James Thurber says:

thurber

“The wit makes fun
of other people;

the satirist makes fun
of the world;

and the humorist
makes fun of himself,

but in so doing,
he identifies himself
with people –

that is, people everywhere,
not for the purpose
of taking them apart,

but simply revealing
their true nature.”

Advertisements

The Friday Mailbag Post

Hi —

I’m so glad that
you’ve joined us
for another one
of those posts for
folks who love
surprises —

— when we reach our
hand way, way down
into the mailbag and
pull up heaven knows
what.

Awww-
it can’t be
that
bad,
can it ?

Actually, when we
say ‘bad’ around here,
we mean ‘good’….

and vice versa,
which kinda does
confuse things a bit,
I guess, now that I
think about it……

but worry not,
my dear reader,
for we sort it all
out in the end.

Remember –
‘linguistics’ is only
a couple letters away
from being ‘linguine’.

Whatever that means.

In the meantime,
we have several obscure
postcards that will delight
and astound you.

Or maybe just make
ya go ‘WTF?’,
I dunno.

It does make you
wonder, though —

— just why do we find
strange vintage stuff
so appealing ?

Does it touch a small part
inside of us that reminds
us of some-long-lost-
heritage-memory-bank?

Is it a learning experience ?

Scratching a sensory itch?

A way of connecting with
our ancestors?

Or are we just happy
to find out our great
grandparents were
just as loopy as we are ?

Hmmmm…..

yeah,
I thought so.

Ahem.

I’d like to thank our
friends and readers
for keeping the mail
bag well stocked with
goodies —

and I do
mean goodies.

If you’d like to submit
something ,
simply send a
reasonably
reasonable
sized image
to:
Carolinamuscle@
outlook.com!

Hey, with these
newfangled technologies
you don’t even have
to stand in line at the
post office to buy a
stamp – just click
‘send’.

Easy, peezy, man.

In the meantime,

I hope you enjoy this
week’s installment !

HOY !!!!
.

 

Just Ask The Mystic Muscleheaded

1aYes,

it’s time again for
somebody’s favorite
very occasionally-occurring
feature of this here
Muscleheaded blog….

Ask the Mystic Muscleheaded.

Otherwise known as :

The “Mystic Musclehead
Reads The Stars”,

or

“The Great All-Knowing
Mystic Swami Tells All”.

Yeah, sure,
I know that’s three titles.

They’re all so good, ya know…
I couldn’t choose.

Uh hummm….

Anyhoo….

The Great All-Knowing
Mystic Swami can prognosticate
the future –

He reads the stars …

he is in tune with the spheres ….

11…… and ONLY HE
knows the mystic secret
to how all things work.

Ahem .

Anyhoo…….

It’s really kinda amazing
when you think about it.

One man,
armed only with his trusty
crystal ball and somerash
old road maps.

I mean,
errr……
star charts ……

Seeing way, way,
way into the future –

…….. maybe into lunchtime, even.

( mmmmm… pastrami !)

Hey-
it could happen.

Before we get started with
this month’s exciting episode,
just this short word from
our sponsor.

bearNow, you may have read
that our Muscleheaded
Brand Breakfast Cereal
” Buzzy Bear’s Big
Hunks of Sugar ” –
has been ordered
recalled by the Food
and Drug Administration,

describing it as nothing more than:

” sugar cubes repackaged
with a cute mascot
( Buzzy the Bear ) on the cover
… and a free dangerous toy
in every box. ”

We would like to say
that this is patently untrue.

(aside from the
cute mascot thing)

“Big Hunks of Sugar” brand
breakfast cereal has also been
fortified with minerals —–

( quite accidentally, it turns out,
it happened at the packaging plant…

….. something to do with
shavings from the box machine…. )

……… and, further, it has NOT
been recalled by the FDA.

We withdrew it so they
wouldn’t sue us.

Thank you.

and now…………………

Your Muscleheaded Great
All Knowing Mystic Swami Horoscope

Choose your birth sign,111

and behold your fortune,

………. if you dare .

Aries:
You are a dynamic personality,
and could go far with a little help.
I suggest you borrow your
bosses car and drive it to Alaska.
This is a good time for romance, so …
Hook up with a Gemini ,
and double your pleasure.

.

Taurus:
Your signs are definitely looking up.
The gloom is lifting, and
you should see your way
clear to sending the All Seeing
Mystic Swami that twenty bucks
he lent you last Spring.
That ship you’ve been waiting
for must have gotten lost at sea,
so pay up, pal.
Otherwise, I see a dark
Mediterranean type named
Vito in your future.

.

Gemini:
Difficult times might be
ahead for you.
I see you making a drastic
change in lifestyle.
Your parents have found your stash,
and they are planning on having
the basement fumigated, deloused,
and cleared of it’s one and only tenant–
…….. which means you’ll have to
find a new place to crash.

.

Cancer:
A good time for seeing old
friends and making new
acquaintances.
Email somebody and set
up a disastrous play date.
It will change your perspective,
and your medical profile.
Oh, and The Bee Gees will hold
a reunion concert on your front lawn…….
You will be arrested for holding
an unlawful assembly, and scalping tickets.

.

Leo:
Family and vegetables are
very important to you.
Your Uncle Frank ( twice removed )
will move in with you and insist everyone
in the household go vegan.
Prunes, in particular, according
to Uncle Frank, are the key to good health…
And I predict that
Squeezing the Charmin
will take on a whole new
meaning for you.

.

Elmo:
A good month for study and
meditation awaits you..
afterwards, chaos.
You take sanctuary in a monastery
after your wife hires hit men for
$8000 to kill you for your Gerber Life
$5000 term life policy.
The monks will eventually turn
you out on the street, too.
I warned you to do something
about that snoring, brother.
( …….. and there still ain’t no
damned sign named “Elmo”. )

.

Virgo:
Far be it from me to imply how
totally inappropriate that sign is for you.
I can tell you that it might
be a slow month for business.
People who usually follow comment
you carefully, now will be
apathetic.
I think 15 dollars is a
lot every month
to charge people
just to tune in
your webcam,
if you’re not gonna
do requests.

.

Libra:
I see the word ‘zygote’ in your future.
I have no earthly idea why,
…but them little rubber things
don’t do anything sitting on
your bureau, ya know.
The scales of balance will work
for you in unexpected ways.
Actually, that weight you think you lost??
well, your bathroom scale is wrong –
… so, lay off the Ho-Hos.

.

Scorpio:
Avoid shellfish this month.
Especially lobster. Steak, too.
‘Cause taking you out has
gotten downright expensive.
It might also be a good idea
to hide your jewelry box.
Cause your brother is due for a visit.

.

Sagitwastsis:
No, I still can’t spell it.
You’re gonna have a groovy year,
…. and are generally loved by all.
You are a wonderful human
being, and generous to a fault.
And remember, I do accept donations.

.read

Capricorn:
I got your letter complaining about last month’s column.
And I think I can promise you this one won’t be as “boring” .
Actually , this will be a very exciting month for you.
….with you being thrown out
of the witness protection program,
and your ex-boyfriend getting
out of prison and all…..

.

Aquarius:
You couldn’t get laid waving
a thousand dollar bill in Vegas.
Just stay in bed.
Next month, a thousand bucks
might just be enough.
In the meantime, be careful getting
your computer too close to your
70’s era waterbed.

.

Pisces:
That rash on your ass ain’t
gonna get any better.
But the stars say that you
might have luck.
Go ahead and play the lottery,
but beware.
That Chinese Restaurant
down the block
is closed for remodeling.
You’ll have to pick your
lottery numbers
yourself this month.

.
.

And now, some horoscope art
from that French animation genius,
Arthur De Pins.

I like his work….
…… it’s fun and whimsical.

He’s done all 12 signs here, in his inimical style.
(not including “Elmo”).

!! HOY !!
.

arthurdepins

Friday Mail’s In The Bag

hotelI hope you all have
a groovy weekend —

especially if you’re getting away from it all.

It’s been a while
since I could get
out of town,

….. and even
though it wasn’t
even near a beach,11work

(ok, there was a lot of sand
on the parking lot, but…)

and the accommodations
might not have been
everything that was advertised….

It certainly was better room
than hangin’ around
this town and working
all the time, man.

I didn’t even mind
paying a little extra
and all —

— but whoever heard
of having to bring youra2
own toilet paper?

And I don’t get the bad
attitude of hotel clerks —

I mean, what’s so
stressful about the job
that makes them
so damned dour
all the time?

You’d think they were
flight attendants or
something.

Oh sure, when I wanted
to use the indoor pool
(in the ad) seaside
I was a bit disappointed,
even though
it’s probably been
“closed for maintenance”
like that for the last
3 years running ….

And sure,
I mighta mentioned
my suspicions to that
dimwit at the desk.

That,
and the missing
continental breakfast

(the “chef didn’t come
in this morning” —

uh huh —
which chef is THAT ? )

Don’t point at a
broken down
waffle iron as the
“usual back-up”, either.around

The damn plug on that
thing hasn’t been up to
code since 1952.

Anyhoo…..

Avast all ye Muscleheaded Blog readers —

— it’s Mail Call !!!!!handin

My mailbag is overflowing,

Thanks to our generous
friends and readers….

Hey, you guys are the best.

I think it’s about time
we start really catching
up and post more of
this great stuff –
so today’s post is
extra fully packed
with tasty goodness.

Umm…
yeah.

Most of today’s bag
is from the 1940’s
and 1950’s.

Bright colors,
interesting art
and a little risque….

Hey,
what more could
you ask for ?

I even threw a pretty cool
1940’s birthday card in there .

Check out the ….

the car….

yeah, the car.

19