Baah Humbug

Baah Humbug ! ”

That olde Scrooge
certainly was an
expressive character,
wasn’t he?

But —
I got to thinking
the other day —

(probably after I realized
the garden section space
of the local Wally World
had been completely
subsumed by lights,
decorations and Holiday
stuff — two months early)

— why would he have
chosen that
particular expression?

Sure, it’s an insect –
– or is it?

No, not really….

it’s actually
a micro-organism,
that lives
in jet fuel, of all things.

Don’t think they had
jet-fuel back then.

I do know that in Britain,
there are candies
called ‘Humbugs’.

One type is a black and
white peppermint,
but another, found in
the Somerset region of England,
featured toffee with
an almond center —

— and there’s a theory
that this gastronomical
let-down (running out
of toffee, and left with
a dry nut) was what Dickens
could have been thinking
of when he wrote
” A Christmas Carol ” .

Could be, I guess.

It was certainly an English
vulgarity of the time to use
the term ‘hum’ as a way
of referring to a deception –
or to a practical joke.

How the bug got in there–
well, that’s another thing
altogether.

There’s plenty of theories.

Interestingly enough,
an Italian expression much
in vogue at the time was
uomo bugiardo’ –
(which equates to
our phrase
— ‘lying bastard’).

I like that explanation a lot,
despite the absolute lack
of any evidence whatsoever
that’s what he had in mind.

Cause that’s the
kinda guy
Scrooge was, I think —

– to figure everyone
was lying
about the potential beauty
and virtues of the season–

After all,
who else
could hate Christmas?

.

.

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They Never Come Back

For today’s post,
we have some more
great vintage cartoon
postcard work by
Peter Albert Carmichael ..

.. a well known illustrator
who got his start at
the age of 17 working
for the ‘New York World’ newspaper in the
early 1900’s .

Not a lot of
reliable biographical
information is really
available on him,
other than he was born
in Albany, New York
around 1890,
and that he died young,
in 1917, after an operation
on his appendix.

A loss of a
very talented
artist, to be sure.

But, you can find a
good deal of his work
posted right here on
the Muscleheaded Blog
( like on this post ) .

So, as I said, today,
we have some examples
of a very popular postcard
series done by Carmichael
in 1910, called :
They Never Come Back “.

The jokes are built around
situations in which the
characters are presented
with both an expectation
to return, and the temptation
to get away, and stay away.

Some are hopelessly dated,
while others seem surprisingly
current —

who hasn’t lent money to somebody knowing full well
you’d never get it back ?

Oh man,
if I had a nickle.

Ethical dilemmas
galore, here, too.

— and the perspective
of the artist,
as far as the ‘right’
or ‘wrong’ decision
is concerned,
is usually
quite hidden —

— he’s not judging,
so much as observing.

Admittedly, this is
one of the charms
of his work.

Another is the
wonderful
light-hearted
naughtiness
implied in
many of them.

And it seems like there’s
a lot of illicit eloping,
evading, escaping,
eluding, exiting,
and general mayhem
in them, too.

In other words,
perfect vintage fun.

Sure, he’s on thin ice
with some of it.

But who can’t relate
to the poor mover
and his aching back
who suddenly
realizes just how much
furniture that woman
really owns.

And as far as
the card shark
who takes his
winnings and runs —

well, I dunno ……

who wouldn’t ?

!!!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!!

It’s Hypno-Wednesday

I like weird stuff.

Ok,
that’s a given,
I guess.

I can’t really use
any hypnotic breast
enhancement,

— but I’m still sorry
I missed that 1995 show…
I think I’d woulda 
been very entertained.

I’m betting there was at
least a little penis
enlargement going on, too.

Ahem.

Yes, I especially like
vintage advertising
for hypnosis products.

You know,
books,
records,
pamphlets, 
gadgets,
hypno coins
etc, etc, etc.

The illustrations in particular
are usually hilarious and completely over the top.

Like the little hypnotic rays
emanating from the
hypnotist’s fingers direct
into the cute ingenue’s
young and simple mind.

Afterwards, she tends to be
shown walking around
stiff-armed and covering
her pure and ample body
with nothing but her
underwear.

Tsk.

It’d be a crime
if it was true…
but as fiction it’s pretty
sexy at that.

Not worth 2.98, though. 

Yes,
you really would be
surprised what has been marketed on the subject
over the years.

I think it can’t help
but grab people’s curiosity,
and they’ll send in their
$2.98 hoping it really
will get them that big
promotion, a new sense
of self confidence or that
cute chick down the street.

Usually, it gets ’em
2.98’s worth of crapola,
and a feeling of embarrassment
for being taken for
just another ride.

I like the records —

they sell you this millarkey
that for 5 bucks, you get
a couple LP’s that will
hypnotize people without
their knowledge.

Just invite some folks over –
and once stuff gets goin’,
slap the needle off the
In-a-gadda-da-vida” or the
latest Dave Brubeck record
— and put these things on.

Your friends would much
rather listen to some
monotone asshole droning
over and over how they are
now in your power.

Uh huh.

You’ll be the hit
of the party.

Yeah.

A lot of times, the part
about getting people to
order the stuff is actually
the most hypnosis involved.

It reminds me vaguely
of a comic book ad that
was infamous when I
was a kid —

It said
” Learn how to IMPROVE
YOUR FACE Immediately –
— Only 99 Cents ” –
with a mailing address .

No details.

But 99 cents wasn’t much
to satisfy one’s curiosity, right?

Those lucky rubes
who sent in their buck
(and there were plenty of them)
got back a 3 x 5 postcard
on which was printed
” Improve Your Face
Immediately — SMILE “.

Sure, a bit
off topic, right?

But, really,
it’s the same racket, man.

Nobody can really flash
a coin at a hot looking
chick and get her to
follow him home.

Unless it’s a gold
Krugerrand
or something …

Hmmm….

I hadn’t thought of that.

Okay, so hardly anybody can
flash a coin at a hot looking chick
and get her to follow him home.

Damn…
where’d I put that
hypno-coin, anyway?

.

!!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!

.

Musta Been The Wrong Face

usMust have been
the wrong time —

or maybe
the wrong place —

Hey–
can’t anybody
read a road map ?
mild
Those clouds don’t
even look right.

Why does this place
seem so far away
from civilization?

There just can’t really
be a Nowheresville,
can there?

I think we shoulda
taken that right turn
at Kookaburra.

Or was that
Kookamunga?

I dunno….

Where’s Dr. John whenlandsend
you need him, anyway?

Air travel ain’t really
any better, though.

I saw that Reader’s Digest
recently came out with an
article about the 14 things
you shouldn’t do on an
airplane.Image result for funny lost vintage postcard

Well,
let me tell you —

if their list included the
only problem-things people
do on an airplane,
life would be really groovy.

They listed stuff like:

don’t go barefoot on a airplane…

don’t get ice in your drink …

don’t eat pretzels that fall out
of the bag onto the pull-down
lap table …..

and

don’t press the ‘flush’ button
in the air-toilet without madeit
a paper towel on your hand.

Come on.

How about:

don’t bring your 6 year old brat
on a plane until they’ve learned
some basic manners …..

or

don’t try to balance
your drink on the arm rest

or

use some deodorant
before boarding

orgetaround

don’t try to use the person
sitting next you as a
combination pillow
and snot-rag ?

I’m getting to
hate travelling, man.

!!!!! HOY !!!!!!

where

Scottie- Beam Up The Mailbag

Thank you,
thank you,
and
thank you

Hey, man,
my mailbag is
full of great stuff
from our lovely
readers —

(and the really
hot ones, too)

— and I can’t wait
to share some of
what’s in there.

Vintage postcards
are always welcome
here at Muscleheaded
Central, ya know.

HINT.
HINT.

(and we’re taking
suggestions for
the Saturday Car Post —

— if you have a vintage car
you’d like to see featured –
send me a piccie! )

Now, I admit,
today’s general
melange
of miscellany isn’t
really a cohesive
theme….

Our subject matter is so
diverse …

(ok,
so maybe there IS
a theme hidden here
somewhere )

And it only
makes sense
as a post that
doesn’t really
go together does.

But, I love it,
so I don’t care,
and I’m just
‘a grabbin
and ‘a postin.

And I don’t
care
what anybody says….

Hee Haw was a
very funny show.

If you don’t agree,
well, you just
tell Junior all about it-

— call BR5-49.

Oh….

where oh where
are you tonight —

why did you leave me
here all alone —

I searched the world over
and thought
I’d found true love –

you met another and
phhhhttt you was gone.

Gives ya the
goose bumps, don’t it?

!!! HOY !!!!

.

Hiding Places

a1Hiding places.

There could be
all kinds of stuff
being hidden
all around you —

—- and who’d know ?

Makes you wonder,
doesn’t it ?

Umm, yeah.

Some of you
might have
seen my friend Katie’s
reblogged post of
“The Gentleman’s Surprise
Chair —

— and how my
old friend Jules
commented
about how there’s
” .. an old desk in
some
political museum
that is
supposed to have
a secret
space.
I think it even went

through x-ray –
— and no one found it.

Short of taking the desk apart,
which they aren’t going to do –
no one has found it for over
two hundred years
(more or less).”

It’s absolutely true —
the business of making
furniture with
secret niches,
hidden drawers,
false bottoms, etc
was big business,
especially around the
turn of century  —

Usually, these things were
only affordable by the rich,
of course–

And you might think
that the poor folks didn’t
have all that much to hide,
anyway–

— but, their valuables
were actually MORE
valuable to them,
because that was
all they had.

So despite the unavailability
of fancy furtive furnishings
for their covert caches —
working people came up
with ingenuous ways to
hide stuff ’round the
ole homestead.

Sure, it could as simple
as valuables secured
underneath a floor board,
or in an unused vent or
heater flue, inside
a rusty pot, among
firewood, behind a loose
brick in the pump house,
or a document hidden in
plain sight reversed in
a portrait frame.

Keys could go just
about anywhere —
so could coins and cash.

And I think folks today
have a lot more choices
depending on what
they’re trying to hide —

— a .32 revolver in
a Family Size
Kelloggs Corn Flake box ,
(nobody in my house
likes Corn Flakes),

— a stash of illicit ‘herbs’
in with the
Chock Full O Nuts,
( I like Bustelo, myself) ,

— an old watch you’ve totally
forgotten that you owned
because you hid it so good
back in the 1980s in an
empty can of Rustoleum —
(ah, well– it would need
a new battery, anyway) ,

— several sets of old Polaroids
of former girl friends posing
buck-ass nekkid tucked
away in the 1998 version
of the Rand McNally
Road Atlas —
(if I owned one of these,
which I’m not sayin I do,
well, it’d be a 2003 —
you gotta stay
more current, man ) .

And I do own a set of
old encyclopedias that
boggle the mind as far
as concealment possibilities ,
now that I think of it.

But, since I ,
being the total innocent
that I truly am,
have nothing to hide,
I figured that maybe
I’d try and post a helpful
tidbit or two on such
techniques , just in case
a few of my dear readers
weren’t burdened with
such a heavy encumbrance
of virtue.

Ahem.

Oh man, I really gotta do
something about that
frog in my throat.

AHEM.

.

!!!! HOY !!!!

.