The Daily Retro: Glow In The Dark Tree

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Why Minds Misbehave

So, how many times have you wondered —

Why do minds misbehave?

Oh sure, scholars have been wrasslin’ with that question for millennia –

Who knew the answer was as easy as picking up a copy of Modern Romances Magazine.

Seriously.
Who knew?

Yes, here we find
two cases
of mental misbehavior presented…..

One’s childhood related.

Well, knock me down
with one of Mom’s
old fashioned biscuits.

The other ?

Oh, well,
aisle 5 at the drugstore
is one I’ve never visited,
but if you were to drop in
and browse, you might
find just the cure the
lady needed.

According to the ad, anyway.

I’m beginning to think they’ll say anything to sell shit.

!!! HOY !!!!

It’s Hypno-Wednesday

I like weird stuff.

Ok,
that’s a given,
I guess.

I can’t really use
any hypnotic breast
enhancement,

— but I’m still sorry
I missed that 1995 show…
I think I’d woulda 
been very entertained.

I’m betting there was at
least a little penis
enlargement going on, too.

Ahem.

Yes, I especially like
vintage advertising
for hypnosis products.

You know,
books,
records,
pamphlets, 
gadgets,
hypno coins
etc, etc, etc.

The illustrations in particular
are usually hilarious and completely over the top.

Like the little hypnotic rays
emanating from the
hypnotist’s fingers direct
into the cute ingenue’s
young and simple mind.

Afterwards, she tends to be
shown walking around
stiff-armed and covering
her pure and ample body
with nothing but her
underwear.

Tsk.

It’d be a crime
if it was true…
but as fiction it’s pretty
sexy at that.

Not worth 2.98, though. 

Yes,
you really would be
surprised what has been marketed on the subject
over the years.

I think it can’t help
but grab people’s curiosity,
and they’ll send in their
$2.98 hoping it really
will get them that big
promotion, a new sense
of self confidence or that
cute chick down the street.

Usually, it gets ’em
2.98’s worth of crapola,
and a feeling of embarrassment
for being taken for
just another ride.

I like the records —

they sell you this millarkey
that for 5 bucks, you get
a couple LP’s that will
hypnotize people without
their knowledge.

Just invite some folks over –
and once stuff gets goin’,
slap the needle off the
In-a-gadda-da-vida” or the
latest Dave Brubeck record
— and put these things on.

Your friends would much
rather listen to some
monotone asshole droning
over and over how they are
now in your power.

Uh huh.

You’ll be the hit
of the party.

Yeah.

A lot of times, the part
about getting people to
order the stuff is actually
the most hypnosis involved.

It reminds me vaguely
of a comic book ad that
was infamous when I
was a kid —

It said
” Learn how to IMPROVE
YOUR FACE Immediately –
— Only 99 Cents ” –
with a mailing address .

No details.

But 99 cents wasn’t much
to satisfy one’s curiosity, right?

Those lucky rubes
who sent in their buck
(and there were plenty of them)
got back a 3 x 5 postcard
on which was printed
” Improve Your Face
Immediately — SMILE “.

Sure, a bit
off topic, right?

But, really,
it’s the same racket, man.

Nobody can really flash
a coin at a hot looking
chick and get her to
follow him home.

Unless it’s a gold
Krugerrand
or something …

Hmmm….

I hadn’t thought of that.

Okay, so hardly anybody can
flash a coin at a hot looking chick
and get her to follow him home.

Damn…
where’d I put that
hypno-coin, anyway?

.

!!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!

.