Work-A-Day Half-Witticisms

catLaughing at the crap your working life throws at you ain’t always easy….

The daily grind can wear you down,
…. for sure.

Robert Frost once said that:

” The brain is a wonderful organ —
it starts working the moment you get up in the morning,
…….. and does not stop until you get to the office. “

A career takes determination,do
stick-to-it-ness,
faith, skill,
luck, hope,
optimism…

And, of course
it certainly helps to be ignorant
of just how deep you’ve got your hand in.

Try not to think about it.

No matter how bad it gets, though,
— it’s still better than the worser alternatives.

And there are ALWAYS worser alternatives.

For instance,workweek
you could be one of them people
who think ‘worser’ is a real word.

Or, you could find yourself at one of those fancy-ass intellectual dinner parties,

—quoting something
that you read here on the Muscleheaded Blog.

Man,
you really are far gone.

It’s much worser than we thought.dogs

Anyhoo….

Here’s some interesting quotes about the work-a-day world we all love.
(nuts!)

.

” The one thing you always have to remember about the rat race is that—
once you start,
no matter where you finish,
you’re still just one of the rats. “wet

” I don’t mind coming to work,
…..but that 8 hour wait to go home is murder.”

” If you think your work requires self control,
…… imagine having a job in a bubble wrap factory.”

” Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. ”

” Try to keep your head above water,
…. and your ass outta the sh*t. “

” ‘You dumbass’ is not an appropriate way to end an office email. “math

” It’s harder work pretending to be working hard,
than just working hard.”

” Sometimes the best part of my work day is a good swivel in my desk chair. ”

” On work-day mornings,
it helps me to do 5 sit ups —
…..one for every time I hit the snooze button. “

” You work your fingers to the bone,
and what do you get ?propse
…… boney fingers. ”

” Work is a wonderful thing,
…. and you should always save some of it for tomorrow. “

” Work is the curse of the drinking classes. ”

” Always arrive at work a half an hour late–
…… and make up for it by leaving an hour early”.

.

………… and finally, this little motivational poster to keep you going.

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Manual Labor

varietyI hate to tell you this…..

But, some of you guys really missed the boat here, man.

Cause the application process for man-tester has now been filled.

So sorry.

Hmmm….

I guess I’d better refresh your memory.

Last year, I told y’all about a weird ‘job opportunity’ I came across in my ‘travels’ ,

I just figured that when I come across such a unique real world application of the words:

weird, free, funny and sorta-sexy,

…. that I had a responsibility,
as one of them there
weird, free, funny, sorta-sexy bloggers
…….. to let people know about it.

Was it also a bit onanistic and creepy?

Ummm…

Yeah, I guess that goes without saying.

But what I can say is that if you were truly interested,
…… you’d better put that thing away and keep moving.

When opportunity knocks, and all that.

There was this company in the U.K. that was running this ad:

octupuss

Yes, it was an ad for sex-toy testers.

It was for males, 18 and over only —

Apparently, these people,

( the same folks who brought the world such important scientific innovations like the “Hot Octopussy”, )

had invented a new gadget —
called a “Guybrator”, that they were looking to market.

And I thought I would give you the buzz on it. type

Umm.. wait.

Ok, seriously,

they really were looking for guys to test various items out,

….. and give them feedback.

Of course, you first had to make the cut —

— they said you have to own your own penis,
( I know plenty of guys who don’t )

need to be able to handle pressure,
………. and have good stamina.

That means, of course —
you’d be engaged in important, strenuous work —

No, you wouldn’t be:
meeting any interesting people,
or seeing interesting places,
or sleeping with interesting women,
or even performing a variety of interesting tasks ……

But you would be:

choking the chicken,
bashing the bishop,
slapping Mr. Fantastic,
stroking for lotion,
spanking the monkey …….

suziewonder1WE INTERRUPT THIS POST FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM: MISS SUZIE WONDER,
MUSCLEHEADED BLOG SCIENCE EDITOR:

Listen, I’m doing you lugs a big favor here by interrupting, ’cause the Musclehead is on one of his listing kicks again — so far he’s got about 72 different terms for whacking off, and he’s still typing — what I’ll do is edit out most of them, and leave 6 or 7– and he’ll never know the difference. After all, he doesn’t read this crappy blog, either. Hey, you’ll thank me later. But, if you insist on the full monty, email the big dumb bastard at carolinamuscle@outlook.com — I’m sure he’ll have over 100 by then.

BTW; stop doing that- you’ll go blind.

tossing off a wank,
janking the jerky,
milking Little Elvis,
flogging the log,
or pulling yer pudd
( there’s just one ‘d’ if it’s a grow-er instead of a show-er )

((( My friend Carolyn just sent me some more of these—
like:
joining the giblets
cock stuffing
playing hide the salami
riding the flagpole
hitting it raw
storming the castle
getting the bone
boinking
downloading your hardware )))

etc
etc
etc.
All with the help of a motorized plastic device.

Hoooooo Boy , where does one sign up, right?

Sorry — as I said, job filled.

Wait — you still want to know about the job benefits?

gumWell, they had no problem with you working at home….

……… actually, I’m pretty sure that they much preferred it.

They claimed to provide a “great package”,

…. and all the tissues you’ll need.

Ok, see…
I knew you wouldn’t believe me.

Check it out for yourself then, Mister Doubting Thomas.

Their site is at: http://www.hotoctopuss.com/handjob/

Yes, as I said, the job is now filled by some lucky individual.

But why not just email them and tell them how much they’re missing?

Hey,
all that O.J.T. you’ve been doing’s gotta count for somethin’, right?

HOY!

.

roofiedhimself