I wish it would never happen, but it does.
For one reason or another,
a misunderstanding occurs —
it’s my sense of humor that starts the trouble,
—a harmless jesting comment,
or a joke that falls flat ….
…… and , pow,
comes an insult that I was neither expecting,
— nor, do I think I deserved.
…. somebody took THAT one the wrong way.
Not that I don’t think I deserve an ass-whoopin’
on every convenient occasion,
but it’s just that I figure somebody
should wait until I meant some harm before they do it,
———- or at the very least,
ask nicely for one.
I’m not gonna apologize for any misunderstanding,
once the other party responds with a nasty or mean insult.
It just shows me what they’re really about…
…. and that they weren’t all that nice to begin with.
And of course, a sharp tongue
is no indication of a keen wit.
One thing about insults,
is that when they’re
delivered out of the clear blue,
they really hurt worse than
ones you’re expecting.
if a girl slaps you,
throws wine on you,
and storms out of a restaurant,
you kinda expect her to have
a few choice words
about your heritage
and your upbringing
while she’s doing it.
But if you’re tucked up in bed,
enjoying a nice quiet cuddle and feel,
and suddenly she makes a crack about
‘maybe size really is something
to consider after all’ ,
…. well ….
You’re likely to feel a bit more discommoded.
You know… just plain DIS’D.
Hell, you can always build muscle,
…. but some parts of the
body don’t respond
to weight training,
no matter WHAT you do.
It’s important, though, to know how and when to stand for an insult.
Being a man comes with a lot of cool privileges, like:
scratching your balls for 20 minutes first thing in the morning,
being able to pee standing up and just about anywhere,
wearing anything you want to the gym without a cloud of critique,
being the official stuck-jar opener of the household,
punching any mechanical device as a repair technique,
looking at pics of Dita Von Teese on your cell at a funeral service,
using your bathroom as a second office,
growling, grunting, and grumbling while doing chores,
beefing up your lawn tractor to 112 horsepower,
admiring a passing feminine form no matter who likes you doing it,
……. and never even being tempted to fake an orgasm.
— it’s good to be the king.
Hey, did I mention Dita Von Teese ?
I did, didn’t I ?
Ok… as long as I didn’t forget her.
Not that I could, I guess.
But, I digress.
As I was sayin’…
Manhood is pretty cool and all.
But there’s some burdens, too…
… one of them being that
when a woman insults
or slaps you, you stand for it.
You can’t win here,
so don’t try to trade insults,
and don’t try to be clever.
And of course–
No TAG BACKS.
( do I have to mention that a left cross
to her face in an elevator in Atlantic City
is strictly out ???
Just WTF is wrong with some guys ?????? )
Smile, and walk away, man, just walk away.
Consult the man rules,
— Chapter one, Sub-section 4,
if you don’t believe me.
It’s right next to holding doors for ladies,
— even when they sneer at you for doing it.
When another GUY insults you–
well, of course,
———— that’s a contusion of an
entirely different color —
A lot has to do with whether you
really give a flying fuck what he thinks, though,
….. and whether he’s got any intention
of taking it any further than an insult.
If you couldn’t care less what he thinks,
and he’s no risk to you and yours ,
— you can laugh it off
and tell him his opinion
means as much to you
as the name of Richard Nixon’s
How you handle the other kind of situation
is completely up to you, though.
But, I got your back, brother.
PS…. here’s something from my mail bag
that seems oddly appropriate.