Stress Off

b1The rough and tumble pace
of every day life can really
be a challenge these days…

The stresses of:

work, money,

It can really cut
into your horizontal
fun-time quotient, ya know ?

We’re working more,
but we have less leisure time,
and less money for recreation—

wifeAnd, if there’s an energy crisis anywhere,

–it’s in the amount of energy
we have left to expend on the
more fun, interesting and sexier stuff.

— after working,
paying taxes,
and fulfilling our responsibilities,

we’ve got little left over.

There’s been all kinds of social changes,
bringing their own special problems…

For instance,1
kids are living at home longer now…..

— it’s actually very common for 20 somethings.

And this certainly could put the KYE-BOSH
on any fun-time activities …..

for anybody,
and everybody in the house !

I guess if you think about it hard enough,  a1
you could always find alternative places
where you could go to ….
errrr …..
express yourself…..

But the atmosphere of some places,

even the more out of the way places,

a…. can just kinda ruin the moment.

The sweet girl-next-door –

– and the stalwart,
hard working,
monogamously-dedicated family-man types

are becoming pretty rare,

and I guess it can be hard to meet those kinds of folks at times…

— but then neither type was ever really known aa
as all that sexually adventurous to begin with, anyway.

internet dating is kinda impersonal,

and can be very unreliable……

Candor in terms of personal online relationships has tanked.

And the explosion of electronic technology
has blurred the lines of recreation…

Reverse electronic fantasies –

afantasies that reality can’t measure up to,

—but electronics CAN put into some digitized form –

have replaced the kind
you used to try to make come true for yourself.

Certain aspects of our culture have left people feeling
as if human face to face contact isn’t necessary,
or even desirable,
in order to enjoy our lives….

As if somehow, we could,
or should, call
exist as if we were all living in some kinda vacuum.

I read last week about a guy who claims to be in love with his .

His vacuum cleaner, that is.

I think it was a Hoover.

I wonder if it was one of them ones
with all the special attachments.

(I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a Roomba, anyway. )

Oh sure,

airbubbleI guess you might choose
to add some sex toys to your repertoire
to attract more interest from the opposite sex …

or perhaps it might have the opposite effect ?

No man really likes the idea
that a mechanical device can do a better job
at satisfying a woman than he can…

from her perspective,
it must be hard to argue with 40 pulses per second.

And there’s no substitute a1a
for knowing what to say and how to say it….

That’s one of the purposes of a tongue, ya know.



If it becomes too much trouble to get you some,

it’s certainly easy enough
to find a up close and personal substitute for REAL sex,
peterpeckerI guess…

you can get you an inflatable
Rachel Hunter doll with real imitation Kiwi accent.

Cricky Dick!!
Oh BONK me fanny with yer wee cracker!
! ” —

Or, for you girls,

the Peter Pecker Doll,
always a big seller….

So there’s always options, I guess.baa

You could even open up
one of them there sex farms
like they got up there in Washington State.


that’s a baaaaaaaad idea, that.

Or, you could do things the OLD FASHIONED way,

aand then,
if you really want some variety,

… all you’d have to do is switch hands.


I dunno……

There’s still something missing,

Don’t ya think?




The experiential element ?

Doesn’t anybody think that
the most interesting thing about sex
is the physical, mental, and emotional interaction
between two people anymore ?

Or is really just all about orgasms in a vacuum?

not that Hoover thing again.

HOY !!!!


Can’t Figure What You Mean

figuresThis post will probably
strike my readers
as a bit out of
the ordinary —

come to think of it,
— probably not.

It certainly is a weird
ass blog, anyway–
so no.

Ah well.

Bad News:

If you’re planning on spending any timetv
with Phyllis Jefferson of Akron, Ohio,

—- be sure to bring plenty of chips and dip.

I mean, she takes these things
extremely seriously, apparently…

— as her last love interest
found out the hard way.

She was accused of stabbing her boyfriend
multiple times because he was:23
“… eating all the salsa.”

The bastard.

Felonious ” is spelled thusly .

— this isn’t just some bad trip , right?


Keep telling yourself that.burroughswithpattismith


In 1967,

William S. Burroughs wrote an article
for the underground magazine
“The Evergreen Review” called:

23 Skidoo — Eristic Elite “.

In it, he tries to explain
how the language of mass media
(and particularly cults) works, skidoo
in his own imitable, nebulous style.

I thought an excerpt of it might make
for an interesting post one day,

and have been trying to put into
some kind of frame of context
that would be relevant
for the Muscleheaded Blog.

And finally,
I just said….

Fuck it.

Let the man speak for himself.

I can surely find
23-skidoo postcards

And I did.

So, here’s a piece of William Burrough’s mind:


” Anything they can do,
you can do better.

Pick up the Concise Oxford Dictionary ,

— and mix your own linguistic virus —

concentrates fire burn and cauldron bubble

— return confluently the compliment:

eristic elite impacted banal limitrophic

imposture impotently flailing effluvial grout

mud incumbent ME grume intervolving

abrassively affricative incubus interpositional

inconsumate lubricious investiture decommissioned

externalized incondite amastrophe incrassate

misinformed ME palatogram’s epidemic

anfractuousity eschatological obscurant retiary

disaffected lumper uxorious urubu

anarchronic prologist consentual nevermore ……

….. blind man’s bluff any number can play …..

blind prose but it has direction and purpose.

One purpose is to protect a camouflaged
thesis from the embarrassment of factual testing.

If I say “England is an island’,
I can produce evidence to support
my statement should any call it into question.

If they write an article attacking the
Olympia Press as sexualizing congruent
accessibility to it’s heart of pulp fecundate
with orifaces perspectives in the name
of human privacy, they have placed
their thesis beyond the realm of fact,
since the words used refer to nothing
that can be tested.

The words used refer to nothing.

The words used have no referent. ”



Ain’t Nuthing You Can Do About It

Playing “Spin The Bottle”
as a kid should have
taught you some very
valuable lessons about
committing to do things
dictated by luck-

— usually, bad luck

It seems that the choices
that come up at random
are almost always the ones
that you or I would be least
likely to jump into the
clothes closet with,
if we had our druthers….

— even with the N.G.K. rule
absolutely firmly in place.


And yes, damn it,
druthers is a word.

I don’t know where
to tell you to look
that one up, but still……

It’s easy to say:

” Oh no, I’m not doing
any of that, I quit ! ”

But, if you should have the
impudence to commit such
a scandalous outrage–

— one that flies
in the face
of every rule
of the
association of adolescents……

…. you will be permanently
discredited and forthwith
forced to carry around
the worst of the worst
of the potential childhood
earned dis-reputations —

That of a low-down,
gold bricker.


So, of course —
you give in to it,
and acquire a memory
that maybe you’re not
all that fond of remembering.

Did you know you can
actually taste the rubber bands
on someone else’s set of
orthodontic braces?

And that it was the girls
to which you were least
— that were always
the ones that wanted
to shove their tongues
farthest down your throat?

my aching uvula.

It’s all part of that whole
‘coming of age’ rigamarole,
I guess.

you might be wondering
just brought this topic
to my mind all of a sudden,
just in time for today’s post —

And I gotta be totally
honest with you —shakespeare

I was blowing up a rubber
balloon for a collegues’
birthday party and that
very special flavor/night
came raging back from my
long term memory,
— a good 40 something
years later.

Weird how your
memory works, huh ?

I hope she got
those braces off finally.

!!!!! HOY !!!!!