Friday’s In The Bag

Friday,
Friday,
Friday !

It’s errrr….
Friday !

I was just thinking
how much I was
missing the whole
‘fish stick’ festival
thing my family did
every Friday back
when I was a kid.

Those actually
weren’t that bad,
once you drown-ded
em in ketchup
and salt.

I haven’t even had a
fish stick in so long ,
and I’d probably no
longer ‘remember’
how ‘great’ they were
— if I did.

Eating fish on friday
was a good way
to remind you
that the weekend was
oh,
so, close.

Which of course,
it is.

Unless you’re reading this
on Monday, in which case,
I would recommend you run
right out and get some
frozen fish sticks and
try to conjure up some
of that lost weekend mojo.

Good luck
with that, man.

Speaking of stuff
that I like–

(ya know,
weekends,
memories of fish sticks… )

I found a couple great
vintage postcards
about Absinthe,
(et al ) 
from the days
when the stuff was
so potent that it made
artists forget
their other paints
and go straight
for the greens
and yellows.

Hey- don’t ask me –

I don’t paint —

so it never
did anything
to me except
make me
horny.

And while
I appreciate
that aspect
for sure,
I’ve never really
needed the
extra help.

.

!!! HOY !!!!

.

 

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One Bad Habit After Another

It seems that there
are folks who believe
that it’d be just
wonderful if all
the ‘bad habits‘ of
the world could
be just bundled up
and burned at a
huge bonfire……

They might even
throw in some of
the books and art
they don’t like while
they’re at the whole
cleanin’ up the
world thing.

But, hey…..

Me,
I don’t have
anything
against vice.

I don’t ask for a
perfect world–
nope.

Not only because a little
imperfection here and
there really does make
the world an
interesting place, and
people in general much
more interesting, too —

( nose pickin and public
ass scratchin not included,
of course )

but
mainly because what
one guy might think is
a ‘vice’ might be just
my cup of mocha java.

And ain’t nobody big
and bad enough to
wrassle away my
precious morning
coffee mug from
me, I promise.

Rock and roll
a ‘bad influence’ ?

Baaah.

Dancing is a
moral crime
to some folks.

(it is a sin-
but only
when I do it)

And believe it or not,
some people consider
pin up art a vice .

( Check the complaints
in my email if you don’t
believe me )

Is fatty food like bacon
and barbecued pork butt
a vice?

( Hey- don’t forget the
hush-puppies, man ! )

Sure, there’s folks
that think that.

And they’re happy
to tell you all about
it, too.

Crazy talk, I say.

Which tells you
that there’s no
accounting
for taste,
or the lack thereof.

And more importantly,
just how silly the whole
thing can get.

That said,
vice is one of
them there things
that a person has
to handle with
extreme delicacy and
moderation —

A little taste of bourbon
might sweeten what was
a very long, hard day –

– but a whole bottle at one
sitting will probably just
make you an obnoxious
asshole.

And nobody wants that.

Cause we got plenty
of those already.

It seems like those
‘anti-vice’ folks have
quite a number of ’em,
actually.

Phoooey.

Mad Mailbag Madness

One of the things that
drives me absolutely crazy
about watching television
is this trend toward ads
with screaming guys tellin’
you how great their stupid
product is –

– if it’s so great,
why do you
gotta scream
the name of
it in my ear
10 times during
a 30 second spot?

I guess I’m used to it
with lousy used car dealers
and gadgety laundry soap –

– but now even fast food
places are doing it.

Man, even if I believed
all that crap about having
‘all the meats’, their
damned announcer has
put my appetite for it
on deep hold.

I do remember the place
from when I did eat in
places like that, and they
don’t exactly represent a
good memory.

Frozen pressed meat and
‘roast beef’ are always going
to constitute two entirely
different types of thing
for me, even if the rest of
the world is ready to accept
it as being the same.

Now, you might be
wondering what this
has to do with our post
topic today, and I’ll be
totally Frank with you..

(or Dean,
Mel, Charlie,
or Tom,
— or —
anybody else you’d
rather pretend that
I am if it’s going to
get you off )

.. and tell you that it don’t
have a damned thing to
do with it.

( Although I do a very good
“Sinatra’s Swinging Session”
imitation –
— I even got the right hat ).

No, I’m just doing
my usual weekly
‘running of the mouth’
while I figure how to make
these really cool vintage
postcards that we have in
the mailbag today fit together in one tight
little package.

Like that’s
gonna happen.

Ha.

Do think about that
hat thing, though —

— I’m available for parties
and stuff, ya know.

Sure, I can try
and do
‘funky’ too —
give me a
bass guitar,
a wig,
some sequins,
and you’d
still swear I wasn’t
Verdine White.

I’d try, though.

And you gotta
give a man credit
for trying.

.

!!! HOY !!!

Cocktails Anyone

a1I had a brilliant
comedian friend
back in the 1970’s and 1980’s

( I’m afraid we have
lost touch completely since )

named Woody Woodbury–

— whose favorite punchline
was:
” Booze — is the only Answer. “

Actually, when I
first started blogging,

I had stolen my
wrap-up
line from Woody
— which was:
“Surf’s UP ! “ —

and some of you
might remember
old sign off line:
” Stay Away From
The Snack Bar
” –

— which was a take off
on another one of his.

Hell,
he’s a very funny guy,bar
and he did influence
me greatly,

so I figured
he wouldn’t mind…
… all that much, anyway.

The truth be told,
“Hoy” is basically a
boiled down version
of all those other ones.

Knowing him, I bet
Woody is still performing
in Fort Lauderdale,
probably somewherebad
down on the
Galt Ocean Mile,

…. and if you should go down
US-1 South far enough there to
reach my old stompin grounds,
you need definitely to go
see him perform.

You will laugh your ass off.

And you can tell him that
“The Count” sent you.boila

(It’s a long story. )

He might buy you a drink.
He might go “HUH, WHO?”
Or he might throw you out.
Who knows.

(That’s even a longer story.)

Anyhoo…

While listening to one ofboil
Woody’s hilarious party
records this morning,

I was struck by the notion
that the whole Booze thing
was another good subject
to rip off for my blog.

After all,
booze and humor
go together like
hot sauce and condoms,

(errr–
something like that…)

and bars in general
have a long tradition
of relevant print art —
and the vintage stuff
can really be fun to look at.goodluck

We’re not just talking
about advertisements, now–

Actually, more like things
like bar napkins and such.

What?

You didn’t know
about printed bar napkins?job

Are you even
old enough to drink?

For crying out loud.

Ahem.

They don’t have to
be dirty to dirty
be interesting–

They can have
all kinds of different stuff
printed on them,
including,
of course,
the name and address
of the bar in question —

Often people will save themmermaid
as keepsakes or souvenirs…

to remember a particular place,
a particular person or persons,
or a particular situation….

Well, I think
you probably
know what I mean.

But to me,
dirty content
is almost
always better…

It strains the memory less.

So, as you might have
already figured,

today we’re featuring the
(at one time, at least)
ubiquitous snappy bar nappy.

Bars are very unique places
as you should probably know….

And featuring just
the right appurtenances
will give the placenapkin
that certain
je ne sais quoi .

You gotta have
the special
house drink
for instance..

for most of the places
I go into,zombie
that’s some
kinda play
on a Zombie.

— I dunno how
that’s telling
or appropriate,
but I guess it is.

Hey-
I’d buy you
one or two ride
— sure.

And once
those things
kicked in,
well —

Hoo boy…..

There goes
another kitten
off to the sandbox.

!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!!!!!

yours

Beer Battles

worthyPart of being a
resident smart ass
is having stuff fly
back at you when
you least expect it, man.

Sorry,
but it’s true.

I’m sitting in a tavern,
here in the lovely
Queen City of the South,
trying several kinds of ales
that had just been introduced.

So…….

One of the things
I like to do
with my friendssurply
sometimes is
a balls to the wall
kinda comparison
of different styles
of beers and ales…….

so I’ve got four lined up
right there in front of me
on the bar .

Take a sip outta one —

mmmm– a little bitter,
but nice carbonation.

Take a sip outta another —

ok– way too sharpbuttface
and nutty for my palate.

Take a wank
at the third —
and it tastes like
somebody’s gym socks.

And I say so.

Suddenly, a big hand
reaches out right in front
of me —
kill
and just swipes
the third glass,
the one I just took
a drink out of.

“Well, if you don’t like it,
— I’ll drink it”,

says the culprit …

( forthwith to be referred to
as the ‘beer swiper’ )

It seems to me
that this
should somehow
qualify as an
automaticbulltesticle
ass-whipping offense….

but I did have
three more glasses
in front of me,
so I let it go.

Except that he came
back for another one.

“Any others you
don’t want?”
he says.ay

Yeah.
Well,
You know the rest.

So anyhoo….

Thanks to everybody
who asked how I was doing….

I’m just about back
to my old obnoxious self.

Yep.leghumper

But beer is something important –
— something worth fighting for —
— and don’t you
ever doubt that.

Hey-
I wouldn’t kid you.

And to prove it,
there’s a place
in Bruxelles, Belgium
called the
‘Delerium Tremens Bar’-

— across from the Jeanneke Pis fountain–
( ….. just look for the pink elephant )
that carries over 2300 different types.

2300 !!!!!

Now,
that’s a lotta brewski.poly

And, if you end
up going in there,
you really won’t even have
to know exactly what
brands you want to try.

Just tell the bartender
what flavors you like,
and she’ll find you one
that’s just right.

Or more than one.

They’re very friendly in there,
and speak better English1a
than Yer Ole Uncle Nuts.

So they’ll accommodate you.

And I promise,
you really will be amazed
at the selection, man.

Even if you’re one of
them there freaky weirdoes
who likes Brussels Sprouts.

Yep–
Brussels Sprouts Ale .

ACK.

:-O bananabread

But if you’re looking
to avoid possibly turning
bright green
after just one sip of this
questionable concoction……….

Well, how about
a nice fruit flavor ?
– I dunno –
– maybe like LEMON ?

There is a Lambic made
by the Belgian Brewery De Troch
called “Chapeau Lemon Lambic”
which I absolutely adore.

Lambic is a sour style of beer
that is spontaneously fermentedchili
and flavored by fruits that
compliment it’s natural tartness.

That means you’ll find Lambics
flavored by raspberries, oranges,
black currants, strawberries,
as well as apples, plums, et al.

Of course I won’t leave off
another of my favorites,
— sour cherries.

This style is called Kriek,
and is something
you must try if you can.sheep

Any good size beer distributor
should carry a version of it.

Put it in a cooler
and take some on a picnic.

Be sure you’re not driving ,
though.

The stuff will sneak up on you
like some kinda Beer Swiper
from outer space.

.

HOY !!!!!

.

a1