The Language of Fruits and Vegetables

Our post today features
some Fruit and Veggies —

But, it’s not of those
ponderous health-based
tomes on why you should
eat all the broccoli in
your favorite take-out
Stir-Fry dish —

— despite the fact that
the place you get it
from puts five times
more broccoli in the
dish than beef —

and that they should
call it “Broccoli and Beef”
instead of “Beef and Broccoli”
if they’re gonna do that —

(hey, don’t blame me-
— I won’t touch the stuff)

today we’re going
much weirder-
— as we ask the
hard hitting questions
that’s on everyones’
mind these days —

What’s the language of vegetables?

And : 

Does your favorite fruit describe
aspects of your personality
bad habits and/or love life?

Well, according to several hundreds
of different vintage postcard designs-
— yeah, sorta.

It’s all very
tongue in cheek,
you might say-
and some of the references
get pretty obscure.

Well, you can see
for yourself.

Mushrooms and Love —
” Thrive Best In The Dark” 


I dunno,
maybe they have
a point there.

Among the artists who
created postcards based
on this rather unusual
anthropomorphic theme
was the British illustrator
George Studdy, known
for his ‘Bonzo’ the dog

His vegetal postcards,
called “Fruity Fables”,
were so popular that
they ran into several
series over the years.

A favorite of mine is
“Aunt Gooseberry
Runs True To Type” —

Hey, we’ve all been
there, haven’t we?

You’ll find puns galore —

this card about
the language of apples —

true to the corps ?

Oh man,
that one makes you want
to start throwing them.

But I’m sure somebody
must have found it
a-peel-ling, I guess.


Now, whether anyone
can really learn anything
important about humanity,

-however botanical in nature-

from these cards,
or others like it,
is still up for question.

Collecting them
is fun, though —

They’re colorful and
speak to a much simpler time….

Even if you don’t
lose your leaf over them.

!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!






It’s Not Just Active – It’s Radioactive

radiumdanceSome of you poor,
long-suffering souls
who have kept up with
the Muscleheaded Blog
over the years–

may, ‘may’ I say-
just barely remember
a post we did on
common but radioactive
household products
from ‘back in the day’ —

( Oh, do I hate that expression —
how do such abominablepostacrd
catchphrases work their
way into our vocabularies,
anyway? )

Well, since then,
we’ve had several of our
fine readers send us stuff
that we missed, forgot, iv
skipped, disregarded
or otherwise ignored
in the first post…..

And we figure,
the least we can do
is rectify the situation.

I guess nobody today nuclearecordduster
really needs an explanation
on exactly WHY this stuff
would be bad for you….

Something to do with reactivity,
alpha and gamma rays, and
scientific sounding stuff like that.
If you’re interested,
there’s a fascinating article
on the ‘Radium Ladies’ here

Remember the glow-in-the-dark
watch dial your grandfather had?

Suffice to say that
painting the radium
onto those watch faces
wasn’t the healthiest way
to make a living.

And using any of the products
on this post probably wasn’t bath
gonna be all that good
for you, either.

Ok, maybe your LP records
won’t get cancer from
using a radioactive record
cleaning brush —
— but you certainly could.

Just imagine the potential damage
caused by the daily use of a
uranium comforter,
reactive chocolate.
barium baths
or radium suppositories.
Or trying to keep your hair
after a couple doses of
radioactive hair-color?

“65 and never a grey hair”.

Yeah, I’d bet.

And all this unhealthy rad
being packaged and
sold in ‘glowing’
descriptive advertising.

so it’s a pun.

What did you expect…



hand handcleaner

salve supp


Beware Friday The 13th

jinxHappy Friday
the 13th, Y’all !

Like last year,
(when there was only 1)
you might notice a
distinct paucity
of Friday the 13ths
this year.

That’s ’cause there’s only
two in this whole year.

Today, and
in October —
(on the 13th, of course)lemon

In 2015 there were three of ’em.

It’s probably
just as well, though.

Because ,
no matter how many
turn up on the calendar,

The whole Friday
the 13th claptrap
upsets a buncha folks.

And although I’m meow
not really one of them,

I do understand it hasn’t been
the best of all days
for folks throughout the years —

20 million people are said to suffer
from a serious case of what’s called

Oh sure,married

if somebody might come along
and force you to try
to pronounce THAT word,

— paraskevidekatriaphobia —


you really would have
something to be afraid of.

I had a fit just trying to spell it.

The day’s been considered friday13t
a very unlucky one
ever since Philip the Fair
grabbed as much treasure—

— and as many Knights Templars —

as he could find in France
on Friday, October 13, 1307.

He had issued secret
arrest orders to his marshals–

not to be opened
until the early morning friday13
of that day —

and although his treacherous act
brought about his own
downfall eventually,

it still has come down to us
in the Western World
as a very bad day, indeed.

The Airlines plan for less traffic,

Restaurants plan for less tables,

Bars actually serve less booze,dynamo

the Police expect more
domestic disputes,

the Fire Department puts
more firemen on call,

the Hospitals expect
more accidents,

the Stock Market looks
for a downturn,

— and there sure have been
some really archie
crummy, creepy movies
made about the subject, too.

I can’t explain just how
a blood spattered maniac
wielding a noisy
gas powered chain-saw
while wearing a hockey mask
can sneak up on ANYBODY,

— but it must be ladder
possible, I guess.

Ok, I admit–

I don’t do horror movies,

’cause the real world offers
so much pain and degradation already,

I have no desire to watch it for fun.

So maybe this Jason guy
uses some secret potion,
exotic gas or mystical spell
to put his victims asleep,
EPSON scanner imageor at the very least,
make them stupid first —

I dunno.

Just once,

You’d figure somebody
would fight back, or RUN,

—- but, no —

They select a rotten hiding place
in the same exact graveyard
where the maniac likes to
spend all his quality leisure time,

Or they simply stand there13
wide-eyed and screaming
until the crazy guy stalks
right up to em.

Good plan.


I don’t get it.

It must be the same dynamic
that applies to the mindset
when they roll out
the just barely post-WW II era
Rikujō Jieitai Sherman Tanks 13
to get squished wholesale
by a completely impervious
and totally pissed off
Godzilla on the rampage,

— like so many
empty peanut shells
on the floor of a crappy
and ridiculously overpriced
local ‘steak’ house that doesn’t
know a rare rib-eye
from a well-done one.


I admit that particular
reference is a little low
and inside….

And somehow,

I think I got totally
sidetracked on food again.


Oh well,

Gimme a good13friday
Godzilla movie,
a tender steak,
and a curvy cutie
for a companion any day-
especially on Friday the 13th.




Christmas Leftovers

deadrobinforluckI got a note from one of
my regular readers that
we didn’t hit Christmas
this year with our usual verve –

– and I guess that’s true…
we do usually run it
completely into the ground,
until you just wanna throw up —
— sorta like they do with those
commercials featuring ‘Flo’
or that damned reptile…..

and of course,
while we here
at the Müscleheaded Blog
consider making our readersscrewy
feel a bit queasy is all
part and parcel with
what we do around
here on a regular basis…

… still, we thought we’d
give y’all a break.

— But —

Some observant
wisenheimer had to go
and jinx the whole thingshave
by noticing we were
trying to be nice guys
about it..

You woulda thought
you woulda learned
your lesson after
complaining aboutsantablimp
the small Christmas
bonus last year-
cause you got nothing
at all this year.

Be thankful
and remain silent,
that’s what I always say.

sausageWell, actually,
I don’t say that–

— ’cause I was the
big-mouthed loser
who complained about
the damned bonus.


Take it for
what it’s worth.

In this case,
nuprobably nuthin.

(Like these folks are wearin.)

We do have a couple of
cool images our readers
have sent in that missed
the Annual Muscleheaded
Blockbuster Christmas
Blog Schedule deadlines —

–and it would be a
damned shame to
have to wait until
next year to use them,
because they genuinely
ARE weird or unique, halchrist
and because we’re
all about instant
gratification around here,
ya know.

My friend Katie is responsible
for the first two.

I’m told that a dead robin
was supposed to be good luck
in Victorian times.

I guess sending a
postcard would obviously
smell a lot better
than the real thing.

We’ve also got:

A Creepy Christmas Card With Owls future
(A design left over
from Halloween, I’ll bet)

Santa in a Blimp 
(I don’t think that
ever caught on )

Santa in a Rocket Sled
( I don’t think that’ll
catch on, either)

A Nudist Christmas card
(Apparently it was
a thing in the 50’s)

A Guy Shaving For Christmas
(It takes a village, I guess ) cat

A Riveting Christmas With Rosie
(Screwy and Wearing Pants )

A Bad Pun About Sausage 
(Yeah, is there
a GOOD pun ?)

A Somehow Still Relevant Political Card
(Santa can’t beat
the bags under her eyes)
An Evening Out With The Clauses 
(Boy, she looks
totally different in civvies )

And our finale —

Another Bad Pun
About Big Boobs 
( … yeah, the pun maybe –
but there’s no such thing
as bad big boobs.)

!!!! HOY !!!!!!