It’s Getting Up In Here

ditaIt started with the
slightest touch
of her hand… 

and as she moved
it across his body,
a shock wave
of sensation a2
radiated right
through him. 

The pulsing of the
electricity 
between
them was palpable. 

And once the
extension cord

was fitted into
the proper outlet,

— the power exchange
would become
almost irresistable.

.

Ok–

So,think
I’m no
Anaïs Nin .

(Pretty obvious, that)

But the above
short write…

(– and the very cute
Dita Von Teese gif)
unusual
goes to show you
just how quickly a
person’s attention
can be drawn
by that
oh,
so simple,
and yet,
oh, so
complicated thing
they call sex. confu

My intent today
is to post just
a few vintage things
that talk about
that subject
in a very subtle way —

And that can
be difficult wartime

— for several reasons —

not the least of which
is because
there are
so many flavors
from which to choose.

Another,
of course,
is how one chooses
to interpret stuff —

double entendres
can easily fall
so completely flat
with the wrong audience.

And still another
is just how subtlethreetimes
something can be
without it seeming
that I’m reading stuff
into it that just
ain’t really there.

So,
let’s call it
a challenge,
if you will.

Cause we why
all know
that I’m not
exactly
a subtle guy.

Still…
I might be able to find
some things that will
make you say —

“Ahhhhhh yes.” hard

or

“Ohhhhhh baby. “

or

“Mmmmm that’s it.” 

Or maybe just a :

” A little more
to the right, please.” 

Hey,
Whatever you like.

I just wanna
make you
happy, ya know.

HOY !!!!!

smart

 

The One About The Farmers Daughter

477_farmers_daughter_01In our constant quest for
interesting vintage items
to feature right here
on the Muscleheaded Blog,

sometimes, I have to admit,
we find stuff in the most
unexpected places…..

I had been driving myself
absolutely crazy–

searching for a long
lost image–
that I was just sure
I had stored477_farmers_daughter_02
in my media library
a good while ago ….

I went all the way
back to 2013,
(and never did find
the image I had
been looking for)
— when I first opened my
WordPress account
to begin with.

The site my blog
was on then
was about to go:
477_farmers_daughter_03
… face down,
… down for the count,
… belly up,
… pushing up the daisies,
… dearly deceased,
… late lamented,
… obsolete,
… deceased,
… off line,
… out of business,
… not of this mortal coil,
… no more —

you know —
it was dusted. 477_farmers_daughter_04

… well, anyhoo…

Apparently, I had saved
a few cool, vintage things
in anticipation,
that,
if I ever moved my site,
which of course,
I did,
I would
use on it —
which of course,
I didn’t.
477_farmers_daughter_05
Weird as that may,
or may not seem,
(or sound) —

here’s some of those
vintage, cool things
to prove just what
the hell I’m saying.

This group is called
the “Farmers Daughter”,
and it was part of
a larger set
of humorous vignettes
appearing in the now 477_farmers_daughter_06
quite deceased
men’s magazine
“Eyeful”,
in December 1950.

I love the art,
and I cannot believe
I didn’t use these before !

Well, I’m going
to rectify
that inexcusable error
right now, dammit.

I just hope our
Muscleheaded readers477_farmers_daughter_07
appreciate the art
and humor in them,

— as well as
the amount of pride
I had to swallow
to admit the
human-error aspect
which only goes to prove
that even perfection
has it’s imperfections sometimes.

Uhh…
yeah, right.

Anyhoo,

Enjoy.

 

477_farmers_daughter_08

 

 

 

 

Pull Da String

muPull Da String !

One thing is for certain…….

I’m easily amused.

And even more
easily distracted.

I must be,
man.

A good friend
of mine
( Hiya C )
has suggested
another post on puppets…….mule

Now, if you haven’t
been keeping track,

(shame on you)

I’ve posted a couple
of different thingsrabbit
about puppets over the years
that the Muscleheaded Blog
has been on WordPress……

( like this one,
— or this one )

And while I thoughthandshadow
that all those posts
were pretty
semi-amusing,

they really didn’t nearly cover
all the special nonsense,
niceties and nuances
that the weird world of puppetsduck
has to offer.

And frankly,
I’m betting
that neither
will this one.

It’s funny ….camel
— just how
blogging works,
ya know.

As a practical matter,
you’d think that all
you’d have to do
is start writing about a subject,runci
and it’d be pretty easy
to end up with a cohesive
and intelligible product.

And maybe it does work
that way for some people.

But for me, with my
sempiternally short
attention span,
(sure it’s a word –
— look it up)
it’s hard to stay on track —

there’s so many directionsexhibit
that this post could take —

— even on a
relatively mindless
subject such as puppets.

I mean,
what’s a puppet anyway,
but something
that you either
shove your finger/hand up into –

… umm…
steady on, now….

— or something you control
with strings, levers,
poles, etc.fantasia

Simple things…..

— hey, you could even
make a bunch of puppets
out of nothing but light
and a couple of digits.

Which brings me to
the original direction
that this post was
going to take …..

how to make
shadow puppets….

that is, earlebergey
before all the pin ups
featuring puppets
starting wrecking havoc
with my imagination.

Hey,
dammit,
I’m sorry,
I really am.

Sure —
I coulda
stuck strictly
to the subject at hand….

(yeah, puppet-pun humor)fionastephensopn

but, I have my integrity
as a dirty minded
Musclehead to consider.

You cannot possibly hope
to understand
just how convoluted
it got around here —

as I tried to
boil this post down
to something

that would makeelvgre
a bit of sense.

I’m not talking
Pulitzer Prize, now….

Well, if they insisted,
I guess I’d accept,
but….

So anyhoo…

As the man said,
what you see
is what you get.

.

HOY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

elvgren

Redheads And The Road To Ruin

a2a2aCaution: mild adult content.
Like it says: 
Ya know….. 
” Reefers, Redheads,
— and the Road to Ruin ! ” 

It ain’t no secret, I guess.

I love bad girls.
( I call ’em razor girls )

I can’t help myself.
I’ve always been
that way.

In high school,
it was always the razor girl —a1a1a

with the bad attitude,

with the foul mouth,

wearing the peek-a-boo
ratty torn t-shirt,

the 3-inches-shorter-
than-dress-code-allows-skirt,

the everybody-fuck-me-
but-you heels,

the one that was always ready
to have a loud and gruesome
public fight about something —a3

—- that attracted my attention first.

And if she had red hair, then:
” Outta the way fellas, she’s the one.

The one that would
pour a perfectly good
ice cold cherry Slurpee
down into your pants pocket,
then laugh and point at you,
and tell everyone who
would listen about how
she made you wet yourself.

Of course,a2
in the end,

after she stole your heart —

and your car,

after she ruined your grades —

and your whole reputation,

after she trashed your locker —

and your front lawn,

after she scratched all your records —

and your face from ear to chin,a4

after she mangled all of
your personal relationships,

and how well some of
your body parts worked,

after she ran off with your
one-time-best friend —

and your teacher,

after she carved her initials
on your locker,
(just her initials,
…. mind you)a5

and on your knee cap,

after she tore down and
criticized everything that
you thought you were,
and wanted to be —

and invited seven of
her ex-boyfriends
to your birthday party
to beat the hell out of you …….

— you finally would come to realize —

that she was tearing down
a highway that you couldn’t
possibly have followed,a6
or even kept up.

It seems a shame, really.

But, the good part is,
you can see her anytime
you want .

On the cover of
vintage crime magazines.

Yep–
— there she is, alright.

Somehow, she always
seems to be enjoying
her life of crime.a8

It makes me wonder
about that whole
“crime doesn’t pay thing”,
sometimes, ya know ?

Jeeez—-

Stacey always did say
that you were just
a big ole mama’s boy.

Ahem.

Anyway…..

Today’s post is about
vintage crime
magazine covers.frsc

As if you didn’t know already.

These mags were most
popular between 1930
and 1960 —

And featured articles written
by some really good writers
early in their careers —

like Dashiell Hammett,
Raymond Chandler,
Ann Rule,
and Jim Thompson.

Although nobodya1a1a
really READ them,
I don’t think.

My interest was always
in the cover art.

Depending on the magazine
in question,
you might have a photo
on the cover,
with salacious headlines
that had little,
or nothing,
to do with the cover,
— or even the content inside–

Or — my preference,
of course-
an illustrationa2
with the same inattention
to detail as far as the headlines were concerned.

Ah well —
who cared about the
sketchy print inside–
as long as the
sketchy sketch on the cover
sparked your imagination.

And hoo boy,
did it ever.

The art was usually lurid,
maybe even
slightly shocking,a1a
with very lively color —

Great illustrators like:
Margaret Brundage,
Robert Maguire
Peter Driben,
Rudolph Belarski,
Earle Bergey,
George Gross,
and Norman Saunders
not only painted covers
for magazines in this genre,
but to a large extent,
influenced what would appear
on the covers
in the 1930’s and 1940’s….a2a2a

—- if the publisher really
wanted them to sell, that is.

The magazines had titles like :
Hollywood Detective,
Best Detective,
Amazing Detective,
True Crime Detective,
Startling Detective,
Master Detective,
Uncensored Detective,
Detective and Police,
Special Detective,
Actual Detective,
Official Detective,
Sensational Detective,a1a
Front Page Detective,
Headquarters Detective,
Special Detective,
Inside Detective,
Daring Detective,
Expose Detective….

not to mention:
Crime Year Book,
True Crime,
True Police,
Headlines and Crime,
Best True Fact,
Line Up,
Gangster Stories,a1a
Black Mask,
Police Stories,

oh, well….
I guess you get the picture.

By the height of the 1950’s,
there were literally hundreds
of titles to choose from.

Unfortunately,
the tendency of publishers
to prefer more graphically
gruesome covers made them
harder and harder to look at
by the early 1960’s —a2

no longer were they simply
a nominally benign
peek into the dark,
or a mildly guilty pleasure —

And while a little excess
can seem like ecstasy,

too much can get —
well,
excessively excessive.

Hey,
…. who said
I was a philosopher, anyway?

HOY !!!!

.

a7

 

 

.

.

.

Take The Magic Carpet Ride

a3I got a very nice
little letter
from a new reader
who asked
me some questions
about motorcycling —

Does one get too old
to learn how to ride one?

How hard is it?

What are the things
to look out for when riding?

How does one know
what they need
on a motorcycle?

Despite the fact that
the issues she asked
about are a bit more
complicated
than can usually be
answered on a single
blog post,

I think I have showna8
in the past an
absolute talent
for completely
oversimplifying
even the most
complicated of subjects….

So I guess I’m the
man for the job.

Ahem.

I started riding
motorcycles when
I was 13 —
(my parents knew NOTHING
about it, and lucky thing, too)

I was doing handyman type
chores and babysitting
(yes, I was babysitting —
hey, I needed gas money)
for a couple that lived
in my neighborhood,
and the lady of the house
took a liking to me,
and let me take
their early 70’s era
Suzuki 500 motorcycle
out on occasion.
(It was red, of course)

She figured it wasn’t
hard (to ride),
and what harm
could I do in the end?

I figured that I’d
just learn on the go.

And both of us turned out
to have had the completely
wrong idea.

(Although one or two
of her other ideas
I totally enjoyed)

But, I didn’t wreck
the bike or anything.

And it wasn’t powerful enough
for me to go really ape with it.

Just enough to scare
the living beee-jeeezus
out of me several hundred times.

And I guess what
I’m getting at herea31
is that,
no matter how you learn:

whether it be in a riding class,

or you just decide to wing it
in the off hours of the
Wally World parking lot,
a34
you’re facing a steep
learning curve as it is,
so bring plenty
of cojonic audacity,
and start to learn on
something small and light.
(it’ll be cheaper to replace)

I don’t really see age
as a limitation,
personally…

although I do know chef
Alton Brown, who was
famous for riding his m/c’s
back and forth to his Atlanta
area studios recently decided
to quit riding saying that he
didn’t feel comfortable
with the age-related loss
of reaction time and
situational awareness.

But, anyone familiar with Alton
also knows how anal
the guy can seem about things —apol
all things
and motorcycles
aren’t really going
to keep one in any
kind of comfort
zone most of the time,
anyway.

I don’t blame him,
but as for me,
I’d rather be the guy with the pickle
riding off the mountain
when it’s time to me to GO .

And if you don’t
get that reference,
you’re obviously not a biker.
Yet.

aNYHOO…..

I think most motorcycle
dealers these days
will give you a referral
to a local training class —
those classes are usually 4-6 Saturdays leading up to
getting a m/c license or such.

They do them at
the Police Academy here,s
on a specially designed course,
and I will often spin by
and watch the fun
on my way home
from the gym.

Some people have no business on a
motorcycle
— ever —grannie

But you
(and everyone else)
will know who
they are
right away
in a class like that.

They usually either flunk out
or no-show on the second class,
so, no worries.

Is it difficult to ride?
Naaaaaaah. Eazy Peeezy.a

Is it difficult to ride well ?
Oh man, damn sure, it is.

You got no idea how difficult.

So what’s to be done?
Practice,
Practice,
Practice,
Practice.

Which means
Ride,
Ride,
Ride,
Ride,
and Ride.

You must learn
to be totally bug
comfortable with:
the throttle,
brakes,
clutch,
gears,
and all the safety equipment.

(not to mention, bugs in your teeth, pebbles smacking you in the leg, sand in your eyes, birds flying into you, and so many assorted goodies like that …… )

Do me a favor, though —a35

Forget where
the horn switch is —
— if you’re in a situation
where you’re tempted to
use it, you should instead
be totally focused on
slowing, stopping, evasion,
and balance —
beeping your horn
takes a measure of biker
valuable time and
attention away from
you at the
exact time you need
all of it.

You really need to
be able to operate
every piece of your
bike blindfolded.

(just don’t try it)

 

In an emergency,
there is absolutely
NO TIME to look
for your kill switch,
choke, high beams,
or your gas toggle.

You must learn where
your sled’s center of
gravity is, and how to
use it to control your bike.

And you need to be able
to stop and turn on a dime.

Otherwise, you might as
well change your name
to Parto D. Pavement.

Cause people in cars have
4 solid walls around
them when they’re driving,
and, though either ignorance,
forgetfulness,
or maybe they just
don’t give a fuck —
they usually drive like it.

What’s a little dent on
a fender to them, after all?

But a collision —
— any collision —
to a motorcycle rider
is potentially life threatening.

No four walls.
Just hard concrete.

So YOU must learn
to read their little minds —
to drive defensively,
and to always assume
the ‘cage driver’
is about to do
something stupid.

I like to make eye contact
with people coming
out of side streets,
I will throttle back
until I’m sure they’ve not
only seen me,
but also have decided
not to pull out anyway.

And sometimes they fool you anyway.

I know plenty of riders
who have ruineda4
a perfectly good
Mercedes-Benz paint job
with their essential bodily fluids
because they assumed that
driver was competent.

(Blood and guts are acidic
and absolutely ruin
a car’s finish, ya know)

Assume they’re all
morons, and you’ll
be much safer.

As for what type of
motorcycle you’d want….thr

Well, as I said,
lighter and smaller
would be my recommendation
when you’re learning.

You can get a nice used bike to learn on
for under a G
just about anywhere.

Once you’ve built some skills —
that’s the time to talk
about something with
power, style, class,
and a long term financing contract.

Don’t buy into the whole
‘ Real Bikers only ride
Harleys ‘ bullshit, either.a1a1

Real Bikers ride whatever
(and whomever) they like ,
and they don’t give a fuck
about who says otherwise.

Buy what you enjoy
and are comfortable on.

I’m here if you got questions —
as long as you don’t ask me
‘the elephant in the room’ one.

Well —
OK….

I’m thinking it took me
40-plus years
to feel like I could ride
my way out of a paperbag….

Your mileage may vary.

.

PS: I think I mighta forgot
the part in her letter when
she asked about turning and leaning —

It’s tricky to explain,
but briefly:

You lean the bike – not you.
If you’re banking to the right,
then your head and shoulders
should still be perpendicular
to the ground,
while your weight,
since the bike is leaning right,
will have to shift slightly left
to keep your center of balance.
But you can drive your foot
down into the right pedal
to ride the bike harder
into a steeper right turn.
This one takes practice,
but just remember,
the bike turns, you don’t.
And passengers should always
mimic the driver’s position.

Zoom, Zoom.

HOY !!!!!

.

types

.

.