The Express Elevator To Nowhere

Folks don’t understand
sometimes just how
difficult it is being
one of WordPress’s
least loved blogs.

Hey,
it takes a
huge
non-commitment
of wasted time
and
useless resources
to bring you this
modicum of
mediocrity,
such as it is.

I won’t kid you
and tell you that
other interests
and distractions
don’t often
interfere with
getting this
whole mess of
a Muscleheaded
Blog put together
and posted on time
every day.

Lots of stuff
on
the proverbial plate.

Especially
for such
an unfashionably
obstreperous guy
like me with such
a short attention span.

As constructive
an activity
as it might seem
to be….winona

….. searching the
internet for stray
Winona Ryder
in-the-bathtub pictures
(that I haven’t
already seen)
can sure consume an
awful amount of a
man’s free time.

( Ok,
there’s one for you……..

Jeez–
next time,
do your owna1
‘research’, pal. )

Ahem.

Getting back to
the subject
at hand for just a mo….

( since she won’t
move hers… )

It ain’t easy being
such an unknown and unappreciated Jean-Yuss
of the fabulous world of
blogging.

After all,
it would be virtually
impossible to writea3
all those crummy posts
about what happened
to me at the gym today,

…..if I didn’t actually
darken the door of the
place once in a while.

( Of course, you don’t
need to live there like
I do, I guess… )

Ah well…
You gotta
write from
experience,
Hemingway.

And all the
expensive
trappings of
this blog,
— you think
these fancy
frills like words
comes cheap?

I woulda retired
years ago,
if it weren’t for my
punctuation bill, alone—

……… that,
and the fact that
I like to eat
once
in a while.

Free time’s
hard to come by,
…………. and so are topics
I feel like writing about.

As I get older,a121
it seems like it gets
harder and harder
to find the energy to
do stuff that I ain’t
enthusiastic about.

And you can just
ask my boss about it,
— if you don’t believe me.

Years ago,
he’d say ‘ travel ‘,
I’d say “where’s my passport?” .

Now, he says ‘ travel ‘,
I tell him that
just calling somebody
on the phone 
anywhere
west of the Mississippi
wears me out,slip

………… and anyway,
my parka and muk’luks
are at the cleaners.

Several longtime
readers and friends
like to exchange ideas
about blog topics with me,

and they’re usually full of wonderful concepts
that would make engaging and entertaining posts.

Which is terrific.
…… only, we are talking
about THIS blog.

Engaging
and entertaining?

Oh, posh.pool

So anyhoo…..

I decided to follow
this weird line
of thought about
why stuff interests me.

I just hope I don’t
say something stupid.

Uhhh…. yeah.

Women, for instance.

I’d love to blog about women
every cotton-picking day.

I like em.

All shapes,
sizes,
ages,
and types.

As a group,
they’re interesting,
beautiful,sallyfield
funny,
sexy,
fun to look at,

and a whole lot
more joy to be
around, than guys —

………. especially the guys that constitute 99%
of the people I’m
around at the gym,
or at work.

(Yes, that’s Sally)

But I can’t blog
about
women every day,

because,
although it would
never get monotonous
for ME,

….. it might not be
all that readable day
in and day out for
my group of
hardcore readersaedit

(like my Mom and
those few others),

possessing obviously
discriminating taste
in blogs,

but who would probably
not appreciate
being mentioned by name,
I’m sure.

Well, lessee….

Music is always
fun to post about….

Originally,
I had it in mind
to post another oneborntoadd
about the Best Rock
and Roll Album Covers…..

(boy, are you
already sick of
album covers,
huh? )

I got to thinking
about ones I liked
that I hadn’t previously
mentioned…

And then,

I ran into this one.

It completely messed
up my train of thought.

I was suddenly on the
express elevator
to a raving post about
nothing and nowhere.

‘Cause, as great
an album cover
Bruce Springsteen’s
Born To Run” was,

Without question,
this cover is better.

And that’s how stuff works.

You think you got your mind
sharpened to a razor’s edge….

Your concentration
is rock steady —

You’re feeling passionately
committed to saying
what you wanna say.

…… you start toduck
write fervently–
feverously, even.

And then, something
comes along
and knocks your GBS
( global blogging system )
off line.

Suddenly, the post has gone
completely off course.

It almost seems
like some kinda conspiracy–

yeah
— a conspiracy….

to get me so addled that
I won’t be able to do
anything but blow
little bubbles of spittle—

—while babbling about
ancient watermelon-worship cults

and fun places to eat when you
happen to be visiting
French Lick, Indiana.

Boy,
that reminds
me of something.

Talk about Freudian slips.

.

freud

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Pull My String

muPull Da String !

One thing is for certain…….

I’m easily amused.

And even more
easily distracted.

I must be,
man.

A good friend
of mine
( Hiya C )
has suggested
another post
on puppets…….mule

Now, if you
haven’t been
keeping track,

(shame on you)

I’ve posted a couple
of different thingsrabbit
about puppets
over the years
that the Muscleheaded
Blog has been on
Wordpress……

( like this one,
— or this one )

And while I thoughthandshadow
that all those posts
were pretty
semi-amusing,

they really didn’t
nearly cover
all the special nonsense,
niceties and nuances
that the weird world
of puppetsduck
has to offer.

And frankly,
I’m betting
that neither
will this one.

It’s funny ….camel
— just how
blogging works,
ya know.

As a practical matter,
you’d think that all
you’d have to do
is start writing about a subject,runci
and it’d be pretty easy
to end up with a cohesive
and intelligible product.

And maybe it does work
that way for some people.

But for me, with my
sempiternally short
attention span,
(sure it’s a word –
— look it up)
it’s hard to stay on track —

there’s so many directionsexhibit
that this post could take —

— even on a
relatively mindless
subject such as puppets.

I mean,
what’s a puppet anyway,
but something
that you either
shove your finger/hand up into –

… umm…
steady on, now….

— or something you control
with strings, levers,
poles, etc.fantasia

Simple things…..

— hey, you could even
make a bunch of puppets
out of nothing but light
and a couple of digits.

Which brings me to
the original direction
that this post was
going to take …..

how to make
shadow puppets….

that is, earlebergey
before all the pin ups
featuring puppets
starting wrecking havoc
with my imagination.

Hey,
dammit,
I’m sorry,
I really am.

Sure —
I coulda
stuck strictly
to the subject at hand….

(yeah, puppet-pun humor)fionastephensopn

but, I have my integrity
as a dirty minded
Musclehead to consider.

You cannot possibly hope
to understand
just how convoluted
it got around here —

as I tried to
boil this post down
to something

that would makeelvgre
a bit of sense.

I’m not talking
Pulitzer Prize, now….

Well, if they insisted,
I guess I’d accept,
but….

So anyhoo…

As the man said,
what you see
is what you get.

.

HOY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

elvgren

Remembrances

remember

One of the things
that postcards were
supposed to do was
remind someone of
something —

whether it be
of a person,
a place,
a time,
a thing,
or even an idea….

A
remembrance.

Yes,
that’s it,kiddie
exactly.

I know that it seems
that sometimes that
this blog relies way
too much
upon references,
concepts,
perspectives,
and illustrationstryand
that may appear:
out of touch,
out-moded,
out of date,
and just plain out.

Yeah, I guess
that means
we’re dusty,
musty and
crusty, even.try

Our frame
of reference
is rather passé,
anachronistic,
démodé,
and old fashioned.

Yep,
so right.suit

And I don’t mind
any, or all, of that.

While maybe
many of the cards
give me some pause
for reflection about
their relevancy…

— the truth is
that those veryprop
propensities toward the
arcane and archaic are
a big part of what this
whole blog is about.

A guy in his middle age
(like it or not, I am)
learns
(or, hopefully learns)
to be able to
distinguishkids
between the oldies,
the goldies and
the moldies.

Hopefully, we can
interpet them
all on the
Müscleheaded Blog
in a way that is still
meaningful….

— and if not that,fredstone
then at least,
we can have
some fun with them.

Remembering the
relics of the past
is part and parcel
with learning from
the past –

It’s important toforgetbeach
understand
that living, breathing,
feeling human beings,
just like us,
produced and
enjoyed them-
they meant something
to them.

Yes, just as our relics
mean something to us,
and as we’d hope thatforge
they mean something
to someone in the future.

Perhaps it’s too much
to expect that they will
feel the same about them
as we do…..

…… but it’s enough
that we can share part
of those things thatbathing
we experience in our
short time here.

Let succeeding
generations
make what they
will of it.

I am content.

.
!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!

.

The Friday Mail Bag

It’s true.

Very much
like a cheap motel
that you paid
12 bucks a night
for ’cause
you were desperate
for some sleep —
(or something else
entirely)

You nevera1
really know
what’s gonna
turn up
around here on
the Müscleheaded Blog.

Might even be fun,
you never can tell.

But,
clean sheets?

Ha —
think again, man.

Sheets are only
really clean if they’ve
been steamed after
washing —

And that only happens
in the high fallootin’
places, anyway.

Otherwise, you’re in
bed with everyone and
anyone who’s been in
there before you.

Hmmmm….

It seems like
I’ve heard
that allusion before,
somewhere…..

Ahh well,
sharing is caring,
right?

Over the years I’ve
been doing my blog,
I’ve collected some
very interesting images.

a2Some of which
I’ll never be able
to find a legitimate
use for.

Uh huh.

But one must remember,
when you’re hungry
and strapped
for creative provisions,
that the scraps
in the mental refrigerator
(or in this case,
— the detritusfancy
of a digital hard drive)
can make for quite
a palatable tasting menu
when handled correctly.

Ok —
so enough of the
flowery puffing —
onwards toward the
proverbial
‘comme ci, comme ça’ .

Like virginity,ban
perfection is
overated , anyway.

(… as if I would know
anything about virginity)

Ahem.

And
speaking of
tasting menus,
that’s pretty much
what we have for today.

A little of this,
a little of that.

A blogging
banana split,
if you will.

Not cohesive,
and certainly
not tasteful, dineomat
but it’ll probably
fill you up
all the same
if you can keep
it all down.

Just chock full of:
bad writing,
mixed metaphors,
oddball humor,
questionable images
bettyand inside jokes.

Oh,
and don’t forget
the sexy girls.

Yep-
pretty typical
for the
Müscleheaded Blog,
you’re right.

That’s just the
way we roll, man.

PS: Thanks to my friend
J for the motel signs.

.

fritzwillis

Re: The Health Benefits of Touching

So,
judging from the
title of this here post,

you might be thinking
that your Ole Uncle Nuts
might be feeling a bit
sensually deprived and
detached,

… confused by the
whole lack of tactility
involved in all things digital.germless

Hmmm….

Ordinarily, I’d say that
you might have
something there.

But this time, well,

Ya see….
I was getting ready to
write my daily post,

…. which I was going to entitle the:
“The Health Benefits of Touching“.

And this song came on Spotify: touchmedoors

Come on,
come on,
come on,
come on —

Now touch me, baby
Can’t you see that I am not afraid?
What was that promise that you made?
Why won’t you tell me what she said?
What was that promise that you made?
Now, I’m gonna love you
Till the heavens stop the rain
I’m gonna love you
Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I
Come on, come on, come on, come on
Now touch me, baby

( Lyrics from ”Touch Me
by the Doors:
Written by Robby Krieger. )

Ok… so you know the song.

And, as I started to write,

I got sidetracked mulling
over just how ironic it is for
me to be using the above
song lyrics- “Touch Me”
by the Doors Robby Krieger —

— to open a post about
the “health benefits of touching”—–

Considering the original title
of the song wasn’t ” Touch Me “,
at all —
— but ” Hit Me “. dont

I kid you not.

Robbie Krieger was constantly having fights with his girlfriend,

…. and wrote the song during one of their more passionate disputations.

She apparently was quite a bantamweight.

Once Jim Morrison heard the song’s rough cut,

….. he decided he didn’t like the theme,

and thought something a bit
more in tune with the whole
‘love generation’ thing would be better.

A peace sign does kinda loses
it’s meaning when you’re
hitting somebody with it.

donttouchWell, anyway, it’s a long story,

and entirely off topic from what I wanted to post about,

…….. which is the “health benefits of touching”.

It’s funny how different an original concept can be from the finished product, isn’t it?

—a work can be so changed during the process of it’s creation and production as to alter the impression and meaning of a work completely.

I always say, when it happens to me,
….. that it’s a function of my short attention span….

aaaI’ll start working on a project,

…… say, the “health benefits of touching”,

and thinking,

Hey, it’ll be a pretty straight forward deal.

But, I think the process of editing
and refining a work often brings
out ideas and concepts that ,

…. although originally not even
intended as a part of it, end up
taking charge of the piece.

Not that it has anything really
to do with the “health benefits of touching“.

touchI think you know what I mean…..

Maybe you’re just not into your subject all that much–

Maybe something entirely different is screaming to get writ —

and all you keep doing,

… is try to write a stupid post
on the “health benefits of touching“.

Boy, howdy — that always seems to happen to people.

Not to me, of course.air

If I set down ready to write about something, no matter how mundane or sublime the subject might be —

Whether the post is a simple humor piece, a lifestyle article on the “health benefits of touching” ,
or a complicated review of high tech gear,

— I’m as focused as a Phalanx CIWS
Radar Guided Laser, man.

Whatever the fuck that is.

Ok..
so maybe I do get distracted from time to time.

hugzIn the process of writing,

yer mind wanders,

sense memory and visual cues kick in,

word play sparks different connotations……

the next thing you know,
….. you went from soufflé to scrambled eggs.

I was the member of a garage band once like that.

Not that it has anything to do with the “health benefits of touching“, either .

We had brought in this guy to play bass on a song we couldn’t get right,

….. and the band ended up being named after him, fer chrissakes.

I’m not saying it’s always a good thing, mind you.

After all, I bet you never heard
of the Gerard Remilard Band, right ?

goofusOf course not.

And I’m not implying that it was the name of the band that was responsible for our utter lack of success….

It definitely had some small relationship to the fact that none of us had any musical talent to speak of.

But, still.

You gotta be careful.

Editing can change everything, man.

Now,
….  about the Health Benefits of Touching ….

a1

And Now, Fish Balls In Their Own Juice

fishballsYou have to admit……

Despite the fact that this post
has absolutely nothing at all
to do with bizarre food products ,
it sure makes a dandy way
of starting things off, doesn’t it ?

They are indeed,
fish balls in their own juice.

I had no idea that fish even had ’em.

Jeeez…. sailor
the stuff you learn on the internet, huh?

Of course,
SQUIDS got em.

Knowing me like you do,
how could you doubt it?

And we can be right handy
with them at times.

You put us in the right kinda boat,
——– and you’ll find out, too. slipoffshore

As you can probably tell
from this mindless prattling
that I seem to be doing,

This is one of them
‘no subject’ posts that I write
when my mailbag is full,
and my mind is idea-free.

I’m not saying
that reading this post will
be a total waste of time, though.

Because I think the pictures alone,
are worth the 30 seconds of your life,coffee
you’ll spend perusing it.

Actually,
these are some of the
best ones in the mailbag.

Just how to connect the dots,
as it were,
is the only real issue.

And as,
idley just rambling along,
literarily speaking is concerned,
is a specialty of mine…

No,
you can’t call it stream of consciousness. throttle

You gotta be conscious for that.

The goodies we’ve got for you
today all relate to stuff I like.

Other than those damned fish balls, that is.

Girls in boats hiking up their dress
so they don’t get wet —
ride
Oh, yes,
I like.

Coffee —
well, who doesn’t like coffee,
I ask you.

Tattoos–
sure, man, I’m in.

Motorcycles —

Come on,riding
how easy can these
pop quizzes get anyway ?

If they’d stuck to
these subjects in school,

……. I might not have ended
up a juvenile delinquent.

Ahhh, well….
……………….. who knows.

Now,
that I’m an adult delinquent,

I’m kinda happy about how it all turned out.

star

.

HOY!

No Kind Act Goes Unpunished

I dunno justaaa
what the hell
I was thinking.

Tuesday,
I was at the gym
(my usual place to be
at 10:30 am on a
weekday morning )chowhound
and I had this big
dumb guy that I
know (slightly)
ask me about foods
he can eat that don’t
have all that
many calories…..

I tried to give him
a short list
off the top
of my head,
but then,
thought,
‘awww, what the hell’ — 

— and gave him
the address4
for my training blog

(which of course,
links up to this one ) ….

And you know what
Judge Judy
always said:

” No Kind Act Ever
Goes Unpunished ” 

( I bet you don’t
even know
what the hell1111
I’m talking about…. )

But the upshot
was that this guy
had all kinds of
‘constructive criticism’
about your favorite
blog ( and mine ) —11
this one.

He particularly didn’t like
the ‘sarcastic tone’,
and the
‘gratuitous nudity’.

( like there’s such
a thing as ‘gratuitous’
when it comes tochickenoregg
cheesecake and pin-ups )

The technique he used
with me was very similar
to what we former
practitioners of Sales
Management used
to call the ‘happy sandwich’ —

Piling a bunch
of major negative crap
between two minor pieces
of half-hearted ‘positives’.getsome

And normally —

— I would have gotten
pretty pissed off,

— told him to mind
his own fucking business —

— and then ask hima
just what in the name of
Diedrich Knickerbocker
would he know
about writing a humor blog
that I’ve been doing longer
than he’s ever had
a regular girl friend.

But,

— he also wanted
to know if our
‘Science Editor’
Suzie Wonder
was single,

— and if he could
get her number,Sam_and_Ralph_choke

which I most heartily
and readily gave him.

Suzie will fix him.

And how.

Git him, Suzie !!!!!

!!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!