Another Strange Holiday Load

I dunno if you’ve been
paying a lot of attention
or not —

but I have to tell you that
we’re sneaking up ever
so closer and closer
to Christmas.

Hey, don’t blame me –

it’s on the calendar
every year
on the same day –

– you’d think that
we’d be used
to it by now.

Oh well.

To do my part to make
you feel as merry and
ho-ho-ho as possible,
I’ve dug down deep in
my ole sack —

( I was itchy anyway)

and come up with more
very bizarre Christmas
greeting cards from the
very festive days of
yesteryear.

One might even call
them yester-weird.

One of the things that
was big in the 1940’s,
for instance, were
‘face’ cards –

— the local print shop
would make up a
humorous background
or theme and then
get their customers
to send in family photos —

– those would then be
superimposed onto a
personalized holiday card.

Sure, they sold a ton of
the things in the 40’s,
but now, they look as
strange and out of place
as Donald Duck in a
changing booth at
Victoria’s Secret.

( Don’t ask me why
that mental picture
is funny to me,
…. it just is .. )

Another involved people
going a little too
anthropomorphic
with their pets ….

— those poor doggies.

I keep telling people that
dogs don’t like to be
dressed up in stupid
costumes and stuff–

—baby bonnets – really??

Dogs take exception to that
kinda thing, because they’ve
got PRIDE, man…

But no one will listen.

You want to cut people’s
heads off and put em on
top of stockings, well, you
got right on and do it.

Just leave your
poor canines out of it.

!!! HOY !!!

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More Candy

My post today has
me echoing a phrase
I used a lot when I
was just a young buck
out trick or treating
— “More Candy !”

Of course, what I meant then
was kinda different than
what I mean today,
as you will soon see —

— but the thrust of
the subject
was the same —

cause, who don’t
like candy, right ?

If it’s good enough
for the damn
Dionne Quintuplets,
it should be damn
good enough
for us.

And before you
mention it, I’m
very well aware
that I opened with a
picture of what was
not candy at all,
but chewing gum –
cause it was my
FAVORITE  —
Fruit Stripe Gum.

Man, you just didn’t get
15 seconds of flavor
like that anywhere else.

After that, of course,
it was chewing
rubber sealant,
(like any other gum
at the time)
but those 15 seconds–
—- wowie.

So anyhoo —

I called this post
‘more candy’
cause some of
you long suffering
regular readers may
recall that I posted
about vintage candy
before —
here.

Hmmm….

It’s not that I have
anything new to say
about candy since
the post aforementioned…
although I did acquire
some cool vintage ads ….

And even though I
no longer imbibe
in the stuff because
my poor ole teeth
won’t stand for it —

I can still reminisce a bit
and remember the stuff
that wrecked my dental
work in the first place.

Actually, I was hoping
to put kinda a dirty spin
on the candy theme,
but it ain’t as easy
as it might sound —

— despite me being an
expert on spinning
anything innocent
into something
instantly ribald —

I must be getting old.

Still, there’s always hope.

Does it help if I say that
I used to date a stripper
who used the name
( a nom-de-burlesque)
Candy Stryper ” ?

Oh..
I guess not.

Ok, well…

She was a very
sweet girl, anyway.

Like I said before-
MORE CANDY !!!!

!!!! HOY !!!!

Dazzle Em With Bullsh*t

temptToday’s post is brought to you in glorious blog-o-vision —

By the number 294,187,

…. and the letter § .

Substantial support for this program
was from a grant
by the Dumb-Down-Society Society.

Additional support came from America’s Oil Companies
— who remind you to:baffle

“Take Care of the Environment –
— You’re Only Borrowing It (…. from us )”

Ummm yeah…..

Let’s get back to concentrating on what is really important.worked

Laughing and having fun.
Ya know….
Enjoying your life.

‘Cause without that, well……….

why don’t we all just work 18 hours a day…

and one day they’ll find us
old,
wrinkley,a1
gray,
used up,
and dead at the switch.

Hey–
all work and no play makes Jack a very boring
and prematurely shriveled up boy.

And shriveled is NEVER good.

Work your fingers to the bone,
and what do you get ?stap

Boney fingers, man, boney fingers.

I’d rather fun myself to death.

With that in mind:

FUN 101 —
Let’s have some fun with old advertising.

The most fun you can have by yourself.

Or when with some people.

weirdI love old ads–

— they really are funny (and weird) when you start to think about ’em.

One of the reasons I’m interested in the earlier days of advertising is because

— a lot of the techniques that advertisers use on us today, were used a lot less seamlessly back then….

You can kinda tell when they were exaggerating–

— or just plain lying to ya …drugs

But, since no one seemed to mind it,
the guys on Madison Avenue just kept getting better and better at it.

And what they think of Joe Citizen’s intelligence level seems painfully obvious, too.

So now,
you can’t watch a TV program or read a publication
without being thrown every subliminal corporate logo,
advertisement and spin,spa
that they can sneak in there.

You don’t know which one is the commercial,
and which one is the program.

Actually,
I don’t think there is any difference, anymore.

All you know fer sure, is:
if their lips are moving,
they must be trying to sell ya something.

Phooey.shoes

Another reason I like to look at old ads,
is that there’s usually some interesting trivia that goes along with it…..

Did you ever hear that old saying:

when some know-nothing is talking,
— and somebody else comments
on how ” they don’t know shit from shinola” ?

Well, back in the 1940’s,
you’d put on THIS shit on your shoes

————  and it WAS “Shinola”.

Embarrassing, isn’t it ??

So…..

…. speaking of… err… ummmm….

Shinola…..regular

How’s your digestion been lately?

Cause ya know….

…… IT’S GREAT TO BE REGULAR.

All-vegetable makes the difference.

To what,
I dunno…..

But I have to say, as I’ve gotten older,

— these very bizarre looking images are getting easier and easier to relate to…..

Damn, it sucks getting older.

Ahem. boom

Back in the 1950’s, not only was regularity a problem, but so was this —–

Yes, the possibility of an inconvenient A-Bomb attack caused a good deal of consternation among fastidious housewives across the U.S. —

I mean, it makes dusting so much of a chore.

But no worries —

FLOBAR Detergent had the answer,
— and in a handy family size .

I especially like the custom-made rubber soap holder.

You can always trust corporate America to be there for you.

And, technology is such a wonderful thing.

Hey– check this one out.

dick_tracy_watch

I want one of these…..
no batteries,
no electricity,
no wires.

Of course, the whole ‘no batteries’ thing is cool —

But can you imagine walking around and being able to talk to your friends on the GO like that ?

It’s all the convenience of a walkie-talkie,
an AM radio,
and a payphone in one portable package.

Ahhh well….comic

One day, maybe.

As futuristic as it might seem, though, there are a few issues.

For one, there’s no antenna —
and you want an antenna,
unless your pal is in your pocket.

( Say hello to my little friend…. )

So you’ll want to ground it with a wire–
…. which is especially great when there’s lightning anywhere around.

But I don’t see this would work very well just walking around, without one.

And I don’t know how you’d walk around leashed to a grounded wire antenna.

It really is self powered, though —
…. it uses a germanium diode, and it draws current from the AM signal it receives.

The problem is,
to use it as anything other than an AM radio (with no antenna),
you’ll have to connect it up to another wire.

Which will make you more like a radar station than Dick Tracy.a2

The ad also says this thing will make you the leader of your gang.

( It wouldn’t have worked in my gang, unless it generated a laser beam…. )

What the ad doesn’t say is that you’re signing up to sell copies of a crummy magazine, too.

A later ad for the same product kinda makes the ups and downs of the whole racket ‘crystal clear’…… after numerous consumer complaints.

Still…..
it’s a kinda cool little contraption, that whole germanium diode thing.

If you’re interested in building a radio that works on this principle, here’s a link to a how to.

The Allies actually snuck radio sets like this into German POW camps during World War 2….

Since they didnt need a power source, they were ideal for listening to coded messages on the BBC.

They were built into the underside of cribbage boards, inside ping pong paddles, baseballs etc.

The operation ( “MIS-X” ) wasnt even exposed until the early 1990’s–
…… it had been a well kept classified secret for 40 years.

Who says the government can’t keep a secret?

aaNow, this here is a very interesting ad for a kids toy.

Note that this is an ad for a three in one air pistol for $3.49 out of a kids comic book.

And I guess it’s a lotta gun for the money.

Lesssee…..

It shoots BB’s…. mmmm hmmm…..

It shoots Pellets ………
ok…….

…….. and it shoots STEEL DARTS ????????

Just who the fark thought that THIS was a good idea?

Um hmmmm……

Calling Dick Tracy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

calling