Cocktails Anyone

a1I had a brilliant
comedian friend
back in the 1970’s and 1980’s

( I’m afraid we have
lost touch completely since )

named Woody Woodbury–

— whose favorite punchline
” Booze — is the only Answer. “

Actually, when I
first started blogging,

I had stolen my
line from Woody
— which was:
“Surf’s UP ! “ —

and some of you
might remember
old sign off line:
” Stay Away From
The Snack Bar
” –

— which was a take off
on another one of his.

he’s a very funny guy,bar
and he did influence
me greatly,

so I figured
he wouldn’t mind…
… all that much, anyway.

The truth be told,
“Hoy” is basically a
boiled down version
of all those other ones.

Knowing him, I bet
Woody is still performing
in Fort Lauderdale,
probably somewherebad
down on the
Galt Ocean Mile,

…. and if you should go down
US-1 South far enough there to
reach my old stompin grounds,
you need definitely to go
see him perform.

You will laugh your ass off.

And you can tell him that
“The Count” sent you.boila

(It’s a long story. )

He might buy you a drink.
He might go “HUH, WHO?”
Or he might throw you out.
Who knows.

(That’s even a longer story.)


While listening to one ofboil
Woody’s hilarious party
records this morning,

I was struck by the notion
that the whole Booze thing
was another good subject
to rip off for my blog.

After all,
booze and humor
go together like
hot sauce and condoms,

something like that…)

and bars in general
have a long tradition
of relevant print art —
and the vintage stuff
can really be fun to look at.goodluck

We’re not just talking
about advertisements, now–

Actually, more like things
like bar napkins and such.


You didn’t know
about printed bar napkins?job

Are you even
old enough to drink?

For crying out loud.


They don’t have to
be dirty to dirty
be interesting–

They can have
all kinds of different stuff
printed on them,
of course,
the name and address
of the bar in question —

Often people will save themmermaid
as keepsakes or souvenirs…

to remember a particular place,
a particular person or persons,
or a particular situation….

Well, I think
you probably
know what I mean.

But to me,
dirty content
is almost
always better…

It strains the memory less.

So, as you might have
already figured,

today we’re featuring the
(at one time, at least)
ubiquitous snappy bar nappy.

Bars are very unique places
as you should probably know….

And featuring just
the right appurtenances
will give the placenapkin
that certain
je ne sais quoi .

You gotta have
the special
house drink
for instance..

for most of the places
I go into,zombie
that’s some
kinda play
on a Zombie.

— I dunno how
that’s telling
or appropriate,
but I guess it is.

I’d buy you
one or two ride
— sure.

And once
those things
kicked in,
well —

Hoo boy…..

There goes
another kitten
off to the sandbox.

!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!!!!!



Drinking Up Native Cultures

anigifOne of the things I like
to do when I travel —
is to bring back a bottle
of exotic booze from wherever I go.

It’s not like I drink
all that much…..
and I’m certainly not
what you’d call a connoisseur….

More like a collector.

But , not like most collectors5
who wanna keep their
collections to themselves.

Me, I like to share my collection
with folks who visit.

I love to watch my guests’ faces
when they first try something
they’ve never had before.

That first taste of Campari —
……..well, the facial expressions
are priceless.

It’s certainly worth the price
of a bottle that I’ll never touch otherwise.

I mean,
that stuff’s BITTER, man.

Now, you could say that’s justsoon
my sadistic side acting out,
but it’s not really like that.

Some of the stuff I bring back
tastes pretty darned good.

To me.

Maybe not always to anybody else.

Absinthe, for example.

It used to be banned
in most civilized countries
( and some pretty uncivilized places, too) —
but it’s making a huge comeback,
and is now perfectly legal
in the United States.

Actually, it never was banned in the U.K. ,4
but still is banned in France,
where most Absinthe was made — go figure.

I guess it’s the same kinda deal as Jack Daniels—
That stuff is made in a dry county !!!

Absinthe is my drink of choice,
assuming I’ve got the kit to go along with it.

Oh…. I guess better explain.

You see, you can’t drink absinthe
just out of any old glass.

You gotta do the whole absinthe trip……..3

you need a decanter of ice cold water
you need some sugar cubes
you need a special slotted absinthe spoon
you need a special fluted absinthe glass
and of course, you need some
120 year old Henri-Louis Pernot absinthe.

you fill the bottom reservoir of the glass with the absinthe,
place the spoon on top of the glass, place a sugar cube on it,
pour the ice cold water very, very slowly through the sugar cube,
swirl gently,
admire the louche ( the Green Fairy)
inhale, and then sip.

mmmmmmmmmmmm. a


You have just completed
your first absinthe ritual.

Is it worth all the trouble, you ask?

Well, I dunno…..

It kinda depends on whether you get your jollies
from drinking it the way that famous artists
like Degas, Van Gogh, Lautrec, and Manet did….

Not to mention that it’s the way
they’ve been drinking it in Europe for centuries.

Plus, it’s kinda fun.2

Is it dangerous?


I been drinking it for decades,
and I’m normal, right?

Ummm… well….. don’t answer that.

Saint Maarten in the Caribbean
is a great place to pick up some exotic booze….

They have a local fruit called a ‘guavaberry’ ,
…… and they make a potent liquor out of it.

I might also mention tuesd
the beautiful nude beaches,
… great restaurants, casinos, and all that.

But I won’t.

( psssst….. Orient Beach……
……  I’ll be the one wearing
black cross-trainers and a smile

Oh, and if you happen to be down there,
…. you might also pick up a bottle or two
of what they call “Bois Bande”.

This is a specially prepared rum
that has a secret ingredient —

said to be the bark of the Yohimbe tree —-

— a stimulant supposed
to be good to keepy
your wang… err…
I mean… , yang up.

It tastes not altogether horrible …..

and it’s nice to have around
in case of emergencies, ya understand.

Perhaps it seems strange to combine something
that’s supposed to help a problem usuallysafe
caused by the very stuff it’s dissolved in.

And perhaps that sentence
seems overly convoluted and contrived.

Maybe that’s where the whole ‘yin-yang’ thing comes in.

Maybe only the Buddha really knows.

But one thing’s for sure …..  he ain’t sayin ‘.

Recently, an online friend of mine
had posted an article on the uses of the spice caraway…

and I remembered tasting a liquor
made from it while I was in Denmark years ago.

That liquor is called Akvavit or Aquavit ,
and is popular all over Scandinavia,

…………. and also has it’s own ceremony-
called “drinking schnaps“.empty

The glasses used are usually chilled,
and tulip shaped…

The guests are seated around
a table and the glasses are charged.

Then, the host raises his glass,
and the guests all turn to each other,
… nod, after which the host calls out “Skoal!”
and everybody drinks.

Everybody sets the glass back down,
and the process is repeated.

Being at one of these “snaps parties”
will make you learn very quickly
how to pace yerself, believe me.

Also how warm it can get in Kopenhavn in the winter,
………… if you have enough friends.

Hooo boy.1

The last time I was in Mexico,
I brought back some Damiana liquor…..

Damiana is a Mexican herb also
supposedly having aphrodisiacal powers…

it’s in the same botanical family as chamomile,
and the Maya made a tea like concoction out of it with honey,
that supposedly would keep you ‘interested’ for hours.

I dunno about all that ,
but I call tell you that it smells
and tastes like a wet rope with a twist of orange.change

The bottle is very cool, though,
( it’s in the shape of a nekkid goddess’s torso ) —
and makes an interesting conversation piece.

Women get all giddy….
………… and men get all kinds of ideas…
just looking at it.

Speaking of getting ideas…
a lot of folks are surprised when I give them
a taste of Turkey’s national booze –
Raki or “Lions Milk”.

Most folks figure since the majority of Turks are Muslim,
that they wouldn’t drink….

… but one taste of Raki will convince ya that somebody over there does……

They take their Raki very, very seriously, indeed.beero

It’s very much like a non sweet version of Anisette —
… and it’s got a burn that follows you all the way down.

Actually, there are versions of Raki all over the Balkans,
with slightly different flavors and recipes…..

like Zavania in Cypress ,
or Tsikoudia in Crete….
or Albanian Raki.

Greek Ouzo is somewhat different –
although the burn is very similar.

Don’t get this confused with a booze called “Turkish Delight” ,
which is widely available in Southeast Asia —

“Turkish Delight” is a rose flavored liquor with chocolate overtones….0

And, for someone who likes exotic booze, an orgasm in a bottle.

I’ve never seen it in the U.S.,
but if you see it, buy a box.

I’ll be right over.

now then….

Here’s a coupla recipes that
you can use with all that exotic booze :

Death in the Afternoon

1 shot of Absinthe
pour ice cold champagne slowly into glassbeef
( named after Hemingway’s book-
he also was an absinthe drinker )


Campari American Cocktail

1 shot Campari
1 shot sweet Vermouth
Fill with lemon-lime soda
Garnish with lemon peel



Save some for me …..