Institutional Knowledge

Vintage postcards
come is so many
varieties ….

Some are created to
serve as a souvenir
of a voyage
or trip,

Others are designed
as a quick way to jot
off a message to
someone far away,

Or a way to
remotely
socialize ,

Still others try to
educate or persuade…

And of course, many
just attempt to be
entertaining.

I think today’s
batch fall into
the persuasion
category;

Perhaps from your
personal viewpoint,
you might view
them as
anti-marriage
propaganda;

Or maybe they’re just
a shout out to that
peculiar and almost
extinct personal
vocation known
as the ‘confirmed
bachelor’.

Hey,
let’s face it,
marriage can be a
wonderful institution –
but some guys ain’t
ready for an institution
of any kind.

And there certainly are
similarities between
the state of marriage
and ….

…….. well,
other kinds of state
institutions —
and the food’s pretty
much the same, too.

( As I’m given to
understand, anyway)

In order to avoid the
inevitable hostilities
and hystericalities
of mad-madres
everywhere, we won’t
mention any of those,
other than to say, that,
just like in matrimonial
states, there are several
levels of …
ahem..
… errr..
.. hmmm..
.. well… shall we say
being kept in ‘escrow’.

Ok,
examples:

Take a minimum security..
…ummm.. place… you can
kinda come and go as you
please, as long as you’re
present at the breakfast
and dinner tables for roll
call and in your own cell
at bed check.

Some folks have that
kinda deal at home,
and it doesn’t sound
all that terrible, if
you’re willing to cede
control of the TV
remote control, and
give up your dessert
to one of your fellow
inmates (the kids) or
the warden (the wife)
on demand.
You do get to
control the night light.

Medium security means
you gotta be doing
what they tell you all
the time, and report
for new assignments
on an almost hourly
schedule. This kinda
deal at home means
no use of the remote
control at all, the TV
being dedicated to
24 hour-a-day soap
operas and rom-coms.

The sleeping arrange-
ments aren’t all that
comfortable, and
usually leave much room
for improvement, and
you never even get a
dessert you’d wanna eat.
The night light goes off
automatically at a certain
time of day.

Maximum security,
well, if you’re in an
office, room or cubicle
at work all day and then
are banished to the
garage/yard with a
‘honey-do’ list until
supper, you’re already
very familiar with it.

When you get to bed,
you must always keep
one eye open, in case
one of your few
possessions are given
to the Salvation Army
as junk, or she decides
to reduce your now
pointless (to her )
sex drive by cutting
one off.

The night light stays
on – day in, day out.

What’s that,
you ask?

One what ? 

Well, the real reason
most guys don’t bend
over to pick up the soap
has more to do with the
pair of these that most
guys NOT in maximum
security still have
somewhat intact.

Ahem.

And then,
of course,
there’s Super-Max.

Uhhhhhh, no…..

I know better than
going there, buddy.

.

!!! HOY !!!

.

Advertisements

Top This

You know….

I just
can’t
seem
to
stay outta
mischief…..

I started
out
working
on writing
a blog post
about a
simple
but
elegant idea
that my
poetic friend
Jules
( just like her )
gave me
about
wedding
traditions ….

…. but y’all know
how I am, and I
went and mangled
it all up with crazy
stuff.

However,
in my
defense…

I did kinda
warn her
that the lovely
post idea
might, in all
probability,
go completely
off the rails.

And indeed,
it did.

Still, I have to say,
it turns out that
there are wedding
traditions that are
much more …..
ummm…..
interesting
than they
started out
sounding…..

Like
wedding cake
toppers,
for instance.

I mean,
who knew ?

The whole toppers
idea even seems to
have been hidden
in plain sight, if you
know what I mean.

And
I think I could
get into
designing
a couple
of these,
myself.

Once you start
looking around,
you realize that
there’s one
for just about
any kinda couple
that may have
the yen for getting
some official
connubial
paperwork filed.

Since there
are more
potential
variations
on the theme
coming along
every day,
it seems, anyway…

— one would
have to
assume that
there will
be plenty
of ‘market
space’ for the
up and coming
entrepreneur.

And,
I mean…..

.. who doesn’t
like cake?

!!! HOY !!!

Give Me An Old Fashioned Honeymoon

One of our favorite
occupations around
here at the Muscleheaded Blog
is sarcastically skewering
some of the sillier-seeming
traditions of previous
generations, and I very
freely admit that.

The way we see stuff,
and the way they saw stuff,

well….

the perspectives
are just so different
in so many ways –
and for so many reasons.

Society has changed,
technology has changed,
expectations and belief
systems have changed —
even the nature of how
we spend our spare time
has changed.

That doesn’t mean that
most of the things they
liked/did were wrong,
misguided, or nonsensical-
just different –

but it does give us
the opportunity to compare
life then and now-

and of course,
to point out the more
cornball or off-the-wall
aspects for us to have
a little sarcastic
jollification with.

Hey-
it’s all in fun, man.

We have, along the way,
unfortunately,
seem to have lost a taste
for an awful lot of the
really good things, too —

And today, we look at
one that has lost a lot
of ground recently ,
one that I have a great
deal of respect and
admiration for- –

The old fashioned honeymoon.

Of course,
I speak from a
very fortunate
perspective –

when I got old enough
to actually go on
a honeymoon,
we as a society had already
accepted the very sensible
idea of ‘trying on a shoe first
before subjecting ourselves
to the potential anti-blisses
of a wedding night surprise.

Any taboos or inhibitions
that might have
been an issue
would have been
exposed clearly enough
for ya both before
the ceremony,
so as not to find
yourselves
ball and chained
(if you’ll pardon the
underlying pun)
to somebody who just
wasn’t into what you were.

The truth be told,
that little pre-marital
benefit made a honeymoon
much MORE enjoyable —

and the sheets
probably didn’t have
to be changed
after the first night, either.

You could just relax
and do your thing —
as much or as little
as you wanted, and
concentrate on building
the real intimacy a couple
needed to make a
marriage work…

— spending quality
time together,
concentrating on hopes,
desires, and dreams-
and not on performance
anxiety and unrealistic
expectations.

And, in the late 70s’
and early 80’s, the large
world-class
honeymoon-resorts
were still in full bloom —

— in places like Jamaica,
The Catskills, Miami Beach,
Hawaii, Niagara Falls,
and my favorite —
the Pocono Mountains.

On a recent trip to
Eastern Pennsylvania
to visit my sister, I had
driven close enough to
one of those old famous
Honeymoon places in
the Poconos,
called Penn Hills,
to notice that
it was closed,
overgrown, and
totally abandoned.

That really depressed me —

we had stayed
there for a couple
days in the early 80’s,
during a couples retreat,
and it was huge, with
wonderful amenities,
a gigantic pool, a large
community dining room,
and some very cool room
features as well,
like heart shaped
mini-pools and saunas-

Ever see the
Dita Von Teese
picture of her lounging
in a giant champagne glass?

That picture was taken
at Penn Hills sister
honeymooner site,
Cove Haven –
which I loved,
and which is
still open,
albeit struggling.

And, Penn Hills offered
a smaller version of that
glass right in your suite.

Sure, it’s kitschy —
corny if you will.

But I love stuff like that.

Notice I said
something
earlier about
‘community dining room’ —

that was another one
of those charming aspects
of the old fashioned
honeymoon –

You were expected to
come out of your room
once in a while and
socialize with other
honeymooners —

— like taking communal meals–

and there were also all kinds
of group activities and sports
to encourage this.

I’m sure
younger readers
won’t totally get this,
but it was all about
preparing a newlywed
couple to learn how to
be a successful and
happy one.

Seems weird,
I guess,
but for decades, that’s
how it was done….
and those decades had
marriages that lasted
about 4 times longer
than the average ones
today.

Now, I know a lot of
my regular readers are
waiting for the
other shoe
to fall —

some kinda
reference to
crazy hot group
sex in the recreation
center hot tub
or something –

— but today,

I’m about as
serious about this
subject as I can be.

Really.

Bring Back
The Old

Fashioned
Honeymoon
,
I say.

As long as you
make sure that
the shoe fits, first.

!!! HOY !!!

.