She’s A Teaser

jSomething that
I’m reminded of,
on an almost
daily basis,
is how much
our social structure
has been transformed
in the last 50 some years.

I’m not saying
that it’s bad,
or that it’s good —

to me,
for the most part, anyway– a
— it’s just been weird.

And you know me,
change is something
that I never really
like all that much.

Take flirting,
for instance.

The rules seem to have
been altered wildly
without me ever
even getting
the first memo.

Here I thought that
there was this long process
of talking, courting and datingb
before you even thought
about touching a woman
that way ‘ —

— when all that is
apparently required
is a first class seat
on an aircraft,
a bad comb-over,
and ooodles
and oodles of money.

In that case,
all a lady
has to do is plunk down
in the seat next to you,
smile —

— and it’s all you can eat ?? c

Nuts, man.

What a creep.

Be that as it may…..

At the annual
collector’s swap-meet,
I was browsing a 1952 issue
of a magazine called
“The Girlfriend and The Boyfriend“…..

Sure, a strange title for
a magazine, but who am
I to argue with media moguls?


According to the expert
who wrote the article….

( I dunno,
is relationship-ologist
a word, or what?
I just made it up,
so maybe not. )

“High on every boy’s
list of pet peeves

is the type of girl
shown on these

and the next two pages.
Because she is a teaser.

Almost all girls that
are pretty flirt a little.

It’s the natural thing to do.
But a girl who is a teasere
is not content with simple,
wholesome flirting;
she goes out of her
way to bait boys

with an obvious display
of her physical charms

— baits them with
unspoken promises

that she hasn’t the
slightest intention of fulfilling.

In addition to her other
unflattering qualities,

therefore, a teaser is dishonest.
She has no real sincere
interest in the boys

whose attention she f
sets out to capture;

she is simply playing
a game in which

she holds all of the
cards and doesn’t

mind resorting to
the cheapest of tricks.

A few of these tricks
are illustrated here.

Sometimes they work,
sometimes they don’t.

But whether they are
successful or not,

a teaser never wins in the long run.
For no boy wants to
marry a girl

who enjoys showing off
her charms to others.”

Now, pardon me for interrupting
an obvious expert on stuff like this,
but it seems to me that teasing
is the very essence of flirting —

— and without flirting, g
— well—
life would be pretty fuckin dull,
…. let’s just put it that way.

The noble art of teasing
has been around for centuries —
and has got absolutely nothing
to do with honesty or
any other such millarkey.

I love to be teased,
and any man worth
his salt would say h
the same thing.

If the hook sinks a bit
too deep once in a while,
I dunno what to tell you,
but hey–
grow up, man.


!!!!!!!  HOY !!!!!!!!!




Richard Brautigan says:


“I’ll affect you
as if you were having a picnic in a dream.
There will be no ants.
It won’t rain.”  

The Old Jail

jailThis post is part of a
larger series about
old Florida tourist sites.

I grew up down there,
and I do have a
strange attraction
to these
strange attractions.

You can see
much more
The Authentic Old Jail St. Augustine here.
And here.

as they repeatedly used
to say in the Florida
tourist business,
bring your camera!)

Riding back and fortha1
from Florida when I
was a kid was a long,
tedious adventure–

–visiting relatives in
Philadelphia or Virginia
required one to ride along
mostly two lane roads —

The Florida Turnpike would
only get you
to around Fort Pierce,
and then it was east
and north to U.S. 1oldjail
and eventually,
U.S. 301 —

Man, sitting in the back seat
of a non-air-conditioned
1962 Corvair for that trip
gives new meaning to the

Around 1970, most of I-95
in Florida was open —
except for a huge gap
between Fort Pierce
and West Palm Beach,
(which was mostly for
the pecuniary benefit
of the Turnpike Authority)
— which didn’t open
until the mid 1980’s.

I do remember a sign

that used to creep me
out everytime I passed it,
up on I-95 near St. Augustine —
– for something called the “Old Jail “.

It’s still there,

The Bird Cage, at the Old Jail St. Augustineactually,

(not the sign, but the jail)

although it looks very different
from when I got to visit it
first in the late 1960’s.

I can’t say I really liked
the place all that much
on that trip —

but it certainly was very
representative of the
weirdness of Florida
tourist traps of the period.

drunkdunkAnd it was only a block or two
from another odd site in
Florida’s First City —
the “Fountain of Youth”.

So, we parked and walked.
Now, you’d take the
tourist ‘trolley’.

( Ok, it ain’t all that bad…gallows
— I liked it in Key West.)

as I was saying….
Weird, weird, weird.

I’m really not sure how
these relics from the
dark ages of correctional
history add up to scenic
entertainment exactly,

— but they included:gang

a gallows that could
accomodate up to
three men (no waiting!) ,

a large ‘bird cage’ used
for solitary exposure in
the hot, Florida sun,

a statue of a chain gangmooon
at work,

old jail cells,

a pillory,

a whipping post,

and other such ephemera.

Funn ferr the whole

And of course, the place
is also supposed to be haunted…

which basically means
that you can pay your
admission to see the joint
in the daytime,

— and then come back
and pay your admission
again at night as part
of a ‘ghost tour’.

scary, kids.

Oh well, maybe they’ll
give you the ‘true believer’
discount, I dunno.

HOY !!!!


A Matter of Mutual Attraction

aaThe writer Amit Kalantri noted that :

” You should praise, criticize
and flirt with people right
to their face, only then
it will make a difference.”

And while I’m not all
that crazy about criticism,
either giving,
or taking it,
— praising and flirting
are something else
(elses?) entirely.

I think people
should hear
praise wherever
and whenever I can give it.

And flirting?

Damn right —sheik
I’m very fond of playful flirting.

I admit it.

when I think I’m being cute,
most women just figure
I’m being a smart ass.

Oh well.

The truth is,bb
it’s not that easy to flirt.

Men and women are
wired so differently,
that an innocent act
might be interpreted
as a pass,
and a pass might be
interpreted as an innocent act.

Not that I ever do
anything innocently………..

fReading each other’s signals,

especially when it’s someone
that you don’t really know that well,

can be downright difficult.

Or at least, from a
man’s perspective it can be.

From a woman’s perspective,
if you just keep
one thing in mind, ladies,
you’ll always know
where we (men folk) are coming from.

We’re thinking about sex.

If you attract our attention,cc
……. we’ll be thinking
about sex with you.


Oh sure.
But it don’t work that way in reverse.

We can attract your attention all we want,
but there’s no tellin what other
considerations might be on your mind .

….. are you looking for a dude
with a hot rod or some cold cash?

….. did you just look at me,
or look through me?hugum

….. do you like muscular dudes
or are you just looking
for someone to move furniture?

….. does gray hair at the
temples mean sexy or security?

….. are you smiling or smirkin?

Questions, f

One thing I know for sure,
the first thing she’s thinking about ain’t sex.

mm hmm….

Well, the more I thought about the subject……..
the more I realized that we men
need some kinda rule book or rough-guide…..

… about how a woman
shows her interest in a man.

And I’m just the guy to write it.

You know,
those who can, do……
—— those who can’t,
write about it.


The first thing a man must know
about women is that -only very rarely-acq

— will a total stranger hottie walk up to you
in a bar and sing the first few bars
of the chorus to “Lady Marmalade”……..

( you know…
“Voulez vous couchez avec moi, c’est soir?”)

And then,
it’s almost always followedteasing
by a monetary demand,
usually in more understandable English.


You gotta work for it, buddy.

Nothing comes easy, ya know.

But let’s say you have put
in the commensurate amount
of preemptive work,
and you’re trying to determine
her interest level.

There are some indicators,

… short of her surreptitiouslya6
tuggin’ at your zipper
under the table during a staff meeting,

— signs that are worth looking for.

( because, alas, that is another
extremely rare occurrence , to be sure. )

Tfakesmilehe first one is the way she smiles at you.

A smile ain’t just a smile.

There are all kinds of smiles ….

You got yer fake smile
that women use in job interviews
and casting calls,

The “I don’t see you” smile
they use in the supermarket
and at toll booths,

In the Doctor’s office,
you’ll see one when you ask the receptionist
for a refill on your hemorrhoid cream…..a5

That uncomfortable smile they use
in the adult book store,
and the auto parts store……..

Or in the mens room–
that desperate, awkward smile
when she can’t get into the crowded ladies room.

You’re not looking for any of

What you want is a full face smile —
–teeth exposed, eyes wide, mouth slightly open.

You know, like she really DOES like ya.

If she beams you one of these,
the chances of her actually liking you are very good.

Eye contact is a very good
indicator of initial interest.a4

If she seeks eye contact,
and holds it longer
than the required split second,
and you don’t break off first,
you have captured her interest…

In what way is she interested,
well, that’s yet to be determined, of course…a1a

She could be looking at you
… the same way she stared
at that frog she dissected in the fifth grade.

Just before she threw up.

But you get the picture….

Be sure you don’t break the eye contact first –
– which would tell her that you are either
not interested in her,
or are just a big putty-tat spelled a different way.

Buying a strange girl a drink in a bar
has it’s ups and downs, of course.

drinkThe key here is to place yourself
so she can see you, when the drink arrives.

She’ll either look at you
or she won’t.

If she looks, you make sure
your eyes are there to meet hers.

She’ll do a quick once over to see
if you’re worth the trouble,

and then she’ll either smile ( see above) ,

or give you the same look
your gym teacher gave youa2
when you asked for softer dodge-balls.

If she doesn’t look,
take that as a hint that her boyfriend Bruno
is simply away in the mens room
for an extended sniff and dribble,
and will be returning momentarily.
Even if there’s no Bruno.

If she asks questions about you to your friends….bo
… this is another good indication.
She wouldn’t be asking questions about ya,
if the very sight of you gave her diarrhea.

Make sure your buddies
give you a high recommendation….
— buy another round.

That girl at the office…
… have you noticed that she likes
to touch your arm when she talks to you?

Touching is a very strong indicator.

Women don’t touch indiscriminately…a3

… even the touchy-feely ones,
don’t do it to men they aren’t interested in.

It’d be like getting her to pet
that boa constrictor at the zoo….

…….most of them wouldn’t dream of it.

( the ones that do like to touch snakes –
— well, they’ll make for a kicky weekend,
but they’ll eventually wanna cut your cajones off
and hang em from their rear view mirror. )

If she likes to hit you or insult you,
you’re definitely on her list.

It sounds kinda weird,
I guess,
but flipremember back in junior high,
that girl who always made fun of your hair–
she was really showing that she liked ya….

Even when she de-panted ya at the dance that time…
she just wanted to see what kinda underpants you wore.

But, ya fooled her, huh?

Course, I’m talking about love-taps…

If she hauls off and
whacks ya with a desk,
or throws you across the room —
— she’s probably not your type, ya know?

Your medical plan
don’t cover that, anyway.temptation

If she plays with her hair
or clothes a lot
while you’re around,
… it means either
she’s interested in you
( assuming you’re the only guy there.. )
or she’s got the heebee jeebees .
( or lice, maybe..)

This is called ‘preening’ ,
and it goes way back
to the caveman days…..

When Kave-lady Katherine
wanted Cletus the Cave-man
to come and bonk her on the head,
she would spend hours tryingbetty
to get the mats out of her hair
with a mastodon bone comb,
and then try to fluff it up for Cletus
when he was around, to draw his attention.

( I already told you ladies
what happens once you get our attention… )

How do I know this, you ask?

From the famous cave drawings
at Kakadu, Australia…..
( of course, my interpretation
of the drawings might vary wildly
from the more academic one..)

Now, you know I’d have to mentionwise
the gym at least once in this post…

And if you find yourself
constantly working out
next to the same girl in a large gym,
either she’s following you
( it could happen, I guess ) ,
or you’re following her
( don’t do that.. it’s called stalking ).

If you really think she’s interested,
I would head for the juice bar,

…. or if you really feel like
getting shot down, the tanning bed.

Cause that kinda subtlety
don’t work anywhere, bud.

!!!! HOY !!!!!


 PS: You mighta noticed the vintage
‘introduction’ or ‘flirting’ cards on here–

– if you’re interested in seeing more,
check out my post on the subject at: