Disappointments And Excuses

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Disappointment.

Life’s full of opportunities
to experience it
in one form
or another.

Sometimes it’s got
to do with having
unreasonable
expectations…..

And,
sometimes
it’s got to do
with having anyza
expectations at all.

It could be as simple as
waiting your whole life
for your ‘special day’,
and having the thing
ruined by a
combination of:

a class 4 hurricane,

a heroin addict
for a future mother-in-law,chilly

an event site with
19th century plumbing,

a cake base made
primarily out of pudding,

a dinner put together
by an infinite number
of monkeys wearing chef coats,

a totally insignificant
significant other,

and an invitation list that
would ruin any party,
but especially this one.feelings

Man,
I feel you.

And if it’s any consolation,
I can explain to you exactly
why that happened to you.

It’s human nature.

Cause
people are assholes. parisi

Most people, anyway-

You and me aren’t, of course.

( Actually, I’m not all that
sure about me, but,
we’ll carry on ……. )

They’ll ruin anything
you let em near.

That weather guy who
predicted “Sunny and Warm” disap
only the day before —

That dope head who
thought she’d better go on
and double her dose
to ‘loosen up’  —

The guy who told you that
the site could seat 400
when he actually meant
midget frogs who wouldn’twakey
need chairs or tables, or bathrooms —

The expert cake baker who didn’t know you couldn’t
make a wedding cake out
of nothing but FroYo —

The kitchen staff who
obviously got
their cooking degrees somewhere where basic sanitation and culinary
requirements here are only
suggestions and considered
pretty ridiculous ones at that —

The bridegroom who
has the manners and vocabulary
of a 4 year old and all the charm
of a dead rat —

And a group of peopledi
I wouldn’t ever want
to put together
for anything but a firing squad.

Oh, Missus Organist,
would you please play
that Mendelssohn
piece out of key again,
pretty please?

Aughhhhh.

Didn’t they say
they would have
an open bar in
here somewhere?


empty

 

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They Call Her Lois

I like to check my
‘terms most
commonly searched’
gizmo every once
in a while —

— just to get a feel
for what’s dragging
people onto my site
for a quick visit.

Sometimes the search
terms get pretty funny
and down right weird.

Other times, it seems
like people are just
reading the filthier
part of my own mind.

I like dirty cartoons,
for instance –
hey, who doesn’t, right?

And although I don’t
actually watch the show
on which this particular
cartoon MILF appears,
( too many awkward
anthropomorphic references,
if you get the idea ) –
I am somehow still a fan
of the main
feminine character , Lois.

So, when I noticed
someone searching 
my site for
‘ Lois in Lingerie ‘
pictures, I thought–

” Hey, I’m totally
into that idea” !

Sure, it’s a pretty lame
topic for a sophisticated
post, but as you’ve
probably already figured out,
there’s not much of a
sophisticated vibe anywhere
on Muscleheaded Blog,
so what the hay, right ?

I dunno exactly
what’s so appealing
about the lady,
but apparently,
I’m not the only one
who feels like
she’s kinda hot –

— and it really is nice
not to be a minority
of one ALL the time.

I know some guys
prefer Marge Simpson,
but that blue hair beehive
is a little too weird,
even for me, who revels
in weirdness usually.

And after all,
Lois is a real redhead —
with carpets and
drapes to match.

So I can’t help myself,
sorry.

Now all I have to do
is find some
“Lois In Lingerie”
pics to share —

— it did occur to me
that while I’m looking
for them online, it’s very possible that somebody
else is now gonna be
seeing that search in
their list and it’ll be
my fault.

Ah well,
I’m just fine with it.

And I can’t help
but wonder —

Does a cartoon whip hurt
as bad/good as a real one ?

Just askin’, ya know.

!!! HOY !!!

Troubles and Worry

I like to think
that my philosophy
of life is pretty
simple.

I mean,
I try not
to worry
about stuff
that I can’t do a
damn thing about.

I usually try to ignore
ignorant, crazy
or obnoxious people,
(as much as I can)
and not let
myself get all worked
up when someone
doesn’t see things
exactly my way.

It’s not about
being a Pollyanna ,
either —

It’s much more
about pragmatic-ism.

Cause nobody
gains anything
by arguing with a fool.

And their opinions are
a lot like their rectums —
you really don’t need
anything that comes
out of there, either.

But, I do like to listen
to my friends about
how they approach life —

Whether I can emulate
their approaches, well….

That’s a whole different
kettle of fish, man.

My old Navy buddy
whom I call
The Ole Philosopher,
for instance —

I asked him for a couple
words of wisdom,
and after accumulating
quite a tab at Crabby’s Grill,
he scribbled a couple piecesetchings
of advice about life
on a stained bar napkin.

Let’s see if I can interpret
his scratchy handwriting:

“Life is a personal war,
one that eventually,
we all are going to lose.

If you’re lucky,
you’ll get to dance
on the graves of
your enemies
before you go.

Don’t forget
who you are,

and whose side
you’re on.

Keep marching,
keep your powder dry,
and sleep when you can.

A bottle of cold
French Champagne,
a hot meal,
and a couple of hookers
always helps.

But, don’t make the mistake
of leaving your wallet or keys out.”

” P.S. : I’ll write
more when I’m thirsty again. “

 

Alrighty….

Thanks, buddy.

Well,

…… while I’m sure
that his very short
and rather laconic note
is more in line with the
philosophy of
Charles Bukowski
than with Auguste Comte,

I can always count on the
Ole Philosopher to give it
to me straight.

Sure, ok–

It’s not the kinda thing
I’d want to use as a
quote for the day…..
surity
But, it does seem to
be a perfect
accompaniment
to a couple of these
vintage postcards
and World War II
era ephemera thrown in
for good measure.

So,
win, win, right ?

!!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!