Dorothy Parker says:

Dorothy Parker

“If you wear a
short enough skirt,
the party will come
to you.”

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Crazy-Bad Attitudes

1905-codeAll of us get
those days when,
for one reason
or another,
we’re not feeling
all that wonderful,

— and maybe
our attitude isn’t
the best either…..

And when I get
a day like that,crazy
I find that
it can easily escalate
into a real bad day —
— often for person,
(or persons)
other than just me.

It’s just hard
to keep
your trap shut
and your hands
at your sidecrazy
when people
come at you
without the slightest
understanding
of how much danger
they’re putting
themselves in.

Awww…..
you shouldn’t
have oughta gone,chopper
and done thaaaaaaat…..

Nuts.

Well,
hey, man,
cheer up…

you still got
your _____________.
(fill in the blank)dwig

I know it’s
cliché as hell,

…. but remembering
how much better
you’re off than a lot
of other people
(we won’t mention
any names)
will at least prove that
you’re not some ungrateful
selfish self absorbed bastard.

Well,
ok,
you’re not.

Remember —
when you’re unhappy,legs

— all you really need
is something that makes you happy.

Everything on your body might hurt,

your mind might be
going to mush,

your spirit might
be communing
with the ghost of
Edgar Allen Poe,nurse

your emotional state
might make you crazier
than a waltzing bed bug,

your job might be as
rewarding as a dirty Q-Tip,

your sex life might not have
enough shades of gray
to count on one hand,

your friends
might be talking
about cremating you
while you’re still alive —

But it’s still way
better than the
fuckin’ alternative.thendont

And remember
the old story
about the guy
who goes to doctor —

Jabbing himself
in the arm
with his own finger,
the guy says:

It hurts when I do that.”

The Doctor looks at him
for a minute, and then says:

Don’t DO that !
Next patient 
! ”

Often, (not always,
of course)
when we’re feeling bad,
it’s from stuff we’re doing
to ourselves,
or at the very least,july5
making worse.

So stop doing that.

Buck up.

And I’ll do the same.

HOY!

.

“Stop It” Skit by Bob Newhart from Tim Tolosa on Vimeo.

.

It’s Mail Call

a1It’s Mail Call !!!

During my time
in Navy boot camp,
all those years ago,

(yow-
time flies, huh?)

I can still remember
how much
we could always
look mailcallforward
to Mail Call —

It was then
that you got
all the goodies
from home
(if you had any)

that your loved
ones sent ya
(if you had any) —

and catch up on
your romantic
entanglementsa6
(if you had any) —

and otherwise,
share the wealth
with your buddies
(if you had any).

Of course,
that’s when the
bad news and
‘Dear John’ letters
came, too.

It’s much easier
to tell somebody
you’re taking up
with his best friend by mail —
especially when you know
he can’t just come
home right away.

So, it does happen –
– a lot.

Still, a boxload of
Grandma’s cookiespopular
would make it all
better, man.

Even if it was
somebody else’s
Grandma who made ’em.

Hey-
sharing is caring.

And now,
with the able assistance
of the Müscleheaded Blog —
avy
you, too, can experience
all the magic and mystery
of military mail call,

without all the inconvenience of:

having some big,
ugly Master Chief
screaming at you
to get your lazy ass
out of the rack for
reveille every morning —forgotten

without all the
rigmarole of:

folding and refolding
shirts, pants and underwear
over and over
and over and over  —

without all the silliness of:

making a bunk with
‘hospital corners’
so tight you could
bounce a quarter of it….a9

and without the pain of:

stowing your gear
in a lock box so small
you couldn’t keep
4 rubbers and a
full sized pin up
of Brigitte Bardot in it….

(not that you’d
need those rubbers,
anyway )

Ahem.

To give you a feeling
of what that
experience was like,
well….
it always started with
a bunch of guys
milling arounda4
trying to look like
they were busy —

Cause if you didn’t look busy,
the Navy could always find
something for you to do.

— you know,
like shining boots
that already reflected
your D.I’s face
better than a new
chrome bumper,a8

or walking around
with a clip-board
and occasionally making
a random check mark
or drawing a doodle —

Or, if the ‘smoking
lamp’ was lit —
well,
you were busy keeping
RJ Reynolds in business,
with a smoke in one hand,a1
and some Navy coffee
in the other.

You can always tell
if it’s Navy coffee —
cause it’ll eat through the bottom of a Styrofoam cup.

It’s not bitter exactly.
‘Harsh’ is more the word…..

Sorta like ‘Roseanne Barr
singing the National
Anthem’ in a mug.a99

Try facing THAT
first thing
in the morning, man.

So, anyway —

A guy would come in
with a huge mail bag
looking a bit like Santa,
(sans reindeer)
and start mispronouncing
last names.a5

I get how
somebody could
mangle MY name —
it’s Polish and has more consonants
than Roseanne Barr
has bad jokes.

But just how hard
do you have to work at it
to get ‘Jones’
or even ‘Smith’ wrong ?????a7

John Q. Bluejacket —
that one,
they’d get right, I bet.

There’d just be too
many of us, though.

He’d start handing out
envelopes and packages —
and if you were very lucky,a3
eventually he’d hand you
one or two.

Now, I know it
doesn’t sound all
that exciting,
but when you’ve been essentially
cut off from contact
with the outside world
for 9 weeks,
it was a big thing, baby.

Christmas, New Years,
and Halloween all in one.a2

Best thing ever, it seemed.

Especially since there
wasn’t such thing
anything remotely
like a conjugal mail call.

At least not that I
heard about, anyway.

HOY !!!!

a1

>

 

Doggies Of The Dewey Decimal System

Sometimes,
when I don’t have
any fresh reading
material…….

(and I’m bored
outta my mind ),

I like to go wander
the storied halls of
the local B**s and N**e
bookstore —

Sure,
ok…

the coffee area
is appreciated  
( and that cute
redhead behind
the counter is a real
sweetie) but what I
really like is what
seems a rather
randomly selected,
but certainly extensive,
range of books on
just about any subject
you can name.

( ok- dirty books
excluded, but ya
can’t win em all )

I’ll walk in, and then,
straight to the non-
fiction area-

…. looking for the
religion, philosophy,
and psychology aisles.

It’s a huge store, and
a comparatively small
percentage of the place
is dedicated to non-fiction,
but I usually find some
special things that will
just have to go home
with me.

Today’s selection
included a book on
advanced induction
techniques (Hypnosis) –
a tome on Comparative
Religion (Joseph Campbell) –
and another, a continuation
of a series of books
explaining the way humans
perceive the world around
them (“The Handbook
Of Perception”).

You might be
seeing some
posts based
on those
subjects once
I’ve digested
them……. 

Oh, and
let’s see…..

– there was also
a big honkin book
with lots of pictures
of classic automobiles
from the 1950’s and 1960’s,
which probably should be
entitled:
” An Overgrown Boy’s
Book of Cool Cars “.

Score,
baby.

Oh, and
let’s not forget
the fresh copy of:
” Zen and the Art of
Motorcycle Motorcycle “

— sure, I know I’ve got
two copies already,
but this one gonna
be a gift.

Time has a tendency
to get away from me
in that place…..

I think the manager
was worried she might
have to feed me if I
hung around for
much longer.

I used to be that way
at the Public Library,
too–

– lost among the stacks-

but I always wanted to
keep the books once I
had ’em,

( I’m very possessive of
books, and records, and
other stuff… )

— and they kinda
frowned on that –

– the fines got rather
expensive while the
library people tried
to convince me to
give ’em back.

It was always hard
to part with a book
once I’ve read it –
– it’s way too much
like breaking up.

Nope,
love isn’t
something that
should be rented,
or borrowed –
– aspects of it
should linger
on and on…
– for keeps –

And so, damn it,
are my books
for keeps .

Because books give,
and give,
and keep giving –

– you only need
to give them a place
in your home and
your heart , and
appreciate them
in return….

they’re like
paperback puppies,
hardcover hounds,
or the Doggies
of the Dewey
Decimal System.

No,
I don’t have
the room
for any more books
( I’m told )

… but,
there really is
no other option
for me.

Online digital
‘books’ ??

well,
all I got
to say is
pphhooooooooey.

😛

.

!!! HOY !!!