Motley Mish Mash

Let me tell
you a story ….

About how another
one of those motley
mish-mash posts
that this here
Muscleheaded Blog
seems to specialize in
came together.

See,
my friend Katie
sent me a
strange page that purported
to be from a car manual . 

Here it is. —>

She wondered about it,
and so did I.

When I looked at it,
I thought –

“hey , that looks like
something out of a
1950’s humor magazine.”

So,
I went searching
for it online.

Ya know….
a Mad Magazine
or similar type
of sarcasm/comic/
humor mag,
I figured.

But I didn’t find
the original source.

Yet.

What I did find was
some other neat-o cool
shit —-

like a cover of “Dotty” comic
from the late 1950’s –
” a real hep cutie ” .

Apparently, this was a
kinda popular genre.

Or,
like our lead off piccie:

which is a cover from
Life Magazine in 1908-
— the art is called
“The Candle of Love ” .

Go back and look at it
if you want –

— it’s magnificent.

I found all sorts of other
groovy vintage-magazine
related stuff, too.

And since there’s
a damned deadline
hanging over my head
like the sword of Damocles
to get this tripe of a blog
out in a timely manner

— or our science editor
Suzie Wonder will beat
me within an inch of my
life —

— that’s what’s cooking on the
Muscleheaded Blog today.

You may well ask why the hell
the science editor thinks she’s
the boss —

— and I’d ask her myself
if I didn’t think she’d
try that new set of
cat o nine tails she just
ordered on Etsy on me.

That used to be
such a nice site, too.

.

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Weird Ads And A Plenty

It’s been a couple weeks
since we dug real deep
into the mailbag —

— we’ve been getting
some funny and
very interesting things
from our friends,

and I’ll be saving most
of that for the next
mailbag post.

So,
Keep sending stuff, man !

Today, though–

I think we’re going
give you the ‘weird factor’ —

which of course,
is nothing new
around here —

— these are real ads that just
beg the question —
WTF ?

Like the official steam roller
of Doris Day ?

Or a wool nose warmer.

Magnetized food?

Really?

Yep-

It was a quack remedy available
in the 1880’s.

The colorful card was
intended to grab the
attention of children
who were then to
sell their parents
on the value
of the stuff–

Here,
read for yourself.

Tastes awful nice,
and
is vitalized by magnetism.

Ok.

Well,
You get the idea, I think.

Anybody remember
” Farm Film Report ”
on SCTV starring
John Candy as
Billy Sol Hurok
and Joe Flaherty
as Big Jim McBob ?

” Yep– 
he blowed up real good.

Ok, so I may need
to provide a video
as a reference
for all you
youngsters.

Here.

Man, if you only
had any idea what
you’ve missed before
cell phones
and reality TV.

Alright…
some of it, anyway.

So until next time,
May the good Lord
take a likin’ to ya and
blow ya up real soon.

.

!! HOY !!

Would You ?

Wow —

I might be covered
with dust and old
bits of paper …

— and my garage is
about to burst —

but it was sure
worth it, man.

WHAT-CHOO-
TALKIN-BOUT
Willis?

Well, I’ll tell ya. 

Among the treasures
of the local stamp
and postcard show
this year , were a
number of vintage
postcards by a
favorite
artist of mine–

namely,
Albert Peter Carmichael,
a cartoonist for the old
New York World
newspaper back in
the first decades of
the 1900’s.

You’ve probably
already seen a
measure of his
postcard work here
on the Muscleheaded Blog,
although the ones
featured on
today’s post are
a bit different
than those
previously shown.

The series was called:
” Would You ? ”

(and who hasn’t ?)

I like this guy’s sense
of humor a lot –

— he’s draws in his style
exceptionally well,
he’s got a wicked sense of
irony, and he doesn’t mind
getting a little bit risque
with his art.

His characters have
all the usual
human foibles,
likes and dislikes,
and are quite relatable
to modern audiences.

The cards are usually
bright, colorful, funny,
and very readable —

– – despite being
over 100 years old.

I hope I’m
that easy to take
when I’m a hundred, man –

— but I sincerely
doubt it.

Ahem.

His subjects usually
deal with the common
dilemmas of every day
life in that era-

but of course,
there’s also
plenty of
wine,
women,
and song.

So,
who wouldn’t ?
(love that?)

.

Bone Awful Album Covers

Alright, alright.

I know, I posted
about music yesterday.

But, when the spirit
takes ya, man…..

And you can’t tell me
you didn’t enjoy those
vintage …
errrr..
ummm…..
classics
.

Something about a
dirty ditty with
amorous attitude
that makes me happy….

Maybe it’s just the
knowledge that there
are more filthy minded
people out there
other than me.

Lemme tell you…
It’s easy to forget.

Ahem.

Today, it’s another edition
of our horrible album
cover collection.

And now,
new and improved
with even
more uber-horrible.

But first,
ask yourself this
very important question-

where would we all be
without bad talking
puppet albums?

Fuck if I know.

Alright —
here’s one I can answer.

This guy calls himself
Li’l Richard for what two reasons?

Ok,
one – to distinguish him
from the real Little Richard

and:

two – so he doesn’t have
to call himself Li’l Dick.

He lets his wife do that.

I kid ole Li’l Dick…

but seriously.

Poor Jenny.

That is one ugly
fake-black eye
she almost has there.

Hoelee moelee.

I bet that guy who is
fake-running did it.

Maybe.

Hey–

I do know one thing
for absolute sure ….

It just wouldn’t be an
ugly album cover post
without one from this Yugoslavian guy.

Ok, so he’s not exactly
photogenic, but he damn
sure wrote a lot of music.

He just needed
somebody else
to design his album covers.

Of course, sometimes
stuff just don’t translate,
and I understand that.

Like Cock Van Der Palm
singing ‘Goodbye My Love’.

Here in the U.S.,
we might, very courteously, suggest that if he kept his
palms off his-self, he might
not have to say
goodbye to anybody.

Hooo boy.

.

 

Ventriloquism for Dummies

See what I did, there?

A cheesy pun,
that’s right.

Hey,
whatdaya want for nothing?

Send 25,000 bucks in care
of this blog and we’ll
upgrade the humor for ya.

In the meantime —

On this edition of the
non-award-winning
Muscleheaded Blog —

We’re gonna talk about the
magical mysteriousity that’s
called “Throwing Your Voice” ,
or Ventriloquism.

It started back in the ancient
days with the Greeks as a
religious practice at the
Temple of Apollo in Delphi –

–and although at the time
most folks thought that the
sounds emanated from the
gastrointestinal tract –
(thus their word for it
was ‘gastromancy‘)  —

most modern practitioners
just learn to talk without
moving their lips.

I personally can’t do it —

and worse,

I’m still such
a dunderheaded doof
that I can’t help
but look
directly at a dummy
when he’s supposedly
talking–

— even though I
know damned well that
the guy with the hand
up the doll’s ass is the
one who’s really doing it.

I try to look
at the ventriloquist,
but I end up
catching myself
watching that
stupid dummy.

Now, I wonder–
does that mean the
voice-thrower is that good —

— or does it mean that
I’m past the point of
intellectual redemption?

I’m thinking the second one
is the correct answer ,
’cause it doesn’t matter
how badly it’s done,
I’m still watching the
talking 2 by 4.

Damn.

I had hopes of being
somethin’ one day.

Ah well…
I never figured out
what anyway.

!!!!! HOY !!!!

.