Top This

You know….

I just
can’t
seem
to
stay outta
mischief…..

I started
out
working
on writing
a blog post
about a
simple
but
elegant idea
that my
poetic friend
Jules
( just like her )
gave me
about
wedding
traditions ….

…. but y’all know
how I am, and I
went and mangled
it all up with crazy
stuff.

However,
in my
defense…

I did kinda
warn her
that the lovely
post idea
might, in all
probability,
go completely
off the rails.

And indeed,
it did.

Still, I have to say,
it turns out that
there are wedding
traditions that are
much more …..
ummm…..
interesting
than they
started out
sounding…..

Like
wedding cake
toppers,
for instance.

I mean,
who knew ?

The whole toppers
idea even seems to
have been hidden
in plain sight, if you
know what I mean.

And
I think I could
get into
designing
a couple
of these,
myself.

Once you start
looking around,
you realize that
there’s one
for just about
any kinda couple
that may have
the yen for getting
some official
connubial
paperwork filed.

Since there
are more
potential
variations
on the theme
coming along
every day,
it seems, anyway…

— one would
have to
assume that
there will
be plenty
of ‘market
space’ for the
up and coming
entrepreneur.

And,
I mean…..

.. who doesn’t
like cake?

!!! HOY !!!

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Just Say Au Revoir

1951” Hello,
I must be going,
I cannot stay,
I came to say,
I must be going.
I’m glad I came,
but just the same
I must be going. “

These famous ‘parting’ lines
were uttered by Groucho Marx
in the film
” Animal Crackers ” ….

It’s certainly an
interesting way
to make an entrance/exit,
isn’t it ?

Or,
as Paul McCartney would say it:goodb
You say goodbye
and I say hello”

And it all boils down to this:

How hard is it to say ‘adios’ sometimes?

Pretty damned hard —

And I hate long goodbyes
to begin with.

One of my fantastic readers
gave me an idea for a post
a long time ago, and I’ve
been mulling it over ever
since —

I even came up
with a fancy-pants thisles
title and everything.

Hell,
I’ve been thinking
so hard about it,
I forgot who gave
me the damn idea
in the first place.

They do say that
as you get older,
— memory is the second
thing to go, ya know.

I’m glad I can’t count.

Anyhoo,

So, if it was you
from whom
I stole the idea,bless
….well…

I’m truly sorry
—– for mangling it like
I’m about to do.

Probably most everybody
remembers the Paul Simon
song
Fifty Ways To Leave
Your Lover
” —

He does give
some pretty
interesting examples,
for sure.

Like:
Make a new plan, Stan
and
Hop on the bus, Gus” —sailor

and those are fine,
—- if your name happens
to be Stan or Gus
( my sincerest sympathies )

but,
what if your name is
Myron or Jose ?

Don’t quote Byron, Myron…

Just Mozzay, Jose.

Nope…
I don’t think that works
anywhere as well.

Hmmmm….
So what’s a guy to do ?buddy

The friendly neighborhood
postcard publishers of
the early 1900’s
liked to produce cards for
just about every occasion,

—- and since
‘goodbyes’ are
notoriously hard to
say otherwise,
they pitched in to
do their part–

and boy did they.

There are literally
thousands of different
postcards, all basically
saying:

Sayonara,girl

Ciao,

Cherrio,

Get Into The Wind,

Toodles,

Leavin’ On A Jet Plane,

Catch Ya On The Flip Flop,

Peace Out,

Gonna Go Live With Granny,

Bon Chance,

Ticket To Ride,forever

So Long,

Laytah Gaytah,

Gotta Catch A Train,

I’ll Get Me Coat,

Hasta la vista Baby,

Adieu Sweet Stranger,duty

Buh-bye.

Oh sure,
I guess
there are much
more poetic ways
of communicating it.

I mentioned Lord Byron
earlier…
(at least, I think I did… )

And I always found his
So We’ll Go No More A Roving
verse rather appropriate:

” Though the night
was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon,tosti
Yet we’ll go no more a roving
By the light of the moon. “

Ahh…
but,
therein lies the rub.

It’s not just finding
the right words,
but getting the courage up,
fighting back the tears,
saying the words
in the right way,

and then handling
the reaction,
(whatever that may be) —

Yow-
man,turtley
talk about a Gordian knot.

A postcard,
on the other hand,
only requires
a stamp and an address.

Add a “Dear John”
or “Dear Jeanette”,
and
you’re done with
the whole thing.

Fait Accompli.

It does seem kinda
cold-blooded
to do it that way.1912

But,
I guess the
immense variety
of ‘goodbye’ postcards
just goes to show how
difficult the whole thing
can be to say face to face.

And sometimes,
…. it was actually
the ONLY way of saying it….

War,
of one ilk or another,
seems to have produced
the majority of them —

Another surprise, huh?girlie

I guess of all
human enterprises,
war tends to be
the most universally
destructive and invasive —
not only to life and property,
but also to relationships
and human happiness.

And the cards reflect that.

Some are really touching
and tender.

Others just make you
wonder, man.

So, as my friend
Julie would say:
HAPPY TRAILS To YOU

.

HOY !

.

yours

Happy National Kissing Day

My friends –
It’s National Kissing Day.

And I can’t think of a
better time to take the
day off, and spend it
snogging with your
favorite person or
persons.

Ok ….

if you wanna get
all fancy,
you could
also:

Osculate
Canoodle
Lock Tongues
Smooch
Swap Spit
Smear Lipstick
Make Out
Snuzzle
Make It To 1st Base

…. etc, etc, etc.

The important thing
is that you celebrate
the holiday properly
and to remember the
importance of :
Safety First “.

For instance, if she’s
got braces, maybe that
deep tongue maneuver
might be practiced on
another occasion …..

If she bites,
well,
likewise.

Watch out for stray
lipstick stains —

they tend to show up in
places that you’d probably
rather not explain how
they got there……

Remember to moisturize,
cause chapped lips can
make you unpopular —

and bad breath is sure to
put the ky-bosh on just
about any post-graduate
behavior you might have
in mind…….

Breath mint?
Yes, please.

As for that ‘muah’ noise:
the sound of sucking when
kissing is not nearly as
appealing as a neophyte
kisser might at first hope…

And no one ever suggested
that a vacuum cleaner was
something to emulate,
in that regard, anyhow.

‘Random’ kissing is really
not advisable in this
(or any) day and age —
the whole ‘mistletoe’ thing
aside.

Besides, it can’t be
used any old
time of the year —

People tend to frown upon
even a little Christmas music
in June-

I shudder to think
how they’d feel
about the injudicious
use of what otherwise
would be considered
a noxious, parasitic
weed.

To sum it all up….

perspective mouths for
our special day’s activity
should be clean, attractive,
fresh smelling, and
attached to someone
you like who is as equally
osculatoraly inclined as you.

Are.

Ahem.

Now, smooch away
and enjoy your day !

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Better Manners In Bed

Of all the places
I would think you
should exercise some
courtesy and manners,
perhaps the most
important place would
be in bed.

After all, it should
be a happy place –
– a friendly place –
a place where
joy abounds.

So, maybe
the thought of somebody
considering a book teaching
things like bedroom manners
to be necessary bugs me
just a little bit.

Then again,
it shouldn’t surprise
anybody, in this world
where please and
thank you’s are becoming
increasingly rare-ified.

Hell, what fun is a
weekend without
at least one good
thank you ma’am
may I have another?“,
I ask you ?

Oooops,
boy,
do I digress.

The books that opened our
post today were originally
printed in the 1930’s — so,
there was a lot of stuff like
how to share a sleeping
compartment on a train,
references to hot water
bottles, and the like —

Suzie Wonder and I
figured we might be
able to do better.

Hence, this post,
a single chapter of what
I’m sure will become an
annoyingly regular part
of the Muscleheaded blog
family.

Not near the 130 some pages
of the original, but then, I’m
not gonna send you a bill for
$19.95 either………

Unless, of course,
you’d be willing
to pay it.

Which is probably
out of the
question, right ?

Oh well.

Anyhoo ……….

I think we can boil this chapter
all down to an old fashioned
virtue called “consideration”-

For instance,
– jammies.

If you’d like your significant
other to ever be interested in
you in ‘that way’ again,
you should never wear
anything that reminds one
of a Canadian winter .

Even if it is
Canadian
winter outside.

Flannel is right out.

So are ‘footies’ ,
or anything that makes
you look like a ‘furry’.

Come on –
you really
should know better.

Suzie’s contribution is
this:

– that you should never,
never, never wear those
‘elephant trunk’ shorts
to bed unless she
specifically asks you
to wear them.

( And she won’t ).

I tend to agree —
as a practical matter,
there’s no sense in
reminding anyone
of one’s ….
errr….
shortcomings,
ya know.

Next…..

I think it’s always helpful
to have things clean and
shipshape…
– to smell good, so your
S.O. doesn’t want to send
out an S.O.S.
( save our stink )  .

Suzie says men should
always shave before they
go to bed.

Her reasoning has something
to do with the disagreeable
nature of cuddling a brillo-pad.

She says that a man can’t really
expect a woman to warm up to
a man whose face scrapes away
soft, silky, moisturized skin
faster than industrial paint
remover.

I definitely get her point……

A quick five minute going
over with an electric razor
might encourage all sorts of
other more timely adventures.

Good thinking, Suzie.

Now,
we’ve been having a
more spirited conversation
as regards to who should get
up in the middle of the night
to take the dog out if such
an eventuality should occur.

My feeling is that the duty
should be rotated –

Her feeling is that if she
rolls over and goes back
to sleep, that means that
you have to do it.

( And she will. )

See how helpful
this stuff is?

!!! HOY !!!

.

Just One Look

Just one look…..

That’s all it
takes sometimes.

Just one look.

It might be a subtle,
hesitant smile.

A flirtatious blink
of the eyes.

A self-conscious bite
of the upper lip.

A salacious lick
of the lips.

A daring sneer.

A swipe of hair.

A short gasp of air.

Eyes widen.

Pulses race.

Hey,
you know what
I’m talking about.

Flirtation.

Words aren’t nearly as effective
a weapon of mass flirtation as
are facial expressions and body
language.

Words are thought generated.

And as such, can be
easily manipulated.

That other stuff comes from
way down deep.

Faking those are a whole
different ballgame, man.

And while it’s important
to always keep your
monster on a leash,
life would be very,
very dull without
some episodic
interaction
such as these ….

… those little points
of contact that show us
each as the sensual beings
we are.

Besides, these aren’t
the kinds of flirtations
that are implicit invitations
to a Crisco party,

— or some kind of free
pass to grab a handful
of somebody else’s
personal space…..

No,
it’s just a nod to
the people we are in
an alternative universe
that can appreciate up
close, empirical relations
with another human
being without losing
all perspective.

Another time …

Another place …

Another love.

!! HOY !!