The writer Amit Kalantri noted that :
” You should praise, criticize
and flirt with people right
to their face, only then
it will make a difference.”
And while I’m not all
that crazy about criticism,
or taking it,
— praising and flirting
are something else
I think people
and whenever I can give it.
Damn right —
I’m very fond of playful flirting.
I admit it.
when I think I’m being cute,
most women just figure
I’m being a smart ass.
The truth is,
it’s not that easy to flirt.
Men and women are
wired so differently,
that an innocent act
might be interpreted
as a pass,
and a pass might be
interpreted as an innocent act.
Not that I ever do
Reading each other’s signals,
especially when it’s someone
that you don’t really know that well,
can be downright difficult.
Or at least, from a
man’s perspective it can be.
From a woman’s perspective,
if you just keep
one thing in mind, ladies,
you’ll always know
where we (men folk) are coming from.
We’re thinking about sex.
If you attract our attention,
……. we’ll be thinking
about sex with you.
But it don’t work that way in reverse.
We can attract your attention all we want,
but there’s no tellin what other
considerations might be on your mind .
….. are you looking for a dude
with a hot rod or some cold cash?
….. did you just look at me,
or look through me?
….. do you like muscular dudes
or are you just looking
for someone to move furniture?
….. does gray hair at the
temples mean sexy or security?
….. are you smiling or smirkin?
One thing I know for sure,
the first thing she’s thinking about ain’t sex.
Well, the more I thought about the subject……..
the more I realized that we men
need some kinda rule book or rough-guide…..
… about how a woman
shows her interest in a man.
And I’m just the guy to write it.
those who can, do……
—— those who can’t,
write about it.
The first thing a man must know
about women is that -only very rarely-
— will a total stranger hottie walk up to you
in a bar and sing the first few bars
of the chorus to “Lady Marmalade”……..
( you know…
“Voulez vous couchez avec moi, c’est soir?”)
it’s almost always followed
by a monetary demand,
usually in more understandable English.
You gotta work for it, buddy.
Nothing comes easy, ya know.
But let’s say you have put
in the commensurate amount
of preemptive work,
and you’re trying to determine
her interest level.
There are some indicators,
… short of her surreptitiously
tuggin’ at your zipper
under the table during a staff meeting,
— signs that are worth looking for.
( because, alas, that is another
extremely rare occurrence , to be sure. )
The first one is the way she smiles at you.
A smile ain’t just a smile.
There are all kinds of smiles ….
You got yer fake smile
that women use in job interviews
and casting calls,
The “I don’t see you” smile
they use in the supermarket
and at toll booths,
In the Doctor’s office,
you’ll see one when you ask the receptionist
for a refill on your hemorrhoid cream…..
That uncomfortable smile they use
in the adult book store,
and the auto parts store……..
Or in the mens room–
that desperate, awkward smile
when she can’t get into the crowded ladies room.
You’re not looking for any of those.
What you want is a full face smile —
–teeth exposed, eyes wide, mouth slightly open.
You know, like she really DOES like ya.
If she beams you one of these,
the chances of her actually liking you are very good.
Eye contact is a very good
indicator of initial interest.
If she seeks eye contact,
and holds it longer
than the required split second,
and you don’t break off first,
you have captured her interest…
In what way is she interested,
well, that’s yet to be determined, of course…
She could be looking at you
… the same way she stared
at that frog she dissected in the fifth grade.
Just before she threw up.
But you get the picture….
Be sure you don’t break the eye contact first –
– which would tell her that you are either
not interested in her,
or are just a big putty-tat spelled a different way.
Buying a strange girl a drink in a bar
has it’s ups and downs, of course.
The key here is to place yourself
so she can see you, when the drink arrives.
She’ll either look at you
or she won’t.
If she looks, you make sure
your eyes are there to meet hers.
She’ll do a quick once over to see
if you’re worth the trouble,
and then she’ll either smile ( see above) ,
or give you the same look
your gym teacher gave you
when you asked for softer dodge-balls.
If she doesn’t look,
take that as a hint that her boyfriend Bruno
is simply away in the mens room
for an extended sniff and dribble,
and will be returning momentarily.
Even if there’s no Bruno.
If she asks questions about you to your friends….
… this is another good indication.
She wouldn’t be asking questions about ya,
if the very sight of you gave her diarrhea.
Make sure your buddies
give you a high recommendation….
— buy another round.
That girl at the office…
… have you noticed that she likes
to touch your arm when she talks to you?
Touching is a very strong indicator.
Women don’t touch indiscriminately…
… even the touchy-feely ones,
don’t do it to men they aren’t interested in.
It’d be like getting her to pet
that boa constrictor at the zoo….
…….most of them wouldn’t dream of it.
( the ones that do like to touch snakes –
— well, they’ll make for a kicky weekend,
but they’ll eventually wanna cut your cajones off
and hang em from their rear view mirror. )
If she likes to hit you or insult you,
you’re definitely on her list.
It sounds kinda weird,
but remember back in junior high,
that girl who always made fun of your hair–
she was really showing that she liked ya….
Even when she de-panted ya at the dance that time…
she just wanted to see what kinda underpants you wore.
But, ya fooled her, huh?
Course, I’m talking about love-taps…
If she hauls off and
whacks ya with a desk,
or throws you across the room —
— she’s probably not your type, ya know?
Your medical plan
don’t cover that, anyway.
If she plays with her hair
or clothes a lot
while you’re around,
… it means either
she’s interested in you
( assuming you’re the only guy there.. )
or she’s got the heebee jeebees .
( or lice, maybe..)
This is called ‘preening’ ,
and it goes way back
to the caveman days…..
When Kave-lady Katherine
wanted Cletus the Cave-man
to come and bonk her on the head,
she would spend hours trying
to get the mats out of her hair
with a mastodon bone comb,
and then try to fluff it up for Cletus
when he was around, to draw his attention.
( I already told you ladies
what happens once you get our attention… )
How do I know this, you ask?
From the famous cave drawings
at Kakadu, Australia…..
( of course, my interpretation
of the drawings might vary wildly
from the more academic one..)
Now, you know I’d have to mention
the gym at least once in this post…
And if you find yourself
constantly working out
next to the same girl in a large gym,
either she’s following you
( it could happen, I guess ) ,
or you’re following her
( don’t do that.. it’s called stalking ).
If you really think she’s interested,
I would head for the juice bar,
…. or if you really feel like
getting shot down, the tanning bed.
Cause that kinda subtlety
don’t work anywhere, bud.
!!!! HOY !!!!!
PS: You mighta noticed the vintage
‘introduction’ or ‘flirting’ cards on here–
– if you’re interested in seeing more,
check out my post on the subject at: