Mailbag Mainstays

it’s that
time again,

‘Cause my
mailbag’s full —

— and it’d be
an awful shame
to waste all
these goodies.

My wonderful
friends and
regular readers
send meatsea
all sorts of
very cool stuff….

and some of it’s
just weird enough
(or in some way
matches up to
the mysteriously
arcane guidelines)
to get on one
of these here
mailbag posts.

The rest gets
used on variousbank
other posts
or stored in the
world famous
Magic Vault —

(located at a
secret location
known only to me,
(I have about 10
feet of space)

Suzie Wonder,
(who keeps about
10,000 square feet
for herself and
her – quote –
‘Medical Supplies’)

and a
few thousand
Morlocks who’ll
work for a couple
of packages of
peat moss)

— for just the
right time,firm
and/or place.

If I could
only remember
the combination to
the damn thing.

(and how to
get there)

All I gotta do, then,
is mop up the place
every once in a while….kid

which I haven’t
done anything
about in some time,
come to think of it….

….. so,
I’m kinda
afraid to
look in there
right now.

But no

— there’s
plenty of goodies
right here
on the local
hard drive
without opening
that particular
can of worms
right at this

I’ll just bet
I’m gonnasandy
rubber gloves,

Anybody seen
my bourbon ????

Makers Mark, if
Wild Turkey ain’t
available, thanks —

and, err–
two ice cubes.



!!!!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Foto Flummoxed

My kids were
laughing at me
the other day,

–cause I had
my old photo
albums spread
out on the

we’re not gonna
tab you off on a
link to that soupy
70’s song

I’ll leave that
to any
“Gong Show” clips
you may have still
lingering in the back
of your consciousness…

… assuming that
you’re even old
enough to
remember either of
those things.

(ok- just one,
here’s Gene The
Dancing Machine
just in case)

But I guess that
photo albums can
seem a funny thing…..

Especially when
viewed in the
perspective of
today’s technology.

I mean, when my
generation would
take pictures, we
would carefully set
up the shot , using
a 35 mm or snapshot
camera loaded with
light sensitive film
that had to be developed,
then order double copies
at the Fotomat, so we
wouldn’t lose em.

Then, putting them in a
photo album with a
small caption so we’d
be able to remember
when we got too old
to recall otherwise.

And that woulda
worked pretty well,

If I could read my
damned writing –

– or if the picture
hasn’t faded because
of crappy processing.

Hey, don’t even
get me started
on Polaroids,
either, man.

It’s also funny how,
as important some of
those events pictured
must have been at the
time, how completely
blurry and faded they
seem now.

Just like those
old Polaroids,

My kids were
particularly amused
about a pic of me
doing that ‘best man’
thing with a garter at
a wedding –
sliding it further and
further up the lady’s
(bride’s?) leg.

Actually, the real hilarity
came in when I was
asked whose wedding
it was.

I had no idea, and the
caption didn’t help –
– it said “Me, and
Ginger, 1978″.

I have to assume that
the cute redhead with the
‘Toni Tennille’ haircut
whose stocking I was
about to nibble on
was named Ginger ,
although I have no
recollection of her,
or the wedding that
was apparently going
on behind us.

I’ve been ‘best man’
at weddings a coupla
times, but this one,
I just flat out don’t

Who took the picture?
Nix… no idea.

It’s been in that book
for four decades,
as near as I can

— and that’s as far as
I can get.

And I don’t happily
play the Confused Dad
for laughs – ever.


To solve the mystery,
I was tempted to dig
through my old video
tapes, which would
also mean breaking
out the old 1/2 inch
video tape player
(which is probably
coughing up blood
by now, if it’s working
at all….. )

But, the truth is,
the attic is full of ’em,
and I was worse at
labeling those damn
tapes, then I was my
pictures, so…….

Oh well.

I hope Ginger and I
had a good time,

!!! HOY  !!!



Friday Mail Merriment

myrnaWhen you
do a main write
6 days a week,
like we do
here at the
world non-famous
Muscleheaded Blog,

– some days there’s
just no other way
of answering the
posting exigency   —popcornrobot

One just
paddles out
into that
raging stream
of consciousness,

— dragging some
cool chaff out of
that undiscovered
country otherwise
known as the
digital mail-bag ……

related or unrelated,elbows40

to take with you and
hoping all the while
that the damn thing
comes together
cohesively somehow…

… sorta like
Mom’s Brunswick stew,

and hopefully not like
Mom’s world-famous
mixed-leftovers casserole.

Sorry, Mom.3
and all Irish cooks

it’s not like
I grew up hungry.

One look at me,
and you can tell
I never missed a meal.

Flavor deprived,
maybe –
– but never hungry.

where Bobby Flay
was poolwhen Mom was
learning to cook,
who knows the answer
to that one.

She had a few dishes
she could knock
out of the park,
and the rest were…
— at best,

Now, you might just be
thinking that I’m using
my Mother’s cooking
as a scapegoat for my
utter lack of creativity
in coming up with a
topic for today’s post….

— and while
I patently deny
such an allegation,
it’s true that I am kinda
scraping the proverbial
bottom of the scorched

Oh well, dance
Mom stopped reading
my blog after I made
those snarky remarks
about my Aunt Mary’s
penchant for sexy
stockings a couple
months back,

I’m still
sure that the
belated-ness of my
birthday present from
her is completely
unrelated, and simply
a matter of postal
service technicalities
of some sort or other…

— and will hopefully
be rectified without
the force majeure
requiring retraction
and/or apology.

Damn it,
I gave her
my list in January……

so I’m not
really sure
why she couldn’t
have sent it a higuyz
little farther

I shouldn’t
have said
‘no home-cooked items’,
I dunno.


!!!!!! HOY !!!!!!!



Well, I’ll Be Dog-Gone

If there’s one
kinda post I can
always get behind,
it’s one that extols
the virtues of man’s
best friend –

— his doggie.

And I guess I must
not be the only fan,
( by a long shot ),
because over the
years, fun loving
canines have
been a favorite
subject of postcard
producers, too.

It’s actually quite
amazing, the
large variety
of vintage cards
that our favorite
type house-pet
has been featured

I specifically went
looking for cards
that exemplified
one of their most
beloved attributes:

– their sense of humor.

Now, you might
be one of those
folks who doesn’t
think that dogs
have one –
but they do,
and very,
very dry.

Not only do
they think stuff’s
funny, but they
also know the
difference between
having a laugh
with you,
being laughed

Let me
tell you-
they will never,
never let YOU
have the last
laugh on them.

It’s gotta
be the
in them,


(yes, “if’n” is
a perfectly
valid Southernism)
you pull a dirty
trick on your dog,
and not only will
she remember it,
and give you the
evil-eye for weeks
afterwards, but just
when you’re least
expecting it,

in your slipper.

a dog-dish served
very cold, man.

Take it from
who has been
a dog-lover
all his life,
don’t piss your
dog off.

Just don’t.

!!! HOY !!!


Captain Billy And His Whiz Bang

w1929As a guy who
still pines
for his monthly
National Lampoon
subscription fix,
even though
it’s been defunct
since 1998 ….

you’ll probably
not be all
that surprised
when I say that
I’m a big fan of
humor magazines…….

Humor magazines
printed in Englishw4
have a long,
storied history –
— going way back
to “Punch”,
started in 1831.

The modern trend
toward humor
was actually
started in Poland –

in 1816 —
by the
“Society of Rogues” ,
followed by the
“Philanderer” in 1830-wnice

they were printed
in Polish, of course.

In the United States,
humor publications were
first oriented toward the ‘college’ crowd —

The Yale Record
and Harvard Lampoon
both started in the 1870’s.

Although American
adult-oriented humor Magazines probably owe
a good deal of their lineage
to a publication called
” Judge”, printed from w3
1881 to 1953 —

( and to a more
short-lived one
called ” Vanity Fair ” )

And this month
so happens to
be the 100th anniversary
of the founding of a
pioneer in the genre —
it was called:
Captain Billy’s Whiz Bang “.

A collection of
snarky cartoons
and semi-dirty jokes….

It was started in 1918
by a retired Army Captain
and veteran of the Spanish
American War,
named Wilford
“Billy” Fawcett.

Captain Billy’s
Whiz Bang was
variously self-described
as an :

” Explosion of
Pedigreed Bunk (or Bull) “ ,

” Farm Yard Full of
Fun and Filosophy “

” America’s Magazine of
Wit, Humor and Filosophy ” .

Fawcett explained
what he was
trying to do with
Capt. Billy’s thus:

” This little publication
was created
with the idea
of giving the former servicemen

a continuation of the pep and
snap we got in the army,”

And the magazine
did cause quite a stir,
—- especially in
polite society .

David Sloane,
in “American Humor Magazines
and Comic Periodicals” notes:

Few periodicals reflect the post-WW I cultural change in American life as well as Captain Billy’s Whiz Bang. To some people [it] represented the decline of morality and the flaunting of sexual immodesty; to others it signified an increase in openness. For much of the 1920s, Captain Billy’s was the most prominent comic magazine in America with its mix of racy poetry and naughty jokes and puns, aimed at a small-town audience with pretensions of “sophistication”.

Naughty and racy —
how could you
go wrong, right?

Of course,
it’s way back
before my time,

— and the first time
I’d ever even heard
about it, was in
the movie
“The Music Man” —

when Robert Preston
was describing
the moral decline of w1
children in the year

“Is there a nicotine
stain on his index finger?
A dime novel hidden
in the corn-crib?
Is he starting to
memorize jokes
from Captain Billy’s
Whiz Bang

Of course,
I was hooked
from that point.

Sure, the humor is dated,
and can offend peoplew1928
who don’t remember
to consider the times
and culture in which
it was produced.

So, it’s not
for everybody,
but then, what is ?

It’s absolutely precious
as a historical reference,
and fun, too.

Captain Billy employed
a number of very
skilled artists
like Frank Tashlin,
and Norman Saunders….

It also spurred a
number of imitators,
some of whom really
couldn’t maintain
the same levels of
quality in terms
of content,
art, and print

and it
influenced others —

“Joy Book”,
“Charlie Jones’ Laugh Book”
“Eye Opener”w2
“Bally Hoo”
and “Esquire”
( founded in 1933).

Even Captain Billy
got into the knock-off action
with “Smokehouse Monthly”.

By the mid 1930’s,
Captain Billy’s Whiz Bang’s humor
seemed old-fashioned and
out of step with the times,
and the publishing empire
(Fawcett Publications)
that it had created started focusing
on other types of periodicals,

comic books –
” Captain Marvel ” ,

paperbacks –
” Gold Medal Books “,

technology –
” Mechanix Illustrated ”

movie mags –
” Movie Story ”

noir fiction –
” Daring Detective”

men’s action –
” Cavalier ”

household advice-
” Family Circle”

Time marches on, a1
I guess…..

But to me,
any opportunity
to laugh
makes the world
a happier place,

and so the passing
of the Whiz Bang,
like the later passing
of the National Lampoon,

still fills me with
a feeling of loss.

we still have plenty
of old copies
laying around.