Oh, Not One Of Those

ridjidIt’s Christmas
morning,
and it’s that
yearly
time of
reckoning —

–to see
if you figured
out how to gift your
special someone
with that special
something .

And somethin’
tells me
that some lady
of you
fucked it
completely up –
– again.

Please,
please –
– tell me you didn’t
fall into the holiday
ad trap.

Advertisers have a
knack for presenting
their products
at Christmastimesuck
that would lead a
man to the crackpot
conclusion that
buying her
something that
you ordinarily would
consider everyday
household equipment
is a great idea
for a holiday present.

And such bad ideassilverware
on what to
get her have been
featured in advertising
for decades ……

… and you ain’t learned
YET ?

Man, –
whatever else
you do –
don’t listen to the ads.

Woe to you,
my friend,stuff
if you have been
wooed by the siren
songs of :

“happier households
with a Hoover” —

“crock pots
make her hot” ,

“silverware for
your sweetie”,

or even a
“mixer for
your mistress”.

‘Cause that vacuum cleanerhoover
you gift her for Christmas
2018 will be the only thing
that’s going to get any
sucking action in 2019.

You will have violated
the unspoken rule :

— been
hornswoggled,
hoaxed,
and hoodwinked,

— you will have
tread upon
the devil himself’s
threshing floor,

— and dared
the angels
to reap righteous
vengeance
upon the
other male
members of
your previously
happy home.

Yes,
I pity the fool.

Remember,
for next year —
Rule Number 7
Section 4,
Subsection G
in the Man’s
Handbook :

“When in doubt,
buy her
booze,
jewelry,
or lingerie.”blacklabel

And gifting
her all three
will almost
guarantee a
very kicky
holiday
weekend,
indeed.

.

!!!! HOY !!!!!!

.

fredericks

 

Advertisements

Friday Mailbag

Hey-
insert your
dime and
see what
happens.

Well,
alright,
so I have
no idea what
would happen…

The chicken
inside would
probably get
some seed, and
you’d get a
clucking postcard,
that’s my guess.

Sorry to
egg you
on there.

I know I
probably
came across
a bit
hard-boiled.

I was
just yolking.

Ok,
so NO –
this is not
a post
about corny
cock-a-doodle
puns .

It’s actually a
Friday Mailbag
Post.

It’s hard not to
notice how much
the Holidays
dominate
everything
this time of
year —

— hey,
even the
Mailbag is
not immune
to it’s influence.

Still, I think
we can manage
to mix it up to
a point where
it’s not going
to end up
as just another
Christmas
themed post.

And really,
you should be
thanking your
lucky stars that
we didn’t go on
with the rather
egg-selent
puns we were
coming up with.

!! HOY !!

Christmas With Donald McGill

Regular readers of
this crazy, mixed
up digitized,
blogified world
called the
Muscleheaded Blog
will remember the
work of a certain
British illustrator
from the early
20th Century
named
Donald McGill –

– and that he was
called the
“King Of The
Saucy Postcard
“.

Well, it’ll probably
come as no surprise
that he did some fun
Christmas themed
cards as well —

– with maybe a little
extra cranberry sauce
thrown in for good
measure.

(Hi Feve ! )

I’ve always found
the flirty undertone
of the holiday
one of the more
interesting features
of it, and
apparently,
I’m not
alone in that.

These McGill cards
sold millions in
Great Britain, Canada
and the United States.

Several were placed
on local censorship lists,
but to my knowledge,
none in the U.S.

It’s really amazing
anybody could get
that worked up by
these harmless
cartoons and
their captions-

and yet-
I still get an
email once in a while
complaining about
silliness like that.

And blue-noses,
for some reason,
are even more
sensitive around
Christmas time –

– imagine ,
a holiday
that originated in a
fertility festival
bringing out a
castration urge ?

Hooo boy….

… doesn’t make
much sense,
does it?

But it’s cool
with me if they
don’t like what
we post, really.

They can
just steer
their browser
in totally
different
direction,

— and leave
‘we happy few
who like such
things to our
own devices.

No,
not that
kinda device,
man.

Unless
you’re
really into it.

Or if it’s
just too
damn quiet
around
the house.

Hey,
two’s company
and one’s
a total drag.

I feel ya.

Just remember-

– extra batteries are
always a good idea
around this time
of year.

‘Nuff said?

Buzz, buzz.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Bark If You Want A Present

I like the
holidays –

though,
they don’t
seem really
as much fun
or festive
as they used
to be….

I’ll admit.

That is….

Until
my dogs
get involved.

Then,
well, any
Grinchey
inclinations
on my part
are washed
away in a sea of
flying, shredded
gift wrap
concealing
things like plastic
chew toys and
smelly pig ears.

Sorry, but my dogs
are more into
gift-getting than
anybody else in
the house –
so,
of course,
they get
spoiled rotten.

Oh yes,
you might
have noticed
the plural
on the
term ‘dogs’ –

(notwithstanding
our resident
she-that-is-never
-seen-except-at
-mealtimes-and
-poopy-field-trips)

– it was decided
a couple months
ago, at board-room
level, that our
dear Daisie-Doggie
needed a canine
co-conspirator,

—so, there’s
a new puppy
in the house
for the holidays
this year.

Her name is
Byng-Bong,
and the pinball
reference is not
only intentional
but also
completely
relevant.

I’ve never seen
anything that
wasn’t being
moved around
by flippers and
bumpers jump
around as much as
this little dog does.

Daisie-D
just looks
at her like she’s
out of her mind.

It’s like
she’s saying:
“Calm down, man!”.

Ten minutes
of crazy is
then followed
by 45 minutes
of blissfully calm
and quiet napping,
while mother nature
renews her supply
of quarters,
I guess.

Then you get
a replay
of the whole
thing again.

I know one thing…..

I wish I could sleep
that soundly or fall
asleep that quick.

Yow.

Anyhoo….
today we bring
you some real,
albeit pretty
over-the-top,
gift ideas
for your doggie.

Although the canine
high-chair might work
in my house with a
certain self declared
Queen of Pomerania.

!!! HOY !!!

.

 

I Want A Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia For Christmas

You really don’t
have to take it
from me that
the big word
in the title –

(sorry, but I’m
just not typing
that whole damn
thing again)

– is a real word —
cause it is,
and
it’s in the
dictionary
somewhere.

It’s not even
the longest
word in the English
language, although
someone who’s afraid
of long words probably
wouldn’t know that.

(And that’s exactly
what it means…. )

Would you have
to be a bit on the
pedantic side
to use such
a word in a
real world
conversation ?

Well,
duuuuuuh.

I can’t even
imagine a
situation that
would ever
come up where
it would be
appropriate.

But then,
I don’t know
many words
that have
more than
two syllables,
and I’d never
be able to
pronounce it,
anyway.

Which, of course,
explains the lame
reference to the
Gayla Peevey hit
of the 1950’s in the
title of today’s post.

Don’t know it ?

Awwww.
shame on you.

Click here and
you will, buddy,
…. you will .

Just don’t blame
me for any
instances
of ” Involuntary
Musical Imagery ”
(or ‘INMI’ for short)
that listening might
thereby occasion.

Hmmmmm….

… maybe
I need a
waiver or
somethin’.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Cards Of Few Words

With the large
varieties of
available designs
on the market,
picking out the
perfect postcard
back in the
1900’s for an
occasion or message
was often a very
daunting task –

– anyone who’s had
to pick out just the
right Valentines Day
card probably knows
exactly what I mean.

But, even more so
in the case of a
turn-of-the-century
postcard –

– there were strict
postal service rules
that regulated the
size, not to mention
where and how
much space was
left for a personalized
message by the sender.

( of course, users were
free to write all over
the design, and they
frequently did. )

So, while cramming
a lot into the display
area on the card
might be one
approach for a
publisher, while
another might be to
keep the selling point
of the card –
– the joke, or subject –
as generic and simple
as possible.

By doing that,
the seller had
an opportunity
to appeal to a
wider market –

– buyers could get
creative and choose
to send a particular
design under a
variety of different
circumstances.

But, in order for that
to work, the punch line
has to make sense and
match the art, it has to
have eye appeal, and it
has to tell a story.

There were thousands
of possible themes to
work with..

.. and could be drawn
from everyday life,
art, theatre, history,
even gardening, and
of course, LOVE. 

I’ve seen a lot of
great early-20th-century
cards like that, and
today, we’ll feature
a few of the more
interesting ones.

I’m not at all sure
some of the
one-liners
would sell today,
but they are all
charming in their
own way.

!! HOY !!

.