It’s Mail Call

a1It’s Mail Call !!!

During my time
in Navy boot camp,
all those years ago,

(yow-
time flies, huh?)

I can still remember
how much
we could always
look mailcallforward
to Mail Call —

It was then
that you got
all the goodies
from home
(if you had any)

that your loved
ones sent ya
(if you had any) —

and catch up on
your romantic
entanglementsa6
(if you had any) —

and otherwise,
share the wealth
with your buddies
(if you had any).

Of course,
that’s when the
bad news and
‘Dear John’ letters
came, too.

It’s much easier
to tell somebody
you’re taking up
with his best friend by mail —
especially when you know
he can’t just come
home right away.

So, it does happen –
– a lot.

Still, a boxload of
Grandma’s cookiespopular
would make it all
better, man.

Even if it was
somebody else’s
Grandma who made ’em.

Hey-
sharing is caring.

And now,
with the able assistance
of the Müscleheaded Blog —
avy
you, too, can experience
all the magic and mystery
of military mail call,

without all the inconvenience of:

having some big,
ugly Master Chief
screaming at you
to get your lazy ass
out of the rack for
reveille every morning —forgotten

without all the
rigmarole of:

folding and refolding
shirts, pants and underwear
over and over
and over and over  —

without all the silliness of:

making a bunk with
‘hospital corners’
so tight you could
bounce a quarter of it….a9

and without the pain of:

stowing your gear
in a lock box so small
you couldn’t keep
4 rubbers and a
full sized pin up
of Brigitte Bardot in it….

(not that you’d
need those rubbers,
anyway )

Ahem.

To give you a feeling
of what that
experience was like,
well….
it always started with
a bunch of guys
milling arounda4
trying to look like
they were busy —

Cause if you didn’t look busy,
the Navy could always find
something for you to do.

— you know,
like shining boots
that already reflected
your D.I’s face
better than a new
chrome bumper,a8

or walking around
with a clip-board
and occasionally making
a random check mark
or drawing a doodle —

Or, if the ‘smoking
lamp’ was lit —
well,
you were busy keeping
RJ Reynolds in business,
with a smoke in one hand,a1
and some Navy coffee
in the other.

You can always tell
if it’s Navy coffee —
cause it’ll eat through the bottom of a Styrofoam cup.

It’s not bitter exactly.
‘Harsh’ is more the word…..

Sorta like ‘Roseanne Barr
singing the National
Anthem’ in a mug.a99

Try facing THAT
first thing
in the morning, man.

So, anyway —

A guy would come in
with a huge mail bag
looking a bit like Santa,
(sans reindeer)
and start mispronouncing
last names.a5

I get how
somebody could
mangle MY name —
it’s Polish and has more consonants
than Roseanne Barr
has bad jokes.

But just how hard
do you have to work at it
to get ‘Jones’
or even ‘Smith’ wrong ?????a7

John Q. Bluejacket —
that one,
they’d get right, I bet.

There’d just be too
many of us, though.

He’d start handing out
envelopes and packages —
and if you were very lucky,a3
eventually he’d hand you
one or two.

Now, I know it
doesn’t sound all
that exciting,
but when you’ve been essentially
cut off from contact
with the outside world
for 9 weeks,
it was a big thing, baby.

Christmas, New Years,
and Halloween all in one.a2

Best thing ever, it seemed.

Especially since there
wasn’t such thing
anything remotely
like a conjugal mail call.

At least not that I
heard about, anyway.

HOY !!!!

a1

>

 

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The Friday Mail Bag

Not that we make
any real cohesive
sense any other
time, but our
Friday Mail Bag
posts are a chance
to really let our
theme-blog pants
down a bit more……..

Now,
please don’t take
that last sentence
seriously.

Nobody’s trying to
scare away our
remaining few
readers,
rest assured.

Note-worthily
nonobstant to
the fact that I got
some nice silk
‘hearts’ pajama
pants last
Valentines Day
that I’ve been
looking for an
excuse to wear.

Umm….
no,
best not to
visualize…
that’s my advice.

Today’s post
is brought to you
by the letter “N” –
for no other reason
than that I started
writing this thing
that way.

No secret codes
or anything
neat-o
like that.

Just some
nannicking
around with
some N’s, is all –
a write lacking
in any nexility.

But,
it’s a nice letter,
so why not,
I ask you ?

Ok,
so it’s not an “S”
but we can’t all be
s’s, you know.

It does have a very
comfortable spot
right in the middle
of the alphabet,
you gotta admit.

And you never have
to worry about things
going accidentally
plural like with an S.

Not that any of
this pro-N
propaganda
has anything to
do with our
post of the day,
naught –
– nil –
– nerts to that –
– no .

Sorry if it seems
I’m making a noema
about this………

I nuncopate –

Perish the thought.

!!! HOY !!!

The Friday Mail Bag

shingleDeep,
deep
deep
down
in the very depths
of the mailbag —

—-  lurks …..

Well,
who knowsatake
WHAT.

But,
we’re gonna try
and find out
on today’s post.

This is the
ultimate
grab-bag post….

I got no plan,
no sequence,
no theme.

Just stuff my
readers have tempt
sent me,

that I stashed away
for the day
when I’d figure out
how to put it
to some use.

And obviously,

I haven’t done a
real good job
with that, so far.

There are some really
interesting pieces here,
though,paris

— and it would
be a shame
for them to rust away
in digital purgatory,

until the time comes
when I get my head
outta my ass.

I’m beginning
to think
it’s stuck there
permanently,
so……a2

What’s really scary is that
I’ve finally figured how to
walk around that way.

Anyhoo…….

If you wanna reach
down there with me,

well, I’m more
than comfortable with that.lenticular

A little more to the left, please.

Ahem.

Order me another shot of
Wild Turkey and Seven-Up,
and we’ll see what we come up with.

Now, I know you’re probably
thinking that
Yer Ole Uncle Nuts
has gone all sloppy,

and is now
reduced to posting
blurry pictures of hotties
for his own amusement.

And, while that’s probably
true to some point,
In this case, it’s not so.lenticular

Those postcards are was
were called ‘Lenticular’ cards,
from the 1960’s.

What we’d call 3-D.

Move it around, and you get a different view.

One minute,
she’s got clothes on,

The next minute,
she don’t.

Ahhh….
——- if life could only
be THAT simple.

.1906

The first example of a lenticular card
I could find is from 1906….

They appear to be making
rather nice, nice
in a tunnel of love.

Wooooo Hooooooo .

As long as they don’t tip the boat over.

.

juliachildOh,
now this postcard
is a fascinating one  —

Did you know Julia Child
and her husband Paul had a ‘reputation’ ?

And,
yep–
that’s them alright.

Writer Nora Ephron wrote
that Julia and her husband, Paul,
led the sex life of “a couple of rabbits”.

Apparently, it workedoffice
pretty well for them —
—  they were married over 50 years.

I guess everything does go
better with butter.

.

I got this next set
from my boss at work.

He just hired a very
vivacious new office assistant,

…. and I was bitchin’ that
I need/deserve one more
than he does.a3

So he found me one.

Actually,
several.

Hardeeey
Har Har.

That’s all
I got
to say.

That,

—– and he can
forget me pullin’
any more overtimexoffice
for a while.

One of these days,
Alice…..

one of these days.

Bang Zoom.

One of the most popular
Mutoscope card series
in the 1940’s was
called “Your Future Mate ” —shave

You put in your penny,

— and the machine
spat out a card
describing somebody’s idea
of who you
were matched with.

I don’t know whose match
“Lotta Beaver” was —
( Really?
“The Human Soup
Strainer?” )

Or whether they were aware
of the depth of the weird
double entendre
they were making.

But, take it from me….unsafe

Shaved
really is better.

Just sayin’.

.

Ya know…..

( How do you
like that
for a totally
non-sequitur segue ? )

Some guys
don’t understand –
-the powers-
of flowers.Image result for french postcard flowers

But I do.

A simple thing
like a
bouquet of posies
can turn
your girl’s day around.

And that’s always
gonna mean
a good thing
for you, too.

Here’s proof.flowers

This French guy
just got there —
and he’s already
in the chips.

The postcard is
from around 1905 —
it’s hand-tinted, and gorgeous.

Speaking of flowers….

….. if you’ve never read
my post “What Color Is Your Rose” —

Well,
now’d be a good damn time
to catch up on your reading.

‘Cause I am out
till next time.

Hoy!

stop

Friday Mail Batch

I’m sure you sheiks
and cuties have noticed
that today’s regularly
scheduled program has
been pre-empted for a
special presentation
from your friends here
at the Muscleheaded Blog.

So it’s not the
Friday
Mail-Bag,
today —

It’s the
Friday Mail-Batch.

Actually, if you want
to know the truth,
only the name has been
changed to protect ..

…. well, ok,
nobody’s
exactly innocent
around here…..

we’re just trying
to make it look
like we’re doing
something totally
new —
— instead of the
same-old-same-old.

Cause it does certainly
seem to work
for all those
big media/airline/
manufacturing/oil
companies when they
want to swallow up
the smaller ones —

— they make a
big deal out of their
new corporate name
instead of reminding
you that it’s same-old
product or service with
a brand-new higher
price.

Hey-
coming up with new
flashy names
is expensive……

All those pesky
focus groups
and surveys.

And what about
all those jobs
lost in the merger ?

Well, getting rid
of old office furniture
can be also very,
very expensive.

Jeeez.

So anyway —
ESTRON,
in cooperation
with SPECTRO,
GOGGLE,
YAMMER,
OATHER and
Merican Airways
present:

(big theme
crescendo)

The Friday Mail Batch.

(canned audience
applause)

Starring:
Old Postcards.
and
More Vintage
Crap Like That.

With a special
guest
appearance
by:

A Pin Up.

Promotional
consideration
provided by:

The
Oh,
Who Gives A Shit
Foundation

and

Friendzbook,
who reminds
you that
your personal
information
is our personal
information.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Friday Mail’s In The Bag

hotelI hope you all have
a groovy weekend —

especially if you’re getting away from it all.

It’s been a while
since I could get
out of town,

….. and even
though it wasn’t
even near a beach,11work

(ok, there was a lot of sand
on the parking lot, but…)

and the accommodations
might not have been
everything that was advertised….

It certainly was better room
than hangin’ around
this town and working
all the time, man.

I didn’t even mind
paying a little extra
and all —

— but whoever heard
of having to bring youra2
own toilet paper?

And I don’t get the bad
attitude of hotel clerks —

I mean, what’s so
stressful about the job
that makes them
so damned dour
all the time?

You’d think they were
flight attendants or
something.

Oh sure, when I wanted
to use the indoor pool
(in the ad) seaside
I was a bit disappointed,
even though
it’s probably been
“closed for maintenance”
like that for the last
3 years running ….

And sure,
I mighta mentioned
my suspicions to that
dimwit at the desk.

That,
and the missing
continental breakfast

(the “chef didn’t come
in this morning” —

uh huh —
which chef is THAT ? )

Don’t point at a
broken down
waffle iron as the
“usual back-up”, either.around

The damn plug on that
thing hasn’t been up to
code since 1952.

Anyhoo…..

Avast all ye Muscleheaded Blog readers —

— it’s Mail Call !!!!!handin

My mailbag is overflowing,

Thanks to our generous
friends and readers….

Hey, you guys are the best.

I think it’s about time
we start really catching
up and post more of
this great stuff –
so today’s post is
extra fully packed
with tasty goodness.

Umm…
yeah.

Most of today’s bag
is from the 1940’s
and 1950’s.

Bright colors,
interesting art
and a little risque….

Hey,
what more could
you ask for ?

I even threw a pretty cool
1940’s birthday card in there .

Check out the ….

the car….

yeah, the car.

19

 

Let The Mail Bag Take You

Hey man, just where
did THAT week
go already ?

Time for another
exciting, mind-elevating
and positively dizzying
trip through the Muscleheaded Blog’s
Mailbag.

I’m also happy to say,
that some of
this week’s mail was
too dirty to actually post,
and that despite those
pieces not getting to appear,
— I really did appreciate em.

I really did.

Keep up the good work.

It makes the mailbag
one joyful place to dip
into, lemme tell you.

But, we’ve still got
plenty of stuff we
CAN post —

– and it’s ok if it’s not
dirty enough not to
qualify, it really is.

And you know Your Ole
Uncle Nuts is gonna find
a way of making it dirty,
anyway, so –

Just let it take you.

Hey-
fun is where
you find it.

— Ahem.

For you new readers whose
poor innocent minds
haven’t been sufficiently
warped by this blog, yet,
let me just advise you that
it will happen if you hang
around here long enough.

Whether that’s a promise
or a threat is something that
is also yet to be determined.

But,
welcome, in any case.

I’ve been trying to stick today
with postcards and stuff from
the first third of the 20th
century……..

Let me know how
you think
I’m doing —

I never was too good
with fractions.

That said, I’ll leave you
with a quote that comes
to mind from Leo Tolstoy: 

“A man is like a fraction
whose numerator is what
he is and whose denominator
is what he thinks of himself.
The larger the denominator,
the smaller the fraction.”

!!! HOY !!!!

Miss Myrna Loy – 1932

 

Under The Clutter

Man, I’ve been
keeping stuff
too long in my
mail-bag directory —

— it’s getting so
that I can’t
even find specific stuff
I remember putting away
for a rainy day or just
the right post.

I was looking for
some stuff with a
touch of sexy, fun,
mixed with a double
entendre or two –

– happily, I came across a
whole folder full of them
just before I gave up
searching.

Making them
all stick together
in one post might be the
hardest part –
but, citing Dad’s rule
for making his
world-famous ‘pan’ cookies –
– ‘throw in whatever you got‘ –
– I don’t see how we
can lose, really.

Especially when
compared
to his pan cookies.

Yow.

Appropos to nothing —

You know, I haven’t done
a post about monsters
recently. 

I dunno about you, but
I’m a big fan of monsters,
like Godzilla,
and Cookie Monster.

They’re outrageous,
and seem a bit dangerous,
but the only things they
really destroy are cardboard
cities and cardboard cookies.

I bet that bear at the picnic
table is waiting for some of
Dad’s pan cookies.

But, that’s only because
he’s never had em.

!!! HOY !!!