Anyone Can Play

As long as there’s
been good music,
there’s been wanna-be
music makers, who
despite all the best
intentions in the world,
can’t really put two notes
together that sound like
they belong together.

They call these folks
‘frustrated musicians’ –
– they love music,
but they weren’t born
with the talent to play
a complicated instrument
like the harpsichord or
the vibraphone.

Some of those folks
(like me) take up the
drums or harmonica,
and play only when
there’s not a living soul
around to make any
smart ass inference
about strangling cats
or eardrums made of tin.

Others just hum
along in silent

.. while still others
turn to the world of
‘novelty instruments’.

There are a surprising
variety of them, which I
guess speaks to the
genuine rarity of real
musical talent.

Almost every kid in my
neighborhood growing
up had something like
this, whether it was a
jaw harp, a bugle, a
tambourine, or a simple

But, if you happen to
be one of those folks
in the ‘silent desperation’
category, there might still
be time to step into the
wonderful world of
anyone can play it“.

If you can believe the
vintage advertising,

Take the “Stylophone”,
for instance-

It was invented in the
mid-1960’s as a stylus
controlled mini-keyboard.

And much like a full size
synthesizer of it’s age,
it could only play one
note at a time.


Well, it featured only
three controls, and
one of them was an
on-off switch, so
if your goal was
to drive everybody
at the office crazy
with your stylin’
rendition of:
“Mary Had A Little Lamb”,
this thing would do the
job, N-HOW.

Still, you might have
trouble getting a hold
of one…. they only
made ’em for about
8 years, although I did
hear a rumor somebody
recently picked up the
license to make ’em again.


Frankly, I got no idea.

If you’re really
looking for ‘simple’
(as in simple-minded?)
maybe the musical saw
could be your ticket to
bigger and better things
(like the triangle, I dunno).

All I can tell ya is that
it would make screechy
enough of a racket
to prompt your
long-dead deaf
great grandmother
to get up out of the
grave and tell you to
shut the fuck up – so
find a very safe place
to practice.

The “Gahoon” was,
despite many online
insinuations to the
contrary, a real
enough instrument,
apparently invented by
somebody who liked the
sound of an inflated balloon
when you let the air out real slow.

honestly, you have a
better chance of playing
cool jazz by blowing into
the back end of a
long necked goose than
this thing.

Still, it sold for only a
buck in 1950’s era comic
books, so at least you
wouldn’t have to worry
about picking feathers
out of your teeth, I guess.

!!! HOY !!!