The Daily Retro: Mary’s Goat



Perplexing Prognostications

“The future belongs to those
who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt

Have you ever wished that
you could tell the future?

I guess everybody feels
that way,
once in a while.

I’ve always thought
that spontaneity
is part of what
makes life interesting —

( ….. that, and redheads)swami

Do I really wanna know that:

Tomorrow it’s gonna rain,

Next week I’m gonna
get an assessment to pay for the new City Hall,

Next month I’m gonna have another toothache,

Next year I’m gonna crash
my kayak into a bridge–

10 years from now,
(ok– maybe 15)

enochbollesI’m gonna need to ask the Doc for a little blue pill…

……………………….. and,

I don’t even want to talk about October, 2036.

Naaahh —

I’d much rather find out
about all that then.

Oh sure, you say,
but what if Mrs. Roosevelt was right,

— you simply need to believe in your dreams,

to have them come true.dwig


In that case,

everything in the future would have to do with:

Lightning fast, unwreckable motorcycles,

( I’ll settle for screaming fast,
if necessary )


40, 000 square foot gyms with 2 of every piece
of Hammer Strength equipment ever made…a

( And nobody on ’em
when I wanna use ’em,
… and with my own personal
parking space, dammit )


cardsGaggles of concupiscent
Muscleheaded Blog
groupies of every size
and description,

– with a ‘special flying squad’
of curvy, redheads –

( Hey-
— it IS my dream, right? )


Thousands of great Rock and Roll
radio stations 24 hours a day,

elvgrenwith no commercials,

( absolutely NO music by
Elton John,
Steve Miller,
or Manfred Mann —
they would be officially banned……
sorry, c. )


and Hawaiian Luaus
on every corner.

( Pass the ribs, please. )


and Guinness coming out of the water taps.

( no, of course,
—- no Budweiser.)


As much as I’d to think
that I had that kinda power,

I’m pretty sure everybody else on the planet
would get sick of living in my dream,
pretty damned quick.

b(except for the free Guinness,
… and the redheads, of course )

And it’s only “Good to be the King”
when the populace ain’t banging
at the castle doors screaming for your head on a spear.

— it can really suck.

Let ’em drink Guinness.


I was looking through a
book with predictions
that have been made a1
by various past prognosticators —

and some of them
struck my irony bone, a bit.


One of the greatest inventors
of our time,
Guglielmo Marconi, predicted that:

“The coming of the wireless era will make war impossible, because it will make it ridiculous.”

Well, he was right about the ridiculous part, anyway.


zHere’s one from out in left field —

The chief executive of a popular 1950’s
vaccum cleaner company, Lewyt:

“Nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners
will probably be a reality in 10 years”.

Uh huh.

Give the consumer what they want, right ?

I do know his predictions sucked
worse than his vacuum cleaners.

1aThe Chief Engineer of the British Post Office in 1878 said:

“The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not.
We have plenty of messenger boys.”

I’m not sure just how he woulda coped with 1-900 numbers.

maybe that explains why
everything moves slower over there, right?


I usually don’t like to read other people’s mail
( their diaries are another matter )

yesnobut, this one makes a fascinating read:

” Dear Mr. President:
The canal system of this country is being threatened by a new form of transportation known as ‘railroads’. As you may well know, Mr. President, ‘railroad’ carriages are pulled at the enormous speed of 15 miles per hour by ‘engines’ which, in addition to endangering life and limb of passengers, roar and snort their way through the countryside, setting fire to crops, scaring the livestock and frightening women and children. The Almighty certainly never intended that people should travel at such breakneck speed.”

Signed, Martin Van Buren,
Governor of New York, 1830.

With foresight like that,
maybe he shoulda run for
president himself, huh?baseball


And lastly….

Having served in the U.S. Navy,
the term “Military Intelligence”
has always seemed to be an
oxymoron to me,

…but this one is particularly
worth remembering —

When asked about the
potential of the Atomic Bomb,seesall
Admiral William Leahy told
the newly installed President Truman:

“That is the biggest fool thing
we have ever done.
The bomb will never go off,
and I speak as an expert in explosives.”

It just goes to show ya —-
nobody’s really an
expert on anything.