Damn You, I’m Sorry

beepYeah,
sure,
I know
I’m
perfect
and all.

That doesn’t
mean that
I don’t make
mistakes, man.ben

Ok, so’s
not that often
that I’d want
to admit
to anything,
or some
such crazy talk.

No.

Still,
you have
to wonder
how other
people a
little less perfect
handle things likebody
apologies when it
comes down to a
situation
requiring one…..

… like
when
one is,

well,
you know…

…. wrong.boogier

Perish
the
thought.

Ahem.

So,
anyhoo–

Apologies.

Most of the time,
(I’m told, anyway)nuts
that folks find
apologies are
easiest and
most effective
when they’re
made in writing.

Oh sure,
it’s prima facie
evidence….

But you’re already
pretty surel
they know
you were the one
who did it, or you
wouldn’t be writing
the damn thing
in the first place………..

So,
learn the
proper technique–

and you’ll probably
have some success in
convincing those
you have offended
that you really didn’t
mean to do what
you did —

despite the fact
that you did it
with full
knowledgepizza
and aforethought,
without any
coercion or
collusion,
and possessed
of sane mind
and body.

Never mind
the whole
‘you meant to
do it’ stuff…

Just suck it up,
and erase that
whole ” P.S. ”
paragraph mf
explaining
why you were
justified in doing it
while you still can.

Hey, it’s for
your own
good, buddy.

!!! HOY !!!!

.

rickkrispey

Keyhole Frolics

Hiya
Hiya
Hiya.

It’s getting
well nigh
into the
Valentines
Day season….

And if a couple
of you fellers
haven’t figured
out how to turn
up the sugar
with your
favorite honey
yet,

Well,
all I got to
say is you
better get
moving.

Getting something
out of the gumball
machine for her
mighta worked
for ya 40 years ago,
but she’s been
busy on the phone
telling her girlfriends
that you’re gonna have
to put your big boy
pants on sometime
soon, and I do
think she means
it this time. 

Besides,
those machines
take dollar bills
now,
( who knew? )
so those quarters
you’ve been saving
ain’t gonna do no
good t’all.

Alright, so ,
maybe ,
just maybe,
you’ve decided
not to step
up for the
whole V-D deal –
( bad idea, bro )
which means,
basically, that
unless you paint a
face on your hand,
you’re not gonna
get makeup smeared
all over you this
year.

Again.

I’m sure there’s
other ways to
occupy your time –

– ( albeit not near
as much fun ) –

like calling your
Mother or pray a
Novena –

And as long as you
avoid certain acts
of desperation,
you’ll be fine.

I get a strange
impression,
though,
from these vintage
Mutoscope Cards,
part of a series
called:
” Keyhole Frolics ” –

– that it
wasn’t
always the
case for
some folks.

Desperation
doesn’t even
begin to cover
it, man.

Today we call
it being a
“Peeping Tom”
– but in movies
from the 30’s
and 40’s,
people were
doing it
all the time.

Ahh
well…

They have an
interesting….
perspective,
shall we say.

There were
originally
32 cards in
the set
issued by
Mutoscope
during the 
1940’s —
and they
were quite
popular at
the time.

So far,
I’ve only
been able
to find
these,
but of
course,
I’ll keep
looking.

Most of
these
cards on
our post
today
are easy
enough to
read the
legends …

but these
last 4 on
the right
aren’t great
scans, so
those
captions
read:

Pictorial News
Happy Landingmutoscope
Strike up the Band
and
Goal To Go!”

As strange
as they are,
I think
they’re still
pretty fun,
as long as
it don’t
give you
any crazy
or desperate
ideas.

Hey,
they don’t
make keyholes
that size any
more, any way.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

.

 

.

.

 

 

Do Something

death As anybody who’s
ever read this here
Muscleheaded Blog
knows, I’m no
philosopher.

It’s not my
place/role/
mission/avocation
to break our existence
down into it’s several
component parts,

and explain daffy
each one
of them in a way
that they can be
clearly understood
and appreciated.

Nope.

And it’s not
given to me
to offer
sage advice
on important down
matters
of life and love.

Nope.

Hell,
I wouldn’t
take any
of my own advice….

so,tophat
I see no reason
why anybody
else should.

For all I know
this thing of
ours that
we call life
is nothing but
a colossal circle-jerk
or some kind of
supernal
misunderstanding.

What was that
question about the
meaning of life?

Ahhh —

well, I dunno,
you might try
the IRS toll freea2
information line.

(That’s assuming they’re
not on furlough again),
if you call
three times
and ask the
same question,
I bet you’ll get
at least three
different answers
from them, too.

That’s not much
of a ideology
upon which to base
constructive suggestions,
I would think.

Nope.

My job is simplyiam
to laugh at it all.

And I spend a good deal
of time and energy
trying to fulfill my role
in that respect.

I’m not saying
it’s a tough job
or anything —
there’s so much
that is genuinely funny,dwig
either on the baser, gut level,
or on a more existential one.

Life isn’t easy —
— and if you can’t laugh at it,

well–
how much harder
does that make it, then?

I say, laugh…
’cause you can bet
that our cosmic
audience is, already.

I mean, sure —
it’s nice to be
able to say
that I’m gonna
change this,
or I’m gonna do
that different —wakeup

And on a personal level,
that’s perfectly practical,
and commendable.

But outside of that,
we’re all just
being washed slowly
down the universal river
without a paddle —

— no chance to eddy out on this ride.

People, places, and things
are just part of the
scenery sliding past.

So, if you get a chance to laugh
at the occasional
squirrel trying to
fuck an oak tree,
my advice is to
have at it, man.rest

Laugh,
I mean —

— but if you really
want a crack at that
old oak tree, yourself,
well…

… just watch out for
those damned splinters.

HOY !!!!

munson

Our Friday Mailbag

All of this past
week, we’ve been
celebrating our
self-declared
” Travel Week ”

( mainly because
we don’t do sharks
around here )
on the Muscleheaded Blog –

– and since it is
Friday, there’s
no reason why
we shouldn’t end it
with a bang –

( the ‘bang’ having
nothing at all to
do with person or
persons I used to
know at the old
Dolphin Motel
in Daytona Beach )

– so our mailbag
features vintage
travel postcards
of almost every
description –

( as long
as it’s sexy,
dirty, funny,
or at least
interesting ) –

– hey,
that’s fair,
ain’t it ??

The thing about
travel postcards is
that there’s about a
gazillion —
see, post cards
made for a
very inexpensive
momento that
everybody could
afford.

Before the 1940’s,
many folks never went
any further than 100
miles from home…..

Those that did
would invariably
pick up a couple
picture postcards
whenever they were
someplace interesting
to show their friends
and relatives what the
place was like.

Postcard quality varied,
of course, but generally,
the images were better
than a person could take
with their Brownie,
anyway.

Who knows, maybe
some folks would
buy/send cards
from their travels
as a way of bragging
about where they’d
been, but I think
mainly it was about
keeping in touch,
as souvenirs, and for
sharing their experiences
with the people in their
personal circle.

And obviously,
although much
less intentionally,
with us here,
in the right now.

It’s kinda
time-travelish
almost,
doncha think?

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

 

Travel Week: Road Kill For Tourists

Ummm…..
well, it’s still
” travel week ”
around the old
blog-stead ……

And after
putting up
with the same
ole crapola
year after year,
you might think
that our dear
regular readersjosephcityarz
would say
” Enough Already ! “
and demand to
be taken
toward horizons
where no man
has gone before……

Not that I
would havebigg
any idea on
how to even
take y’all there.

Hey–
Root Beer !!!!

We must be on
the right road,
after all.

Thankfully,
when we get
requests
around here,
they’re usually inbronto
much more
familiar territory.

My friend Jen
wants more
wacked out
Roadside Attractions.

And that’s one
brontoburger
I really can deliver.

Sure, there’s places
you want to steer
well clear of ,
for one reason
or another……..

But there’s also
planty of places
I’ve been to
that fit the bill
very, very
nicely.cawkercityiowa

Honestly,
you just wouldn’t
believe the
‘out there’ stuff
that’s……
….. well ….,
out there.

Notwithstanding twine
the fact
that their
very weirdness
is really about
the only thing
that makes
them interesting.

Yep–
a big ball of twine.

Ahem.

I bet if you’ve
been wthingsdriving
on Interstate-10
between El Paso
and Tuscon,
you’ve seen these
irritatingly ubiquitous signs…..

Obnoxious
Overkill ?

I guess it would seem so
until you realize what
they’re advertising….. i10thing

It’s the THING.
AKA:
The
“Mystery of the Desert”.

Ooooooo…
you say…..

How intriguing,
right?

Ummm…
well, wonder
how do you feel
about having
smoke being,
not just blown,
but absolutely
gale-driven,
up your ass?

Pay your dollar
at this place
in Dragoon, Arizona,
and you’ll find out. wmummy

I’ll save you
the hundred
pennies–

It’s said to be a ‘gaff’ —
— a faked mummy —
supposedly of a
mother and child.

PT Barnum would be proud.

Will it turn your stomach? thething

Not any more than
the fried chicken
in the gift shop, I guess.

And I do like
me some cheap
wind-chimes, tho.

!!!!! HOY !!!!!!

.

windy