Magic Words

Ever think that
there must be
some magic words
that could make
people be more
copacetic or things
turn out the way
you’d like em to?

Hey,
I like magic.

Who doesn’t?

But, I was trying
some out the other
day, and it didn’t
seem like any of
them got any result
other than a less-than
-resounding-dull-thud
from somewhere way out
in the far-flung
western universe.

Maybe I’ve just set
my expectations too
high, I dunno.

A simple rabbit
outta the hat,
or a puff of
smoke was all
I was really
asking for,
but a string
of multi-colored
handkerchiefs,
or a zap of
cosmically
generated
electricity
woulda been
ok, too.

Or maybe the words
are defective in
some way or even
expired.

So I ask:

Do previously
magical phrases like
Presto “,
” Alikazzaam” ,
Hocus-Pocus
” Voila ”
Abracadabra ” ,
” Shazzbat” ,
and even
Ala Peanut
Butter Sandwiches ”
require an update?

Yes, it would seem,
alas, the assumption
that words, once
uttered, remain
fresh and efficacious
indefinitely has proven
to be a fallacy,
time after time.

It makes one wonder
if such is so with
the world’s greatest
magic word –
LOVE
– or maybe it
just requires an
adjustment in intonation
and constant practice?

Hmmm…

Why’s everything
gotta be so
complicated
all the time?

!!! HOY !!!

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Your Time Is Up

brothel timerI have some
cool friends,
man.

My old buddy
from VA has
sent me a couple
of unique pics
from the turn of
the century on a
subject that I’ve
never paid much
attention to before ;

I guess it should
have been obvious
that something like
these existed, but it
just never came up ..
… if you know
what I mean.

Yes, these are
brothel candles —
used by ladies of
the evening for the
purpose of keeping
things…bordello
well, let’s say,
coming and going.

They burn down
slowly, taking between
7 and 10 minutes –

( half that time if
you’re one of those
guys who burn their
candle at both ends…. )

— so, at the bordello,
or anywhere else for
that matter, your
friendly neighborhood
courtesan lights it as
you cross her palms
with gelt, and when
it goes out, so do you.

They’d have been one
of those necessary
items for the trade,
I guess ( along with
a block and tackle in
my case, absolutely
necessary to get
Lil Elvis up once
he knew that any
financial transaction
was involved ).

You had to be
careful with these,
cause they’d get
very messy and
drip all over
otherwise.

Maybe they have
digital ones now,
for all I know.

Ah well.

An interesting
bit o’ history,
don’t you think?

brothel timer

Toofer Tuesday

Somehow I think
it’s appropriate….

since my long
dreaded semi-annual
visit to my crusty,
trusty Dentist is
scheduled for today,
that we choose
a topic that
reveals just how
past generations
regarded the
profession
of the exodontist.

They didn’t
seem to like em.

Just sayin’.

Hey, don’t shoot
the messenger,
man.

It’s not that
he ain’t a
great guy
– he is –
and it ain’t like
his cute nurse
ever hesitates
to hold my hand
and make me feel
like I don’t really
hate everything
about what I’m
about to be going
through in that
damned glorified
barber’s chair….

And he’s never
objected, not
even once, to
my Ipod blaring
in both of my ears
in a vain attempt
to block out the
mental screaming
emanating from
the back of my
amygdala —
and my not so
silent, but very
desperate desire
to escape the
reality of the
moment.

The receptionist even
saves me a couple red
lollipops for when the
mostly imagined
agony is all over.

Really,
they’re all lovely
in that office.

It’s me with the
attitude problem
about it, and
I know that.

If I had spent
one hundredth
of the time
taking care of
my purleys when
I was a young man,
I wouldn’t be wasting
half my life in there,
now.

So, I gotta
just suck it up,
like one of those
noisy, invasive
devices the nurse
is always shoving
down into my
lower lip.

And now that
I think about it,
why does the
application of
the pain killer
hurt worse than
just having the
work done
cold turkey ???

( I imagine,
anyway…. )

Oh sure,
and
I don’t like the
look of those
needles he uses,
either.

All pointy
and stuff.

It conjures up
images of Doctor
Frankenstein —

He’s ALIVE !!!!!!

And why
should I have
to have an XRAY
every time?

I feel like my mouth
is going to be glowing
in the dark before
too long.

I have a sneaking
suspicion that the
X-Ray technician only
flirts with me so I
won’t make a fuss,
I must say.

Sure it works,
why wouldn’t it ?

I’m human.

Sorta.

!!! HOY !!!

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Here Comes The Judge

The Pontiac GTO Judge —
one of the most iconic
muscle cars of the late
1960’s; offered in both
Hard-top and Convertible.

It was intended
to be an inexpensive,
stripped down GTO
model but with a bit
more gitty-up……

.. it came with a spoiler,
a 366 horsepower Ram
Air III engine, rally wheels,
wide tires, and a Hurst
shifter, and of course,
the Judge decal package.

Pontiac wanted to offer
the package to go up
against the Plymouth
Road Runner, and it was
originally only available
in Carousel Red
(a sorta orange color).

Yet, against all expectations,
the GTO Judge somehow
captured the buying public’s
imagination and sales soared.

More than 6,800 were
sold the first year, and
Pontiac relented mid-year
in offering the Judge in
all the GTO colors.

In 1970, an additional engine
option was added in the 370
HP RAM IV engine, and some
additional colors; about 3800
were produced.

Unfortunately, pressure on
the muscle car market in
general was being brought
by a combination of high
insurance company rates,
rising gas prices, and
increasing production
costs — and a decline in
demand for and the
manufacture of large
horsepower cars like
the GTO Judge resulted.

1971 was the GTO
Judge’s final year….
and only 357 were
produced before it was discontinued in February of that year.

.

!! HOY !!!

.

 

The Yellow Kid

Maybe you remember
the time I posted the
story of “Buster Brown“-
a comic strip that used
to run in newspapers
owned by William
Randolph Hearst,
in many affiliated
and syndicated
newspapers
around the
United States…

The main character
eventually became
an advertising
device for a shoe
company.

But, many folks
don’t know that
the artist who
created Buster
by the name of
Richard F. Outcault,
created a more
historically important
comic character,
“The Yellow Kid”.

You’ve heard the
expression
” Yellow
Journalism “ ?

Well, the term is
originally derived
from a reference to
the Yellow Kid comic
strip …

(“Yellow Kid
Journalism” was
the original term)

…expressing the
idea that newspapers
would print
almost anything,
including a Sunday
Color Comic Strip
Supplement in order
to sell newspapers.

( Which it did . )

It was also one of
the first comics
to use ‘speech
balloons’- when
the strip was
originally called
Hogan’s Alley “.

One other thing
it did, I guess,
was prove the
absolute
ruthlessness
of Randolph Hurst
as a publisher –

– he hired Outcault
away from his original
newspaper (Joseph
Pulitzer’s
New York World)
with a monetary offer
that the man just
couldn’t refuse –

– Pulitzer responded by
continuing the strip
with another artist
(George Luks )
and a slight variation
in the characters -> ->

So, in effect, the
Yellow Kid was running
in two versions in two
different syndications,
for about a year.

While the Luks version
was discontinued in 1897,
the Outcault original
out-lasted it another
two or three years.

If one looks closely,
it can be observed
that the Kid was a
product of the
urban slum
poverty that
was endemic
in New York
City at the time;

But, according to
Outcault himself:

” The Yellow Kid was not
an individual but a type.
When I used to go about
the slums on newspaper
assignments I would
encounter him often,
wandering out of doorways
or sitting down on dirty
doorsteps. I always loved
the Kid. He had a sweet
character and a sunny
disposition, and was
generous to a fault.
Malice, envy or
selfishness were not
traits of his, and he
never lost his temper.”

Societal tastes
were changing
rapidly at the
turn of the
century, and
since Outcault
did not have
any control of
the copyright on
“The Yellow Kid”,
he was disinclined
to continue the strip –
although the character
continued to be used in
all sorts of advertising
items and novelties –
from dolls and soap,
cigarette packs,
to buttons, fans,
and even liquor.

Yellow advertising ?

Perhaps.

But the character
represents a point
in time when people
were becoming
increasingly aware
of the horrors of
tenement living
and the
plights of the
disadvantaged,
and the eventual
demise of the Kid
probably had
more to do
with the fact that
people no longer
thought stuff like
human suffering
and poverty
was at
all funny.

And here’s
to that.

!!! HOY !!!

.

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Googie For You

A friend of mine
sent me a couple
pictures, and a
riddle —

She asked :

what would you
call this style of
signage?

I thought
about it,
and came up
with all sorts of
descriptive names
that really didn’t
narrow it down,
for some reason-
– retro-futuristic
was the best I
could come up with.

She then let the
cat outta the bag —
(what the cat was
doing in there in
the first place,
well, don’t ask…. )
and told me about
something called
“Googie Architecture”.

Now, you might
not believe me,
but according to
Wikipedia,
” Googie architecture
is a form of post-modern
architecture, a subdivision
of futurist architecture
influenced by car culture,
jets, the Space Age, and
the Atomic Age;
originating in Southern
California during the late
1940s and continuing
approximately into the
mid-1960s. “

Damn,
I shoulda
knowd that.

You could have
beat me over the
head with a stupid
stick —

— cause I never
even heard of it,
even though I’ve
always LOVED
that style.

I remember a lot
of those in Miami
Beach, and in
Wildwood, N.J. as
well —

— not to mention,
the most famous
Googie Style sign
of all time —

The Welcome to
Fabulous Las Vegas
sign.

You can still see a
lot of it, if you look
close, on Motels,
Car Washes, Drive
In Theatres, Bowling
Alleys — it was a style
that was extremely
popular in the early
space age —

— expressing a very
optimistic, light hearted
view of what was coming
in society.

It can be recognized
by the dramatic use
of parabolas,
boomerangs,
flying saucers,
atomic shapes,
unusual neons,
and geometric
figures like
balls, oblong
triangles, etc…

– usually combined with
a pastel or bright color
motif.

I think Donald Fagen’s
song:
What A Beautiful
World – I.G.Y

really hits this style
right on the money.

And, I figured
I’d give you
some samples of
Googie signage
to look at while
you listened.

Cool,
right ?

If you’ve got pictures
of Googie that you’d
like to see featured
here, just send em
right along…

We got plenty
of room !

.

!!! HOY !!!


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