I get a lot of questions about Suzie’s background,
— but she doesn’t like for me to talk about her past too much.
Don’t tell her I told you,
— but she spent many years in a convent,
before becoming a nurse proctologist.
(Seems like a natural enough progression, I guess)
I can also tell you that she’s known around the office as the ‘Diva of the Bird’s Eye View’.
‘Mizzz Wonder Ma’am’
is all she’ll answer to.
When she ain’t ignoring you altogether.
But, please, ladies–
I seriously advise caution before attempting to take any of Suzie’s advice —
She’s been kinda cranky lately,
and when she’s like that,
—- you never really know when she’s kidding, and when she’s not.
(in other words,
please don’t take any of this seriously-
remember, it’s a humor blog !!!! )
Here’s Suzie’s column for this month.
“Practical Every Day Science,
……….. by Suzie Wonder”
Let me ask you a question.
Does your male sibling or significant-other irritate you by sloshing ketchup on everything he eats without even bothering to taste the food first to see if it even needs it?
I mean, I go to all the trouble of making a nice, well seasoned meatloaf,
— and PLOP goes that red SLOP all over the plate.
I’m tired of it, girls.
And you shouldn’t stand for it either.
So, here’s what you can do about it.
About 10 minutes before you’re ready to serve, add a bit of baking soda to a plastic bottle of ketchup, seal it up good, and give it a couple of shakes.
The vinegar in the ketchup will react with the baking soda to create carbon dioxide…
The result: when he opens the bottle, he’ll be setting off a virtual red volcano.
If he’s wearing that stupid Allman Brothers T-Shirt that he’s had since 1973, then, all the better.
Just make sure he’s the one that has to clean the whole mess up.
Tell him you’ll get your Mother to come over and do it otherwise.
That should break him of his taste for that stuff once and for all.
Just another practical science tip, as a public service.
And, speaking of getting him to clean up after himself…..
If you really want him to be a little more accurate in hitting the toilet every time he pees, you might want to try this:
The next time you go to the pet store, pick up a little bottle of Methylene Blue (it’s in the tropical fish section).
Then, mix some in with his chili or spaghetti sauce.
It’s pretty much non-toxic,
some people might be allergic,
oh well )
Man, that’ll get his attention —
He’ll be so freaked out ,
that he’ll be watching very closely what comes out,
— where it goes —
from now on.
Take it from me–
You’ll thank your old gal-pal Suzie Wonder in the end.
See you next month.
— thanks, Suzie.
I dunno, fellas…
I’m still totally carnfuzzled why that girl is still single after all these years, ya know?