Your Time Is Up

brothel timerI have some
cool friends,
man.

My old buddy
from VA has
sent me a couple
of unique pics
from the turn of
the century on a
subject that I’ve
never paid much
attention to before ;

I guess it should
have been obvious
that something like
these existed, but it
just never came up ..
… if you know
what I mean.

Yes, these are
brothel candles —
used by ladies of
the evening for the
purpose of keeping
things…bordello
well, let’s say,
coming and going.

They burn down
slowly, taking between
7 and 10 minutes –

( half that time if
you’re one of those
guys who burn their
candle at both ends…. )

— so, at the bordello,
or anywhere else for
that matter, your
friendly neighborhood
courtesan lights it as
you cross her palms
with gelt, and when
it goes out, so do you.

They’d have been one
of those necessary
items for the trade,
I guess ( along with
a block and tackle in
my case, absolutely
necessary to get
Lil Elvis up once
he knew that any
financial transaction
was involved ).

You had to be
careful with these,
cause they’d get
very messy and
drip all over
otherwise.

Maybe they have
digital ones now,
for all I know.

Ah well.

An interesting
bit o’ history,
don’t you think?

brothel timer

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Over The Hump

Wednesday,
huh ?

The most anti-climactic day of the year on the roughest day of the week.

Hoo boy.

I know
why they
call this
‘hump day’
and all —

You’d think that
would improve
my outlook on it
somehow,
wouldn’t ya ?

Oh–
that’s not why
they call it
‘hump day’ ???

Now,
I’m really
bummed, man.

Well, ok –
so, I did some
research and
found a reference
to ‘ Hump Day ‘
in a 1960’s article
about the days
of the week.

It seems to have
been derived from
a World War II
expression
“Over The Hump”-

Soldiers and Marines
drawing fire from
elevated enemy
positions would
often have to go
‘over the hump’-

— capture the
high ground,
or die trying.

Hell.

I think I liked
my original
understanding
of the saying
much better.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Just Shocking

Hi Friends.

You Ole Buddy
Muscleheaded here
with more happy helpful
household hints from
the wacky world of
yesteryear.

You may find this
hard to believe,
but it wasn’t all
that long ago that
people didn’t understand
just how dangerous
electricity was , and
how easily it could
be used to electrocute
yourself doing stupid stuff.

I guess there’s still some
folks today who don’t get
it, now that I think about
it….

Still…

you may find this vintage
guide from 1931 Austria,
called :
‘Elektroschutz in 132
Bildern’

— (‘ electric protection
in 132 pictures ‘) —

somewhat instructive,
even if it’s just on the
subject of the weird
things folks thought
they could do
while ‘ plugged in ‘ .

Some of these ideas
are common sense,
but other ones make
you wonder just what
the hell somebody
(anybody) mighta been
thinking – or doing –
to make it necessary
to include it in a guide
like this.

Then again, coming
up with 132 different
stupid things to do with
electricity might be harder
than it initially sounds.

So, maybe you would need
to include warnings like not
using an electric cattle prod
on your best friend…..

…. or not milking a cow
while putting yourself
across a live circuit.

I dunno…..

I tried it —

No, not the cattle prod
or the milking, either …

( although I think
I do remember trying
a variant of that one
in my early adulthood )

but, I meant coming up
with 132 stupid things
to do with high voltage,
cause I ran out at #80.

Which was standing barefoot
in the Nuit Blanche fountain
while changing the light bulbs.

You’ll be seeing more
than blue, man.

Oh- and I just thought of
number #81 —

Ironing while taking a bath.

Not a good time saver.

I think you get
what I mean,
though….

….. about having only a
limited number of reasonable
options, before it gets kinda
silly.

And since I like silly,
I got rid of the more
reasonable ones and
kept the weirder ones for
this post.

My favorite,
I saved for last,
by the way.

Don’t piss on
high tension wires.

Words to live by, I say.

!! HOY !!

More Secrets of Flowers

You mighta seen yesterday’s
post about the “Secret
Language of Flowers” —
if you didn’t well,
here’s a link to it.

If you did, you’re probably
a lot like me, sayin’ :

” HEY- You cut it off
at the most interestin’
part —
SEX. ” 

Hey,
I’m on your side –
I really am.

It’s just that I had made
a New Years resolution
to try and balance my
posts out a bit so I wouldn’t
come off like some kinda
over-sexed under-sexed
extra-horny middle-aged
musclehead.

But everything considered,
it hasn’t really worked
all that good I don’t think –
so I don’t know why I bother.

Still, it gives me a
perfect excuse, so
that’s my story and
I’m stickin’ with it.

And I might mention
at this point that all
the pics of flowers
in this post are in
order of mention.

So, #1 is cornflower,
#2 is bluebell, etc, etc.

Anyhoo —
to the matter at hand .
Or wherever.

Oh,
If that hand thing
happens to be your
idea of a good time,
you might want to
wear a cornflower (1) 

Or just stay home, I dunno.
A hand’s a hand, man.
Ahem.

Did you know that if
you wear a harebell
(bluebell (#2) to a club,
you are telling people
you have ‘submissive’
tendencies?

Well, there you are.

And since one side of
the coin isn’t much good
without the other,
we’ll tell you that a person
wearing a cherry blossom (3)
indicates an inclination
toward ‘dominance’.

And one who likes to
inflict pain might be
wearing a marigold (4).

And one who likes to
receive it might be
wearing stinging nettle. (5)

Sounds like the beginning
of quite a fascinating
party to me.

It’s all hidden inside
the secret language of flowers …

A person who likes to enjoy
affection from several folks
at once might, for instance,
wear a morning glory (6)
like the one shown.

Bright colors are a key usually
to spotting flowers being used
this way —

And as you can see-
being color blind isn’t going
to be exactly helpful here….

but if you learn your blossoms
well enough,
— you’ll get by, I bet.

Especially if,
(I’m hesitant to mention it),
you happen to be into wearing
or folks who wear diapers,
since there’s a flower for you too –
and no color perception needed.

Yes, Baby’s Breath (7) is
actually used for this.

Seems almost logical, huh?
I guess.

And please remember,
you can’t just jump in
and assume that just
because somebody likes
a certain kind of flower,
that there’s an instant
social contract or such –

— man, this ain’t supposed
to be valid in the produce
section of the supermarket.

It’s just for a frame
of reference
in the right circumstances…..

So, don’t blame me if you end
up on the wrong end of a big
stick or other weapon of
individual destruction
wielded by a totally
not-interested party
(Burdock #8)
or a pissed off virgin
(Orange Flower #9).

(of course, they could
just be fakin’ it —
#10 FLAX )

Bird of Paradise (#11) indicates
someone of a more or less
Greek disposition.

And Lily of the Valley (#12)
suggests one likes to watch/or
likes to be watched.

Confused , yet ?

Well, I am.

!!! HOY !!!