Blind About Dating

medusaI was talking to a
gym buddy about
his personal life,
and somewhere
along the line
he brought up a
subject that I didn’t
even know they were
still doing……..

Blind dating.

Hmmmm….
very ‘old school’
if you ask me…..war

(aughhh,
I really hate
that expression)

It’s kinda a
strange deal,
doncha think?

Sure, you got all
kinds of digital dating
and sexting these
days, where you
basically know everydate
detail (up and including
nipple size, probably)
about another person
before you show up to
actually consummate
your first face to face
meet and greet.

And if it’s for dinner,
maybe I should use
the word ‘consomme’,
ya know…
soup to nuts.

But agreeing to
date somebody sight
unseen, without anya1
previous contact or
introduction, simply
because the person
in question is an
acquaintance of your
crazy second cousin ….

You just show
up at a placeblinddate
—cold—
without a clue of:
what they
think like,
look like,
smell like,
dress like,
talk like
or even
what they like ….

what you’ll think
of them,
or what they’ll
think of you….

— well,
the more grotesqueblinddate
potentials of that
scene really
creeps me out,
and I mean goose-
bumps-creepy.

I frankly don’t know
why anyone would
do it that way.

Courage
or crazy.

And so when
he said that he’d
recently gone
on one of theseblinddate
things…….

I realized that I didn’t
have a clue about the
ins and outs of the
whole blind dating
phenomena –

and really,
after having asked
a dozen or so
stupid questions,
I still don’t.

I might as well
have been writing
a blog post on the
more complicated
aspects of “Anti
DeSitter-Conformal
Field Theory “.

Exceptin’
that I’m not gonna.

But I did find some
funny cartoons and
stuff, so there’s that.

!!! HOY !!!

.

 

 

 

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Fryday MailDay

Yay For
Fry Day
Cause Itz
Mail Day.

Ok,
so there’s
no need to
be all that
excited,
I guess.

Still,
I got some
cool stuff to
share with you
sent to me by
our fabulous
readers, along
with some old
junk that I had
just lying around.

I’m not gonna
tell you which
is which, cause
hey, that’s part
of the fun of it,
right ?

I might even
throw in a
sneaky musical
reference that
heaven only
knows where it
came from or
what it’s appropo
to.

Truthfully,
when I’m sitting
at my desk, you
really never know
what I’ll see,
and what will
then get thus
translated to the
wonderful world
of blogdom.

What a zoo
this place is,
man.

So anyhoo,
Happy Fry Day.

.

!! HOY !!

Tributes to Venus

Well….
here we go again….

— into the land of
obscure comic books.

Today’s subject?

You’ve heard of
Venus, right?

Long after she made
the myth parade in
ancient Rome and got
a planet named after her –

– she got the ultimate tribute –

– no,
not a tribute
in the Urban Dictionary
sort of way —

tsk, tsk, tsk….

I mean, that she
got her own
comic book.

Yep.

Now, maybe that
doesn’t impress you
the way the other kind
would, I dunno….

but anyhoo,
from 1948 until 1951,
her Marvel comic told
the story of how she had
gotten tired of ruling her
own planet
( guess which one )
and came to Earth
to inspire good works,
truth, justice,
and the American way.

Oh yeah, and she was
apparently pretty hot, too.

There seemed to be some
indecision on the part of
the artists at Marvel
whether they wanted to
draw a comic about the
adventures of a beautiful
girl out and about in
post-war America or
whether they wanted to
make her a superhero –

– so, they kinda faked it —

which makes the
whole thing
rather difficult
to explain.

And after a while, the readers
gave up trying to figure it out,
too –

— and so she became a
running character, showing
up in various other Marvel
comics in the 1950’s, and
eventually fazed out.

That is, until she was
reincarnated, in the 1970’s,
with the same basic identity
but a whole new look, and a
relationship with the
super-hero Submariner.

The plots, as you can probably
tell were still as convoluted
as ever.

But, hey-
it doesn’t have
to make sense —

— it’s only comics, right ?

!!! HOY !!!

Motley Mish Mash

Let me tell
you a story ….

About how another
one of those motley
mish-mash posts
that this here
Muscleheaded Blog
seems to specialize in
came together.

See,
my friend Katie
sent me a
strange page that purported
to be from a car manual . 

Here it is. —>

She wondered about it,
and so did I.

When I looked at it,
I thought –

“hey , that looks like
something out of a
1950’s humor magazine.”

So,
I went searching
for it online.

Ya know….
a Mad Magazine
or similar type
of sarcasm/comic/
humor mag,
I figured.

But I didn’t find
the original source.

Yet.

What I did find was
some other neat-o cool
shit —-

like a cover of “Dotty” comic
from the late 1950’s –
” a real hep cutie ” .

Apparently, this was a
kinda popular genre.

Or,
like our lead off piccie:

which is a cover from
Life Magazine in 1908-
— the art is called
“The Candle of Love ” .

Go back and look at it
if you want –

— it’s magnificent.

I found all sorts of other
groovy vintage-magazine
related stuff, too.

And since there’s
a damned deadline
hanging over my head
like the sword of Damocles
to get this tripe of a blog
out in a timely manner

— or our science editor
Suzie Wonder will beat
me within an inch of my
life —

— that’s what’s cooking on the
Muscleheaded Blog today.

You may well ask why the hell
the science editor thinks she’s
the boss —

— and I’d ask her myself
if I didn’t think she’d
try that new set of
cat o nine tails she just
ordered on Etsy on me.

That used to be
such a nice site, too.

.

You Can’t Really Lick Leather

blondieWhile I was re-reading
another blogger’s post
about comics and
animation’s dramatis
personae running
for president,
(wait, maybe it was mine)
I suddenly was captured
by an urge to do an expose
on the secret sex lives
of cartoon characters.

‘Cause, you know….

If the real-people stars
can’t stay outta trouble —

Just imagine the kinda
kinky secrets those
cartoon guys are keeping.addams

I’m not even gonna
mention the whole
Yogi Bear,
Cindy Bear,
and an under-age and sexually confused Boo-Boo bugaboo —

Hey,
what goes on in Jellystone Park,
STAYS in Jellystone Park,
that’s my rule.

All I can tell you is
that “Mister Ranger Sir”
is more than just a
polite way of addressing that guy.

Caves make great
dungeons, ya know.a2

Sure, I know
there are
lots of people
who seem to think
that there is
too much sex on TV
now…..

But, I think those people
need to realize
an essential truth…
badidea
The terms “Too Much”
and “Sex” never really
go together in one sentence.

Never.

It’s sorta like an
oxymoron, ya know.

Ahem.

Once you start really
thinking about it,
you can’t help but
wonder a few things….. a1a1

— all that travelling around
in a van with two hot chicks, for example…

(yes, of COURSE, Velma is hot.
The quiet, smart chicks are always the most dangerous)

along with two doofy guys
and a very large dog —

chasing ‘ghosts’?

Yeah, right.

You really gotta wonder
what’s going on
with those characters
on Scooby Doo.

But, I guess
we’ll never know
the truth, huh? piggy

Wait.

I wasn’t going to do that post today.

So, the whole Kermit the Frog
and the interspecial-bestiality
thing with Miss Piggy —

— who is looking pretty
stunning in that leather gear….

 

Hey–
who wouldn’t ?

What is it, I wonder —2
that makes it look
so good on a woman?

Don’t get me started on how:
leather is not only
natural,
breathable,
comfortable
supple,
long wearing,
and fits like a
second skin thing —

but also how incredibly sexy
a woman looks wearing it.

Even a cartoon woman.

Lois Griffin knows, man.

Hoo boy, does she.

Again, though,
I’m digressing.

Or am I ?snow

I guess I should figure out, first —

whether I want to post about
sexy cartoon characters wearing leather,

about how sexy a material leather is on an actual woman,

or about some fantasy-based S&M
leather bugaboo that’s gonna need an analyst
to fully help me explain.

Mmmmmmm — leather.

Does that make me a pervert?

(Ok–
no, maybe that doesn’t-
but plenty of other things do.)a1a

Hmmm….
well,

it sure seems like I’m not
the only one who thinks that leather is sexy.

Which either means we as a culture
need to revise our social idea of what is / isn’t deviant,

Or accept the fact that
there’s just a lot of us perverts out there.

bikeEither way,
I’m fine with it, really.

I don’t necessarily see the need for a parade,

or a special national ‘leather-pervert’ day ,

Although it’d be interesting to find out
who ends up riding in the Parade Grand Marshal’s vehicle,

— and what gear they’ll be wearing.

I’m hoping for Betty Boop, personally.

Biker-chicks really know how
to wear leather with style.

Hmmm…
I guess I never did figure out
what else to post about today.

So, I guess
we’re in on this one.

Thanks to my friend Jen way up
nawth of the bunkyline for helpkitty
on several of these great images.

Thanks also to my
Left Coast buddy Katie
for this very funny picture:

Now then….

Betty.
or
Bettie ??

Hmmm….

.

bettie

.

HOY !!!!

Do We Get Letters ?

lettersLetters ?

Do we get letters,
— you ask?

Sure,
we get letters, man.

Boy,
howdy,
do we…..

Do we?

Ummm, yes,

Err….
I guess we get letters.

Well,

let’s pretend
we get em, anyway,

….. since I’ll never get
this post finished
if I keep hemmin’ and
hawin’ around with ya
about it otherwise …..

hey,
what bearing
does reality
have to anything
these days, anyway?

So —a2

YES, we do get letters. 

Thanks for asking.

Like this next —
completely authentic,
bona-fide,
genuine,
unscripted–

and not in any
way, shape, or form–
fabricated,
faked,
half-baked,
concocted,
redacted,
dreamt up,
made up out of whole cloth,
or in any other way
otherwise spurious
letter–

(ok, maybe it is
some of that stuff…. ):

.

Dear Mister Muscleheaded:

I know you’re a big ole stud muffin,
and absolutely irresistible to women,
so you should be able to answer this question.
I need a line to use when I meet a girl
and want her to find me instantly bed-able.

Any suggestions?

Yours Sincerely,
Mr. Maydupt Q. Sendert

PS… The ‘T’s are silent.

.

Well, Mister Maydupt,candy

I’m here to help,
’cause that’s just the kinda guy I am.

Certainly ,
there are two approaches to
getting a girl to go to bed with you.

Assuming- of course –
that you mean:

‘go to bed with you’
VOLUNTARILY,
and for FREE.lettera

(I’m not absolutely sure
that’s what you meant,

but we’ll go with it —

Since the other implications are:
way too creepy,
completely out of my
range of expertise,

and,
I’m not sure they sell
over-the-counter roofies anyway.

Do me a favor —
if you’ve ever used the pickup line:barf
“Does this smell like chloroform to you?”,
please forget this blog altogether.)

Ahem.

As I was saying…

There are two main approaches.

One involves taking the
time to get to know her,travel

and let her get to know you —

spending time together,
learning about her background,
her passions,
her tastes,
and such.

If you treat her right,
listen to what she’s into,
and, of course, if she likes you,
she’ll probably be draggin’
YOU into the bedroom eventually.

The other approach is using a
cheesy pickup line that will
magically make the girl wanna
drop her panties right there
in the bar and do ya.

(The internet version
of this approach,
of course, would be tohat
send some girl
a disembodied picture
of your dick,

…. although the type of
instant gratification
you’d get would be quite
different, I’d suppose.)

While both systems have
their fans and their detractors,

I’m sensing from your letter that
approach number one might be
a little too sophisticated and
involved for your sensibilities,

— and that you are primarily
interested in approach number 2.

Hmmmm…. ok.

chemistryPickup lines have a long and storied history —

— they are reported to have existed
even before Disco music was invented.

But they’re notoriously undependable
and horrendously unoriginal….

And you just never know how
a girl is gonna react to one.

And a lot has to do with the delivery.

— no matter how good the line is —

if it’s being delivered by somebodywood
who slobbers all over himself
like Quasimodo,

— it might not turn her on.

So, by all means,

— relax yourself by having as
many drinks as you can to brace yourself first.

Chicks dig that.

Then, when your loins are
sufficiently girded for battle,

feel free to use one of the following
‘tried and true’ pickup lines that
I have so painstakingly researched for you.

Be careful to say these in a
relatively low voice, though–

Or you may have to take
all the girls in the bar
home simultaneously.

Ahem.ash

.

1: ” You might not be the best looking girl here,
but beauty is only a light switch away.”

2: “All those curves, and me with bad brakes.”

3: “Hey, I hear Heineken is really good
for beating back those pesky yeast infections…”

4: “Are those space pants?
Cuz your ass is out of this world!”

5: “Girl, you look so good, I could put
you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!”tailwag

6: “I like milk on my cereal…
Are you having a boy or a girl?”

7: “Even if this bar is a meat market,
you would be the prime rib.”

8: “Is it hot in here or is it just me?”

9: “I like how you smell,
but let’s take a shower together, anyway
.”

10: “Was your father a farmer?
Because you sure have grown some nice melons!”

11: “Wow! Are them things real?”line

12: “You know, the more I drunk
I am, the prettier you get!”

13: “Babe! you’re so fine I could
drink your bath water!”

14: “You’re ugly but you intrigue me.”

.

And in times of absolute desperation,ap

— just on the off-chance that none
of these worked for you,

you can use this one–

….which is guaranteed to get….

well,

at least a reaction of some kind,

— which is better than being
ignored as usual….
ummm…
right ?

15: ” You’re thinking that I may
not be the best looking guy here,

…. but I am also the only one
talking to you.

.

That’s all of it….

By now, you should befirefly
on easy street, huh?

So, I’ll leave you with these
last words of wisdom,

from Chico Marx,

( to use in case yer wife catches
you using one of those other lines ….)

I wasn’t kissing her,
I was just whispering in her mouth

genwarts