Garde Your Manger

fareObscure title, huh?

Not if you work
in the restaurant biz,
it ain’t.

I was having
(or trying to have)
dinner at my local
greasy spoon —

— and it was taking
long enough for Caesar
to have grown his salad
from seed –

– so I inquired about it-
(very nicely, I might add-
— always be kind if you a2
expect to be able to eat
what you order, and
without any ‘special sauce‘).

The manager went back to
find out what was up-
and I heard the cook
yell at her that the wait
couldn’t be helped,
cause he was agnmae
quote: “In The Weeds“.

(We were obviously seated in
the preferred seating section,
(AKA: “Bob Uecker’s table”
— right next to the kitchen ).

She shouted back at him
that she needed that
‘Blue Plate‘ ‘on the fly‘ ,
and to ‘86 the B.S.’ ! ”

Uh huh.
So, what about
MY meal,
I wondered….
athat
— cause I didn’t order
anything blue, or with
flying insects on it.

Further, I didn’t know
diners had combination
plates like the Dragon Palace,
cause I always order
the number 23 there.

Of course, I’m saying this
with some tongue planted
firmly into cheek —

(and that’s a pretty good
arrangement in the right await
kinda company…. )

— since my daughter works
in a restaurant – but, it is
genuinely funny how
different the language
can get in the heat of
the professional kitchen.

Assuming your local
diner qualifies –
which in my case,
I’m not all that sure of.

Ahem.

And, yes, bute
thanks for asking,
I did finally get my
Chicken Caesar salad–

— although just what the
hell I was thinking in
ordering anything fancier
than a scrambled egg
on toast (otherwise known
as ‘wrecked chicks on a raft‘)
or a baked potato
with sour cream
(‘a blonde hot Murphy‘ )
in that dump is beyond me.

Anyhoo– let’s talk about
a couple of the morea1
interesting idioms..

Eggs seem to have several
special terminologies
dedicated to them
depending on the region
and who/what’s cooking:

‘Cackle berries’
‘Egnosticz’

‘Hen Fruit’
‘Googs’
‘Chickies/Chicks/Chicklets’

And you can get them
in a large variety of styles –

‘Wreck Em’
(scrambled )atip

‘Scregged’
( really scrambled)

‘Shell Angels’
(hard boiled)

‘A Hub Cap’
(sunny side up)

‘Scotched’
(breaded, stuffed,
and then deep fried)

‘Puddle in a Golf Ball’
(soft boiled)

‘Dead Eye’
(1 poached )

‘Adam and Eve’
(2 poached)

‘Flop Two’
(fried over easy)

‘Gus-Burgered’
( add hamburger) —

and
‘ Doing The Eggman ‘
( umm– you’ll have to look
that one up for yourself
——  hint: Eric Burdon.
Sorry, I’m got side-tracked)

Ahem.

Hot dogs, too,
as you might expect,
have more than
their fair share —

‘Coney Island Chicken’
‘Bowsers’
‘Bun Pup’
‘Hosers’
‘Tube Steak’
‘Ripper’ (a deep fried hot dog)

And once you start
adding condiments,
well, better bring a
local cook or
at least a lexicon —

Breathe On It ” –
add onion.

Pitch In The Hay ” –
add sauerkraut.

With Frog Sticks “-
add French Fries.

Give It A Hemorrhage ” –
add ketchup.

Paint It Yellow ” –
add mustard.

On The Hoof ” –
cooked rare.

Pittsburgh Style” –
scorched.

Waxed ” –
add American cheese.
(YUK)
Pull Me A Shot
From Hotlanta
” –
add a Coke.

Save The Slush ” –
Ugh, no ice in that Coke.

And, as you can quite
plainly tell, there’s way
too many of these1905
things to list em all….
which, of course,
means you’ll be seeing
a sequel about the
subject soon enough
right here on this
channel, so stay tuned.

In the meantime,
keep yourself
Sunny Side Up ” !

.

!!!! HOY !!!!!

.

ymoon

 

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Postum Partum

I love coffee.

I drink about a
gallon a day,
and cannot
conceive of a time
or a place
where/when
sane people
wouldn’t
feel the same
about it that I do.

However,
there are
those
folks…

you know, —
the ‘unleaded’ ones..

— who drink
de-caffeinated coffee
like it’s the
most natural
thing in the world,
when actually they’re
disturbing the fine-line
balance of the universe
even suggesting such
an irresponsible and
inconceivable concept.

Ughhhhhh!

(Ok, so I’m being a bit
snarky, I know,
but I haven’t had
my morning cuppa yet. )

Bitterness ?

Well, I mean,
I like the flavor
of coffee ok- I guess –

– there are certainly
things (and people)
that I’d rather taste-

but without that
wonderful ‘hit’ or ‘jolt’
I got from coffee,
I just don’t know
why I would even
bother going to the
trouble of making it.

I literally don’t do
anything before
some coffee gets
down my gullet .

(damn it, what’s taking
so long for that Java ? )

I’m not even sure
that my eyes would
open wide enough
to go anywhere or do
anything without it.

(oh, there it is. 
ahhhhhhhhhh… )

Habit?

Aww,
so what?

A guy’s just
gotta have
vices,
after all….

Talk about
making sacrifices.

I already had to
give up scratching
myself in public,
didn’t I ?

So, anyway —
once upon a time,
there was this evil
ad campaign to
make people think
that coffee
was somehow
bad for ya —

— it would interfere
with your sleep
(which of course,
is the point of Java)

— and that it would
‘stunt your growth’.

The product ?

A roasted cereal
product called “Postum”.

And their ads, which often
featured a character named
“Mister Coffee Nerves”,
were designed to create
doubt and fear in the
minds of coffee drinkers
of it’s safety —

— ultimately for
the benefit and profit
of the makers of
Postum,
of course.

As you can see
from the featured
print ads on today’s
post, all kinds of
insinuations about the
comparative healthiness
of caffeinated versus
decaffeinated beverages
were made —

— and the ads are a case
in point for how
‘down and dirty’ sponsors
are willing to get in order
to sell their products.

As far as flavor
was concerned,
it required a certain
adjustment when
used as a coffee
replacement,

— but since the primary
selling point was
that it was a hot drink
that contained no caffeine,
(and was a ‘healthy
nerve food’)
many people really
did make the switch
in the 1930’s,
and even more in the
times of coffee rationing
during World War II.

The 1950’s and 1960’s
were a struggle for Postum,
and the last spike in sales
occurred in the 1970’s,
during a sudden increase
of coffee prices.

After that, Postum
became all but
forgotten, and
today, it’s been
licensed-out
by the original
manufacturer
to a small company
relegated to specialty
markets.

Cranks.

Long may coffee shine !!!

!!! HOY !!!!

Paper Dresses Catch On Fire

The whole concept
of a paper dress
may seem to us in
this ‘oh, so enlightened’ era
to be a pretty bad idea…

you know,
flammable,
easily torn,
kinda formless —
and
impossible to wash.

but it was a
really big thing
in the 1960’s.

Scott Paper started
the hub-bub
(the 1960’s one, anyway)
by advertising dresses
made in their patented
“Dura-Weave” process —

for a $1.25, you’d get a
“Paper-Caper” ‘optical art’
garment —
— in red or black.

Of course, you had to fill
out a coupon and wait
four to six weeks –

But then, you had your dress-
which was the total
opposite of what you’d
call ‘form-fitting’
and I’m told, at least, that it
wore much more like a
hospital gown.

You wouldn’t really
predict this thing to
sell 500,000 –
— would you?

Well, it did.

And clothing designers
(as well as other toilet
paper manufacturers )
jumped on the craze.

Hell, Gracie Slick even
mentioned em in a
Jefferson Airplane song.

The one I really remember
(I was just still a
kiddy-winky at the time)
was the “Souper Dress”
which was based on
Andy Warhol’s
Campbell Soup
Cans paintings.

After a while, though —
the nature of paper as
a clothing material
really started to be an issue,
and manufacturers came up
with something that still kinda
looked like paper but didn’t
go up in flames at the
first flash of a bulb.

Apparently, 75% rayon,
25% nylon worked
pretty good as a substitute –

and by 1970,
that was all that was
left of the paper dress craze.

Here’s a couple of examples
to wrap us up for this post.

Thanks to Jen for the
poster dress submission !

!!!! HOY !!!!

Perplexing Prognostications

“The future belongs to those
who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt

Have you ever wished that
you could tell the future?

I guess everybody feels
that way,
once in a while.

But,
I’ve always thought
that spontaneity
is part of what
makes life interesting —

( ….. that, and redheads)swami

Do I really wanna know that:

Tomorrow it’s gonna rain,

Next week I’m gonna
get an assessment to pay for the new City Hall,

Next month I’m gonna have another toothache,

Next year I’m gonna crash
my kayak into a bridge–

10 years from now,
(ok– maybe 15)

enochbollesI’m gonna need to ask the Doc for a little blue pill…

……………………….. and,
man,

I don’t even want to talk about October, 2036.

Naaahh —

I’d much rather find out
about all that then.

Oh sure, you say,
but what if Mrs. Roosevelt was right,

— you simply need to believe in your dreams,

to have them come true.dwig

Hmmmm.

In that case,
then,

everything in the future would have to do with:

Lightning fast, unwreckable motorcycles,

( I’ll settle for screaming fast,
if necessary )

.

40, 000 square foot gyms with 2 of every piece
of Hammer Strength equipment ever made…a

( And nobody on ’em
when I wanna use ’em,
… and with my own personal
parking space, dammit )

.

cardsGaggles of concupiscent
Muscleheaded Blog
groupies of every size
and description,

– with a ‘special flying squad’
of curvy, redheads –

( Hey-
— it IS my dream, right? )

.

Thousands of great Rock and Roll
radio stations 24 hours a day,

elvgrenwith no commercials,

( absolutely NO music by
Elton John,
Steve Miller,
Queen,
Journey,
Supertramp,
or Manfred Mann —
they would be officially banned……
sorry, c. )

.

and Hawaiian Luaus
on every corner.

( Pass the ribs, please. )

.bud

Oh,
and Guinness coming out of the water taps.

( no, of course,
—- no Budweiser.)

.

As much as I’d to think
that I had that kinda power,

I’m pretty sure everybody else on the planet
would get sick of living in my dream,
pretty damned quick.

b(except for the free Guinness,
… and the redheads, of course )

And it’s only “Good to be the King”
when the populace ain’t banging
at the castle doors screaming for your head on a spear.

Otherwise,
— it can really suck.

Let ’em drink Guinness.

Anyhoo…..

I was looking through a
book with predictions
that have been made a1
by various past prognosticators —

and some of them
struck my irony bone, a bit.

.

One of the greatest inventors
of our time,
Guglielmo Marconi, predicted that:

“The coming of the wireless era will make war impossible, because it will make it ridiculous.”

Well, he was right about the ridiculous part, anyway.

.

zHere’s one from out in left field —

The chief executive of a popular 1950’s
vaccum cleaner company, Lewyt:

“Nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners
will probably be a reality in 10 years”.

Uh huh.

Give the consumer what they want, right ?

I do know his predictions sucked
worse than his vacuum cleaners.

.
1aThe Chief Engineer of the British Post Office in 1878 said:

“The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not.
We have plenty of messenger boys.”

I’m not sure just how he woulda coped with 1-900 numbers.

Wait–
maybe that explains why
everything moves slower over there, right?

.

I usually don’t like to read other people’s mail
( their diaries are another matter )

yesnobut, this one makes a fascinating read:

” Dear Mr. President:
The canal system of this country is being threatened by a new form of transportation known as ‘railroads’. As you may well know, Mr. President, ‘railroad’ carriages are pulled at the enormous speed of 15 miles per hour by ‘engines’ which, in addition to endangering life and limb of passengers, roar and snort their way through the countryside, setting fire to crops, scaring the livestock and frightening women and children. The Almighty certainly never intended that people should travel at such breakneck speed.”


Signed, Martin Van Buren,
Governor of New York, 1830.

With foresight like that,
maybe he shoulda run for
president himself, huh?baseball

.

And lastly….

Having served in the U.S. Navy,
the term “Military Intelligence”
has always seemed to be an
oxymoron to me,

…but this one is particularly
worth remembering —

When asked about the
potential of the Atomic Bomb,seesall
Admiral William Leahy told
the newly installed President Truman:

“That is the biggest fool thing
we have ever done.
The bomb will never go off,
and I speak as an expert in explosives.”

It just goes to show ya —-
nobody’s really an
expert on anything.

.

dwig