Straighten Up And Fly Right

Nobody wants
somebody else
to tell ’em what
to do all the
time….

… man,
do I get that,
especially
when you’re
young.

But,
it’s hard
when you
see people
that you
love going
down
a path of
self-dissolution.

” Hey, it’s just
kicks, man. “

If you don’t
speak out,
it’s almost you
like you
didn’t care
enough to
try —

And if you do,
you could just
end up making
the whole issue
worse.

You fear that
they could go
irretrievably
spinning off
out of orbit
and into
the waste lands
of darkest space
beyond.

Or they could
dig into deeper
isolation inside
themselves.

Caring words in and
of themselves don’t
carry across certain
kinds of barricades.

We all get
ourselves
boxed in
once in
a while, and so
maybe it’s just a
phase?

You could think
and talk yourself
right into one of
those endless curves
they use to denote
infinity if you’re not
careful, and still not
be closer to the
solution .

In the end,
sometimes,
it all comes
down,
I think,
to love.

Don’t try
to solve
a person’s
problems
for them….

… just love em,
let them know
you do care,
that you do
remember,
and then
simply
have faith
and hope
that,
on their
darkest hour,
they’ll be able
to follow your
benevolent
beacon
back to
to the light.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

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Just The Facts Ma’am

Yes,
we here at the
Muscleheaded Blog
aren’t afraid to
handle
the tough,
hard-hitting,
controversial topics
of the day,
ya know.

Ok-

so,
we don’t do politics,
mainly because
most people have their
own asshole, and don’t
need somebody like me
talking out of his ass for
them.

And we don’t really do
religion, either —

– basically for the same
reason.

But, sex —

well, now….
that’s a whole different
6 pack o’ fun.

( maybe ‘a case’
would be more
accurately descriptive. )

Of course, it helps
that I’m quite
enamored with
the subject in general —

And to me, the only
bad kinda sex is
the sex that you
aren’t getting.

What you might call
recognized ‘facts’
about sex are pretty
generalized
and depend on:

what
who
where
when
and
how

And how.

See….

As stuff happens,
things develop,
time passes,
and one rises
to the occasion,
(as it were),
you might find that
your whole basic set
of definitions has
changed –

– like, say, after a
particularly kicky
weekend.

And then you have
to throw out what
you think you know
about it and start
again.

But, it never fails,
with a subject
like this, though —

That some-smarty-aleck
thinks-he-knows-it-all
(not all that dissimilar
from somebody like me)
still decides to write
a book, pamphlet,
or even a blog post
about the “Facts Of Sex”.

I’m not saying
I’m gonna do that —

It’s actually been done so
badly so many times over
the years that I’m scared
to make the whole thing
worse.

In truth, the only facts that
I really recognize about it
are simple :

# 1:

Always Wear A Rain Coat
(No DNA Left Behind)

# 2:

If You Want Her To Do It, 
Be Willing To Do It Too 
(69 Is Always A Lucky Number)

# 3:

Start Slow and Take Your Time
(An Ounce Of Fourplay Is Worth
A Pound Of Chafing)

And,

# 4:

Make Sure She Comes First
(Mutual Satisfaction or Bust).

As you can plainly see,
they’re more like
mandatory guidelines
than facts.

Oh, and let’s not
forget :

# 5:

Don’t Forget To
Wash The Goat.
(No Need To Feel
Sheepish)
.

.

Everything else
is pretty much
up in the air, man.

So, what I might do
instead is to show
you some more of the
vintage media that
had passed for sex
information and
let you form your
own opinion of whether
any of it was really helpful.

!! HOY !!

 

 

Dear Buzz The Mechanic

This is normally
the time of the month
for “Suzie Wonder
Answers Your
Questions About Love” —

But,
unfortunately for us,
Miss Suzie Wonder
is off gallivanting
somewhere on vacation,
so Buzz The Mechanic
will answer the “love”
questions today.

Buzz is an Ace Mechanic —
— hot rods are his specialty–
and he’s been chompin’
at the bit to write his
own column on the
Muscleheaded Blog ,
so, he’s
gonna fill in for Suzie.

One of his favorite tools
is an air hammer,

so, I’m thinking,
as far as subtlety goes
at least, that you
probably won’t
even be able to tell the
difference…..

We’ve done a bit of editing
to make the whole thing
a bit more ,
well,
less…
oh, just go ahead and
read the damn
things, wouldya ?

(we only got one –
Suzie must have
ripped up the rest)

.

Dear Suzie (BUZZ):

As a woman (MAN) I’m sure
you’ll be able to relate to
this issue I’m having
with my husband.
He spends 12 hours a day
in the garage working on
his car, complaining it’s
under-powered and slow.
He’s got engine parts spread
out all over the garage, the kids
can’t get to their bikes, and
he never has any time for
my many relatives who
are constantly visiting.
What’s up ?

Signed,
Constance in Cowtown.

::

Dear Cowtown Constance,
I would definitely suggest
a valve job — new rings
and pistons with a fuel
injector setup should make
a general improvement in
horsepower.
As for the many visitors,
if he adds some noisy
headers, he can rev
the engine up and run
those folks off quick.
A nice beer cooler
out there in the
garage is also a good
way to keep him get
organized and focus
on the tasks at hand,
especially since the
kids can’t get out
there now, anyway.

Glad to be of help.
Suzie. BUZZ.

.