Coming Clean

Swift’s Pride Soap
and Washing Powder
was made in Chicago
by Swift & Company
from around 1875
into the 1930’s.

Swift was a famous
meat-packer, and
found that making
soap was a natural
extension of his
business – about
a dozen different
varieties of it were
manufactured at
the Chicago plant
as well as in Atlanta,
Georgia.

They included
several perfumed
soaps and specialty
cleansers like:
Swift’s Pride
Washing Powder,
Sunbrite Cleaner,
Swift’s Wool Soap,
and a product called
Lexard Superfatted
Toilet Bar .

The cards featured
on the blog today
are advertising cards
for the Swift’s Pride
line of soaps from
around 1905 ;

As you can see,
they’re beautifully
illustrated with a
child and
the shadow
of an animal —-
nicely litho’d,
and containing
a witty verse on
each.

For instance:

” Susie’s song
was very sweet,
She never
missed 
a note,

Her voice was
just
a little bleat,

It sounded like
a goat. “

.

” Bertha’s bonnet
is the style,
Maybe you have heard, 
Bertha’s clothes
and Bertha’s smile
Make her
quite a bird. “

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Advertisements

Soft Soaping

No Soap.

Soap Opera.

Don’t Drop The Soap.

Soap On A Rope.

Soap Scum.

Soft Soap.

All Soaped Up.

Soap Party.

Soap Poisoning.

99.4 % Pure Soap.

Soap Dodger.

If there’s no suds,
there’s no soap.

Soap Bubbles.

Mark Twain
said that :

” Soap and
education
are not as
sudden as a
massacre,
but they are
more deadly
in the
long run. “

Soap is one
of those
things that
pervades
every aspect
of our
daily lives in
some way,
and certainly
as part
of our daily
parlance.

That doesn’t
mean that
we’re all
that squeaky
clean,
of course —

– as the writer
G.K. Chesterton
noted:

” Man does not
live 
by soap
alone; and

hygiene, or
even health,

is not much
good unless

you can take
a healthy

view of it or,
better still,

feel a healthy
indifference

to it. “

Soap’s a
pretty simple
thing, really —
a little fat,
a little salt.

You kinda
take it for
granted, unless,
of course, someone
you know really
does take it for
granted….

— cause you’ll
quickly notice
the absence
of it’s use.

Still, soap
can make
for an
interesting
subject for
a blog post,
as we’re
attempting
to prove
today here
on the
Muscleheaded
Blog….

… by
blowing
some
nice
vintage
soap bubbles
of our own.

Let us
know
how we did.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Maurice Milliere

.

Oh, Not One Of Those

ridjidIt’s Christmas
morning,
and it’s that
yearly
time of
reckoning —

–to see
if you figured
out how to gift your
special someone
with that special
something .

And somethin’
tells me
that some lady
of you
fucked it
completely up –
– again.

Please,
please –
– tell me you didn’t
fall into the holiday
ad trap.

Advertisers have a
knack for presenting
their products
at Christmastimesuck
that would lead a
man to the crackpot
conclusion that
buying her
something that
you ordinarily would
consider everyday
household equipment
is a great idea
for a holiday present.

And such bad ideassilverware
on what to
get her have been
featured in advertising
for decades ……

… and you ain’t learned
YET ?

Man, –
whatever else
you do –
don’t listen to the ads.

Woe to you,
my friend,stuff
if you have been
wooed by the siren
songs of :

“happier households
with a Hoover” —

“crock pots
make her hot” ,

“silverware for
your sweetie”,

or even a
“mixer for
your mistress”.

‘Cause that vacuum cleanerhoover
you gift her for Christmas
2018 will be the only thing
that’s going to get any
sucking action in 2019.

You will have violated
the unspoken rule :

— been
hornswoggled,
hoaxed,
and hoodwinked,

— you will have
tread upon
the devil himself’s
threshing floor,

— and dared
the angels
to reap righteous
vengeance
upon the
other male
members of
your previously
happy home.

Yes,
I pity the fool.

Remember,
for next year —
Rule Number 7
Section 4,
Subsection G
in the Man’s
Handbook :

“When in doubt,
buy her
booze,
jewelry,
or lingerie.”blacklabel

And gifting
her all three
will almost
guarantee a
very kicky
holiday
weekend,
indeed.

.

!!!! HOY !!!!!!

.

fredericks

 

Just What Are They Selling ?

Watching TV these
days has gotten to
be a bizarre experience….
not so much because of
the typically ill-contrived
programming, but more
so because of the
absolutely stupid
advertising that eats
up about 40% of
the time you spend
watching.

Just settling in to
view a car auction
requires enormous
patience not to start
throwing things at
the TV when they
cut away from a car
you’ve been wanting
to see for another block
of 10 or 12 commercials.

It’s really disgusting –
it almost seems like a
contest on how many
ads they can run before
you turn the damn thing
off completely.

Of course, it’d be a
slight bit easier to take
if the commercials
themselves weren’t so
bloody vapid and idiotic.

Book Bada Boom ? ”

Just what the fuck is
that supposed to make
me wanna do other than
wretch?

I have no idea what
hotel chain it’s even
talking about —
so, how is that a
good ad slogan ?

And you can bet
those hotels paid
a lotta money for that
piece of dum-dum
doggerel, too.

My pet hamster
(if I had one)
could have written
something more inspired.

I’ve also noticed a major
car insurance company,
already known for their
ridiculously simplistic
competitive comparisons,
has come up with a
new jingle….

Basically, it’s three notes
repeated along with a
quick triple repetition
of their company name.

Oooohhh….
that is so clever.

I wonder if the Archies
need any new material.

Apparently, somebody’s
6 year old niece has gone
into the jingle writing
business.

And we won’t even talk
about the type of
situations the made
their ‘customers’
switch to their
coverage –
like the dolt who
accidentally ‘wraps
her brand new car
around a tree’ and then
is surprised she doesn’t
get a check for the full
retail amount of what
she just paid for it.

It’s called
depreciation, lady.

And if you want to pay
a lot extra to avoid it,
anybody in the insurance
racket can help you with
that.

You didn’t chose
the wrong insurance –
you chose the wrong
driving school.

I wouldn’t be willing
to insure that woman
on a 24 inch bicycle.

And don’t ask me
what ‘Flow’ can do
with that ‘tool’ of hers,
or where Poppo Jon
can put that crummy
pizza, man.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Obey The Impulse, Or Not

It’s hard to explain
just what this post
looked like in the
back of my mind
when I first conceived
it…..

it was something
that someone
said about the whole
experience of
‘living on the impulse’
that had
peeked,
panged and
pecked
at the
very tiny creative part
of my mind and
eventually came
to interest me as a
post topic.

As soon as I started
to write about
what I was thinking,
however —

— peculiar societal memories
of commercial products
(like chewing gum, snacks,
and soda pop) and vintage
behave-yourself propaganda
(like sexual health brochures)
kept popping up –

– naughtily intermingling –

though I’m not exactly sure
how they’re all connected,
really.

Hmmm.

I guess the subconscious
message I got early in life
was, if you’re spending
money, you should give
into the impulse to buy –

– but, if you’re just having
free fun, then you should
go do something else
more constructive, instead –
like making more money
to buy more stuff.

Still, that doesn’t seem
exactly right…..

‘Cause hardly anybody’s
grand-mother charged
grand-dad to have a
good time –
and we’re all here,
regardless.

And it’s not like anybody
with any sense could
think that eating a ‘Twinkie’
could or would constitute
the same qualitative
potential enjoyment value
as would a significant other –

– errr…. I mean,

‘letting it all hang out’
with a significant other.

(Based on just flavor alone,
you can see the error in that,
I’m sure, but I digress).

I do like those raspberry
flavored ‘Zingers’ a lot,
but let’s not get ridiculous,
now.

And GUM ?

In general, chewing gum
is pretty much a substitute
for doing nothing at all –

— it certainly is not a feast
for the senses and never
has been.

Two seconds of a weird
chemical-fruit-flavor
and then it’s just
rubbery sensory
purgatory.

Hell, the worst intimate
tryst that I ever experienced
contained more bursts
of excitement and pleasure
than that, for crying out
loud.

(10 more seconds worth,
at least….. )

Blow as hard you want,
it’s still just gum, man.

So maybe I misunderstood
what ‘they’ve’ been trying
to tell us —

–or maybe the message
has changed ??

Is there a message at all?

Is this all just
random nonsense?

Oh, damn.

And I thought it was
gonna get deep.

!!! HOY !!!

What Wasn’t New In 1946

” Packard —
Brand New For 1946 “.

That’s what a brochure
for the first post-war Packard automobiles
said.

But,
as everybody knows –
civilian motor car production
was cut off in early 1942 ,
subsequent to the U.S. entry
into World War II, and new
car development and design
hadn’t yet restarted in time
for the 1946 models.

So,
which was it?

Simply put,
they lied, like
any ‘good’ advertising
agency did back then.

Put in their parlance,
they made lemonade
out of already squeezed
lemons.

I’m usually shocked when
it’s so obvious, but these
examples from the 1946
Packard advertising brochure
really take the cake.

Packard officials later
admitted there was
little or no ‘new’ content
in the 1946 models- and in
the “Standard Catalog of
American Cars, 1946-1975,”
G. Marshall Naul noted:
“The 1946 Packards were
an extension of the 1942 Clipper line with practically no changes.”

And of course, plenty of
automotively-savvy folks
caught on right quick —

Which caused Packard to
take a different tack —

In a later ad , they explained
their reasons for all the
non-changes in the ‘all-new’
Packard ‘strategy’ :

1. “By continuing to build this superlatively fine motor car over into 1947, we do not have to stop production to ‘tool up’ for changes. This means more cars sooner for people who are so eager to become Packard owners.”

2. “By continuing the present styling,
Packard fully protects the motorist
who buys today’s new Packard.
He
knows that the stunning new Packard he buys today
will not become ‘dated’

in appearance tomorrow.”

3. “The stacks of orders now on hand are gratifying evidence that today’s new Packard is the car America wants.”

4. “Because of its advanced Clipper
styling, today’s new Packard is not
only conceded to be the best-looking
car on the road, but is actually
ahead of its time.”

5. “No car we have ever built, in all our 46-year history, ever won such spontaneous, enthusiastic, nationwide acclaim as today’s beautiful new Packard Clipper.”

Still, with all these non-reasons,
they managed to convince
over 30,000 folks to buy a
‘brand-new’ Packard in 1946.

But one wonders if this
kind of overtly-false advertising destroyed the car-maker’s credibility with buyers in the end —

— which came for Packard in 1957.

!! HOY !!