Ye Olde Font Of Wisdom

For our thought-
provoking and all
inspiring Muscleheaded
Blog post for today,
we thought that we’d
dip deep into the
bottomless font of
ye-olde fashioned
wit and wisdom —

— and bring you
some forgotten, obscure
and abandoned adages
about love from
yesteryear.

Lest we forget that there
was an awful lot of truth
hidden down in there,
somewhere.

But, in our attempt
to drink deep of
pathos, cynicism,
irony, incongruity,
and yes, even a bit
of sardonicism —

— we never want to:

slurp with syrupy
sermonizing ,

preach with over-
principled
pontification,

harangue with
high-minded
hell-fire,

expound on
entangled
ethicalities,

And please
remember :

When In Doubt,
Pinkies Out.kiddo

Now, you may
ask yourself …

Self, where in
the hell is this
maniac driving
this post to ?

And the answer
is, oh, so simple,
really.

It was carved so
beautifully on the
walls of a cave in
the Tatra Mountains
of Southern Poland
by some wandering
philosopher or sage
hundreds of years
ago :

” Nie idź
za mną,

bo jestem
zbyt

zagubiony “

Amazing.Image result for postcard vintage love adage

Roughly
translated,
it means:

” Don’t
Follow Me 

I’m Lost
Too “

ahhhh….

… the wisdom of
the ages, right?

.

.

!!! HOY !!!

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Garde Your Manger

fareObscure title, huh?

Not if you work
in the restaurant biz,
it ain’t.

I was having
(or trying to have)
dinner at my local
greasy spoon —

— and it was taking
long enough for Caesar
to have grown his salad
from seed –

– so I inquired about it-
(very nicely, I might add-
— always be kind if you a2
expect to be able to eat
what you order, and
without any ‘special sauce‘).

The manager went back to
find out what was up-
and I heard the cook
yell at her that the wait
couldn’t be helped,
cause he was agnmae
quote: “In The Weeds“.

(We were obviously seated in
the preferred seating section,
(AKA: “Bob Uecker’s table”
— right next to the kitchen ).

She shouted back at him
that she needed that
‘Blue Plate‘ ‘on the fly‘ ,
and to ‘86 the B.S.’ ! ”

Uh huh.
So, what about
MY meal,
I wondered….
athat
— cause I didn’t order
anything blue, or with
flying insects on it.

Further, I didn’t know
diners had combination
plates like the Dragon Palace,
cause I always order
the number 23 there.

Of course, I’m saying this
with some tongue planted
firmly into cheek —

(and that’s a pretty good
arrangement in the right await
kinda company…. )

— since my daughter works
in a restaurant – but, it is
genuinely funny how
different the language
can get in the heat of
the professional kitchen.

Assuming your local
diner qualifies –
which in my case,
I’m not all that sure of.

Ahem.

And, yes, bute
thanks for asking,
I did finally get my
Chicken Caesar salad–

— although just what the
hell I was thinking in
ordering anything fancier
than a scrambled egg
on toast (otherwise known
as ‘wrecked chicks on a raft‘)
or a baked potato
with sour cream
(‘a blonde hot Murphy‘ )
in that dump is beyond me.

Anyhoo– let’s talk about
a couple of the morea1
interesting idioms..

Eggs seem to have several
special terminologies
dedicated to them
depending on the region
and who/what’s cooking:

‘Cackle berries’
‘Egnosticz’

‘Hen Fruit’
‘Googs’
‘Chickies/Chicks/Chicklets’

And you can get them
in a large variety of styles –

‘Wreck Em’
(scrambled )atip

‘Scregged’
( really scrambled)

‘Shell Angels’
(hard boiled)

‘A Hub Cap’
(sunny side up)

‘Scotched’
(breaded, stuffed,
and then deep fried)

‘Puddle in a Golf Ball’
(soft boiled)

‘Dead Eye’
(1 poached )

‘Adam and Eve’
(2 poached)

‘Flop Two’
(fried over easy)

‘Gus-Burgered’
( add hamburger) —

and
‘ Doing The Eggman ‘
( umm– you’ll have to look
that one up for yourself
——  hint: Eric Burdon.
Sorry, I’m got side-tracked)

Ahem.

Hot dogs, too,
as you might expect,
have more than
their fair share —

‘Coney Island Chicken’
‘Bowsers’
‘Bun Pup’
‘Hosers’
‘Tube Steak’
‘Ripper’ (a deep fried hot dog)

And once you start
adding condiments,
well, better bring a
local cook or
at least a lexicon —

Breathe On It ” –
add onion.

Pitch In The Hay ” –
add sauerkraut.

With Frog Sticks “-
add French Fries.

Give It A Hemorrhage ” –
add ketchup.

Paint It Yellow ” –
add mustard.

On The Hoof ” –
cooked rare.

Pittsburgh Style” –
scorched.

Waxed ” –
add American cheese.
(YUK)
Pull Me A Shot
From Hotlanta
” –
add a Coke.

Save The Slush ” –
Ugh, no ice in that Coke.

And, as you can quite
plainly tell, there’s way
too many of these1905
things to list em all….
which, of course,
means you’ll be seeing
a sequel about the
subject soon enough
right here on this
channel, so stay tuned.

In the meantime,
keep yourself
Sunny Side Up ” !

.

!!!! HOY !!!!!

.

ymoon

 

Bob’s Yer Uncle

Heard in the gym at the end
of a long, long boring story
about buying a truck —

“And Voila-
Bob’s Your Uncle !” 

Ummmm….

Ok, so I guess it goes
without saying,
but I don’t quite
understand expressions
like that one.

We’ll skip the part
about mixed metaphors
and go straight
to the heart
of the matter —

I mean, what would make
anyone think I even had
an uncle named Bob,
( I don’t)
— never mind mention
him in some kinda
self-congratulating way.

” I’ll Be A Monkey’s Uncle “

Fighting words —
— right?

Especially for all my nephews.

” Say Uncle ? “

Who–
are we talking about
my non-existent Uncle Bob?

It makes me almost wish
I did have an Uncle Bob–
so I could defend his honor.

For some reason,
there’s been a lot of
old expressions revolving
around relatives in a
sorta non relative way…..

“… and then I gave him a
“How’s Your Father” right
in the kisser, man.”

Ok– now,
explain to me very slowly
how asking about a guy’s
Dad gives you an excuse
to punch him in the face.

Actually,
it’s also a weird
1920’s reference
to having sex,
although I don’t know
if an incestuous
connection is necessarily
a requirement.

“So’s Your Old Man!”

Oh jeez, man —
— are you another
one of his old drinking
buddies, or what?

No, I cannot loan you five bucks.

And,
Who’s Your Daddy ? ”

— Albeit not a vintage expression,
it’s still just as stupid as the others.

I refuse to discuss my parents
with any knucklehead who uses
an expression like that.

And you’d think if you were trying
to borrow money from his son
you’d know his damned name,
wouldn’t ya ?

Well, I’ll toast to that.

HOY !

 

Express This

happyHow am I doing?

“Living the Dream, Baby.” 

Being a former
Navy man,
I find expressing
myself using terms
that sometimes
maybe aren’t
completely
clear to the
average person.

Like when goat
sometimes
you’re feeling
lost and lonely,
especially around the
hours of O-dark-thirty,
you might equate it
to feeling shipwrecked…..

There’s something
about the sea,
and the solitude,
that makes it sound
like a very familiar
experience to a Sailor,
despite never
having been actually grace
shipwrecked himself.

I guess it’s really
nothing that a
nice long
Hollywood Shower
and some
ChuHi won’t
soothe away, I guess.

And at least
it would be quiet,
anyway.

( But, I’d settle
for some eyeball home
liberty at this point. )

Popular expressions
work like that, too.

Perhaps you’ve never
actually gotten
somebody’s goat.

I mean,
would you reallycat
want somebody
elses’ goat?

And what would
you do with it,
I wonder?

And what about
that damn cat —lay

— how did it get in
the bag in the first place?

It seems to me,
we could have
had that thing
for chow last night,
or could I be mistaken?

Oh well.

Hey–
anybody see
my happy sock?

Alpha Mike Foxtrot,
y’all.

vargas