Already Disturbed

peterdribenHotels.

Mostly boring,
but occasionally
you notice stuff that
twerks your interest.

Strange noises
emanating out
of Room 417 —

Not screams
for help, exactly.

No,
more like …. a1

Hey, was that the
sound of a whip
I just heard ?

Oh well, I guess they
could be putting on a
version of “50 Shades”
in there…….

And judging from
the “Do Not Disturb” sign — 42
a very private showing,
indeed.

Not that the signs work
all that well, ya know.

Let’s say you’ve checked
into a semi-pleasant,
semi-reasonably priced,
semi-poshy hotel hoping
to get in a little R & R —

The California king size
bed is a nice big one —

already–suitable for just
about any situation,
you might be lucky
enough to find
yourself in later…..

They’ve provided a coffee maker,

complete with all the stuff
you need to make/drink it.

Mmmm….. cool
dark roast.

There’s an iron,

and a fold out thingee
to keep your suits,
Bermuda shorts,
or Pink Floyd T-shirts,

from looking like
they’ve been in a hurricane….

A multi-position shower head,
sexy smelling soaps,
lotions, potions and notions– multiplechoice

….. and even one of them
poncey-ass pull out
shaving mirrors,
fill the well appointed
bathroom.

The towels are deep plush,
Egyptian cotton.

The hotel has got a large,
warm, indoor pool,
and a hot tub/sauna area
that would be soon
calling your name.

There’s a bar downstairsdonotdisturb
that will be serving
cold beverages
around dinner time,
including some
that only adults are
permitted to consume,
(theoretically)
—- at absolutely
no additional charge.

And speaking of dinner,
there’s a primo steakhouse
right there in the hotel….

You don’t need
to go anywhere,
or do anything
you don’t wanna.

Life is good.

So, you strip off
and start to forget
about this crazy world
for a while —

And, despite your
Ole Uncle Nuts’
hard and fast advice
about going commando
on a hotel duvet,

—- you dive on in
and stretch out for
a cozy siesta.

Man, them Spaniards
got the right idea, don’t they?

Just as your life
at that moment
can’t get to seem any
more agreeable, though —-

—- suddenly at the door —–

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK — 
BANG BANG BANG —
THUD THUD THUD — 
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK 

Awww, well ……
— you don’t know
anybody there,
so it can’t be important.

They’ll go away in a minute,
….. and you can
go back topillow your
quality-lodging-induced
reverie,

Fantasizing about
the free booze,
fine food, and
fair maidens
all to found in the
lobby of the
self-said-same
quality lodging.

Yes, it certainly will
be nice to t………..

BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
— again at the door.

Damn, they’re persistent
bastards,
aren’t they?

“Fuck OFF”,
you yell at the door,

….. as would be
appropriate for your
now-ruined aspirations
for some well earned rest.

But the beating, banging
and bashing continues,

….. until you finally
put your shorts on,
drag your poor road-tortured
carcass to the door,
and open it.

“Yeah, whatdayawant ?”,
you ask the well-worn
and half-crazed looking woman,
who was the perpetrator
of all that noise…..

She mutters something,
looks suddenly rather pale,
— and throws up on your foot.

“Can I use your phone?”,
she then asks,
without missing so much
as one half-note of a pause,hotel

— or even noticing
how miffed you now are,
for having some
lunatics’ gastric fluids
emptied upon you,
without even a ‘how’s yer father’….

….. simply because
you answered a
hotel room door,
and under protest,inhere
at that.

And I guess, there’s
no point at this juncture,
…. in my telling you
that this
kind of thing can
and does happen.

I just don’t think
signs are all that
effective in these
kinds of cases,
unfortunately.

Maybe cause some people
chrisnever learned how to read.

Still,
one has hopes.

I get a kick out of the variety
of the different signs I’ve seen…

I remember
when I was a kid,
my sister used to use one
on her door, even.

Although I can’t imagine
why she woulda needed one.bloom

Anyhoo….

I was in a hotel
last month in Philly,
and saw one hanging
on a room door,
….. that the folks
obviously brought
with them from home–

I can’t really show you,
… since this is a family
oriented blog (yeah, right) ,

but let’s just say the drawing featured was five stick people engaged in
entertaining each other.

The legend said:
We’re Busy —
But, Cum On In

And damn it,
I was way too tired
to even peek
my head in.

Another one
I saw in Philly
had a picture
of a couple of sheep…

It said:
Still Counting — counting
Disturb If You Dare
“.

I wouldn’t dream of it….

Even when I thought I heard
the faint, plaintive sound
of a lamb bleeting…..

ever so softly….

……. as I quickly made my
way past that room.

I did notice that
Hotel Housekeeping
spent an inordinate time
cleaning up that room
the next day, too.

Just sayin.

The mind boggles, man.

Most “Do Not Disturb”
signs aren’t really
inviting people
to come in, though,

…….. as much
inviting people
to keep away.

A little humor just
softens the ‘get lost’
vibe of them,
that’s all.

I can’t help
but wonder though….

And I’m no voyeur …

well, no more than
any other red blooded
American male, anyway..

But, doesn’t some
of these signs
make you more
curious to find out
what’s REALLY
going on
behind the door
that these
are hanging on ?

Like this one.

I mean,nopets
……. the sign
at the desk
specifically said
NO PETS !!!

Jeez…
some people
just can’t
follow rules,
I guess.

.

vintage