time –

– imagine ,
a holiday
that originated in a
fertility festival
bringing out a
castration urge ?

Hooo boy….

… doesn’t make
much sense,
does it?

But it’s cool
with me if they
don’t like what
we post, really.

They can
just steer
their browser
in totally
different
direction,

— and leave
‘we happy few
who like such
things to our
own devices.

No,
not that
kinda device,
man.

Unless
you’re
really into it.

Or if it’s
just too
damn quiet
around
the house.

Hey,
two’s company
and one’s
a total drag.

I feel ya.

Just remember-

– extra batteries are
always a good idea
around this time
of year.

‘Nuff said?

Buzz, buzz.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Bark If You Want A Present

I like the
holidays –

though,
they don’t
seem really
as much fun
or festive
as they used
to be….

I’ll admit.

That is….

Until
my dogs
get involved.

Then,
well, any
Grinchey
inclinations
on my part
are washed
away in a sea of
flying, shredded
gift wrap
concealing
things like plastic
chew toys and
smelly pig ears.

Sorry, but my dogs
are more into
gift-getting than
anybody else in
the house –
so,
of course,
they get
spoiled rotten.

Oh yes,
you might
have noticed
the plural
on the
term ‘dogs’ –

(notwithstanding
our resident
she-that-is-never
-seen-except-at
-mealtimes-and
-poopy-field-trips)

– it was decided
a couple months
ago, at board-room
level, that our
dear Daisie-Doggie
needed a canine
co-conspirator,

—so, there’s
a new puppy
in the house
for the holidays
this year.

Her name is
Byng-Bong,
and the pinball
reference is not
only intentional
but also
completely
relevant.

I’ve never seen
anything that
wasn’t being
moved around
by flippers and
bumpers jump
around as much as
this little dog does.

Daisie-D
just looks
at her like she’s
out of her mind.

It’s like
she’s saying:
“Calm down, man!”.

Ten minutes
of crazy is
then followed
by 45 minutes
of blissfully calm
and quiet napping,
while mother nature
renews her supply
of quarters,
I guess.

Then you get
a replay
of the whole
thing again.

I know one thing…..

I wish I could sleep
that soundly or fall
asleep that quick.

Yow.

Anyhoo….
today we bring
you some real,
albeit pretty
over-the-top,
gift ideas
for your doggie.

Although the canine
high-chair might work
in my house with a
certain self declared
Queen of Pomerania.

!!! HOY !!!

.

 

Krampusing Our Style

A couple of years
ago, I posted a
pretty
neat-o thing
on the whole
holiday-time
hub-bub
collectively
known as
Krampus.

If you
were
unfortunate
enough to
have
missed it,
you can still
see that
super terrific
post right here.

It’s just jam
packed with
cool Krampus
cards and facts
about the holiday.

Anyhoo….

I thought maybe
we’d update you
on the local parties
and bring you some
Krampus cards that
we’ve found since
that thing went to
press.

Word-press,
that is.

Krampus weekend
in 2018 is Saturday,
December 01, and
all the parties listed
are on that date
unless otherwise
noted.

If your city
ain’t listed,
that doesn’t
necessarily
mean that
you’re outta
lucky and there
ain’t
no party —

— just chalk
it up to
our general
laziness,
and ask around.

Or start your
own, man.

And then,
lemme know
so I can
list it !

So, back to
Krampus 2018:
for more info,
contact the links
listed !

New Orleans’s
Krampus Krewe
will be
hitting the streets
in the Quarter
on
December 01.

Savannah’s yearly
Krampus Krawl
will begin
around 5 PM.

Washington DC’s
Krampusnacht
parade will start
marching down
H-Street at 5 PM.

Los Angeles’ annual
Krampus Ball will be
Alpine Village in
Torrence.

Charlotte’s
Krampus Pub Crawl
will be on Saturday
December 08 at
NoDa .

Chicago’s
Krampus Ball is
slated for December
08 near Union Park,
but there’s also other
K-themed events, so
check the site.

Philly’s
Parade of Spirits
will be at
Liberty Lands
Park on Saturday,
December 15.

Austin’s “Krampus-
Haunted Christmas”
will be the weekend
of December 8-9.

Denver hosts the
annual Krampus
theme at the
Carnivale De
Sensuale on the
15th.

If we missed one
of your favorites-

( or a thousand,
for all we know )

– drop us a line and
include a link for
information on the
event.

I’d also like to
thank our
various generous
contributors that
have submitted
cards over the
last couple years
that made another
post on the subject
possible and fun.

It’s really
amazing
how many
different
vintage
Krampus
cards there
are out 
there,
and if/when
we get more –
we’ll certainly
post em !

Hint,
hint.

We’re nothing
if we’re not
subtle
around here,
ya know.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

and
here’s a
little bonus…………………………..

.

Our Annual Thanksgiving Post

The times we live
in are indeed
complicated…..

There’s no
doubt
about it.

And sometimes
it’s easy to just
count problems
and issues
instead of
blessings…..

But –
on Thanksgiving,
we make a special
effort to give thanks
and appreciate those
people and things
that make our lives
special.

And one
of those
things that
I am truly
grateful for
is that the
Muscleheaded Blog
has such wonderful
readers.

It keeps this mess
going, when all else
would seem futile
and down right silly.

If we entertain or
amuse you along
the way, in return,
well, shucks,
that’s the
least we can do
for ya.

I hope you’re
going to
party today
like it’s 2099 —

I know I am.

Can you say
‘Pumpkin Pie’ ?

I know u can.

If you’re fortunate
enough to be
spending this day
with your family,
remember to
give thanks
for them
because your
loved ones
are the ultimate
blessing.

My friends,
again –
thanks,
so much.

!!! HOY !!!

Party Like It’s 1965

Today, let’s talk
about vintage
Halloween parties.

Several of the kids
that I grew up with
weren’t allowed to
do the whole ‘trick
or treat’ thing —

whether it was for
safety reasons, or
maybe their parents
just wanted more
control — but for
whatever reasons,
those kids would
usually have a party
instead.

I got an invite or
two every year,
but I rarely went —
cause it took up
valuable trick or
treat time that
could be used for
sponging candy off
all the neighbors
in a 10 miles radius,
or until my curfew
time….
whichever
came first.

But, I did go to
a couple that were
scheduled more to
my convenience–
that is –
not on the night
of October 31st.

Cause that meant
it doubled the
opportunity
for treats.

And the thing I
remember best was
that I got my first
kiss at one.

Ahh-
… spin the bottle.

I can’t help but
smile when
I think
of it.

All that aside,
Halloween parties
meant lots of
games –

mostly challenge
stunts, like dunking
for apples and quiz
based things.

Today, we
not only have some
of those in all
their vintage
splendor, but
prizes, and also
spooky sound effect
record covers —

The records added a
ghostly, ghoulish
atmosphere to any party,
and were also very good
for things like
‘haunted garages’ —

— which I was famous
for setting up in mine
when my kids were
still …
well,
kids.

( I noticed the other
day that my old fire
wood axe still has
a bit of red paint
on the blade from
those days. )

All in all —

Halloween is a great
opportunity to have
fun and make memories-
and that still goes
today.

So, I hope you
enjoy this post,
and have a Happy
Halloween !!!

!!! HOY !!!

.

Tis The Scary Season

The closer and closer
we get to the Halloween
holiday, the itchier I get
to post some cool stuff
related to it.

( I’m pretty sure
that’s what that
damn itch is about,
anyway )

I especially enjoy
the imagery
dedicated
to this time of year….

and I always try to
grab the cool
stuff I find to share –

– sometimes holding
on to it for most of
the year before
we can use it…..

But,
the truth is,
that we’ve been
doing this blog
so long, that
a lot of the really
groovy vintage
Halloween stuff
that I have seems
to already been
posted in previous
years, or are on
this one today.

Bummer.

Yes, we’ve had
a lot of fun
with the subject,
and no doubt
about it.

(You can visit
our previous
posts on the
subject, here,
here, and here,
et al )

And, sure,
I’ll cop to the
occasional repeat,
but I’d much rather
show y’all something
vintage that you
haven’t seen
before.

I’ve got only
enough interesting
“Halloweeniana”
ephemera
for one or two
more posts as it
stands now…..

( we’ve got a very
neat-o post on
vintage Halloween
games coming up
later next week,
for instance )

So, anyway–
if you got
something we
haven’t used yet,
don’t hold
out on us –

– send it right along
as quick as a big
ole scary bunny –
( never mind the
mixed metaphors )

so we can get it
posted before
the ghouls, ghosts
and goblins arrive
and eat up all the
damn candy.

(Save me
the ‘fun size’
Paydays, please.)

Our email
address is:
carolinamuscle
@outlook.com
and we always
appreciate your
submissions in
any form, or
just hearing from
you !

( especially if you
like to blow smoke
up our asses.)

Remember:

Halloween
is all about
sharing
(and scaring) .

And I promise
this itch isn’t
contagious.

!!! HOY !!!

.