Cervantes says:

Donquixote

“It is not the responsibility of knights errant to discover whether the afflicted, the enchained and the oppressed whom they encounter on the road are reduced to these circumstances and suffer this distress for their vices, or for their virtues:

— the knight’s sole responsibility is to
succour them as people in need,
having eyes only for their sufferings,
not for their misdeeds.”  

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Hair Raisin’

a11Man,
I’m losing my mind,
I think,
with all these
wild hairs
growing ape shit
all over .

Ok…
Wait…

Take a breath
and calm down.

Breathe in.
Breathe out.

Better ?
Now,
tell your story, man.begin

Well, you see
it’s like this……

As much as I hate
to admit it,
I’m getting older.

And as I’ve gotten older,
that beautiful mane
of chestnut brown hair
that I was always so proud
of has gone the color of
an almond tree blossom

— and worse yet,
it’s all starting
to thin out.

Now, you’d think
Mother Nature
in her infinite wisdom
would come to the rescue
with some fill-in hair.

And she did, sorta–

If you wanna call
it hair, that is —

It’s more like it fell
out of a wire brush .

You practically gotta trim it
with a weed cutter.

She’s been puttin’
this patchy, scraggley stuff
just about everywhere
I don’t need or want it.

What got me started
on this slightly distasteful
and probably ill-advised
topic, you may ask?

Well,a2
I was sitting in my bedroom
just minding my own business,
— with a mirror and
a big honkin pair of
needle nosed pliers–
for pulling out about
700 hideously unmanageable nose hairs…..

( ’cause nothing gets people
staring like a wild hair
that keeps creeping out
of your nose wheneverb
you move your face….. )

when this beautiful
and incredibly sexy lady
happens to saunter on by,
and remind me of the
special hi-tech motorized
nose hair trimmer
that she bought me
for Christmas.curly

Me, not one to argue
with a woman with such
outstanding nipples
like hers….
I tried it out.

No soup, man.

It didn’t do nothingscalped
but vibrate my uvula.

Which was kinda
giving me other ideas,
but that’s another post.

Anyhoo —
the hair was so stubborn
that the battery operated
blades would just move ’em around.

Sorta like a
Trichological
Tilt-O-Whirl.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

So,
back to theunderhat
needle nose pilers,
I went.

The aforementioned lady
and the nipples adorning her
stormed off in sorta a huff —

But I coulda told her
that contraption was gonna
be no match for middlekreml
aged man nose hair.

And what’s with this hair
growing on my shoulder????????

Why the hell does
Mother Nature
think I need hairy
shoulders?

Did you ever try to reach fitch
your shoulder blades with a razor?

Maybe if you’re
a contortionist you can do it —
otherwise, you just walk around
looking like a guy
with hair growing on his shoulders.

Yuk, man.

Another place that
Nature finds irresistible
to plant unwanted new hairs now
is the outside of my ears.1946

And let me tell you —
Shaving your ears
is a blood-fest
waiting to happen.

Especially when you shave
like I do —

Press as hard as you can,
and hope you get it
all in one sweep.wh

Yeah,
like that’ll happen.

The good thing,
I guess,
is that
all my red towelslucky
stay bright red
no matter how much I wash ’em.

Not to mention the fact
that little drops of
splashed blood
adds a wonderfully lived-in look to any bathroom décor,
ya know.

And when Mama Nature
IS feeling generous enough
to replace the hair on my head,

— it’s so unruly and stringeya1a
it won’t stay down —

it sticks up like
I’m some kinda
demented Sqweezel.

I can’t seem to comb
the stuff down —

I feel like I’d have
to use Elmers Glue !

Hey,
I didn’t sign up
for all this weird aging shit.

!!!!!!!!!!! Gimme my old hair back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOY !!!

tiger


 

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